Eps 177: Casey is Solo talking about how we influence the iceberg

How we influence the iceberg  Clients come to me to talk about kids behavior Battles over homework Power struggles Screen time addiction Getting out the door We are mega focused on fixing those problems The iceberg- behavior we see is a solution to a problem that we may or may not know about Example that we played with a few weeks ago in parenting class: Child won’t get ready to go in the morning and family is late getting out the door Two options for response: What do I have to do to this kid to get her to cooperate? Bribes, threats, punishments What is happening for this child that is getting in the way?  Go to the source Tell me about the mornings…. I notice that…. How are you feeling….. With new information you can make a plan together to support the child (and you)n in doing better Transparency Rowan talking about the future Agitated, closed off, defensive Often my response is irritated that she cant “have” the convo We both are discouraged and the convo is over Maybe I am engaging the wrong conversation Helpful to know what shows up for her when the invitation is to talk about future What is the experience? IS it only with me or others? Might there be a benefit to talking with someone else if not me? What would be useful about having a vision of the future? Deeper even still I notice when this is the conversation you….. I am curious about that? How does it feel when…..?  Sometimes our kids refuse to go there…. How do we let go? What do they need? Recognizing/acknowledging our tendency to hold on/get rigid/ let fear or our agenda drive us…. Mutual respect – respect for child and for self and the situation Honor who they are and their temperament I am ALL IN, lets go deep and swirl around and grow and learn and be super transparent and get it all out – don’t hold back. I process out loud and in the moment…. This is not the way of everyone, def not my daughter.  Summing it up: Recognize how we are contributing to challenges Own it, and get curious about your child’s experience. Identify the ACTUAL problem Be an open, nonjudgmental listener Look for solutions (related respectful reasonable helpful) Be respectful Honor who you child is in word and action Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices