EPS 344: Boundaries & consequences with Aly Pain

Aly shares about her own tough teen years and how she started working with parents of teens. Casey & Aly dig into what misguided ideas parents of teens have and what new brain science is showing us, like behavior-based parenting (ie: punishments and rewards) leading to acting-out & defiance and how much brains grow & change during puberty. Aly explains what a boundary truly is, and why children & teens should not and cannot be responsible for parent’s feelings. She shares how common co-dependence is for Gen X and Gen Y and how that can lead to controlling or catering to your teen along with a sense of responsibility for others feelings and behaviors. Casey breaks down being kind & firm at the same time. Aly defines boundaries and expectations with examples as well as how & why to stay compassionate and curious with your teen. Aly wraps up by explaining what teens need to show their best effort, including in an antiquated school system.   Takeaways from the show: Misguided ideas about the teen years   We parent the way we were parented  The strategies that worked well with your young child will not work with that same child in the teen years  100% of behavior is driven by emotion; we must learn relationship-skills and how to connect Gen X and Gen Y were raised with a heavy responsibility for their parent’s feelings, leading to co-dependence   Everyone, including parents and teens, are worthy and deserving of respect You are responsible for your own feelings and behaviors and not anyone else’s (including your teens)  What really is a boundary? What’s the difference between a boundary and an expectation?  Staying compassionate and curious with your teen  Effort = belief in self + belief in a probable success + understanding the risk of failure  Parenting is a process that starts with you: be gracious, let it be messy, & it’s never too late to change a relationship For more information + transcripts go to our website here.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices