Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)

Welcome welcome gamers to another episode of Play me a king me production welcome nerds our our series where we cover the filmic adaptations of video game-ic entertainment products video game-ic entertainment sludge Yeah, yeah, so we we're on week three and It's going great. It's going great episode one level one right. Yes. It's double dragon level two right?

Is a Mortal Kombat mm now on level three final fantasy the spirits within yes another major I would say bump in the road of successful video game filmic adaptations It's pretty ambitious. You got to admit Yes, it's to make a movie a nonsense gobbledygook movie sure not what I meant. Oh, sorry But a fully CGI cutting edge at the time now. Oh, maybe the technology wasn't there yet.

Yeah, not quite there Not quite there. Yeah, yeah, I mean the animation stuff is like the least of it though to me It's like the most of the problems the story is nonsense. It's like the most video gamey kind of bullshit ever Yeah, they'll like down to the like red spirits versus blue spirits felt very just like you know It's like we need to know who to shoot at yeah in the game This is so and it has this sort of like final fantasy feel of the story was translated out of Japanese and a lot was lost in Contact sure seems like a lot of things that might make sense to a Japanese person. Yeah, don't make sense to us the drooling knuckle-dragging American.

Yes, I Don't know. I've never really played final fantasy. So watching this I was like wait is this what final fantasy? Yes, so that's a good question and the answer is no this has nothing to do with any of the games Okay, well, I believe we're plans after the fact to make a game based on this lore this mythology You just move okay, but it never came to pass because this was such a colossal disaster that it shut down Squares film division.

Yeah after one try they were like no So but that does raise the question like who's this for yeah, right? It's like it's not for people who play final fantasy because there's no big swords right there's no Androgynous waiting for some days. Yeah, I was waiting for somebody pull out a big goddamn sword not one now All you get is like the most stilted dialogue like the worst writing oh my god It's really bad it. I don't know if I've ever watched something where the actors have Felt it's felt more like the actors are just saying words and have no idea what they're saying no idea what they're talking about the I feel like the Steve Buscemi sort of like comic relief of it all might be the hardest thing to deal with yeah There's also the fact that like visually there's nothing just the only distinctions between any of these characters are that the main character dr Akhi Ross Akhi is a girl That's one and the other being that the arch of villain what's his name?

Hein general hine general Hein played by James Woods has Matt Gates eyebrows Yeah, there were some of the characters Really felt like they were modeled after other people and it really fucking yeah It's so funny when you hear Alec Baldwin's voice and then the helmet comes off and you're looking at the like you They'll like realistic buzz light year from the weird buzz light your biopic I when he took off his helmet I was like oh is that Ben Affleck yeah Right, it's it's the exact same as like the the snowman and Jack Frost looking like George Clooney right you're like oh could they not get Affleck is that oh clearly that's what they were trying to do and they got balled win Yes, I like Baldwin just sounds like Baldwin You're just like this is that voice coming out of this weird head is right the same with the Buscemi I was supposed to be like Sam Rockwell or something like yes, but they all for as much as they look like other people They also just look like stock Video game characters yes, and that's probably just like a symptom. You know, that's a that's the time it was made they could only Do so much I also thought insane render farm dr. Sid Looked a lot like Kelsey grammar and which you know look at him with Perry Gilpin being in this right What are you guys trying to do with me here? Alkaw one's character takes his helmet off.

He looks exactly like David Hyde Pierce It's yeah, man, it's a weird weird thing 2001 this comes out It tanks I 2001 I'm in fifth grade I see this trailer. I'm like are those real people or is this a computer? Oh my god. It's a good.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Mom you got it. You see this pretty sure I saw this in theaters Oh my god.

Well, okay So I was gonna ask you because when we were talking about doing this video game adaptation series This was one of the ones that you were like you chose a specifically you were like final fantasy spirits within final fantasy spirits within like this was like Yeah, why I was like Captivated by this when I was a boy. I couldn't believe that they were able to make a whole movie out of computers They did it they did it and then I think also the like you know me. I'm I'm I've got this like morbid fascination with like instantaneous death Like anything like this where it's just like oh you touch it your dunzo and also when you're done So you see your soul get ripped out of your body and eaten. Oh, yeah, whatever your life for sir.

Excuse me your guy a life force Your guy spirit the guy spirit So yeah, I think I was just like I remember thinking this was like the most amazing thing when I was a kid Yeah, and I had to come back to it. I wasn't gonna do it on my own time because I knew this was gonna happen Fucking knew it but also like as we were picking I was sort of like looking into the It's like the context it comes out in and what they thought it was gonna be yeah, and you know on one hand It's a colossal disaster on the other it is sort of like proof of concept that you can do this right like it is for the time Probably pretty impressive, and I think it's most impressive in the sort of like all the like spacey stuff You know the not not to let me be frank I pray no one's ever animated anything Kevin Spacey's ever done Except for a bucks life. That's pretty good. I didn't know he was in a box life isn't he in a box life?

I thought he was that is that the one with Woody Allen? No, that's ants with the yeah, yeah, yeah Kevin Spacey plays the like the evil grasshopper Well, that makes sense We should watch that instead of this we'll do it also spacey series. Yeah SpaceX Sissy space X the thing that yeah, I was also fascinated to learn that they thought Aki Ross the like main character in this uh-huh dr. Aki Ross.

Yes They thought she was gonna be like in other movies sure they thought she was going to be like the first Computer-generated leading lady okay, and that is a sort of like prelude to AI. Uh-huh. I think is very interesting that like This like the AI thing the goal is always like how can we cut humans out of entertainment? I love it I love it that people have made this thing to get rid of people amazing And it's like you know you look at like um, I also feel like this kind of a prelude to the sort of boom of Celebrity it's a boom.

Oh god. It's big AJ or whatever Okay, bye Thank God chocolate chip cookies Double chocolate go guy Like that shit. That's my job That's why I don't sorry it is it's it's exactly the relationship between like um who's the evil guy from elephant man? The guy that runs the free show.

Yeah, the guy who has helium voice in the straight story. No in a wild and hard. Oh, it's wild and hard Yeah, yes, he voice Anyway, that is the relationship between him and John Merrick is exactly the same between that man and those two fat boys He is a free show leader. I make you fat like me We're all gonna be famous.

Yeah, the actor's name is Freddy Jones and the character name is bites He sucks Anyway, anyway, where we talked about AI Aki Ross and how she was gonna be the first digital leading lady. Did you know they put her in maximum 100? Yes, she was one of the 100 It's so funny man. The pick have you seen the pictures of her in a fucking bathing suit it?

Yeah, of course I have And and Bob I couldn't choose Oh, no shit Just so much that shit. I guess I choose so much I she is Yeah, it's it's insane the picture of her posing and somehow looking Didn't like what's the word denigrated like shit the look on her face is like she's embarrassed to be there. Yeah, her computer face. Yeah It's also weird Obviously this didn't work.

She has only been in a bonus feature on the animatrix DVD That's the only thing she appeared in well. She made it to the animatrix. Mm-hmm almost almost. Oh, yeah She uh it to apparently it shows her acrobatically dueling with a robot robot from the matrix.

Okay, that's fine Oh Whatever um so Dan what happens in this movie? What is going on watch? Okay? First off this movie is too long.

Yes my god. What are we talking about here? It's swizzing like 140 Like an hour 45 145 145 should have been I mean 80 minutes tops Imagine imagine How much better what on what appeared on screen could have been if this was 80 minutes long? Yeah, just like you think about that so the thing with this too is like the amount of human labor like AI It's like you're like oh, yeah We don't have to involve people to do it except you on the back end you really do yeah except for all of these people who are like Wait, I'm a human being who you have to count me took four years to make this Took four years 200 people putting in a combined 120 years of labor Fucking crazy.

I don't know how the math on that works, but that is what Wikipedia says well It's too much whatever it is. I have to imagine that like I don't know at year two Somebody's gonna be like fuck we are fucked here. Oh, yeah, we are so fucking fucked Yeah, I couldn't find like um anything about like the churn You know like whether people were like in and out of this thing But on the other hand it's like I think people may have been treated better still at this point I don't know if things possible deteriorated to the point that they had but yeah to imagine two years in and you're like They want to put it Aki Ross and Max some good news. Yeah good news Can you can you stop working on the movie to draw her to be a bikini bathing suit?

Yeah, I guess The would you bigger tits? No smaller to there's an original that's the other thing there's an original like design for this character very original design by the way Oh super original super original but the original look for her was like lot of makeup and like more I guess bimified Yesified, but then they were like no we need to take her seriously as a scientist. Yeah. Yeah make Make her hair a mouse here.

Yeah, we need to take her seriously as a scientist smaller test We need to find the biggest tits that a scientist What's the upper limit on that? Yeah, what's what's the the like the was it the The level of diminishing returns where you're like all right what point are tits too big and they become distracting from her big brain Yes, her big wrinkly brain big wrinkly brain. I don't want the tits to be bigger than the brain necessarily But I wanted to ride that line. Can we do that guys?

Can we give them the texture of brains? In fact What okay, how about this what if her tits are whatever brain is in her tits then can they be big? Oh? Final tits the brain So final fantasy the spirits within directed by hero Nobu Sakaguchi who is just a video game director.

Yeah, I know Like you look at you look at his credits right yeah on Wikipedia here Yes, he directed he like he was the guy for Final Fantasy So all the incomprehensible storytelling of final fantasy really primed him yeah for this right he makes final fan He directs final fantasies one through six or one through five and then produces on subsequent games He also was the executive producer of Kingdom Hearts, which makes a lot of sense I don't know how involved he was with actually making it but that I mean talk about incomprehensible and bad ideas You know about Kingdom Hearts no, that's the one where it's like final fantasy characters and Disney characters fighting side by side Yeah, you it's like you with the it's like the big sore guy cloud whenever with like Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got I got your six yup So that guy yeah, they're like yeah direct a narrative film tell a story in two hours You think about again like final fantasy these are games you spend like days and days you log like days and days of playing time to write yeah Also famously video games you play games between sort of narrative scenes. Yeah, so pacing is different the sort of continuity of moment to moment Has to be a little stronger Yeah, and you really feel You really feel the other lack of experience and seeming like it's like he's never seen a movie Yeah, I mean it feels like like you said it feels like an extended cutscene. It's it feels like you know It like it feels like the action in this movie is the Gameplay and then after the action is done and everybody is just like talking and whatever that is cutscene, right? and you're just like it just keeps kind of switching back and forth between cutscene and action scene and and Feels very like it feels very video gamey in that like okay.

We have to do this we have to accomplish this mission We have to now we have to go over here now. We have to get this thing right? We have to collect eight spirits or we have to collect eight spirits. What does that mean?

I don't worry about you just have to collect them like also even sub like one of the spirits is like an ammo pack It's like you have to go pick up an ammo pack. Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, but in a video game you could get away with that you're like, okay, I have to go collect eight spirits What do I need to know not all that much like just got to go to this world get them? Yeah, just go get them and then and and enjoy the sights along the way, right?

You enjoy the sights along the way you get into like maybe a shoot-out or an action sequence, you know trying to get this spirit or whatever but You're like you don't care about it because you're playing the game You know you don't need to know everything about the spirits and whatever in this you're like they're like oh, yeah To collect eight spirits and they're because of Aki's chest plate and whatever you're like whoa whoa whoa whoa Slow down there. Yes. What's right there in the hockey's chest plate. Oki's chest plate There's like a similar door level phrase for me What is going on here?

And like yeah, they go to one planet and they're like oh, there's only one living spirit here and it's this this ammo pack You're like wait what well, yeah because that is made with spirit matter Everything that Earth Gaia that's the only thing that can counter the red guy of the the phantoms right and also we're gonna They are phantoms and we have Gaia spirits and they're red. We're blue all that kind of stuff But I got to I'm watching this. I'm like so it's just ghosts. So the planet is haunted.

Yes And they're like it takes them the whole movie to figure that out. Even if they're calling them phantoms Yes, I like I mean like if they had called them anything else besides like a phantom or a ghost or something like that And like right have the sort of like prevailing thought on what's happening here be like they're like interdimensional Set it up so that we think that they're like from somewhere else instead of just like dead guys Yeah, plasma aliens or some shit not like they call them phantoms So literally from the jump I'm like so they're ghosts, okay And everybody's like treating them that like they're not ghosts I'm like you're but you said that they're phantoms and then by the time they get around to being like actually they're ghosts like wait I thought you knew that what is happening? What the fuck is going on here? Yeah, dr.

Aki. What are you doing dr. Aki? Dr.

Aki Ross, please? Alfred Molina Dr. Aki Ross dr. Aki Ross.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, dr. Ak dr. Ak dr. Ak So we said Alec Baldwin he plays captain gray Edwards All right first name gray last name Edwards.

Yeah, yeah Again everybody in this just feels like they're they're doing their best and reading their lines and like trying to Put the right emotion on each line, but goddamn. It just feels like absolutely everyone like the entire cast has no idea What this what is happening and they're like I'm just doing voice work. I don't know. I got a voice workshop Yeah, you know, I got to say credit to the shit that Alec Baldwin for that There's like the moment at the Emory like sacrifices himself, right?

Yeah, I did when he's like I thought he paid There's like a one-line delivery that didn't just feel like reading it right off the page He's like don't back on me. Don't back out on me now that I believe I was a yeah Yeah, he gave it a little bit of juice and that's why you hire the shit head Alec Baldwin Man slaughter friend manslaughter and friend of Woody Allen Alec Oh sick of Fanta Woody Allen sick of Fanta. Yeah, it does not seem like what he really enjoys his company too much of course Not how good so yeah, we got those two it kind of a stack cast you mentioned Perry Gilpin Yeah, very open Ving Rames as Ryan gets almost nothing to do except die. Yes Steve Buscemi is Neil the comic relief.

Ha ha ha ha Ha ha so many oh geez some of the worst like Videogame got it's very like a like reddit kind of humor. Yeah, it's very very malignal Donald Sutherland is dr. Sid the ghost doctor the scientist of ghosts No one will believe my theories. Well, let's get you're talking about ghosts.

I'm a doctor of ghosts Well, I guess things are not going well, but already doc. It's very funny They just like no one will believe me even though everything I've done up to this point has worked and been true James Woods is the dreaded general hein Yeah, yeah, I'm a classic sort of like science versus military set up in this sci-fi movie a classic sci-fi setup Yes, keep David is in this also. Yep, please council member Unnecessary but yes, it's all these people are unnecessary all of these people are necessary John Tamagio even got a little workout of this good for him good for him John Tamagio people would probably know his bender. Yes I think it's kind of interesting to you have James Woods and Alec Baldwin two guys on the opposite end of the political spectrum and as annoying as As the other one.

Yes. Yeah, that's a good point I'll call when might be the liberal James Woods. It's it kind of feels that way the more I was like watching this I'm thinking about I'm like they are kind of two sides of the same coin here Yeah, a coin that I want you to suppose of Yeah, I mean James Woods doing his James Woods thing it is crazy how viscerally repulsive he is By speaking Jordan. He's he's effective.

He's maybe the most effective performance in the movie He's like one of the all-time best sleaze bag truly like he's also I would also say he's the only person with like a clear Thing in this movie. Yeah, everyone else is just like talking about Gaia. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of Gaia stuff Yeah, he's the only one who has a clear like goal in killing everything or whatever Yeah between like video drum and casino like there's a ton of movies in between where he also plays a giant sleaze bag But those are like peak sleaze bag movies.

It's so funny too Cuz like there's so many cases of actors, you know like actors who always play like shit heads villain Whatever and people are like he's actually the nicest guy. Yeah, and everyone's up. No, he's not acting Yeah, no, this guy sucks. This guy sucks so bad So you want to let's talk about final fantasy the spirits within all right?

You want to know what happens in the movie? This will all be information for you. Yeah, I watch this movie and I was It's very boring the movie like it's so fucking boring and What when I'm watching a movie my mind has a tendency to drift if it gets too boring I sometimes have to stop the movie watch you didn't find it visually arresting. It's not I mean I thought it looked fine, but honestly after like 20 minutes or something it just became you know mush right the The dream sequences look pretty good.

Yeah, it looks good like the animation isn't bad The people I think the animation of the people are that's bad. I mean, it's it's bad, but it's also of its time Like it's 2001 so like yeah if like they still haven't quite you know nailed like photo realistic to almost 25 years later Yeah, so you know for it to look this good. I would say they're doing an okay job It's not like lawn mower man graphics. It's better than that.

Yes the faces are I feel like It's these aren't it's not uncanny Valley kind of ship because it is still like clearly animation So you're like all right well, I'm not getting that uncomfortable spooky feeling but Yeah, it's not like it's like again. It's like a video game. It looks like video game right sort of cutscene graphics It looks fine. It's also this is a case where like it was animated and then the voice acting was done to the animation sure Which I think also makes it really tough.

Yeah, and yeah, it kind of never stands a chance once you go about it in that way Right, you're sort of you've taken all of the here. Yeah, that's what's going on. That's the bad animation process alarm So what what happens? Yeah, what what you want to come on?

Alright dig if you will a picture of Earth or 2065 Oh god, that's that's right around the corner And and I got to say all the all the all the pieces are falling into place for this to be our reality. Okay, very prescient The earth is infested by alien life forms, right called phantoms But as far as you the viewer concerned, they're not actually ghosts. They're just aliens, right? We don't know that they're ghosts and Basically, I think when we well the first like scene in the movie right is we see the um Fucking dream right she's like I'm having that damn dream again.

Yeah, it's a dream of like it's a like a desolate sort of planet Looks like a damn Salvador Dali painting. Yeah, they're like I don't even I don't know if there's supposed to be trees or rock formations Or something but they're like these like these like these like things Yeah, rocks curling his finger like a witch's finger and yeah, exactly right. I'm doing one one witch finger. It's like Yeah, yeah, but also it's like the desert, but then when she looks down the ground ripples under her like water.

Yeah, which is It's really cool. Where the hell am I? Where the hell am I? Oh, she's standing there We have the cool sky right like the big planet in the background or whatever the sky the beautiful clouds all that stuff I mean those might just be matte paintings because I know they used matte painting for this now You have accused Denny Villanue of being a screensaver Director yeah, I think she's very influenced by final fantasy the spirit within yeah That's what I was gonna say like every shot in this feels like a screen state 100% yeah, you go to like free screensaver download calm and this is the first thing you see is the desert alien planet from Yeah, I'm fancy and she's standing there and then like a horde of aliens start running at her and she wakes up Yes, and she's on her ship and then she like She's arrived at her destination.

New York New York City the abandoned ruins of New York. Yeah It's like New York now, right? What a freaking crime with all the crow this would happen This is what the city will look like if people keep hopping turnstiles of the subway This is the next step is this what you want is this what you want lives? She gets she gets off again.

We're just doing like a video game stuff where like she sends up like a flare that Explodes into a beautiful firework and lets down all these like little glowing bits. Yes. I don't know what I do I don't do anything. I thought they were lighting things up.

I also Became clear afterwards, but I thought that these little like embers or whatever when they hit the ground That's where these spirits like come up from the phantoms, right? And I thought that each one of these little sembers was a phantom and they somehow like they did something for this was all You're guessing this was all a guess as I was watching this none of that happens. No, it's just a flare It's just a flare so she's lighting up the ruins of New York and she's looking for something on her little hologram Watch the control panel on her wrist, right? The sort of thing that would appear in the corner of the screen if this were a video game which is yes, it's very nice I was saying before we started recording that I would argue that this is not like in the way that people say twin pizza return is a movie Yeah, this is not a movie correct.

Um, so she's looking around for some some life form Honestly, if they made the video game that you were talking about like the the one the spirits within spin off a video game And they had just taken this movie cut it up into cutscenes and then you just did the action portions of it much better That's now you now you got now. You're talking now. You gotta do. That's right I mean really yeah So because like just looking around in the city and then she gets into some some phantoms appear Right and as this is happening a team of robo men Just like you know halo guys.

They look like halo guys. They look like a master chiefs Yeah, bunch of freaking master chiefs. They come in they save her and they're like we have to get out of here And she's like not until I get my life form. They're like all right.

Yeah, everyone guard her These things will kill you if they touch you at all even though. We're wearing big clunky suits, right? The suits don't they just look cool. I guess yeah, it's less face you have to animate sure So they she takes them into an abandoned building and they get there's like a little sprouts a little plant growing through the Desolation of New York City.

Yeah, everyone's mad. They're like we're gonna throw doing this for weed Whatever and the line is like we're doing this for some weed bro Yeah, everyone's like yeah, she says there Ryan being right is like please don't please tell me We're not risking our lives for that little plant and Peri guilt and says I wouldn't even call it a weed and he says I wouldn't even call it a weed And we're all laughing we're all laughing. We're all having a great time. What's crazy about this is there I was watching the making of no looking for juice for talking about this yes looking for little plants in the abandoned building of this movie And there's like a storyboard of this scene and the line is um, I wouldn't call it is like that's an insult to plants That's a weed and then Neil says that's an insult to weeds better line.

Yeah, it is better line. Why they just keep that? I don't know either. It's not much better, but it's a little better.

It's slightly better. Yeah, so you know the phantom's coming they Dip out of it. They get the plant. It's close, but they get out.

Oh boy That was a close one guy close call then we get this fucking the decontamination stuff. This really goes like basically nowhere like the stuff with Gray getting infected and then yeah, so gray comes in contact with phantom and Actually if they touch you die unless it's like a little little bit yeah They can touch you a little bit and then you just become infected you don't die You know like not really the way these phantoms work is they like literally rip your spirit out your soul out of your body If they if they had said soul instead of spirit, I think it would have been more effective also That just sounds more horrifying if it your soul is being ripped up right anyway Yeah, so he gets a little bit of a phantom Infection and then they have to like put him into a containment thing and put him under some sort of a weird laser search Yeah, dr. Aki Ross dr. Ag Yaki doc ock Performs her laser surgery.

Yes, I'm gray and this is where we learn that the spirits when you try to extract them They burrow deeper into the body which doesn't make sense. Like what's only so far. Can you go? Yeah before you pop out in China?

It's like that's the thing. It's like we mean deeper. Yeah, like how Dan how far can you walk into the woods? This halfway halfway baby.

That's right after that. You're walking out Doesn't really say later as they're explaining this to like the UN or whatever It's to city council they are they're like using this as an analogy for what they what the phantoms will do if they attack them with the big Laser that James Woods wants to use you'll burrow deeper into the earth that makes sense sure because the earth is a sphere So there's like a there is a deeper there is a deeper you go to the middle. Yeah, the center Person not so not so much that they have a center, but it's so small right Anyway, he's completely fine and For some reason they you know, it's like policy that like they quarantine you until they scan you make sense, right? Sure.

I have a bunch of phantoms running loose. Yeah ruin everything ruin everything. They're like Adam Conover They ruin everything This is all happening by the way in like a city with a big force field over it Yes, obviously it has a force field to protect them from the phantom you know if I'm a phantom Yeah, we've seen them pop up from underground. I just go a little bit underground go right under the force field sure I wouldn't think twice about it.

Yeah, it'd be the first thing I would not concern myself with that force No, I would simply use my phantom power. Yeah, what am I a freaking microphone? What am I a preamp? What am I?

What am I? Dan preamp here? My freaking clown cloud lifter inline microphone preamp please spare me and the What were we saying? Yeah, so Aki Ross she's like I don't want to get scanned They're like you have to and then Donald s other one appears dr.

Sid is like actually she doesn't have to Yeah, she has clearance so that she doesn't have to get the safety scan right doesn't make sense no it doesn't only in that like oh Well, she must be hiding something and she is she got she's got the spirits within right? Oh, well good. We've solved it Do you think of this movie had come out in 1998 and said 2001 they would have called it the Phantom Menace That's a better title. Yeah They are a bit of a menace.

Yeah for this movie. Yeah So we see her talking to dr. Sid and he's like just so just a heads up I'm burning all my research because I want anyone thinking I'm a crazy ghost guy I saw what it did to Dan Accroids career and I want what it happened to me Yeah, and dr. Aki Ross Arguing with him and exposing information that we've been were needed is just like but you were the one who developed this Then the other like all the stuff we used to fight the Phantoms you gave me this chestplate So I could hold on to all of my spirits.

They should have put the chestplate in the maximum photo by the way I know they should have but I would have covered her tits damn girl. Show me that chestplate Oh, I don't know I don't know either. I don't know how I don't know how her chestplate work. You don't really even see just kind of here tap on it So weird yeah, um and Then from there we go to that meeting the city council meeting.

Yep Where they are discussing whether to bomb the hell out of the Phantoms or be nice to them and figure something else out Yeah, yeah, shocking general Hine wants to bomb the hell out of them using the Zeus cannon. Oh god Now I heard Zeus cannon. I'm like god damn it. I am so out on this What the fuck are we even talking about?

She hung on my general till I Zeus cannon Yeah, so yeah, so they basically they buy time to not use the Zeus cannon by Aki dr. Aki post Standing up her pet name The yeah, she stands up in brother council and be and be like I am infected with a spirit Therefore you don't need to Bomb them because the good dr. Sid giving this beautiful chestplate and contain the spirits within Okay, and I got right you guys. I'll give we'll give you more time to find another way to do it Dr.

Sid is very concerned that the Zeus cannon will damage the environment Yeah, cuz it's a giant fucking space laser. It is a giant space nuke Yes, this is where they also talk about like if you shoot at them They'll just keep digging deeper into the earth right got it How's all this how's all this driving for you? You want to go and rewatch and look for these little clues as to what the movies even about Dan I have a feeling that I'm never gonna rewatch this and I'm probably going to forget that I did watch this alright. Well, you know, we've got we've got more to discuss here Let's not be so quick to withhold our Heart our like button on the letter box.

Okay. There's no time. You might find yourself clicking down on that little orange heart half a star and a like Movies dog shit and I loved watching it. Yeah, yeah Okay, so We have to hear so many times that there are eight spirits and we still have to find the seventh and eight one It's like the amount of times that they say seventh and eighth spirits.

Yeah, man fucking What are we what are you talking about like it is so gamer-brained that it is like anyone would care that we have to find the seventh and eighth spirits? but like Why is it eight spirits? What like what do the spirits? What does this do?

I know they're like we have to find the seventh and eighth spirit so that they can live inside of Dr. Aki Ross dr. Akkipos dr. Akkipos and And We are sure he has six of the spirits.

Okay. What are those? What are you talking about? Why does it matter?

And like these things are loosely explained but like not in a satisfying way. I don't think not in a way that I'm like Oh, yeah, I'm along for this adventure. I want to go on this exactly because it's not like I feel like you can do this In the way where like the whole thing is so like the enemy is so daunting Yeah, it never really feels like they have the solution like this whole thing is just like closing in on them Mm-hmm. Just kind of what it seems like they're going for in like the last We'll call it act of the movie like the last or don't shunk of the movie.

Yeah, um But that's not really set up. That's just sort of something that starts happening when the barrier to the city goes down And if there was just like this more impending sense of doom then suddenly like You know us collecting these things like there's a race against time instead of just like this thing that she wants to do instead of Laser removal surgery. Yeah, you know, it just doesn't that really comes across at all. Yeah I mean like the taking clock is really just general hind with his like finger on the button, right?

You know, it's not really like we have to do this Otherwise like the earth will die or all of the spirit or all of the phantoms will attack or right instead of like him fighting to get Permission to do this it should be like you guys have 72 hours to do your thing. Otherwise we're pressing that laser because yes, you know The force fields aren't holding or whatever you need like especially like in a Such a video game movie you need to take in clock to make it less Abstract and less like we have you know, we're just sort of milling around looking for the seven Let's go to this planet. I heard there was a seven spirit there Like what we don't have time for this. It's maybe the funniest moment of the movie is where they go to Tucson Right is where they find the that's like the power pack that's a spirit.

Yeah, I think so Yeah, and they get out of their plane and they see a bird fly behind someone goes is that the spirit? And they say no It's actually it's actually it's some guys backpack is Yeah, so that is like the next well I also get what do these spirits do that are being collected Dan? They are going to be used to create a device that produces a Energy wave that cancels out the energy wave of the phantoms and that's why power is dr octopus is Chesapeake and I assume also robotic arms does So what happens to the phantoms once once that happens today? I think they're just in stasis.

Okay, I guess I don't know It's none of my business. It's really not for me to know. Yeah, look if I knew I'd be dr. Sid, right?

Sure I knew all that you'd be calling me dr. Sid So they go to Tucson and they go to the site of a horrible battle, right? And they have like basically thumpers from dune, right? He's like decoys that attract the phantoms.

Yeah, I don't know what it is. It's just like the yellow gas It's just like P. Yeah, praise out of these these things. Yeah, and the phantoms are like yeah yeah gallons and gallons of P and the At the site, right isn't someone like is a ving rams.

He's like my father was killed here. He's out here somewhere his dead body Yeah, so it's like damn that's that's motivation for this character This is a motivated character. We know he's been motivated. All right, there's one We have to collect the eight character motivation Anyway, some goes wrong.

Oh, right dr. Rock's post-star-tapping just fans in the valley and this attracts the phantoms Yeah, the phantoms start attacking them so they have to you have to get on their ship And this is again this feels like a video game kind of thing where it's like all right We have to fly oh, yeah flying level the flying level fly through like the wreckage of another ship and like yeah All of this shit to avoid the phantoms. It's very Naboo coated. Yeah.

I mean it all very the dunga You know the Yeah, there's always a bigger fish. Yes. Yes Yeah, I don't know they uh There are a couple members of their party to that are They're faceless. We never they don't take off their helmets.

They're just in their fucking things But they're like they turn right and like dr. Ocky post gets a gets infected by a phantom right and They're like we have to get her to a hospital and then two of the like soldiers there are like they pull guns on the rest of them Right it turns into this like right. Yeah, because general hein is like I want you tail you know, I want you tailing them or whatever make sure they You know if basically like if anything happens with dr. Ocky because i'm convinced she is being controlled by Uh phantoms right to kill everybody on the ship and crash the plane.

Yes um I did uh the one thing I did think was cool was when they uh kind of flew through a phantom and the phantom like grabbed onto the bad guys Yeah, yeah, that was kind of cool. Uh, I think too too Then his body just sort of collapses goes limp. Um How about the one like kind of later where someone's soul's getting pulled out and the souls like fighting the stay in the body Sure, that's pretty good too. It is pretty good.

And that's what more of that more of that I that's what I found so compelling about this as a child, you know, yeah Ripping out people's souls. Yeah, it's crazy idea It's a cookie cookie. Hey, this week too if people getting their souls ripped out of their bodies I was just thinking that mortal combat. Yeah, your soul is mine.

Yeah pretty good. Yeah, I love this continuity I wonder I wonder what it would have been like if shang song men like doc Coral versus dr. Ockypus That'd be good. Yeah, that'd be good.

That'd be good Yeah, where's that crossover? Where's the cap talk how to strangle hold on. Yeah. Yeah mortal combat versus final fantasy Again, this is as I was watching this I was like is this what the games are I thought the games had big swords I thought there was more.

I don't know what I thought I guess final fantasy was that I mean that is that is what final fantasy Yeah, it's big swords and fucking like monsters. Maybe I think there is some like dragons or the dragons Uh, I don't know if there's dragons dragons. No dragons. I think a lot of it, you know, the the game's different Like there's one final fantasy game You might remember do you remember the one that has like a knight and a little guy that looks like a like a jaw on the cover the glowing eyes Kind of like that one I think is more like medieval themed but like big sword guy I think that set I think there's like guns in that world and stuff like I think that's more contemporary again I've never really played any of these games.

Yeah, so I don't know. I've only seen this movie I've only seen this movie which has ensured me to never play Oh boy. Um, what else is happening here? Well dr octopus is the dreams keep progressing to a point where the aliens run at her and then there's like an opposing alien army running at her And then we see them all stop fighting and look at something.

What could it be? Oh no big edge run Oh no, yeah, so we find this out as she's on the Ocarating table. I'm gonna say the operating table And they're like we need someone to basically do like a spiritual blood transfusion with her. So oh my god Great you're up.

By the way, they see you also in love. Yeah, they're in love remember this scene where they Or graze guys trap her in a room with him Right, she's like going up in her little observation deck and yeah steebu shemmy like cuts the power so that they're he's like guess we're stuck up here I don't remember that but it's kind of early on and she's like, don't you see I hate you? He's like, don't you see I don't care and then she's like, but damn you in the kiss Damn you. Um anyway.

Yeah, so he goes into her dream as part of this process of healing her And he sees what she sees which is this fight and then they see the big asteroid hit and It wipes away all the life from the earth and we see a big chunk of a meteor Fly away and that meteor we learn ends up. It's it crad they think it's like a spaceship or something I guess and they Crashes into earth and that it cas it crashes in the caspian mountains Rob Oh, where are those Dan? Where are they? Yeah, oh between the black sea and the caspian sea mainly comprising our media Azerbaijan, Georgia and parts of southern Russia Okay Anyway, anyway interesting so they you know she were full recovery terrific they wake up and they're like, okay We get it now.

We uh, these aren't aliens at all. These are phantoms like we've been saying the whole time Now we mean it for real for real. Right. Um, but unfortunately As this is happening general hine has compromised the shield around the city of course And of course he has most of the movie is them It feels like most of the movie is them escaping this city And they lose the whole team in the process except for gray gray and ocky and dr.

Sid get out Yes, but yeah, they have to like there's that scene where they're driving through this city with like phantoms and like shit flying at them again Great level great level. I mean great level if you're running the gun turret on the jeep. Yeah That moment they're like, we're gonna have to drive through the building or whatever right through the station like the subway station or whatever The subway station, right. I thought that was gonna be like a much bigger sequence.

It's two seconds Through plate glass and then it's all right. We did it. All right. We did it.

Oh Ryan said Uh, yeah, we got some like some sacrifice self sacrifice very heroic. Yeah, he's like no nobody stays here behind Just give me a gun and and yeah, he's uh, he's basically impaled on like a piece of metal or whatever Um, so he's like i'm dying just fucking just get out of here Then there's a they get to the ship and then they're like about to take off and the ship is still clamped It's got it's got a boot. It's got a boot on it. So they have to uh Uh, was it Neil and jane have to go outside the ship to remove it manually There's this whole thing where uh You know, uh, well the neil has to like get under the thing to like rework some like hot wire it basically to get it to work And and then the phantoms start popping up and jane's shooting at them and then a phantom pops up right underneath Huge one a big old big this is the this is the other thing they don't all look the same They talk about this they're like there's the humanoid ones then there's the ones that are as big as a whale and they're like Tentacle they have tentacles some of them.

Yeah, they all look different and that's how they realize that the phantoms are actually phantoms Right and they're like why do they all look different? What's there's no pattern to any of this and that's because it's like a whole Planet's worth of critters. Yes that died So they uh, so the big one pops up under kneeling grabs his spirit and jane's like no and then she starts shooting it at all of them I don't know about you, but i'm crying my eyes out at this point You were so funny I love when you tell a joke and then all the characters would stand there for two seconds and then they'd start talking and moving again Not in like a it's done for a effect away. It's just they don't know how to pace this thing.

Yes Uh, so yeah, and then of course like you see like Like a big phantom with tentacles and whenever pop up behind jane and she knows she knows it's all over right so she just sort of like succumbs to being having her sold her up. She says chat and my cooked and chat says yes Yes queen. Yes queen um, so Yes gray Dr. Ockypus and dr.

Sid they all escape um dr. Sid i gotta tell you dead wait wait, I mean it's just like I am Uh, I'm bringing very little to the table at this point and you guys are dying all around me But i'm coming out clean on the other side here. It's just like scape by this guy I don't mean this in the like colloquial like anti-social way, but he's like true NPC where like you it's like you know In like a game where you shoot a character that can't die and they're just like, oh, I don't think yeah Shoot me. It's just sort of like whoa their partner at no point exactly at no point.

You're like, oh, he might die He's just sort of there man. He's always just sort of there's frail old man and you're like no He'll be fine remember when the ship crashes with him in it Yeah, he's like wow bit of a bumpy landing there. What would you like to do next and then there's a menu that pops up on the screen Um now that's something if they had a band or snatched to this and they like I choose your own adventure sort of final fantasy another cultural Phenomenon. Yeah, the band or snitch.

I it took it took me the time that you between the time that you said that and me starting to laugh to real Realize what the hell that was Sure, I assume it was it sounds like a terrigillium movie. No. Well, I mean it feels like it depending on what you choose It's as twisted as a fucking terrigillium I remember the first time going through the band or snatch I picked whatever the wrong one was and it just ended right there. I was like, oh, that was only six minutes long All right.

I guess I pick a different one from like my natural reaction is to just end this I guess How'd you know how you do that in the theater? You would it would be like if you want to see this next thing happen go to theater six If you want to see this other thing happen go to theater seven Well, you know that they did not with band or snatch but with uh, there have been other movies experiments in the theater Like choose your own adventure kind of things. They did it my way that I just came up with me. I did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah Now there was this movie I'll have to look it up, but I know christopher loid is in it and um it was like It was like too Maybe a person was like a victim of something and like you the audience You got the story and whatever and then you had to maybe choose the punishments for like these people. I want to say that's not cool No, it was that Dan. It was super cool. You don't even know but you did it.

No, I didn't um, but every Uh, everybody in theater had like a remote so you would vote on like the thing right and whoever like whatever democracy prevailed Exactly. I like my idea more Yeah, yours. I mean, there's a lot of moving parts to yours though. Yeah, if I'm a theater, I'm not I'm not screaming this movie.

You have to get up and move movie parts movie parts Um the thing with my idea being good though is that uh, mr. Payback an interactive movie. It was 30 minutes long Interesting. Yeah 30 minutes a Okay, this movie should be 30 minutes long.

It's a final fantasy. Yeah written by the same guy that wrote all of the back to the future movies Mm. That's why that's how I got Lloyd wait. Is it meckus?

No, no, uh, bob gale Oh bob gale, of course of course of gale in zemeckus. That's right. Um, so in final fantasy sure sure I guess Let's find it much like much like our heroes I just want to get the hell out of here and stop dealing with all these phantoms. Yeah general high and he has to escape too And he says like my god.

What have I done? He says? He goes full. Um, what's that talking head song?

And you may ask yourself once in a lifetime. Yeah, he goes full once in a lifetime and says my god, what have I done? And so he goes to space everyone goes to space just like let's get out of here. Let's reset Let's just cleanse.

Let's get our bearings in space. Let's get out of here general hine talks to the city council and he's like Um, unfortunately the phantoms they got stronger when they figured the shield out liar you broke it. Yeah, you're lying liar lying liar He's like guess there's nothing to do now, but uh use my beloved zoos cannon. Yeah, like the zoos can't say that I fucking love so much Like yeah, go ahead use your zoos cannon.

Yeah, cool So they're firing up the zoos cannon as they're doing this Our heroes dr. Aki Ross. Yes, dr. Gray spalding gray and Dr.

Sid they they're like all right. We're gonna go down to earth chris rock style and We're gonna. Okay. Actually.

I'm not sure what the plan is they she's the so ockies. This she's one of the spirits She's got the spirit within yeah So the plan is to go in there and just sort of like I vibe with them. Yeah, just sort of fucking Just wrap with them. What's your deal bro?

It's not clear to me. It's not clear. I don't know. Hey, but they hey bro What's your deal?

They go down in this little this little car and how's they're going the laser goes off and they go no And they they come to their shield goes down and they're surrounded by phantoms. Fuck. Fuck. We're so fucking fucking And then well spalding gray has this idea.

Okay to Touch it. She'll he'll touch her. Yeah, so they put a bunch of the spirits into the like red like the main thing Me there's like a main phantom. It's the spirit.

It's the guy a spirit of the alien world that has crash landed on earth Got it. It's like an annihilation when they go in the lighthouse Uh, yeah, I guess it I guess um the way that they little screwdriver. Um, they no one knows what you're talking about No, that's my nickname for Dan little screwdriver. Dance piece Um At one point they're explaining that the earth has its own spirit and it is gaya which heard of her God called she says what's up?

Uh fucking Now have you seen have you seen both avatar movies now? No, just the first one. All right Well, like the it's not the tree of life, but like whatever the tree of life is talking about right? Yeah, like that's kind of what this is Saying right is that like there is like an over a bigger earth spirit that everything is sort of connected to and when you die Your spirit is supposed to uh go return to mother gaya.

Yes Yes big time big time, right big time. Oh, yeah big time Yeah, and and the every world has one and every one is stuck down here and it's making new phantoms every day Right and as if you get close enough to it, you can hear the song powerhouse that goes Uh-huh, you know that song. Yeah, I think I do it's from like cartoons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, um So dr.

Hine. Let's fire that zoos cannon. He's gonna keep firing and that's the thing he keeps firing it and the zoo scanning's like no more Oh god. I'm so chafed And he's like more more more he's like I'm over the zoo scans overheating.

He's like I don't care. I love it. He keeps shooting it. Yeah.

I don't care It's a dr. Hine or general Hine Blasting that song I don't care. I shot my cat and have the guy's spirit. I don't care Hining xcx Hine connopop.

I guess that's that's bad. Uh, so yeah, they combine seven of the eight spirits because they're eight Why wouldn't you just be like why wouldn't you just do like three a nice biblical number? No eight eight eight eight and there we have six and we have to get the seventh of the eight We got seven of the eight into the gaya. Oh god spirit the eighth spirit is dr.

Aki Ross And he she's about to sacrifice herself. Yeah, and gray takes her hand so that he can be like a conduit, right? He's touching he's touching two telephone poles. Yeah, he's touching her.

He's touching grass. He's touching spirits He's touching fannoms. She she's like about to fall into a pit or something. He holds her and then he sticks his hand into The spirit killing him but luckily turning the spirits blue which is very important.

Yes, because they're blue now. They're good Now they're good. They're just like us for real. Yeah, and this solves everything and luckily So now that they're good they can return to earth's gaya.

They I think they're there. Oh, they just Yeah, because remember they're all going up. That's a very video game thing too. It's not like going up when it totally You know what I mean?

Yeah, no, I actually like glowing stuff going up. Yeah, just flying upwards Yeah, um, I like when dr said like touches one of them. He goes it's warm Touch it a little blue dots. Oh, oh shit.

It's warm. Oh shit. It's warm. This is why they like the P so much Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so warm.

Oh, this yellow P uh the As this is happening up in space general hine Blows up his damn space station because he won't stop firing the laser Yeah, he he fucks it up. The entire space station blows up very funny Always very funny when like a guy just like like the villain in a movie just like fucks himself so much But it's just like damn it. I I'm you know the arbiter of my own demise here. Damn it.

