Everything I Feared About China Was Wrong

When my husband’s friend invited us to his wedding in Chongqing, China, I was hesitant to RSVP in the affirmative. It was far and plane tickets were expensive, but mainly I was anxious. China’s government is scary, right? I’d read plenty of news reports about government corruption and the lack of due process, not to mention the Uygur genocide. I’ve long followed the career of Chinese dissident artist, Ai Weiwei, and was horrified at his arrest for making art criticizing the government’s response to the Great Sichuan Earthquake.Even discounting my probably irrational fear of disappearing into a Chinese prison, I worried about more mundane things: government surveillance, unsafe drinking water, a language barrier Duolingo couldn’t even, and I did I mention squat toilets? While my husband and I have been lucky enough to travel extensively in Europe, China felt like quite a leap. Some family members privately nudged us to skip the wedding, or at least leave our kids safely behind in the U.S.Heretic Hereafter is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.My anxiety was not unique. In his book, Travel as a Political Act, Europe guide and certified baddie Rick Steves notes that when people left for a trip, we used to say things like “bon voyage” and “have a good trip.” Post 9/11, we’re more likely to say things like “be safe”—as if to imply that the world is more dangerous than ever, when the truth is, a person is over 30,000 times more likely to die in a car accident than in a terrorist attack. You’re probably safer walking in a foreign city than you are driving around your hometown.Despite my fears, the Millennial #YOLOs got the better of me. We booked the tickets. In the meantime, I tried to calm my anxiety by panic buying travel gear. As I prepared, I thought about Scott Samuelson’s framing of the three ways of dealing with pointless suffering: fix it, face it, or forget it. I wondered if these approaches applied to fear: you can deny your feelings (forget it), you can try to learn more to alleviate your fear (fix it), or you can simply accept your fear (face it.) In my usual fashion, I opted for a combination of fix it/face it.On the research front, there was little information for American tourists visiting Chongqing. While it’s a city of 30 million people, most tourists tend to be Chinese tour groups visiting old communist sites. YouTube was my main source of info, but even American vloggers’ takes felt somewhat dystopian as video after video proclaimed, “I love how there are cameras absolutely everywhere, it’s SO SAFE!” A friend who had traveled to China confirmed some eerie “coincidences” that led her to the conviction she was being surveilled during her trip.My husband and I prepared as best we could, scrubbing our phones of sensitive information, packing portable soap and toilet paper, reminding our kids to drink only the bottled water the hotel provided. And then there was nothing to do but face my fears.And? China was totally different than I expected. As I dined, shopped, and visited a kitschy theme park, I was reminded: people are people everywhere. It’s easy to get hung up on culture clashes, but our commonalities are much greater than our differences.No matter where I’ve traveled to, I’ve met people who are excited to share their culture and food, people who will stop to help a clueless tourist find her way. There was the proprietress of a noodle stand who spent an inordinate amount of time trying to make sure I understood the different spice levels of a dish, and a bunch of excited kids at a theme park who wanted to chat with us in English. At our friend’s wedding, Chinese uncles plied us with alcohol, and hotpot waitresses babysat us as we failed to comprehend proper cooking times. During times of political strife, Americans often stoke each others’ fear of traveling. We imagine whole countries of people who hate us. We joke about sewing Canadian flag patches to our backpacks or think we need to introduce ourselves by apologizing for our president. But in my experience, people generally understand that we are not our government. In turn, we ought to remember that others are not their government, either. These person-to-person connections are what makes travel, as Rick Steves puts it, “a political act.” It’s a lot harder to vote to bomb a country once you’ve met its people. Travel puts us in touch with all of our wonderful commonalities: desire for beauty, for safety, for community, for reverence. And still travel offers novelty and surprise! Here are some things in China that surprised me:* -people offering my 13 -year-old son alcohol (repeatedly!)* -many people asking to take our photos because white people were exciting* -all the bathrooms had toilet paper! (but yes, most were squat toilets) * -an abundance of high-protein snacks* -a Chinese drag queen performance at the theme park* -taxis driving wherever they felt like (ditto motorcycles on the sidewalks) * -Don’t speak Chinese? You can get pretty far just pointing and nodding, Google Translate also worked in a pinch. BONUS MATERIALS:* -looking for more travel inspo? I loved this post by friend of the Stack, Skylar Renslow * -this comedian parses cultural differences to hilarious results* Heretic Hereafter is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Heretic Hereafter at heretichereafter.substack.com/subscribe