Hi guys and welcome to a new episode of Off the Rails, what you're seeing me on is the $4,000 love bot we bought for love so that you can participate in the show. Today, Ela is out of the office, so I'm in the tech fridge office and I'm here to check on everybody. Aileen, are you on task today? Yes, very much so, absolutely.
Let me lower this a bit just so I can be on eye level with you. I don't want you to feel that I'm towering over you but that we're equals. Oh wow, it's fast now. Pick up some speed, Andrew.
Just checking up on you, make sure you're working, everything okay? You didn't close anything on the browser when I approached you. You saw that? I'm just observing.
What are you trying to hide? It looks weird because you're looking down. I got used to the restroom. Excuse me a little privacy please.
Someone want to play ping pong with me? Hey, look who's back. Hey, hey, hey, and he's off the rails. This is our first official.
Number one, baby, off the rails. And I'm telling you guys, Ela's not here. And I'll be honest, some of the crew member is afraid that I'm going to be getting seriously injured today. We're so off the rails.
It's going to be a literal train wreck. What we've got planned is the love bot, which you guys have met. We're going to have a collision course. We're going to see what this bot can do.
And then once love is done navigating that, I'm going to rip it apart on the Gatsby. We got a little, some jumps and stuff. It's going to be pretty gnarly, bro. Jackass, part five.
Off the rails. We got sued and now I'm going to the hospital. Ela's going to be like, what have you done? Yeah, my goal off the rails only ends when either I'm hospitalized or we're sued to the point of a judge putting a conjunction on us.
What was that called? When the judge is like, you can't do this anymore in junction in junction. That's it. Maybe that's the only way we're stopping.
We got a lot of fun stuff here today though. Coming up, Ian's beard. Ian's been getting a lot of comments on his beard. So we're going to have a little segment about in stand up, Ian.
Stand up, Ian, stand up. Yeah, Ian looking like Forrest Gump who just ran across country. What year is it? And he's, yeah, right, exactly from Jumanji.
So Ian, what's going on with the beard? I mean, let's come on. Like, just to clarify, I know it looks like shit. I haven't convinced myself, but this is a vibe.
I told myself that when the pandemic started and we all went inside, I was going to embrace that and just see how nasty my hair and beauty. Yeah, that's interesting because I saw Sam yesterday, your girlfriend, and she said she didn't mind it. She even said she liked it. I'm sure she really means that.
Oh, you think she, okay, it seems sincere. Yeah, it seems sincere to me. Yeah, life was like a box for us to come past looking. Never know what you're going to get.
That's great. Well, apparently you posted a photo, you got a bunch of hate comments. So we're going to talk about that. I don't mind it, though.
I think it could use some some grooming, but like, you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, now that we're back at work, I was planning on shaving it all off like the social experiment is over. It's over. I'll have so many questions for you.
But so we're going to be talking about that mayo update. And actually the most exciting thing by far is that BTS Korean pop superstars, the one and only now has a McDonald's meal. You guys know and get this. Here's the meal.
It's chicken nuggets. It's french fries and it's a Coke. Innovative. Wow.
And it was, I'll be honest with you guys. I don't know if it's, I don't know if I'm, it's nine bucks for the nuggy meal. Now let me just say this with peace and love. I look, I've said things about BTS in the past that I deeply regret.
They were xenophobic. They were not, they were even, I'll be honest dude. It was, it wasn't cool what I said about, about BTS. I've been listening to BTS.
I've been opening my mind and I am army now. That's why I bought, we bought two of these in support of army and we're going to be reviewing them. And I'm so sorry to BTS army. I honestly, I don't ever want to, I'm army guys.
I'm like, signed up on the forums. I've got my favorite one. Do you post fancams on Twitter? I have a, yeah, I have a, I have a secret fan camp Twitter account that nobody knows as well.
Sick. And I, I spent my own tweets with fancams. You said you have a favorite one, which one? That's my favorite.
What was his name? V. Oh, that's like I speak really good English, right? I believe so.
Yeah. And they do this. What's up haters? I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The hate and the heart, right? You see, I learned about them. I love, I love BTS and all cultures of the Koreas, specifically South Korea. North Korea is fine, but I'm not, I love the people of North Korea, but we don't stand Kim Jong-un.
I don't stand Kim Jong-un. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Anyway, with that being said, okay, so listen to me.
This real special sauce of the meal is that they got these special dipping sauces, sweet, chili, and cajun. Now, you know, first of all, this wouldn't be off the rails if I wasn't eating stuffing my fucking face. To be honest with you guys, I came in and I already demolished the fries because I was like, oh, fuck this. I'm not what I said.
So this is very off the rails. Okay. First of all, guys, I mean, what was that? Oh, that's not what that was.
So now just, just bear this in mind, army members who are watching. If I don't like this, it doesn't mean I don't like BTS. I love BTS and everything they stand for and do. But if I don't like this sauce, please don't cancel me.
I'll try my best to like it, though. Which one are you hitting first? So you guys got your sauces back there? We're going to do a team dipping here.
I'm not going to hit the nuggies, but I will try it with some fries here. Yo, since when was a nuggy meal nine bucks? McDonald's usually has a 20 piece for five bucks. 20 pieces for five?
What happened? Is it the sauce? Is the sauce expensive? Well, that's just the nuggets for the five bucks.
But still, yeah, I don't know. Oh, you do have to pay extra for the sauces. So maybe there's a little extra charge on the sass. Okay.
I just looked it up. 10 piece chicken and nuggets at McDonald's is 450. And that's just for the nuggets. So if you add the fries and the drink, yeah, maybe what you talking about?
$20 for five bucks. That's outrageous. No, just for the nuggets, though. No, no drinking over that.
That is wrong. Oh, wait a minute. No, he's right. The 20 piece is only five dollars.
The 10 is 450. And then you can get another 10 for another 50 cents. That's why everybody's sad as fuck. They want to know that I'd be getting those 20 pieces every time.
I apologize. I'd be you. Why are those extra 10 nuggies were only worth 50 cents? Because like you said, they want to fucking shove this shit.
What does that say about the actual cost of making these nuggies where they're like, it's worth it to give them double for 50 more cents. Yeah. Well, nobody said chicken. Whoa.
The highest quality meat. All right. So so BTS army, V, we love V, V heart, everything. Wow.
V is one of the members. Oh, Dan. So ignorant. I am ignorant.
So much to learn. He's not hating. I just I literally don't know the name of the members. All right.
I'm taking a taste of the Cajun. How was Cajun or South Korean thing? It's not like literally, I'm like a American spice. I mean, yes, but maybe just Cajun flavoring is popular.
I mean, Korean food is popular over here. So it's a cultural exchange. Let's mark and go. You're into it.
It's like horseradish, you don't expect to find an American with the horseradish. Mm hmm. I just got a kick there. A little mustardy.
I like that. Oh, that is good. Yeah, proof. Wow.
Dude, I'll never forget it. Dude, I love the Cajun, bro. Sensational. No way.
No way. This is the best song ever. I'm dreaming. Wait, you're not gonna go that far.
That's all good. Ever off a one bite. It's perfect. Yeah, fight check in Wednesday, baby.
It is good. Hand it on. It is out of this fucking planet. Oh my god, you guys.
It's almost as good as their music. Oh, I'm not exaggerating. This is so good. It's spicy.
It's horseradish. It's creamy. This is unbelievable. I am I'm blown away by this Cajun sauce.
I'm into it. Now it's going to cost much more. I'm going to come. No, it recalls the memory of when friend of the show Justin Royland got that.
That's that's one sauce right? That they talked about Rick and Morty and then McDonald's Reed issued a couple of Szechuan bottles for him. You think they have an amazing marketing team, by the way? McDonald's?
Yeah. I mean, I know they're like the huge, but they're really good at marketing because they sent him the Szechuan bottle. And it's like, it looked like the nuclear codes where you keep the nuclear codes. It was awesome.
Anyway, tried the Szechuan sauce. I hated it. Horrible. This is a real fucking deal.
Wow. Did you all get a taste of the of the Cajun? I have tasted the Cajun and I'm with you. I'm not going to go as far as to say it's the best sauce I've ever had, but it's quite good.
I like it. It went out of 10. I like it 10 out of 10. We have another sauce here.
I'm moving on to the sweet chili, which I don't expect to be as good to be frank. It's based on the look and consistency, but keep an open mind. Very sweet. That's pretty good too.
Bro, it's not bad. I'm they nailed it. I'm not even going to blame it. He just nailed it.
Those South greens know how to eat sauce. But I don't see really good, but I'm Cajun boy all the way. The Cajun is better, but the other one is good. Oh my god.
You guys, if you think I'm just blown, smoke up your ass. I suddenly get in my mouth. Yeah. He was not here to stop me.
Was that the salmon, pretty sure that just scream fire? Yeah. Is that what I came from? Yeah.
No, I'm impressed. It's certainly better than than the standard McDonald's sauce fare. You know what I mean? I know some people are very much about the McDonald's barbecue sauce, but I've always helped.
Barbecue sauce is very lacking. I like barbecue sauce in the right conditions. You don't look on grilled meat and stuff, but I'm not dipping my nugs and barbecue sauce. That to me is insane.
Well, I want them. That's what I do. I want to go. I'm not dipping my nugs and barbecue sauce.
I'll take ranch. I'll take ketchup. You take ranch over barbecue fucking every day of the week. I agree with you.
What the fuck? I'm with Dan. I'm barbecue. Thank you.
I'm not I'm not for the ranch. The ranch is life, dude. I'll do whatever BTS is doing. I'm going to come out of the closet right now and let everybody know that I'm actually a ranch hater.
Me too. Fuck ranch. Awful. One of the worst inventions on that one on that me.
What? Ranch? Why? Sucks ass.
It's a terrible sauce. Terrible dressing. I mean, I'll take basically any other salad dressing over ranch on a salad. Why?
It grosses me out too. Why? I love ranch. It's just it's just it's so good.
It's everything wrong with America distilled into a sauce. Okay, stop. Dan, so high, mighty. Like you're fucking the pinnacle of health and beauty.
Ranch is everything. It's just anyway, what can I do? I'm not gonna convince you ranch is good. You don't like it.
I mean, you have bad taste. What can I do? You know what I put on everything. What guy doesn't fucking want barbecue sauce on his nugs?
What? That's blasphemy. Anyway, I was honestly at first I was like, I don't get it. Just a chicken nugget meal, but McDonald's commercial.
That's right. I love them. Don't so much. I'm so excited to share this with you.
You can't wait for it. You can try it and rest. We hope you're ready to order the business. What's in the mirror?
Chicken mango gas fries and tofu. I was just funny. When they go chicken nugget, fries and coke, I was like, I think that's the number five already. But it comes to the cash one sauce.
Cajun sauce and sweet chili sauce. Just for you. It's because they're amazing man. They can sell anything, bro.
They're literally out here selling chicken nugget meal. And like, I saw number one trending on Twitter yesterday. Everyone's buying chicken nuggets. It's already been on the menu for like decades.
So are you ready? Here is our McDonald's. It's short. So don't think check it out.
And don't forget to order your own BTS meal. Oh, I didn't. There was in one promo video. They go because they're so like healthy, you know, I was like, these guys aren't even like I don't.
I feel like they probably don't eat nuggies. They go, there's 10 nuggies, one for each member and three left over. So each one of them is getting one nugget. I was like, that sounds about right.
My fat ass is eating all 10 of them. There's like, there's three left over. Who's gonna get them? Just kidding.
They're all gonna share. I was like, oh my god. Is that how I'm supposed to be eating that one nugget? Money, even.
Yeah. God. I've been slipping lately. I'm not gonna lie.
Yes, sure. We got Shake Shack on the bus store. No good. People don't know about that yet.
Here. I think there's one way to share them. Yeah, we're here for the BTS meal. I'll call and practice 10 piece chicken man nuggets and one more thing.
Two more thing. So each day's list and cage. Yo, this is insane. The BTS meal was also out of the matrix here.
Dude, I cannot believe they're just selling a chicken nugget meal. This is amazing marketing, bro. I'm gonna do a meal with just like cheeseburger, french fries, diet coke. Wasn't that basically Travis Scott's?
Remember? Yeah. No, his was like, was just a normal meal. It was.
Have anything spoken about extra pickled or some shit Ian? What was it? Yeah. I don't remember exactly.
It was a sprite and a Big Mac. I like how you don't get to pick your own drink. Like it comes with a cup. That's it, dude.
We should make our own crew meals. Well, you could customize it. But yeah, if you just say like, I'm here to speak to Captain Jack, then there's no customizing. No, they didn't even acknowledge that.
We tried saying yo, what's up, Captain Jack? They'd be like, what? Right. Ian wouldn't try that.
No, we're just like, what the fuck? I did it. I did it on my own time and they didn't have no idea what the fuck I was. Yeah.
They're like, what the fuck bro? Just order. That's a training problem. I suppose I'm gonna go on.
Okay. So what would our meal be like? I feel like my meal would be the double quarter pounder with cheese. Hey, come get the eat the meal.
Double quarter pounder with cheese. Large size. And because you're packing on those calories, we're gonna be adding a diet coke. Do you know what it is?
No, it has to do. Joe, but here's the twins. Okay, what's the twins? Double quarter pounder with cheese?
No onions. They're making things away. It's the Ethan meal. It's less than a normal meal.
It's the Ethan meal, baby. No onions. No onions. Just like Ethan saying, you know.
Oh fuck. Oh wait, there's one more twist? Okay. Oh, this is what Captain Jack did.
A little bit of ice. Not a lot. Oh no, extra ice. Oh yeah, he was extra ice.
That's right. You had it, bacon. Is what that was the twist on his. No ice.
Half full. I like that. At least with no ice, you get more soda. No, it's half full because I don't like to drink it all.
Oh. Oh. It's large size, but half full. Oh, I haven't got another good one.
Ethan meal, the bag comes with a ton of fried on the bottom. Whoa. That was awesome. But they're not free.
They just pour some out into the bag. Oh, these aren't going to surprise. They pour them out into the bag. So your carton is half full.
I gotta say, I'm not that impressed with the Ethan meal. Mom, I'm not that impressed with any of these meals. I know. I mean, that's true.
But well, the BTS one, these special sauces do pick it up enough. OK, here. The Ethan meal comes with an extra patty thrown into the bag with no container anything. The patty floating in the bag.
Yeah. Floating patty. Don't know. Don't know about that.
And then they squirt ketchup into the bag floating. It's just a soup. It's just an old soup in your bag. Tell them Ethan saying, yeah.
Papa is in the house! Papa saying, yeah. All right. Well, I got to eat McDonald's, so I guess that was worth it.
You know. That's what it's really all about. Ian, you want to tell me about your beard feedback? I mean, there's a gallery of some of the replies I got.
I thought it was very sweet. People have been heckling Ian on social media. Of course, people are here, is it? I thought it was very nice to post a picture of myself and my girlfriend, you know, something kind of sentimental and...
You're sharing. Well, this right out the gate, they just said shave. So this is the photo by that. Because when you told me about this, and then when I went on Instagram and saw the photo myself, I was like, I see why people are saying that.
To be fair. So, shave somebody said... One message is Ethan. Man, looking like you're like shit dude.
I didn't say that. I'd dare you. He did message me though. And he was like, I get why they responded the way they did.
Yeah. Man, looking like Forrest Gump when he decided to stop running, right? You never know what you're going to get. Ian, I can't keep defending you.
Get a haircut. That's what I'm saying. I don't think you have to shave it. Just clean up a little bit.
No, it's not. It's all coming off the whole point. Is it nasty? Someone said Ian, you good?
Just concerned. Just blanket concerned. I appreciate their concern. Very Robert Williams from Jumanji vibes.
That's the Robin Williams Jumanji comparison. I mean, I live in a jungle room, so I appreciate that. Oh, what year is it? Ian, why does it seem you are homeless and she found you under the pier?
That's true. That's a funny observation, isn't it? Caveman and a woman from Civilization Meat and Greed. People say, you think it's pretty funny.
It's pretty funny random shit. A lot. This is just like a small sample. Amazing.
Yes, I appreciate the Flint Army. This picture screams Wilson. Wow. Tom Hanks from Castaway Ladies and Gentlemen.
Wilson! Love that. Ian serving the industrial revolution in its consequences. Interesting.
