fear soup

As some of you know we are leaving California in June of this year. Hmmm, that's not so far away. And right now that's "the plan" ...as in that is all the plan consists of. It used to have more bones but now honestly we don't actually know where we are going or even what kind of house we are going to buy. We THINK we do and then...all of a sudden we get emailed a farmhouse in Michigan and suddenly we don't know ANYTHING anymore. Do I want a small house walking distance to a coffee shop in the Twin Cities or that old farmhouse sitting on five acres with an alpaca yelling at me for breakfast? I don't know! They both sound nice!! Seriously, our plans are mush. They get built up, we get excited and declare "ok, that's it we're locked in!" and then everything dissolves into the dreamy black hole that is the incessant zillow search combined with my over active imagination. Because here's the thing, my brain is trying to think it all through and as the name of this podcast would suggest, I don't always know what's true for myself. I think I do but then I get all churned up in a fear soup and don't know which way is up or down or any which way around. And that's the problem with thinking vs knowing; yesterday my daughter was looking very lost in thought and said "Mom...I know why they say you have to get back on the horse...it's because when you're thinking about something you're always going to be afraid but when you're doing the thing you know." From the mouths of babes my friends. So if anyone knows of an alpaca farm that I can try out for a little while...let me know. Lots of love. Good Things: Head over to my Substack https://findingwhatstrue.substack.com/ to see more very slow, radically imperfect attempts at making things while also mothering small humans.