fear

sun 20 06 2021 i have a tongue, but i cannot speak i have eyes but i cannot see i have ears but i cannot listen hi you, to be in the studio, also for the last ones since winter, i dont know how it could happen. "normally" i wasnt allowed to drive with the car- cause these times ive didnt get sleep- was awake over than 24 hours.. but...somehow the love, the drive in, magic or whatever is included in music and "me" pushed me ahead there- i have to say, that the shows always felt good on me, after i did - god and the angels know how i went there and back- its like a dream. im not proud of it- just very very thankful. since june i ve recognized, that im totally unable to "function" like i did. im in a great depression or everwhat - and that i dont know who or what i am- every anything makes no sense -anymore- to me- i live in fear and shame than in trust and love- everything i know or made, cant help me now. i dont know who to trust in - what i couldshould believe- how to help me out of this. cannot hold myself- if my family wouldnt be there for me, i must go directly into a hospital- cause i cant live on my own- and all in this, everything turned into broken glass-the car, the home, the relationship with my friends and the world, the thought of what i will work or do after the closing of my / our pub at the end of the year, i cant create or make things, think clear or i am not concentrated- i m sad of all this and what ive lost. i only hope and beg that it will come back- that i will be again creative and have a reason and sense to wake up- from all the things i do love i´ve got disconnected- or it feels like that- whatever will happen- it took 2 months to upload this- yeah- this is a hell way into a aim- haaa-- i only know, that im totally identified with in the ego and yeah, i hope for the face in the mirror, which i dont want to see these times- while im writing this i see myself- and could throw outttttt- ahhhhh :) once my friend anna wrote me a snippet: "everything will be good at the end if its not its not the end!" <3 thanks a lot for listening! www.bermudafunk.org, switch-fuer immer punk! you could read more about the meanings of the music i have played... i wish you the very very very fucking best* ciao, s