Welcome to the show are we live on patreon as well? Yes only on patreon. Oh, right? Just a tough year, but this is gonna be this is a podcast right absolutely so making sure you never know everything's always different Everything needs to be explained several times sometimes I say things and they say them back to me and I go no And then usually I'm more of a just do it with your hands kind of thing like we were talking about chairs I sold chairs To the studio because I'm moving and I was like who wants some chairs I'm only gonna need two chairs really one for when I moved to Utah and then I realized I had agreed to do one more Podcast with people that are trying to help people get off creative and I was like Do you know how many times I've had all four seats full like seriously what like a handful of times and now this time?
And I'm like oh I actually needed those chairs So I got the chairs and and my girlfriend's like I want to take the sex chair and put it in the studio And I turn into a conversation where I go Zach's coming he needs a chair She's like I'm not taking sex chair. I'm like why are you saying Zach in I need chairs you can't I'm not taking sex What why you say exactly what was actually the other about I'm like holy shit go in the room and point at stuff and tell Me what you're trying to do so yeah, I got uh my brain doesn't work. I might have like Like I might have to read some I have L-timers. I might have what is it?
I might be Autistic I don't know how to say all of them, but I might be all of them But also you might all be all of them as well and everybody might be an idiot. I got our band from live TikTok cuz I said retard Rebel bean he he's good. That's all right is it why I just don't want to distract me, but he is fine He tried to he'll try to he likes fighting people Rebel Bean will appreciate he wants to fight he doesn't even care if he wins he just wants to fight just like he's dad he fucks the same way too It's a little too much right now. I just realized I was gonna get into detail about it.
I was like let's leave that for another show. He's been on Patreon only for two weeks Sorry So yeah, I have guess here what is everybody's names here? What are we all doing? Cuz I don't know so my name is Decima Decima.
Yes, like a real name. You mom name you that she did What does Decima mean in another country or is it not like that? Well? Okay?
So my mom she got my name from a Harlequin romance novel But it is the Roman goddess of childbirth and one of the three parquet is a Roman name Which means what? Well the Roman parquet or like the Roman version of the Fates like the three Fates of So what does your name mean? The giver of life. Yeah, she is the goddess of childbirth.
Yeah, he means coming out of your box Street What's your name? My name is Hillary Hillary what does that mean? Fair my who's this asshole Mike Mike that's pretty big. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't mean anything Mike means white trash guy In white trash.
Yep You guys have like don't drink those no I know I quit you lie You drink them not don't drink monsters. No don't drink energy drink. I know I shouldn't that's the next that's the next time I quitting journey is is caffeine well caffeine If you have coffee, yeah sure, but energy drinks are bad. It's just soda.
It's gross. So there is the enemy Don't get it. Don't get twisted every now and then I will have one But I don't have a you know as we're about to talk about an addiction to if I have one soda I don't have seven sodas before I go to bed every now I just have one every now and then and that's it That's the same as like when people drink if you could drink and have a beer and then not have a beer Cool if you smoke weed and then like not smoke weed for like three months and then smoke weed again with your friends or a play video game Cool if you smoke weed and then you end up sucking somebody's dick for crack And you know I love smoke weed and that's kind of where I'm at. Yep.
So anyway, you have a company, right? We have an organization. Oh my bad. Sorry.
Yeah, it's and it's to help people get off great. That's correct specifically Creative or sobriety in its whole or are we going to create them? Right, so this is why I'm doing this episode ladies and gentlemen because I Ruined my life again this time. I'm creative and When I got off it it was and I know some people who listen like I've heard this story and I'm like well then fucking don't listen I give up fuck what you think dude.
This is for the people that are struggling on it So it's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through and When I talked about it on social media which I'm studying understand more than ever is complete bullshit But when I talked about it people attacked me I forgot at the time that that's the new thing that people just attack you because you've said something on social Media at the time I was like wow people really are angry about me saying I don't like create them And it's kind of like if someone was like you know alcohol rule my life and somebody jumping down your throat and go bullshit But here helps me with my back pain. It's it's ridiculous We're not I'm not mad at anybody. I'm just telling you that we don't nobody talks about the dangers of it You are aware if you get heroin you know what you're about to do if you smoke mad feel like You know probably not doing what tomorrow, you know, I mean that's like a thing But if you do create them and it's the other the kids can get it. It's at the liquor store.
It's at like gas station Yeah gas stations where you look at it as like a five-hour energy comes at the same bottle sometime Which is also a little bit of a fucking swindle And they're making it different ways all the time and now there's the 7OH Which I get messages all the time about and that they're as strong as oxies and to know that like an 18 year old kid can get an Oxy and not know it's an oxy you know when I was an 18 year old I took drugs because I hated myself I Knew I was ruining my life, which is my fault, you know But when you're a kid and you're just like everyone's doing this shot and it makes you feel a little bit better because you're not old enough to get a Beer you better off get a beer honestly, you know I feel like some of these age seven o'H shit versus A beer just gotta be joking me not even close like it's way worse and nobody knows about it And it's a weird thing that people that suffer from Constant pain, you know people that get mad at me talking about creative is dangerous You're gonna get triggered by this but you're you're not exactly on the earth completely grounded You're numb and you're triggered and you're high and when you're triggered and you're high you're not sleeping as well as you think you are and Your levels are not that good and you're emotional because you're high It's like you know when you take a lot of painkillers I used to break a lot of bones and I stopped taking painkillers for breaking bones because at one point I was playing a video game with my girlfriend at the time and she beat me and I threw the remote at the TV and Shattered the fucking remote and she was like what the hell and I went what the hell was that? I it's a video game and I got sincerely angry and I was like oh it's because I've been on payments for like two months I'm tweaking out and creative is the same thing so people get mad at me for it because you're tweaking out You don't like it. It's like I used to be on you know Viking in and now I do create him and I get I go through my day in a month I'm not saying you're not going through your day. That's the other thing kind of like weed you know weed You can go to work, you know you can get stuff done It's just the the bottom line is when you're on this stuff Are you the best you you can be in the answer if you could be honest with yourself is absolutely not no fucking way So that's and weed is nowhere near as dangerous as creative Create him you can really get high these days They figured out how to make it even better and you can end up you can die people That's the other thing when I first got sober I found it hard to admit what I was mainly in there for because I was Actually going to meetings and doing the work not just trying to be sober and You know people would tell stories about how they were you know skid Rowan shit I was like man, I don't know about this It's not even really a drug and I had met people that had lost husbands lost wives People died and I was like wait you can die from it I didn't know that and then I realized like I could have died from it because when I I did it I did a lot you know like I there's not too many people I know that were into creative that can it's not a pissing contest But I don't have anybody say that they did is I've heard people say they did as much as me But not more than me, you know like those feel free things I was doing like eight a day and sometimes ten if I was up late and then when I woke up in the morning after doing ten I felt so bad the only thing that would fix it is another one and then that was kind of when I realized Because I've been addicted to so many things.
I'm like wait if I wake up in the morning I take what it makes me feel better So then I started to detox and I did it the incorrect way I now know from having people on my show and learning more about it, you know I was actually trying to help somebody in the program we know of it and They were doing less and less I try to convince them to just do half and then half and they were like I can't do that And I was like okay, how much you doing? Okay, let's do like a quarter of that for three days Then a quarter of that and then a quarter of that and then it got to these like yeah man I'm going down I'm going down and then you know two months in where I'm like you should be already off I keep reaching out to him He's like yeah I can't pull the trigger on the last bit and I was like you can't go to meetings you can't be with us When you're it's you're not sober. You're not even trying and it's like well You don't know what it feels like and I'm like I fucking I know completely how it feels like I did it I did cold turkey, you know, which was a terrible move, but I'm built different You know like I'm a I'm built for war so I went through it and I hated myself and I thought about killing myself But I didn't kill myself because I built for war But I definitely had the thought to do it for sure for months for at least a month straight I was just like I couldn't stop rocking back and forth all the time and it was like everyone's like you're right I'm but I was not I was not alright crying just just singing and I was like if I did it one I'd feel so much better and I didn't do any of it But so weaning it off is a better idea and having help having people there's supplements I didn't know that I didn't know there was like a bunch of supplements you could take like that would it's not like a fucking cure You know like you take the supplement you're like and I didn't feel like I need it anymore But it makes it more bearable and I think like the average person when it gets really hard to the point where you can't work or Talk on the phone or answer a text message And that's dangerous man like if you can't answer a text message You can't ask for help and if you can't ask for help and you're just in this room by yourself dying You're probably gonna get it again. Yeah, you know like it's screaming right it's so easy.
You could probably get postmates Yeah, you can door dash bring it. Yep. You don't have to have a car. Don't even have to leave out.
That's that's that's Wild there's a lot of people to that in our community. This is our first addiction. They never been through it What's in every been through? I was told the first time I ever did well That's not sure the first time I ever did it was on the Jason I'll show a long time ago and it was a weightlifter guy that had been on heroin and he got sober Which is so funny now?
He got sober and now he takes this supplement crater every day Mm-hmm, and I was like oh wow, you know you really fix yourself And then one of the guys that worked on the channel will was always don't take it and I'm like what he's like Don't take it trust me and I'm like fucking talk about do you like relax and I took it and I probably didn't take enough And I'm pretty big guy so I didn't really feel it. I was like this guy is it idiot like this thing doesn't do anything It's herbal is it it doesn't work. It's like a it's like herbal deodorant like yeah great. I've rubbed a rock on my armpit So I didn't really think much of it.
I used to joke about it and then MMA community a fight frame was like these guys will Spun for you It's an herbal after a workout drink and I was like okay, okay, and it was right when I quit drinking But not in the program I just I had a heart condition and the heart doctor that gave me an ablation said if you drink it could give you another You're how could go into a fit again? So I was super depressed about it because I was like wait if I if I drink I'll have a stroke It's because I ask a late things. It's not necessarily true But that's how I looked at it which stopped me from drinking but without being in the program and just not drinking I Became pretty sad about it my wife at the time still drank so it was like It was really hard and I never wanted to say can you not because I didn't think that'd be fair, you know? So like if I had lunch sometimes you never glass a wine and she's like that's up other than you was it I'm like no because I'm like if you say yes, you're ruining her life, and she's not a fucking addict you are So that was tough and then I found this creative the feel freeze and started doing them when I start right when I started doing stand-up So it's like six years now where I would do it at night And I found drunk people to I could tolerate them more by doing it And then it became a thing where I would do sure after a workout It's herbal and then I would do it before I worked out and then I would do two before I worked out and that I noticed when my heart rate Got up really high I would get nauseous and I was like oh well That's not good for working out because if I am like grappling too hard.
I'll vomit on someone So that's not good, but I couldn't stop well That's interesting because so many of our members report having heart effects from taking cradam So did you have any effects like that when you took it? Well, I've had I've got a heart condition Yeah, so I just took it as it's my heart has goes into my heart my heart will beat irregularly every now and then and I just took it as well That's that's the thing that you have for the rest of your life And there was a time there looking back where yes, it totally did that yeah, and knowing now that people can die from it I think there was times there where I was on the couch and I was like oh That's okay. I'm all right. That's close one though where I was killing myself And I didn't know because I thought the last thing you know I had a dog my heart was like what is creative I told him it's an herbal and he was like oh well then you can take that oh because he didn't know he was like 75 He was a cardiologist.
He told me don't drink alcohol, but he didn't he's like definitely don't do like crystal meth either But I said what about creative and he's like what he said what is that and I and I told him it's herbal And he just and he said was like you're taking like dandelion And he was like sure, you know like I didn't say and I get high as fuck off I said it relaxes me after I work out and he was like well that'll be fun So I never really took it. I never look I didn't think it was that serious until I I started to feel mood swingy. Oh I'm not great. I'm right.
Yeah anger. That's a really normal But one thing I wanted to tell you what when you're just talking about your story I heard it before about your heart situation and that's kind of the same situation I'm in with cradam because I started having seizures I did create them for nine years and I had three grandma seizures in five months and I was like what seizure grandma See sure grandma woke up in an ambulance didn't know who I was like the scary kind of Way all the way all the way I can't do cradam because I might have a seizure and die. You know that's that's God. Yes Because I gave up I said I can't quit.
I'm hopeless like I've broken my brain I was like you even if I did quit I'm gonna be miserable, right? Yeah. Yeah, I know that Taking it in the morning waking up and withdrawal I would take it and then hope that it would kick in before I threw up But if I threw up I take more throw up can't waste a dose overdose, you know and then the next thing you know You're in the ambulance, so it how many times you get an ambulance? I only ended up in the ambulance once but I lost consciousness twice or three times I'm sorry and literally had to go back and watch my cameras at the house to see you know watching myself walk around the kitchen Spaced out talking to my cabinets not making any sense and then to see myself go down the hallway and just drop It was really creepy.
I mean that probably helped though watching the video. Yeah, I feel like I've been knocked out before skating Yeah, and then this is before phones someone showed me the video and it shook me. Yeah before I saw the video I was skating like nothing had ever happened and then someone's like hey man. I got the footage from that slam the other day I was like oh yeah, let me see it.
I was like why would anybody let me skateboard right now I shouldn't be I don't want to I'm scared at the trick that I slammed on I was scared to do it for like another six months kids the video I did the convulsion thing and I was like oh my god. I look like I'm dying. It's terrible. You were yeah Yeah, well then I realized even more right now that there were times there where I was doing enough of that stuff where You know That's a pre-seizure you didn't know I had so many But old school od's where I'm like it was crayon harder than all the other drugs for you to yeah me too Like I like every I could I did crystal math for years.
I just moved away people places and things never look back But with crayon it was like I cannot quit this shit. Yeah, the first three days was was insane absolutely insane like I I was embarrassed cold sweat cuz I was Bianca get out rubber be Yeah, I uh I I not trying to throw Andrew human under the bus Andrew knew that I could take it and he was right But he doesn't he said he wouldn't recommend it for other people but he was like I know you I know how you built you can white knuckle this shit and you can get it out of your system quick He's like get out of the house Lock yourself up for three days and do it and I was like all right and I got an Airbnb And I had the heater on to 84. I had sweat pants on and hoodie wrapped up in a blanket Rocking back and forth freezing cold sweating not eating not sleeping and then I got to the point where my hands did this Like my wrist locked in and I was like I can't open my hands and my manager was around at the time and I was like There's a jacuzzi in the back house like telling jacuzzi on I'll go in jacuzzi and throw myself out And when I went to go into jacuzzi my leg stopped working and I fell on the ground in front of the jacuzzi And that's when I started to like feel like I was having a seizure And I cracked my head on the concrete on purpose because I was like I'll stun myself And that'll like relax me enough to get into jacuzzi like I said old school That's how long did it last for you what the acute withdrawal? Four days hell because that was the next day so that when I got into koozie I got him with my hoodie on and everything and then it thawed me out I got so hot because I was so cold that I could open my hands and then I rolled a joint And then I smoked a joint and then because that was so bad and so embarrassing The next day I was like well You may as well quit wait too So that was when I was like Because it was so bad it was so embarrassing like I was I got kids and I was like if they could see this Well that was me Jason I can't do that in front of people you know like if they needed me that day I couldn't help them.
Yeah, that's how I'm not getting in a car You know like if you need help your mum better come because I'm not coming So that was the end of it that's and which but that's why I was so good because I quit waiting the next day So and that was the last time that I ever did any drugs that day that was it Yeah, cradums did you like the last for people who have substance use history cradum is like the final boss for a lot of people Right because I think we jumped from one to the other right trying to because in the end of really my sobriety was like I do have a sobriety date of you know, it's like over two years now But it's not two years of I became I've always been a sex addict And I didn't even think that that was a part of my addiction But when I got sober that became my thing more so because that was the last one right just like the cradum thing became I did way more than I was supposed to because that was the last one like when I smoked weed people I had bad as we like you ain't seen anybody smoke weed like I do like I smoke I roll joints while I'm smoking joints. I wake up in the middle of the night and smoke joints to go back to sleep like I I don't not smoke all day all night. I don't stop because because I don't have alcohol and because I I don't have Coke I don't have heroin. I don't have crystal meth.
I have cradum and weed and sex So when it got to that it was really just like I quit and it was so hard and there was this there was 36 days where I went to a meeting every day And I sat in the meeting and I was like people must think I'm just like cracked out because I couldn't stop rocking And every time I told I cried and it was just like I need help but I don't know what kind of help I need And I don't know how to get out of this and I was like, you know, I want to say I'm on creative I mean I'm getting off creative because people in my opinion were on real drugs Right and I was on some herbal bullshit. It doesn't even count and then the more I went the more I met people The more I met the biggest one was like, you know a wife that was like my husband died I'm like I've what and she was like create him and I'm like that's impossible. She's like no it's not googled it And I was like oh shit people can die so And then the sex addiction was I didn't even go to SLA. I did it myself I was like I'm just gonna have sex anymore see if that's a problem and I wanted to do drugs again within three days No, yeah, it's hard to quit everything all at once.
It really is But I got rid of that too. I got rid of all of it. That's amazing. Yeah, yeah, it's more admitting it You know because I think if you're addicted to alcohol and stuff you can admit it.
You can see it You know, but it's like a food addict, you know, like if you admit like you got to eat You know, if you're a sex addict, it's not forbidden to have sex ever again You know, and that's the thing SLA sex and love and I'm like love addiction like fuck off I'm like I'm totally addicted to love that's like that's a bigger problem than the sex And I'm admitting it was the worst part because when you admit it It's like, you know, the person has problem with with eating when they admit it Well now you can't lie to yourself every time you eat a bunch of shit before you go to bed You know the difference between eating to stay alive and eating to fucking be a gluttonous pig And when you know that it ruins it ruins the pleasure that you were getting from it So like when I admitted it, I was like well now I can't fuck the sluts anymore And that was my favorite thing And then they get devil curse me with sluts love me That's always like hey, and I'm like yeah, I know For at least five years they were everybody I had sex with afterwards. They want to read tarot cards And I was like fuck you're witch. She's like, yeah, how'd you guys? I mean because that's the only people that want to fuck me Witch it's because we're evil.
It's like an evil thing Why am I evil because I hate myself and I think I belong with evil because that's what I feel about myself And I only have sex with people that feel the same way because we're both evil and if I fuck an evil person Well, then I can't ruin you. You're already ruined Because I am a kind person. I never wanted to fuck the innocent I did it like my girlfriend now when I first met her I tried to kind of pull away because I was still recovering and still doing the work and I could tell she's a good woman It's a good person She's not evil. She's never been in porn.
No offense to if you have but it but I was like you don't want this I know you think you do but you don't and then You know from doing the work and looking in the mirror and going I'm a good person You can count on me. I want she I won't steal. I won't lie. So why can't you have somebody that's it?
It's also good and now it's like a You've never really had a relationship like this because I'm Hiding something that's what I'm for you. Yeah amazing. Yeah, very very very grateful almost said lucky But it's not luck because it's there's work that I did and it's and it's still you know I went to a meeting today, man. I want to go.
Yeah, I keep telling people like I don't want to go I'm going through stuff right now where I financially Manages and business managers and like bankruptcy fucking haunting me every morning and and all these things that I'm fighting my dog I put down my son's all emotional about it. It's like it's always something man It's always a fight lately where I'm just like God man. I just lose every fight I'm in it's I'm losing them But I pray all the time and when things get tough the prayer is more sincere and it's more you know like if there's a gun to your head And you don't know me and I've got a gun to your head I'm like fucking start praying and if it's a good one, I'll let you go Versus, you know, I gotta say I'm a toy pray show me how you pray like it's it's it's a gift, you know like I got I got You know what money you like me? I'm successful is a part of my addiction like if I do well, I can run I can use it as a running tool If everyone recognizes me if I get a lot of likes on instagram, it's like oh little dopamine, you know It's all this shit where I'm like I don't care anymore, you know like all me I got an accent from Australia, but I'm not Australian I'm just a human it's like habits from I talk funny because I came from a place where everyone talks funny But I don't need money.
I don't need drugs. I don't need you to like me I don't care if you listen to anything I do I don't you know if someone offers me a hundred million dollars tomorrow I don't really care because it doesn't change I can't hundred million dollars doesn't get me out of my head. There's no money. It'll work for a day You know like I can't buy I can't if you like me because I have a hundred million dollars I can't fuck you.
So you know you just to me like if you're really hard you're like my god You got a million dollars I'm like I can't you know, I'm not interested in you like I don't I only care about my girlfriend So you could be hot you could have all the tits. I don't give a shit It doesn't mean anything to me. I don't need anything but god and I also know that trick is people as well It's like or everybody's like Jesus. I don't do please.
I like a lot more quite frankly. Fuck you guys We definitely believe in you know lean in on that higher power whatever. That's all that's all I'm saying It's a higher power. It's not a you know I think anybody that is really just great good for you But if your god thinks that somebody else is god is a bad god or people that believe in other gods and bad people Then I have no interest in your god, right?
Because my god is like I love everybody and that's you know if everybody was into their own religion like your own You I am religious to the temple of Jason. That's who I believe in but my higher power is like him. Hey, you're cool Like bro, what is okay? Like if you want to do it go ahead and do it.
I used to want to kill those people You know the thing we see a lot to with the creative thing is like you were saying You know all the problems kind of seem like they just melt away when you're on creative And I think that's a big part of the big part of the big running. Yeah, everyone's just like they don't go away You're just numb to it. You know that's I got the voice like that We had our big life choices like getting very high on freedom and stuff, you know, and then you get sober I'm divorced and broke Those choices running. Yeah, and when you wake up in pream addiction, it's like oh my god I have all the stuff to take care of yeah, no it makes you want to do it more It's just like well, that's another thing like you're just because you find recovery and you get sober that doesn't mean your life becomes perfect No, no by any me it kind of gets worse because then you start to see anything that is bad Raw for the first time which seems bigger at first because you didn't realize that that was always happening But you've just been running from it.
So now it's it's uh, it's new to feel everything So I get it. It's like uh it becomes scary and also your addictions are waiting for you to slip and waiting for Talked about my girlfriend recently. I'm like, you know all this financial shit. We're moving a Utah to like really downsize and it's like Um, you know my kids like I'm there's like a lot of stuff where it's like could just drink You know like we joke about it.
It's like we just drink today and just call it a day and I'm like, yeah We could just give up right just like it's just no big Utah moving to the mountains No one's gonna know and that's just drink for like six months and then die That's really what's gonna happen. It's like we would never do that. It's never just one. Yeah, it's life and death.
It really is Yes, it's not exactly yeah, but if someone's trying to get sober was trying to get off creative and they hit you how do they find you guys? So cradamquitters.com is the website Um, there is a way out is the name of the community and it's it's crazy how much it's grown I mean, what is the community like do we can you meet people or is it just on lawn? Yeah, so yeah, uh, there's we have three meetings Sometimes four meetings a day. It's all on online on Google meets and then we have like it's a meeting car Yeah, yeah, and then there's a chat community.
There's we're almost up to 800 people in the chat community It's just like a signal chat where people kind of come and connect and you know The big part is the education for people because I mean like you were saying like people people don't realize that like the first month is hard I mean and other drugs like the beginning is hard, but it seems like you kind of come out of the fog a little bit But people are in the dark. They don't realize that create them like it can last a long time So we've seen that the more people can lean on other people in the community come to meetings meet each other get phone numbers like tech People I came in I'm struggling. I'm going through it. I really want to go to the gas station And you'll get five numbers right away like that.
Well, we have the live lobby to talk about that Yeah, so we have just kind of a place where people hang out in between meetings You know if they're just kind of struggling they come in because people will find the website You know, they'll google quitting cratum and find the website and they'll hop in the link and all of a sudden There's you know 10 15 people just kind of hang out in between meetings the welcome them Tell them what's that we have a lot of parents coming in too that are like trying to get help for their kids spouses Yeah, spouses family members are starting to come into our community as well So we have to create space for them I mean, that's that's just as important because if people don't think your addiction is Valid, you know, if your parents don't think it's a real thing They were saying like you were saying going through the your meetings like you feel like well My problem isn't as bad as theirs and a lot of people have expressed that and so when they find us they're like oh you guys get it Like this is just as bad or we've even had people say oh well my sponsor introduced me because they didn't think it was a big deal You know just let your doctor condoned it like that's how they market it so people just don't know They don't really don't know about it I mean, it's the wild west, you know, especially with seven oh coming out too now like a lot of people that were maybe taking powder Cratum or they they found the feel freeze and then all of a sudden they went into a smoke shop So we've heard this so many times that they gave them a free sample, you know, they said hey, this is better than crayton You don't have to take a bunch of powder single dose crayton. Yeah, it's just like it's a little pill You know, you just take it and I mean it's taking people out fast like the seven oh is is no joke I mean people three months sometimes people coming in 20 20 K and debt 50 K and debt You know, that's another thing like, you know with other drugs like, you know, you delete your you delete your plug's phone number You're like, I'm out of money, whatever like I need to quit But people can put it on a credit card. It's right down the street and they're just rocking up debt Their wife doesn't know, you know their family doesn't know and they're struggling in silence And so like you said with admitting it and like reaching out googling like I'm if you're googling how to quit crayton like you know At that point that it's a problem. So Yeah, I used to do the powder one first and I would do so much that I would throw up Never thought it was a big deal.
Yep. I'd be driving regular. Yeah, I'd be driving it. I'd be driving and I'd just open the door and throw up Shut the door.
Yeah And people don't realize that all this stuff is like connected to crayton and then they come in and we hear so many of the same stories over and over And it's like oh, maybe it's the crayton. Huh? And then once you quit. Yeah, I mean I had a full head of hair before crayton I mean like I guess I got a head of the beat up.
So that joke doesn't hit but yeah, I mean And once you get off of it like you said the emotions come back all of a sudden this Your kind of world opens up to where you're like oh, I've been masking all of this stuff with crayton And especially if you come from a background in addiction like like you were saying like I mean I used to be addicted to fentanyl So to me crayton was like oh, okay Well, I can take this and not be nodding out behind the wheel You know, even though I kind of probably was but like at first, you know, I used to create them for seven years thinking Says in a big deal, you know me and my wife we both we both took crayton and we were just like this isn't a big deal until like you're saying You know waking up and withdrawal Just being like why am I so mad all the time? Why am I so anxious all the time and a thing a lot of people say in the community too is that it turns on you Like all of a sudden what was normal is now like this isn't normal Like I'm I'm a full-on addicted person to this and if it's ruining your life Then like obviously you got to quit and there's a lot of people on mine, especially like there's a lot of backlash because they'll be like crayton's Nothing. It doesn't even do anything, you know, try doing hard drugs. They'll say all this.
I have yeah It's like I have I have I've done it all. Yeah, I'm not a book man. I'm not I'm not I am I'm not making it up. I can get paid by anybody.
I'm just telling you the truth. It's really that bad You know to get off it and usually you're not gonna get off it until you have hit some sort of rub bottom Which means you have ruined your life and now you're sober and your emotions are raw and you've lost all your serotonin like you're not happy about anything So now you're depressed terrified completely raw looking to do more drugs And and all you've got is the reality that you fucking ruined your life And you know what you want to do when you realize that more drugs. Yeah, so that's why the program kicks in I think I suggest quick K. I didn't know if I had a known taking a supplement that would have taken a little bit of the We've got a link on our website that has a list of supplements.
Okay. That has a lot of do you suggest meetings for these people? Absolutely I wouldn't I wouldn't have made it if I didn't join them. So the program is no way we have so so our Our deal creative quitters is a community like we don't have a program within our community But a lot of people do 12 step recovery a lot of people do you know either Buddhist recovery smart like it branches out from within our community Like we we kind of hold the like you know the saying of like you know, whatever works for you But our place is kind of like a landing spot for a lot of people where they felt alone It's been hidden from people they don't know where to turn and it's like just providing like a soft landing spot for people So that they know that like this is this is normal like what you're going through Like obviously it sucks And you know we wish that you weren't going through it But like you got to you got to get through that initial phase whether like you were saying somebody was tapering There's a lot of people that will taper down if you have the self-control to taper more power to you like I'm not that kind of person.
I had to just jump and just get it out of my system. Yeah, but it's peer support That's what we're all about. That's me and I are actually peer support specialists. What is that peer support is just you know We're sharing our experiences and supporting each other.
We cry together we laugh together. We tell you hey didn't you have to go to the gym this morning We have even had people join the lobby and like oh man. I found this stuff I've cleaned out my closet. I found this pilot crate on and okay turn your camera on walk to the toilet flush it And we're clapping them on and flush it and then the next day we're walking them through their withdrawal like you're never really amazing never I love it But the craziest part of all of this is that when we've started it was there was like what ten of us in a meeting sometimes You know and there was one meeting a week We just kind of like oh this is cool We found some other people that are going through the same thing and it started to build and build and now I mean literally meetings are 50 60-70 people most days, you know every meeting and it's there's new people coming in every single day and we're seeing very fast That people are turning their life around because it's they're like that step of reaching out and saying I can't do this by myself Like I need some help, you know I need people to be in my corner and cheer me on and tell me and not turning to street drugs instead of create them like they will try to say oh If you take creative away everybody's gonna turn to street drugs.
No wait somebody said yeah a lot of people say that Because it's because the bands the bands that are happening are freaking people out and I would mean the band Oh like band seven I think I think I stayed at span seven oh I just banned seven oh I just banned seven oh I just banned seven oh When they say band does that mean you can still go there and ask behind the camera That's the same as the in California they ban the flavored zens or whatever and they still we can get Actually did bands I just don't think leaving it up to the government is gonna Well we stay far we stay far away from something but you need to do it Yeah, like you need to be the governor of yourself It's pretty fucking obvious at this point of the government doesn't really care about you I'm not saying they hate you and they want to kill you I'm just saying they don't really care about you you have to take care of yourself better and we don't go If it is there if it isn't there if you can get fented on the street if you can get fented on the street if you can get creative from your mom Don't fucking do it just don't do it the end don't worry about like what's in the news what's on tick tock Do not fucking do it suck it up don't be a fucking bitch I'm so sick everybody Everybody's looking for the next replacement well if I get off a crate on what can I take instead and like that's what I do sobriety is an option take life yes and it's amazing how high you feel sober high on life It's amazing you know so they don't want to sugarcoat it it sucks there's gonna be Shitty times you know life comes it's a people people go through so much shit people get fucking buck hands on man Buck hands right now then shut the fuck up and don't do cradam. That's just how I see you got to like you got a suffer You know hug the cactus Yeah, I can't you know you're never gonna get everything you want in life and if you take it as a lesson You know what is it? What can I do to learn from this then you know cuz that's I mean I'm moving to Utah You know like maybe I fucking hate it. Yeah, but I don't believe that that that's the case I believe that like I will become a mountain man and I will shoot I will shoot bows off a horse And that's what I was supposed to be this whole time You know I'm not a lot of form once in there is no there is no war What I was supposed to do is like take mushrooms paint myself blue and take my clothes off and run over the hill and hit English people with logs But that time has gone so now, you know, I'm a skateboarder.
That was a different life, right? Yeah, I definitely feel like that was a thing. Yeah, the way that people are finding themselves and finding like what they're true calling is When they get off a cratum is really cool to see too because yeah, it's just like The part of cratum that people don't understand is that not only is it hitting that opiate receptor? So you get that opiate buzz, but it's affecting you know, you're serotonin It works as an anti-depressing it works and that's why people get addicted right like it works Like if you want to Well, it doesn't yeah, it works to affect you in a way that it suppresses all that stuff and then when you get off of it It's like all of a sudden you're like holy crap like I've been living this life that isn't even me, you know I've been going through the motion and that's the other thing about the serotonin is there's so many different algaloids when you create them It's severely under research.
So even though it may work for some I mean you don't want to go to the gas station and have that be your doctor be your pain management You know, you really don't we really don't know I mean everybody's especially now with the struggles financially and you know all you do on social media See everybody hurting and angry or somebody that was just like ridiculously lucky and rich and beautiful And you like you're like poor me like it's a it's a they're building blocks to hate yourself So you want to run you want to numb yourself and all these things? Some like I said most of us know when we're gonna take it for like fucking I can't stand my life I'm gonna buy some heroin you know but when you do create them you don't realize and if you if you have an addictive personality Like sure if you do one might not do that much these days I can tell they're making them stronger so you will know straight away But something you know the padawan you don't even really know but you will if you're having an addictive personality You will figure out how to do enough to get it to go uh Yeah, yeah, you know, I'm a junkie man, you know and there was a time there where I figured it out You know if I did to feel free straight up and as in there'd be this little buzz where I go I remember I'll do the show on it and I go oh, I'm not gonna tell anybody I'm fucking in the pocket And I because I'm not letting a drink anymore. I'm not letting a crack anymore and I'm like hey Welcome to the show everybody and I'm like buzzing you know and then that's like an hour later I'm not and then you know something pisses me off I'll get snappy and mixing you know I'll be broken divorced and I'm like what happened? I don't get it.
