Eps 185: How to be fiercely committed and lovingly detached

Today is solo show – woohoo!! I’ve been missing you all.  I am so excited to have been interviewed by some amazing gals out there in the Podcast world. Anna Seewald of the Authentic Parenting Podcast – www.authenticparenting.com/podcast had me on and we talked about building trust – both in ourselves and our kids. Loved every minute of it and can’t WAIT to meet Anna in person at her conference in May, the Authentic Parenting Conference – www.authenticparenting.com/conference.   Today I want to talk about a mantra that I have found useful time and time again. I learned it from a friend and mentor of mine – shout out to Denise Yost! – we saw each other for the first time in a while and when I asked her how she was, she responded with “fiercely committed, and lovingly detached”   Fiercely committed, lovingly detached.  What it means to be fiercely committed? Creating the environment Meeting their needs Advocating for them Being kind and firm Encouraging them   What does it mean to be lovingly detached? Allowing them to be who they are Allowing for them to build resiliency through navigating natural consequences Allowing them to be uncomfortable Trusting that they are on THEIR journey Letting go Giving them responsibility over their lives   What gets in the way? Our dreams/vision for them Our past/failures/mistakes Our assumptions Our addiction to what other people think Our insecurity about “doing it wrong” Our emotional regulation (or lack of) Our lens of the “right/wrong” way   What will help us move towards “fiercely committed, lovingly detached”?   Two list exercise. Challenges Everyone probably has a really similar list – YAY! Gifts Doubt that you have any particular job description… What about “happy”? Can we hope for content? Can we hope for healthy coping skills and resiliency? Can we hope for grounded and empowered? Remember the challenges are at the tip of the iceberg – and anything we “do” with the challenges should somehow, someway, teach/model/or allow our kids to PRACTICE the life skills we want them to embody.   A bit about DO. So often parents want to know WHAT DO I DO?? In the moment tools This is a narrow mindset PD is a broader lens than in the moment. TRSUT in developing relationship TRUST that kids do better when they feel batter TRUST that all humans what to be connected and know that they matter and have influence In the moment? Keep everyone SAFE Acknowledge your child’s experience Look for solutions and/or ways of making things right   They are doing the best they can with the tools they have in the moment. Just because they can tell you what they will do better next time during a calm moment does NOT mean they will access that when they are flipped Not about being naughty/bad – its about relationship, tools and practice   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices