unabashedly live and make plenty of mistakes, fall down the staircase, split your pants. If we're really cut out for this podcast, we really are in the mental state. Hi, I'm Hannah. This is week two of the Everything is Over podcast and I routinely rip my pants in occasionally, stapled them together to the point where the staples dig into my thighs as I walk and I arrive home bloodied.
That is a dark story but I think perfect for this week's subject. Trials and triumphs are living in the dorms. I'm Emily. I'm contrary to popular belief, I do know the difference between palatable and palpable.
I'm here to prove that I am quite the word Smith. That's not even right. See? Even though English I can barely comprehend it.
But yeah, our topic this week is not English, I think. Heavens. It is about dorm life in this great... What is this?
Is it a college town or something called the city? Yeah, the city. It's a college town. I feel like Southside is more of the college town.
Northside definitely feels like it has its life together. Like Southside is like your 20s but maybe like Northside is like your 30s and then like if you somehow make it to Claremont that's your like successful 40s or 50s, you might not have that many until your 50s. Okay, so you stapled your pants this week, right? I did.
I did. I was in Yales and I looked down as you do and I realized the palace state, the great divide that had occurred. The Mason Dixon line and you know nothing was to be done so I had a little mini stapled in my bag and I went to the bathroom and I got crafty. It's actually pretty resourceful.
I did a lot of people to just let it be. It is it is Berkeley after all. It's kind of like a you know you get away with a lot. I love living here because I feel like I can just kind of be whatever and then nobody's really gonna look twice.
Yeah, you know so it's I'm pretty impressed that you would even go so far as to try to you know cover that up. Just trying to fit in wearing my mask. Just to blend in. Like everyone else.
This is hard. But how did okay so coming up is Cal Day when all the prospective students come here and I hype up the campus and you know make it less close to reality I guess. It's you know all the beautiful parts about any of the challenges and when I came to Cal Day I was so floored by everything. Really?
And I kind of expected that the dorms would be like the four seasons and every moment would be perfect which is just like excitement and idealism of course. I mean it's hard not to though when you're you know coming from you know high school like that's where we both came from and I 'm honestly like wherever you come from going to Cal scene the campus for the first time is overwhelming. I imagine yeah there's a there's a lot going on it's also beautiful. It's so stunning.
I don't know how I felt living in Berkeley would be like did you what was your sense of it? Well I didn't get to visit on Cal Day since I'm an international student. I just I did not have that. She's from Utah.
Thanks for that. I didn't get to come to Cal Day and my mom and I visited for I think it was about a 48 hour total trip. Got on a plane visited left the same day. It was pretty crazy and I was expecting beautiful weather you know California to me but like got there you know as would happen for me.
It I think that the day received more rain in that one single day than it had since literally like the 1800s. Not kidding. It was torrential torrential rain. I was soaking wet the whole day.
My mom bought a rain poncho and embarrassed the living shit out of me beyond our tour. I was so yeah. When was this? I don't know.
May, March. Not the same. It was yeah. I think that before I came here I had like this image of Berkeley.
Like before I even visited because it has a reputation that can be not so positive at times. But I think the really magical thing about living here is that it really opens your eyes if you've never if you come from a really insular community as both of us have. Point is I think for me very quickly my like idea of what Berkeley was like you know sort of gashed and I didn't know what to expect when I even came here. I was just excited to be getting a change of scenery.
But also I did think and I was really hoping that the dorms weren't going to be as lit as well as they are. Yeah. I do love living here I have to say. I adore it here.
I love the city and it's beautiful and I really romanticize it in my mind because although sometimes it smells like you're in human urine sometimes where it's most putrid or you know you see a group of furries or you see a group of furries in the middle of the day like that to me. Sorry. Yeah. You did see one of them was dressed like a ninja.
I think their dog their group dog was it a cat or was it a dog on a leash I remember. I'm not sure. It was also dressed like a ninja. But point being you can be whatever you want at Berkeley and it's a beautiful place to be and at night it smells like jasmine wisteria and always without fail marijuana.
So where do we live? We can get specific but not too specific. Yeah we live in so Berkeley or the UC housing system has dorms. There's three units sort of it's like a little complex with you know different buildings.
There's three of those in different areas immediately surrounding the campus and there's one up above campus sort of in the hills called the hill but then there's Clark Kerr or Stanford. Yeah it's just kind of nicer. Yeah different world entirely. Yeah.
And there's also a Carmen's and stuff but most of the most freshmen live in in the one of those dorms one of those lovely options so we live in one of the units. So what did you come in wanting? I didn't really know anything about a dorm. I hadn't I'm an only child.
You're the oldest right so your parents you were the first college kid. From what I heard unit two was good. I was hyped up by there were some people who said some things hyping me up like unit two is a perfect distance. It's nice you know blah blah blah.
I will agree I think it's a good amount of distance because it's like what three four three four blocks which is nice because I like the fact that Berkeley's housing feels it and meshed in the city. Yeah I think so too. I think that's nice. It's a really real experience because it's not like you're just living on at school you're also becoming a Berkeley resident.
Yeah participating in all of that while there's always something happening in Berkeley and there's always something happening in the dorms like regardless of hour of day there's always something going on and I think that's part of the fun. It's like you literally can't escape it and it's it's overwhelming. So I didn't I didn't want to trip. Oh yeah we're both in triples.
Yeah it's tight. It's like living in a closet. It's like really like and you know like we're all elves just living. Yeah go back in the cupboard.
Yeah it's the end of the day. I call up onto my bunk bed. Does it scare you? I like I have concrete before.
Oh you have? Yeah really? Well mostly because I wait now. How?
I just put my clothes on my ladder sometimes. I just draped them. You know like my clothes that I'm too lazy to put away and then I in my morning state of grogginess I just climb down slip, fall, wake my roommate up and then we have you actually tumbled off. Yeah and onto the floor.
Yeah but you know it's not that bad. Did it hurt? No. Was it scary falling from that high?
I think I was still too tired to even process what happened. Are you serious? It wasn't like that high. Oh my god but anyway late in danger.
Yes so you have the option in unit two you can have a double a triple or super special a single but I think a single is pretty rare unless you're an RA or something and I think that they definitely do a good job of trying to make you feel like it's home especially in the first weeks. There's little events that there's in the Kotal Association that puts things on and you can be elected to like have a position. There's also a school council. Yeah and I think they make a really like a really like the RA's really try to provide you with resources and actively sort of build a community for you but sometimes that definitely backfires.
It's just sort of crazy when you have all these kids who have no idea what's going on and just you know put them all in the building together. Yeah you take a bunch of people with a bunch of different backgrounds and completely different paths and lives and life up to that point and then completely different paths like the intent of like tread and then you're like okay be friends. Go for it. Have fun.
And that transfigures into what can only be described as a great study into the human psyche. It's just fascinating how like relationships develop when you live with people. Nothing's you go through with them that you don't even kind of realize. It's a really deep bonding experience to live in a dorm because it's a really great equalizing force also because no matter how like well you are you're still living in a dorm and that sense like everyone has the same room.
Like of course people who are privileged have you know I don't want to get into that. You know what I mean. Yeah but it's like you're all like having a similar experience and it's really powerful because I think it's also helps you relate. Yeah I agree like our elevator in our building has been broken for three weeks now.
And there's some sort of you know it's just a beauty when everyone has to carry their 50 pound suitcases up the stairs up seven flights upstairs. You kind of all bond. You go through that with the people that you live with and you forget it. That's another thing about the dorm is that something is always not working.
There's always something like recently it's been the elevator for a while there we didn't have hot water for like a couple days. No it was a day. It was more than 24 hours. It was a day.
We have about how many laundry how many washing machines do we have for the whole building that actually work. I think it's like three right? Yeah the whole building. Like hundreds of people have to share it.
I don't know I feel like I'm on I feel like it's a struggle to survive. It's just a surreal place. It really is because all this drama or just human interaction itself proliferates in such a weird way. Like it develops like such great deep friendships.
I.E. us. I just lean forward to say that because it was important. It's officials.
And it also proliferates deep roots between people and I've been involved in my fair share of those. Or let's not get into that. Okay we're not gonna get into that. It is just I think it's it's sort of crazy because you just don't I mean you never know what everyone else is going through.
You don't know sort of like what experiences they've had in the in the city of Berkeley that day or just generally like you can't ever assume anything but you know that the one thing you have in common is that you all live in the same door building and like you're at least all going through that together. And it also I don't know if you feel so I think you do but when you live with that closely with so many other people it also makes you feel like this connection or responsibility to help others because like there's certainly times when people aren't in any abridated or you see something bad happen or or anything and like you feel and need to help or just be like it just it is a community whether or not you want to make it one that's super personal and you have the choice when you come to the dorm you can choose like how you want to interact with people you live with like you can kind of center your whole friend group around the dorm as I have you know or you can you know go out and obviously make your own community but you're always connected while you're living there in a way I think there's a implicit understanding that we have to help each other and like look out for each other right or at least I hope it is. It like forces you to sort of like integrate into this broader community sort of in the city and also just with other people like like my roommates I love them both to death and I'm so and I'm just very lucky um you know because you never I just chose my roommates randomly or like I have them randomly assigned and like you know you never know how you know what's gonna happen with that but I think I it's just precious we're all for very different backgrounds and very different outbringings but also like very routinely we all get home at the same time like 2-3 in the morning and just you know we kind of all just vent to each other and to have like that even if you don't get along with your roommates just to have just to know that there's like people that you won't see every day consistently it's kind of like it's kind of reassuring and nice to have that um and that we're all just going through a similar sort of you know challenges at the school it's also nice to know just that you're not alone it feels good to see other people like prospering and also just getting over the things that like just to see people coming out on the other side of things it's nice to be reassured about it and you get that a lot in dorms but there's a lot of you see so many people like at different spots on the same journey right and it's just interesting to observe people and also like taking inventory of the year it's like how we all came together with fresh eyes and like now we're nine months in and that's like an incubating period you know it's like we were like fetuses and now we're like being birthed which is a weird metaphor but it cannot find a way that constantly describes how you feel more because it's like we've been growing and developing and changing and I feel like now is the time like and the dorm has been the battleground for all of those struggles and tears and everything that happens because you're experienced at Berkeley no matter who you are it will not be devoid of tears or if amazing women just hit that and home for you one more time for the people in the back yeah and stay hydrated and roommates are a great life learning experience I was an only child I kind of lived in my own side of the house kind of undisturbed in my own little sanctuary of being I don't know with books I was very strange but I honestly I don't have the best relationship with one of my roommates actually I have no relationship at all with one of my roommates for reasons that I won't go into out of respect but I think both of us I'm proud of the fact that despite our conflict that initially happened we've actually managed to coexist really peacefully and she's really respected that it's also my space to have my own like solitude and like sanctity like from the whole outside world or whatever is going on because you need your room to be a safe place for you to go to and it's like if everything's falling apart you need somewhere to go you need to lay in your bed and sometimes watch a good show like the office which everyone watches but it makes everyone feel better and that's why but I really respect her for that yeah because you're gonna have conflicts with people like it's so unavoidable and it's good practice because like let's say you're in an office with someone and you have a conflict right you can't just be like moving to a different office never see you again you know yeah no I think that's first that is the number one thing that I've learned living in the dorms is how to live with people just how to live with people like how to live with people you don't get along with how to live with people that you love in a door because living with people is so different from just interacting with them like on campus or in class it's you know it's really hard because I think some people or I know that a lot of people have roommates that they don't get along with but that are probably you know wonderful anyways just like living with someone is a different dynamic like you know yeah messy desks make you angry or something like it doesn't mean they're a bad person it's just you know it's really it does take a toll on you like mentally sometimes like you said you have to have a place you can go where you can just take a deep effing breath yeah I think my room despite its conflicts is a place of respect and neutrality at least for me it is or it feels like that or maybe I'm just incredibly oblivious and I'm sure you know that's the case like sometimes floors it's floors develop their oh like okay so there's the microcosm of the room and then you have the floor which is a whole which is another dynamic which is what would you say incredibly interesting it is toxic yeah often yeah yes very much I have I don't I don't know how I think it is it's hard to get along you know like what are the chances that you're gonna get along with everyone that you meet in the dorm and everyone that lives on your floor especially when you're in your first year of college and you're prone to do some messy messy shiitake mushroom behavior yeah most floors in our building are co-ed which means we have to share a bathroom with all the guys on our floor with the men's the men's and all the ladies everybody the woman belongs we have to share we never know which I have seen something in there but that's just kind of part of it you know I think the state of the bathroom is symptomatic of how much the floor loves or hates each other because there are fashions that develop their battles fought it's the hunger games there are trash cans that run it over floor cover flow it's over often with Taco Bell bags and sometimes on it yeah I think it's the floor is really harder to it's harder to gauge because if you're not like directly I think in the like in drama you just sort of like you don't know what's going on or you're just sort of tangentially related and perhaps there isn't a world where there's cataclysmic drama always and perhaps there is a world where people live peacefully and don't get involved and senseless irrational unnecessary bull shark but that's a good one but that's not a world we live in no that is not our door frankly is it one we want to live in you're in the depths of our souls we know no right but yeah you like because you also live with people you may have conflicts with it forces you to own your own you're sure to a lot more yeah really just sometimes I'm like I'm on the good place right now I was gonna see um you really have to own it and you really have to you know to handle things in an adult way as much as possible and navigate conflicts like your conversation ideally or you can just you know engage in a silent war but I mean and also I think induces a lot of self-reflection you have to figure out sort of who you are very quickly once you get there which is sort of a but I think another good thing is that it's very dynamic like you can always I love that there's always something going on yeah like I love that I can just go like on a friend's door mostly mine because your room makes me feel safe what I was saying was that like the stories and the information that you get like living a dorm priceless it's really kind of crazy sometimes you just happen upon incredible you know debates and discussions and it's I think the dynamic of the floor is like I was saying it really forces you to you know deal with conflicts and not just run away from them I mean people still do that for sure but I don't think we do I think both of us are like really try to like if we have issues try to yeah you know smooth them over yeah and I think it also teaches you how to be a better a better member sort of a society at large like when you can figure out how to find like similarities between yourself and people that you've met really you just barely met and you know have very different backgrounds from you and come from different walks of life and if you can just it just teaches you I think a lot about how to interact how to just be better in general because I think the first thing that you learn is that it's not just about you and it's definitely more about the community you create and faster and whether you like it or not you're responsible for making other people feel as safe as possible that's very true and you will fall short of that you know making other people feel you know good like there's conflicts that aren't available I don't think there is such a thing as not having a conflict I think for the most part I for as many problems as dorm life has I think it's also just it is it's at least made me feel like I have a strong community and it's you know I think it's really helped my mental state like starting college knowing that I have that everyone's going through a similar thing it's not just me like it's been really nice for me to see so many people and have such a large like you know volume of interactions especially in the first week like knowing that I was just like you know part of this team like all right and the dorms will give I think the buildings themselves are their own entities and I think they'll teach you a lot yeah by being there and I think they'll also give you really interesting experiences and bring really interesting people to you such as us I'm just gonna keep plugging this friendship the rest of my life um yeah but yeah I think it it is sort of a large mystery a grand mystery and it's just such a fun experience like at the end of the day it's just yeah really fudging bananas it's fudging bananas banana fudge yeah yes you know and I think embrace the randomness embrace the craziness you know you might meet your soulmate in the best friend ever one of the best friends ever on a balcony were you plugging me was that a shout out yes oh my god that's not like that I just I do that all day every day but oh I do already did you like that shout out thank you how would you say you can be a good roommate I think I'm a good for me two different spheres good roommate you have to have empathy the first thing that I like when I there were little things you know that would get under my skin um just because you were like you know different from my home life and it is hard to adjust but just understanding that there are like different ways of being and different ways of existing and living and that everyone is entitled to their own way was the biggest thing for me um and once you accept that and once you realize that you also are entitled to like your way of you know existence then I think you can create a much better environment like just by being understanding also that everybody is like we're both or all of us everyone in that room is having their own experience and going to move the hardest schools in the country and like naturally you know I don't know just making sure that