That's pretty high level. What's the joke that you're like a Marxist? Yeah, yes. You are kind of a Marxist, aren't you, Ian?
So it's maybe, I mean, it's kind of accurate. I mean, yeah, me and Carl have similar fashion. At least in that regard. Unabomber, but he loves that about you.
Damn. These motherfuckers are brutal. He's getting roasted. And also, these are like private messages.
They're not even doing it for other people. They're just doing it to fucking roast you one on one. How did all this make you feel, Ian? I mean, it's funny.
I appreciate the feedback. Good feedback. Yeah, it's good. Constructed for this.
What year is it? You look like a zoologist, respectfully. Meet a niche. On the specific one.
Yeah. You remind me of Charles Manson in this picture. Wow. And that's just a dude being like, hey, just so you know, Charles Manson.
Because you weren't aware. That's the vibe I'm getting. Can we put a swastika on your forehead? Oh, that's all of them?
Yeah, that's it. Some funny-ass people back there. So are you going to bow to peer pressure, Ian? Well, I was planning on it anyway.
I was trying to book a hair appointment. And then I posted this picture and I was like, oh man, I never really clarified why I have such a ready, disgusting beard. So I had that coming. I was telling Zach, I think there's like a small bird sitting inside, maybe.
Wow, we wish you all the best. I'd love to cut it for you. We'll bring a barber out. Do some tricks.
Do some like, you know, those barbers get up some crazy shit these days. Maybe burn it off. You see those guys that like burn? Do the burning haircut?
Oh my God. Are the guy with the axe? Somebody send that the burning haircut. This is what I want to get you, Ian.
Please let me do this. Yo, Ian, you have to let us do this. We'll have a safety supervisor. I'll be standing by with a fire extinguisher.
To burn hair off my face. No, these guys are professionals. Well, look at this. They do it specifically in India for some reason, but there's no reason to text you.
Look at this shit, bro. This is this could be you. They say you're here in fire and then cut it. Why?
No fucking clue. Dude, your hair's been on fire for like a long time. Why is he sitting there so calm? Your hair is smoking, dog.
What could be the purpose of that? To give it texture, I suppose. It's the only thing I could really have to do. Have you ever cinched your hair?
It's horrible. The texture is horrible. The smell is the worst bar. Dog, your hair's like seriously on fire right now.
I guess it seals the ends and bonds them together from what I'm reading right now. Oh, it's okay. Oh, so there's actually some kind of... Well, that's what the people who do it say.
Yeah. Well, this kind of thing, you got to wonder. It makes me wonder why only in India, if it was that good. It's not only in India.
But I've got a plug for it. A lot of the videos are from India, though. I guess maybe it's hard. I've never seen anyone do I get outside of India.
I have. Yeah, I fall. I actually fall. Look at this guy.
Look at these guys. Bro, what are you doing? What is this? He's going to...
Oh, this is India. So that's just dry hair with a candle. Oh, no, no, no. That can't be good for your hair.
That ain't that ain't that's not burning shit. That's just burning your hair. Fire! Yeah, I'm seeing in Italy, California.
Oh, Ian, please let us do this to you. Please bring or find something. I'm begging you. I don't know why.
Please say I shouldn't be volunteering for this. I mean, you know, it seems like a great idea, especially with a beard. I'll do it with you. I need a haircut, too.
If let's do it together. Let's all get let's all do it. Ian, I don't have any hair to cut. Right.
I'll get a trim, but I don't know if I can get rid of the main, dude. Here, I got a beard one, thin love. Hey, dude. You guys want to see a beard sit on fire?
I want nothing more. Ian, please let me do this to you. Ian, please stand up. Here, this guy's setting his beard on fire.
What? I'm a wet. Bro, what the fuck? What the fuck?
There's no way this is doing anything. What is he doing? Oh, he just burned us. What was that, you guys?
There's no way that did anything. I haven't got a fucking clue. It's bizarre. He just moved it way too fast.
Okay, here, here's more. Here, I want to see if he actually likes him on fire. Love you say he says he should on fire. No, I'm not more than that.
I just sent another timestamp. Where he does it on the other side. And I'm going to wash his beard on fire. I want these little cute little zaps.
So is that, look at this, dude? Yes. Look at this. Ian, that could be you.