I'm like, you know what? You know, that was like I want to divorce and I was like thank god was that me was that I remember when she was like Do you want to divorce and I said yes and I was like in my head I said whatever it takes for you to shut the fuck up I agree through yeah, because I don't want to I don't want to have Anybody disagree with me. I just want what I want when I want it and you're challenging me And quite frankly, I've had enough and and and it took because I got sober after it so like it was Months after where I was like oh Wait, wait. I want to retract that And it was like she moved in love with somebody else and I was like I'm pretty sure that my rejection is not gonna go well I'm actually I'm actually positive that If I apologize, she's still gonna go good.
Don't ever call me again and I'm like oh my god That's really what happened. I really I did I ended it I ruined that forever I ended a relationship when I was an active addiction because he brought because I didn't know I had all these symptoms that I was Suffering with and so he found the r slash quitting cradum subreddit back then back today And he showed it to me and he said look at this and I said do not ever talk to me about this again Don't ever show me this again. It's not the cradum It can't be you know, I had to take the cradum more than anything And so I lost the relationship over it because he was a challenge to my youth right because you you didn't you know Just in facing it. No, it's time.
Absolutely not and I didn't know that I was suffering Yeah, there's a lot of people in the community that come in because their spouses are And they and they don't want to quit It's not a problem and they're like well, you're spending you know 150 dollars a day on 7-0 or feel freeze or whatever and it's so it's affected It's affecting our relationship and it's affecting your mood in such a drastic way because like you said It's like for the first hour, you know, like you're like you're buzzing You're feeling good, but then it just drops off and you're like well No, I know I need to go redose, you know, and then before you know what I know when I quit I was dosing like eight times a day, you know, I would take cradum Constantly throughout the day. It was by my bedside when I woke up. I'd pop it I'd lay there in bed I'd try to go back to sleep so that when I woke up I wasn't in withdrawal And it's like your loved ones are watching this happen and they're like they're seeing this roller coaster And if they don't have the information that's the other thing I noticed Like they could have helped me. Somebody could have helped me if they had it known And that's really why why we're trying to get the word out Yeah, so much is because of the education part because there's so when I started taking cradum people will be like well You should have done your research while I did when I looked up creative when I first started taking it It was all positive everyone was like this is a cheat code, man.
You know, this is you can be in its recovery and take it It's just like coffee, you know, all these little we really thought it was okay We really did like I took it in Colombia. I got stem cells and I like you have to be completely sober and Like a plant-based diet and I was like well, this is plant medicine You can pass a drug to us My ex-wife at the time and I were doing him in we brought cases to Colombia And we had the off every now and then feel free would have old ones and you'd get the wrong box And they were ones where if you opened it would fizz Oh, yeah And they tasted so bad that when you drink it, you'd want to vomit and we drank every single one of them Because you don't want to wait that's all the work that's all we had and we're not going to waste it If the taste of cradum should have been the first morning sign for so many of us right because like if I have to take something that tastes This bad the stories we've heard people like throwing up I burped and I Rinkin So bad, yeah, I had a manager I was like I was in a hotel and I was going to do comedy and she's like did you just throw up and I was like yeah And she's like, you know, you know, wait, you don't think that's a big deal. I was like I do it all the time And then I walked down the door and I was like where are you like I'm still sitting here trying to recover from what you just said I'm like sack up like let's fucking go we got a gig to do and now looking back. I'm like You really you really like you could have stopped me and gone Do you realize what you just said and did and I would have gone so what dude like if you ever done too much cradum It's not a big deal.
It's herbal. You throw it up. It's like, you know, but like if I did Coke and threw up I'd probably be like oh fuck that's that can't be good It's like am I gonna have a high attack right now because I just did enough coke to throw up but I Take some more. Oh, I must have thrown.
Oh, that's the only fucking for sure. Yeah, yeah. That's a sweet spot I threw it up anymore. Yeah, nauseously comfortable is what I would call it.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I grew up in a hotel in the hallway I just threw up and just kept going.
I'm so embarrassed to say but I was so embarrassed But yeah, and it's like taking 20 pills at a time. You think that's normal when you're taking the capsules I used to take it out in the open before I realized and no one said anything to me My sister did say why are you taking 15 hairs gonna nail his vitamins? That's how I used to hide it I had feel frees in my butt bag and drank them on the chair when I was hosting the ex-games Wow next to Selena masa keloh What's that like feel free any go cool? Yeah, because he had no idea the word that gets thrown around a lot is insidious A lot of people will use that word to describe it because it does feel so like, you know, it's minimized a lot Do it right there in front of every day.
Yeah, and it's just like you said it's herbal. It's not a big deal guys It's just I bought it at a gas station right next to the five-hour energy It can't be that big of a deal, but we just get normalized to the like yeah The throwing up and the like then you get uh, you know You just get used to like hiding and you get you get self-conscious about it I know that I shouldn't be taking this much of it, but you know, it's not that big of a deal until it is I've been till it's a very big deal. Yeah, I never thought it was a big deal until I was like yeah, the shit's out of me to quit and I quit for like two days and then that's when I started get I found another one that wasn't feel free And I was like it's the car that's the problem. Yeah anything about the cratum everything And I took the ones that are the 7OH Little a shot that did the job.
Yeah, well now that's 7OH is out people are trying to say that cratum leaf is safe because they're making the comparison, right? And so put another blame on it. Yeah, I've had people as long as you don't do that Like you were on 7OH that was the problem. I was like, yeah, it's feel free 7OH No, I'm like well that one fuck three people are accusing me on one of the TikToks We posted because cratum ruined my skin and it's like cleared up now and like on our before and after videos are saying that's not cratum That's meth and I'm like in that crazy.
