Experts Explain Trauma | Was My Abuser Really Bad? Understanding Abuse

An episode of the Healing and Growing, Hand in Hand podcast, hosted by Lisa Tickel, titled "Experts Explain Trauma | Was My Abuser Really Bad? Understanding Abuse" was published on December 6, 2025 and runs 17 minutes.

December 6, 2025 ·17m · Healing and Growing, Hand in Hand

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Summary

In this Experts Explain episode, trauma expert Dr. Tammy Oluyori unpacks one of the most confusing and painful questions many survivors ask: What if my abuser wasn’t always bad?Using real-life analogies and clinical insight, Dr. Tammy explores the impact of "hot and cold" abuse, especially in childhood and caregiver relationships. She explains how inconsistency, confusion, and emotional manipulation can lead survivors to doubt their own reality—and why that doubt is part of the trauma itself.You’ll learn:- Why inconsistency is a form of abuse- How this kind of trauma imprints confusion on the nervous system- The link between gaslighting, self-doubt, and trauma response- Why survivors must shift from asking "what if?" to "what is?"This episode is a must-watch for anyone navigating the lasting effects of relational trauma or struggling to validate their own story.📌 New episodes every Thursday on the Experts Explain series!About Dr. Tammy Oluyori:Dr. Tammy Oluyori is a UK based counselling psychologist with over 15 years of experience specializing in trauma recovery, specifically focusing on survivors of childhood trauma. Her practice emphasizes developing a deeper, more compassionate relationship with oneself as the cornerstone of healing. Dr. Oluyori believes that understanding oneself is the beginning of all wisdom, and she is dedicated to guiding her clients toward this understanding. She is committed to helping individuals achieve clarity, balance, and purpose in their lives, leading to a more wholesome and fulfilling existence.Listen full episode with Dr. Tammy on Healing and Growing Hand in Hand podcast here:https://youtu.be/ndNZQCsvL5IConnect with Dr. Tammy:Website: www.drtammyoluori.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.tammy.oluyoriEbook: Staying Rooted (https://drtammyoluyori.com/staying-rooted/)#expertsexplain #attachmenttrauma #emotionalabuse #nervoussystemhealing #traumarecovery #mentalhealth #validation #healingjourney #gaslighting #traumaawareness #emotionalhealing #cptsd #childhoodtrauma

Episode Description

In this Experts Explain episode, trauma expert Dr. Tammy Oluyori unpacks one of the most confusing and painful questions many survivors ask: What if my abuser wasn’t always bad?

Using real-life analogies and clinical insight, Dr. Tammy explores the impact of "hot and cold" abuse, especially in childhood and caregiver relationships. She explains how inconsistency, confusion, and emotional manipulation can lead survivors to doubt their own reality—and why that doubt is part of the trauma itself.

You’ll learn:

- Why inconsistency is a form of abuse

- How this kind of trauma imprints confusion on the nervous system

- The link between gaslighting, self-doubt, and trauma response

- Why survivors must shift from asking "what if?" to "what is?"

This episode is a must-watch for anyone navigating the lasting effects of relational trauma or struggling to validate their own story.

📌 New episodes every Thursday on the Experts Explain series!

About Dr. Tammy Oluyori:

Dr. Tammy Oluyori is a UK based counselling psychologist with over 15 years of experience specializing in trauma recovery, specifically focusing on survivors of childhood trauma. Her practice emphasizes developing a deeper, more compassionate relationship with oneself as the cornerstone of healing. Dr. Oluyori believes that understanding oneself is the beginning of all wisdom, and she is dedicated to guiding her clients toward this understanding. She is committed to helping individuals achieve clarity, balance, and purpose in their lives, leading to a more wholesome and fulfilling existence.

Listen full episode with Dr. Tammy on Healing and Growing Hand in Hand podcast here:

https://youtu.be/ndNZQCsvL5I

Connect with Dr. Tammy:

Website: www.drtammyoluori.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.tammy.oluyori

Ebook: Staying Rooted (https://drtammyoluyori.com/staying-rooted/)

#expertsexplain #attachmenttrauma #emotionalabuse #nervoussystemhealing #traumarecovery #mentalhealth #validation #healingjourney #gaslighting #traumaawareness #emotionalhealing #cptsd #childhoodtrauma