Episode Summary 08: What Is Collaborative Parenting? Real Parent Story

When you started parenting, you probably had ideas about the kind of parent you wanted to be. Maybe you imagined patient bedtimes and peaceful mornings. Then reality hit, and you found yourself doing things you swore you'd never do.   Parent Maile Grace knows this feeling well. In this conversation, she shares how her parenting values have shifted since her daughter was born. She talks about moving away from strategies like timeouts that seemed to work in the moment but didn't align with what she truly wanted for her relationship with her child.   You'll hear how she supports her kids when they're fighting instead of jumping in to fix everything, and why building connections with neighbors matters more to her now than having a perfectly organized home. If you've ever wondered whether collaborative parenting actually works in real life, this episode gives you a peek into one family's experience.   Questions this episode will answer What is collaborative parenting? Collaborative parenting means working with your child to solve problems instead of using punishments or rewards to control their behavior. It involves understanding what your child is struggling with and finding solutions that work for everyone.   What are parenting values? Parenting values are the principles that guide how you want to raise your children and the kind of relationships you want to build with them. They often include things like respect, connection, autonomy, and understanding.   How do children solve problems? Children learn problem-solving skills when adults support them through conflicts rather than immediately fixing things. They practice identifying their own feelings and what matters to them, then working together to find solutions.   What is collaborative problem solving? Collaborative problem solving is an approach where parents help children navigate challenges by exploring what's hard for everyone involved and creating solutions together, rather than imposing consequences or rewards.   How much sibling fighting is normal? Sibling conflicts are a regular part of childhood. Instead of trying to eliminate fighting completely, parents can focus on supporting children through these moments to help them develop problem-solving and relationship skills.   Why is parent collaboration important? When parents work collaboratively with children, kids learn to understand their own feelings and what matters to them. This approach builds stronger relationships and helps children develop skills they'll use throughout their lives.   What you'll learn in this episode How one parent's values shifted from wanting a "well-behaved" child to prioritizing connection and understandingWhy some common parenting strategies work in the short term but can damage relationships over timeA real example of how collaborative problem-solving looks when siblings are fightingHow to support children in working through conflicts without immediately stepping in to fix thingsWhat it means to let go of trying to control your child's behaviorWhy building neighborhood connections became a higher priority than maintaining a perfectly organized homeThe difference between parenting strategies that change behavior and approaches that build skills and relationships   Taming Your Triggers  If you see that your relationship with your child isn’t where you want it to be because you: Speak to them in a tone or using words that you would never let other people use with your child…Are rougher with their bodies than you know you should be when you feel frustrated…Feel guilt and/or shame about how they’re experiencing your words and actions, even though your intentions are never to hurt them…   …the Taming Your Triggers Workshop will help you.   Click the banner to learn more!   Jump to highlights: 02:01 A brief introduction to today’s guest and what today’s episode is all about 03:40 An open invitation to join the Parenting Membership, where you can find the full version of this episode 07:12 Maile gives an example about a challenging time that didn't go the way that she hoped and how she managed to come back around after the words 14:32 What does Maile’s son do to find a connection with her? 19:30 What can you do when you experience the moment where there were like little releases, and then the frustration comes back? 25:07 An open invitation to Taming Your Triggers workshop