Look at this. So something tells me, though, that you're not down for this. Are you kidding? Or just be straight with me.
I mean, because I'll bring a professional out here and I'll do it with you. Why don't we just go grab a match and a candle I saw and let's just get it over with in here? Set you on fire. These guys are professionals.
These guys, they act like a result. They don't know what the fuck they're doing. I guarantee these guys are just putting fire to the dome and praying for the best every time. I'm reading some more about it.
I guess it's about burning off split ends, primarily. That's bullshit. Fire creates. Look how full his head's on fire.
Maybe he says it seals the moisture for whatever. Dude, that dude needs a little fire between his eyebrows. You know what I'm saying? Piece of love.
I mean, it's a vibe if you're into it. Fire! Okay, there's no way that his head's not like, there's no way that that's not immensely painful, right? I mean, he's got a flame on his head for like a fair amount of time.
I keep opening different websites about it and every one of them seems to have a different explanation of why people do it, which kind of points me in the direction of it being bullshit. Of course it's bullshit, Dan. Get on the same page about it. I don't know anything about taking care of air.
Maybe Dan's going to be grinding up rhino horn and eating it for sexual problems. Now I'm looking at it. Okay, this guy's beard actually gets on fire, apparently. With just a straight up lighter, you guys.
There's no fancy bullshit here. There's just a dude with a lighter. Dan should mail up that dome. Yeah, Ian, what do you think?
I mean, we don't have to hire anyone for this. Right. Dome and a lighter? It's just a lighter and a comb.
I mean, I could just go to the dollar store and be ready. What's up, can I do this to you then? Just me doing it to you? I'll have to think about it.
I mean, then you want to go find an excavator and we'll do some. Yeah, right afterwards, I'll put your S on an excavator, toss your ass in the ocean. Oh, this is so funny, Ian. I mean, you're welcome to do it.
Yeah, I'm down to do it. I'll do it. I'll give a fuck. Look how nice it looks.
How clean he looked. It's awesome. Love me, Daddy. 10 million views, man.
People love watching the show. Let's read the comments. Yes, I would like number two on the side and back on fire, please, and back and top on fire. What do you want the barber customer?
You know that guy, ghostwriter? Fire! Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Very good comment.
Well, let's try to find a barber to specialize in this. I'll do it if Ian won't. We'll do it. It's a perfect off the rail segment.
It's like, oh, he was here. Ethan's headed on fire. He was not here. You guys don't have a plane coming out of your boat.
Yeah, I guess if anybody out there is in the greater Los Angeles area and knows a barber that does this technique reach out. Yeah, or just I mean, we could do some research too. I'm sure that, yeah. I'm definitely going to want one of you guys to stand by with a fire extinguisher though.
Yes, for sure. I'll even have him trim my eyebrows with a flame. I don't give a fuck. Eyebrows.
That sounds terrifying. Eyebrow. You know, I'm getting older. Eyebrows are starting to grow out.
You got random long eyebrow hairs that have you. Oh, yeah, big time. Oh, big time. So I've always had bushy ass.
I've already trimmed them with a flame. What better way? Why stop there? Maybe you can do like my body, my ass.
You get a whole brazilian with a flame flower. You know, get some third degree burns and maybe I'll get some time off too. Sure. Medical leave for burning your genitalia.
Burn, burn, burn. Okay, listen, we've got another huge announcement here. And okay, I'm somewhat conflicted on this. I don't know how to, okay.
Well, let's just say it's straight. Craft mail. Did the, what I think is unfortunately the inevitable. I know.
They excluded Zack. Where's the initial tweet where they show the finalists? But it is interesting they sent you this. I wonder if they sent this to other people or if they're just trying to appease you, Zack.
What do you think? Well, I find they sent it to the podcast Twitter. I never received a message on my personal page. Yeah, but we submitted it from the podcast.
How are they supposed to? Okay, that's fair enough. Zack's fine. Any reason to get pissed off now.
They didn't hunt me down. It's, it's look, it is what it is, but I'm not happy. And Zack's downplaying it. He had a fucking meltdown when he found out about that.
Oh, we have a video. It's really an exaggeration. Well, let me read the message. They messaged our podcast Twitter.