it is a safe environment in a good environment to be able to show any emotion in um formates uh don't vomit in the sink please seriously that's all you're in it in the trash can and for people who need to hear that we're adding it we're adding it also to the guys on our floor if you could just do us all a favor and just like close the stall door and also don't just wear boxers walking around because no one wants to see that hanging out just gonna say that no one in every sense of the word yeah just nobody nobody wants to pay it forward yeah pay it forward that's all you can do pay it forward that's the theme and uh I would say to the people who have had bad room and experience it's like I have or are gonna come to college and have a bad experience um I'm actually glad I had this experience I think I grew a lot because I've realized that um I have to respect other people no matter what even if I don't like them on my floor or in my room there's you know someone I'm not getting along with but that doesn't mean they aren't entitled to the same safety or or peace that I am entitled to and I think I genuinely feel like no need to infringe on that and I would expect the same on the other person's end and um even if that's not so is it in this case I'm sure it is but I think it just has helped me grow quite a bit and I realized that I'm actually more capable of being tolerant than I thought I was because you know I'm a person I do have kind of a bad temper if it gets there and I can be sensitive and I can get upset and I didn't think I had no idea like the conflict that happened with one of my roommates um arose in the first week and I didn't know how I'd make it through the rest of the year and then here we are nine months in and now we're just living peacefully and I and I wish her I hope you know she has a good life and that will be the end but I'm grateful no that will be the end of our interaction together um I was thinking of telling her at the end like you know even if we've had our differences I'd appreciate you making this a safe space for me and respecting me which I don't know right on a cake I think cake is a little too much just talking about the dating while lucky for you she'll never listen to this by the way so I mean I don't like her but anyway I do respect that about her and um I I think floorwives um don't feel insecure if your entire floor tries to oust you from the social sphere in the first week as happened to me yeah oh yeah totally not what happened to me yeah I was like so cool definitely got invited to everything but yeah don't feel insecure if you feel like you're not part of your floor if you're living on a dorm because that is a big mistake there's all this artificial intimacy that happens the first couple weeks especially in the dorms because you don't really constantly see anyone else don't get caught up into that don't fear you will make a community whether you like it or not you'll find your people yeah it happens you will you don't need to worry about it and they'll come to you and just clean up your shirt and don't fudging leave your laundry in the laundry room please don't leave your underwear mildewy on the floor that's all you can do if you leave your detergent bottle on the laundry room sink no that it's ledge for more than two days know that I have it and I come around nice snip around patrolling detergent reaping the rewards of dorm life see as long as you can just manage your laundry you'll be fine you won't have to wear the same the same pair of socks for a week or something anyway we're living in a beautiful house next year yeah the address is just kidding you really thought didn't you all 79 of you um it's beautiful I adore it I mean we have some friends who were talking some smack about it no I think I'm excited the reason why I wanted to live in a house rather than like in a permit is because I wanted to keep a sense of community um and you know I really like that the dorm does that like that you get to see people that just makes me feel better and I think that if I'm not like my force myself should be yeah I was closed off then I'll just be happier overall so that's why I'm super excited if it was just you and I in an apartment and then like literally oh no but like if I didn't get to come home to see you or anybody it would just be hard I agree like maybe lonely yeah and plus our house is super freaking cute yeah not flexed you like I said freaking I'm trying to relate to you as a Utah person I feel like they say freaking can I kick you off this podcast actually can I just take the reins of my horse and buggy that I drove here in the morning in the morning um I'm sorry you're never gonna live it down I should have never told you I should have pretended that I was from what would be better Nevada oh you could be from like Oregon oh Oregon anyway thank you for listening embrace whatever the dorm experience has to give you yes live unabashedly live and make plenty of mistakes fall down the staircase split your pants fail fail fail and then try against because we're clearly we got everything together keep failing and then make a podcast and talk about it you want yourself further into the cycle of instruction yeah but that's a cool thing right it's quirky it's quirky and cute it's no teeth it really is uh tune in next week um two weeks next two weeks next time we do this podcast tune in for it um will be you know the conversation will be rich as always yes segways will be random as always please give us feedback and or hate mail only to why because I'm sensitive I don't really do not destructive criticism even if it's constructive just really we're really cut out for this podcast we really are in the mental state to be doing do you ever feel like really sad if someone doesn't greet with the same enthusiasm they did like one time before yeah anyway oh wow did I what did I do all of our listeners yeah all of our and with that signing off Hannah and Emily thank you you're god