It does that is math that no it was cratum Yeah, I had a guy on the show that he did a little documentary about himself on it on it and then off it and what he looked like Completely different person and people were like this is not real the post-cratum glow up is very It is so real. We drink our water like yeah, we love our man We definitely lean into the recovery side and like the you know people get they get kind of twitchy when you say like you got addicted to Cratum like you're judging people that are using it and we stay away from like we're not political We don't say like hey if you're using cratum fuck you or whatever like we're a place for people that want to recover from Cratum that's the end of the story like if you don't want to get off of cratum That's that's fine Like don't don't go to the website don't join a meeting But like the space is there for people that want to quit because there wasn't anything like that before there wasn't it? It's like you were saying earlier nowhere else no other drug can you go and celebrate your sobriety and the people are like That's not addictive. You're lying try a real drug like you can't even really celebrate I have a year cratum free or and then you got these advocates that are like oh well I've been doing cratum for 12 years.
I can promise you it's not addictive You know I don't get sick like well try quitting for a few days Yeah, yeah, you're not as good as you could be right and if you don't want to be as good as you can be look You can eat you know Taco Bell until four in a morning You know and watch porn for fucking 18 hours. You know as good as you could be right maybe you do go to work great You're not as good as you could be it's like you're not as good at your job You know it's good at being a partner you know it's good at being a parent and when you start putting those in at the end of the sentence It starts to be a little more serious right well people in our community who are scared to get off They will say like I don't know if I'm gonna be the same off of cratum. It makes me better It makes me you're not gonna be the same you're gonna be gonna be better be sustainable What we're doing like I would get high and stay up to midnight cutting grass and we eating Now yeah, I can't do as much but it's sustainable It's normal amount of stuff I'm doing you know and like you were saying earlier about it turning on you like in the beginning say it does help for It's like social anxiety. I can take some creative and talk to you I feel great, but then near the end it made me antisocial like I take my freedom I just need to be left alone.
Yeah, like I said I was like if I agree to getting the boss will you shut the fuck And that's somebody that I'll always love forever and at the time I was like if you shut the fuck up I will give you all my money That's a fair trade because I just want to be alone with Cratum that's the thing so many people say is that at the end of their addiction all they wanted to do Be alone isolate take the cratum watch Netflix eat ice cream scroll on their phone And it's like when you get off of it all of a sudden like the world becomes a lot more vibrant You do feel things more, but you do have I mean like now it's like you have more energy you have better decision-making You're really like connected to what okay. This is actually what I want to do I'm not just doing it because I just don't want to be dope sick Mm-hmm. Just taking a 90 second. Yeah, it's all you want to do That's all you want to do well I still skateboard and I noticed that you know I got knocked out like three times in a year and then when I stopped doing cratum I realized that I'm not gonna blame it 100% on that though.
It's like 90% Because I didn't really know exactly where my foot was Mm-hmm And I was like I'm pretty sure I'm all right and then I woke up on the flat and my helmet was broken And I was like wait and and when you've been knocked out like as many times as I have and then you start knocking yourself out in your 50s You know this could be the end for me, you know like one more hit and I might not know my name because you were high Let's all say it highest fuck. I'm great. Oh, you can't get high. Yes, and then there's the arguing like yeah I did a 540 when I was 52 I Did I did 7.0 H in the morning and I swing to join before I skated and I'm the oldest person ever do a backside 540 And I'm like you know what that means I could probably do one when I'm 60 from sober and it also made me think I Really because of the time I was so scared because I'm like I'm not really sure if I'm in the right spot when I landed So it's a 50 50 and I was like but I but it's worth it I'll die trying this and I was like that's you don't realize how gangster that is You know like you haven't I don't get paid escape or you know like I was like I'm gonna do this you know Because my friends are here.
Yeah, it's a crowd. They'll be like old times give me about 540 And I was so proud of myself for at least two hours And then I got high again and forgot about Under the next one you don't really you don't really that's the other thing like when things are bad You don't really feel them when you're high but when things are good You don't really feel them when you're high and it's like think good things happen when you're sober Yeah, you know like special things happen. It's true. You don't catch you never gonna catch and if you stay high your whole life And you die high and you didn't live you know you lived half a lot We all have each other we found each other because we decided to quit great and that's how I met doesn't that is I was looking for help You know yeah, and we didn't really have a structured thing back and we weren't formally incorporated and so it changed our lives For the better so one more time was everybody go to see you guys Cratum quitters calm.
All right, great We'll have all that in the links of the episode when this is published outside of patreon So everybody sees this episode and you can click on the description and find all the help linked in there beautiful Thanks for doing the show and thanks for making a Organization to help people get off this shit. I was speaking out to you I wanted to tell you that and when Noah was on and all like yeah, that was a big episode in our community Absolutely, we love it. So thank you so much for speaking. Yeah, it's the least I can do you know I it's like I said there was a time they were I was sitting there and I was like holy shit I'm in real trouble, you know like I don't know how to I don't think anyone's gonna believe me because I was I didn't have the information I was like yeah, I remember I forgot Like 30 days in and I'd stopped sleeping with people as well I thought I had an STD and I had a blood infection This is all my own brain because I felt so sick that I was like maybe maybe because it was I quit doing only friends on That ship but I was like maybe I got an STD that didn't show up and then kicked in later like it's not even a fucking possibility I went and got blood work because I was so positive that something was indeed wrong I had a blood infection and they're like you're completely clear you have nothing at all you're fine You're healthy and I was like it's great.
I've done that though Like we all thought all these things were so wrong with us my hands used to be numb every single night I wake up with no man's never happens couldn't even ride my motorcycle because my hands get sweaty palms Yeah, I'm not sure people say and it never happens any because it was not every now and then it was all my feet sweat I was like trying to get it out. Yeah, it hates it Yeah, it's poison Alright, thanks guys. Thank you. Don't die