Feeling Different? A Deep Dive into the Enneagram 4 Experience with Dudley Delffs

There are some conversations that don't just inform you—they find you. This was one of those for me. In this episode, I sit down with my friend Dudley Delffs—author, therapist, and a fellow self-preservation Four—and what unfolds is less of an interview and more of an honest, unguarded conversation between two people who've spent a lifetime trying to tell the truth about their lives…and sometimes wondering what it costs to do that. We talk about the long journey of being a Four—the early years of feeling different, the instinct to hide parts of your story, and the slow, sometimes painful work of learning how to bring those parts into the light. Along the way, we wander into territory that might feel familiar: creativity, envy, addiction, belonging, and that quiet, persistent question many of us carry: What have I done with my life? And yet, this isn't a heavy conversation—it's a human one. There's laughter, there's tenderness, and there are a few moments where something deeper breaks through…the kind of moments that remind me why I love doing this work in the first place. If you've ever felt like you don't quite fit—even in rooms where you clearly do… If you've wrestled with whether your story is too much—or somehow not enough… Or if you're trying to make peace with your past without losing who you are in the process… I think this conversation might meet you right where you are. Come listen.