I'm the arbiter of my own demise What's wrong honey? Ah nothing. I'm just an arbiter of my own demise Damn it Try to use my zoos can destroy everything else. I don't destroy myself.

I I know I make a lot of jokey merch suggestions Damn it on the arbiter of my own demise would be a killer shirt. That is a killer sure. I would wear a dammit on the arbiter of my own demise dammit Nothing crazy literally just like plain just text. Yeah, just text damn it exclamation mark on the arbiter of my own demise So funny that's a funny thing to realize I Would literally rather be the arbiter of their own demise and go to therapy Uh, we should we should I don't know why we don't have this but we should have uh in our shared google sheet a list of t-shirt ideas You know what?

You know that's a good idea. That's a good idea. This one. I'm very serious about though I know but what was the last oh um the chicken fiendish stupidity.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yes. Okay.

That's a really good one. That's good I'm adding a Yeah t-shirt ideas Honestly, these are the seizures that I want to wear but yeah, it's fiendish stupidity dammit I mean arbiter to I think the test is gonna be If we like wait like a couple weeks and then look at this and aren't like what did that mean again? Yeah, yeah, yeah But fiendish stupidity is that's that's good. That's a couple months ago.

That's really good. Yeah That's just a t-shirt company now King represents your wardrobe dress me It's dress me Um, and that's it. That's the end of the final fantasy the spirits within robin want to thank you for Your time coming on the show. Yeah, always a pleasure catching up and talking about Final fantasy computer ladies.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Um, dan Uh, is there a sexier computer lady than dr.

Ockypus sexy or computer lady than dr. Ockypus I want the answer to be yes, but I mean I don't know I feel like uh, maybe grendel's mom in bayowulf I'm she's maybe half serpent sometimes. Uh, is that angelina jolee? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean that's angelina jolee though I feel like that kind of doesn't count because she's angelina jolee right. She's not an original creation Here's one.

I know people love this isn't this is from a video game, but um Uh, well, I guess lara croft also is angelina jolee, but uh, not who I was gonna say I know people really like the big romanian vampire woman from that one resident evil game Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because she's huge because she's really big people love that she's huge Yeah, and yeah, that really unlocked a lot of fucking stuff New perversion unlocked. Yeah, yeah I don't think it's any coincidence that that game comes out and like the wmba has seen a surge in popularity Oh, yeah, sure. What's her name lady? Oh god.

I don't know I think it's something with a d lady demitrey you that sounds right dim dim dimit Dimitrescu. I don't these are amazing lady double dps man. Let's stop. Sorry enough We don't talk like that on this show not the rest of the show Rob yeah letterbox.com slash kingney pod.

We have a rate and review this so everyone knows That we saw it and then watched it and that we had a thought and a rating half a star for me Insanely boring not really redeemed by the graphics due to the cruel passage of time. Yeah the advancement of cgi technology No, I also I gave it half a star also. I think it's uh crazy boring and uh like You know avatar is not doing the exact same thing right, but they are doing this whole like Spirits and this connection to the planet and all this stuff hippie dipi piece and love bullshit. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, which like This is like it touches on a little bit, but it's so it's so video gamey In the way that it's told and then the story itself is so it feels Uh, I don't know. You're just wrong so much like new vocabulary and exposition at it at me the entire time Right and you're like eight spirits and chess plates and yeah, and it's all sort of like trust me bro Like nothing on screen supports. Yes. That's exactly.

It's all just trust me. It's cool. Don't like Trust me. We're nailing this.

Yeah, what uh What did you say about this? Um There are eight spirits And we have collected six of the eight spirits and the seventh and eighth spirits remain at large Although we believe the seventh of the eight spirit is in tusan in a power pack That's uh And then i'll that's in quotes and i'm attributing it to my impression of this movie Yeah Yeah, it's Yeah, you just you watch this and you just feel absolutely nothing but boredom and that's that's bad Unless you are like a video game brain person, but even then because you're not playing you're not playing you're just watching a cutscene Yeah Now i'm gonna say you're probably mad that you had to watch this long boring movie. Yeah, i'm fine with it i'm not mad about it. I'm just Just very bored by it I think the meta on this is very interesting.

I think the that it happened that it took 120 years of combined labor That it was probably an environmental disaster You know as much energy as i mean There's 141,964 frames each took 90 minutes to render god dammit Um, it just so much work went into this no one liked it it lost Um, i'm gonna ask a question and I don't know if we did this did we say who plays who's the voice of dr? Aki Ross? Oh, I thought you did that's what mingle when mingle when I Who is in the street fighter which we arguably should have watched instead of this but we are watching Oh, she is your street fighter. Yes, um, but we are gonna be watching a different street fighter soon.

So that's pretty sick. Yeah Um, maybe we should watch a Mingle when movie the joy luck club, maybe How about we form our own little joy luck club you and me? We watch move on i would watch him on in a heartbeat actually i've never seen move on rob you know the song right? No, you don't know.

Let's get down to business to defeat the hans. No. Oh, it's a banger I don't you know like you know me. I'm a stinker.

I don't normally give it up for this sort of thing Right. I'll usually go for this sort of thing. I don't use this for babies great song. Um Also, any Murphy plays a little dragon lushi or mushi.

Not great. Not great. Oh, Miguel Ferrer plays a character name shan you That's cool. She's like the bad guy Probably right?

I've seen I haven't seen since I was a kid. It'd be interesting for us to do a Disney movie that's never happened That's never happened also in this be I forgot beady Wong Yeah, beady Wong. Hold on you got James hong. Yeah, pat marita harvey fire scene And donnie osmond as beady Wong singing voice.

Oh wow. Yeah, george de kai fucking Ged wadonabe lot of heavy hitters. Yeah, man Something to consider rob it would be funny. Well, not even funny.

It would be unexpected and I'm What how would we this would be like? On par with us watching puss and boots. It's like as a curveball I guess I guess so yeah, maybe this is what we do Wouldn't it be nice to watch like competent animation and or not that the animation is incompetent But like animation with like feel and flavor. Yeah, you want to just do that.

We'll do a min-nah-lin double feature We started with final fantasy, which is a bad animated movie and we will double we'll feature it with a good animated movie I like it. I like it. The logic is iron clad. All right So by the end of this week or to the lawn by the end of this week you're gonna be singing saying ming.

Yeah, y'all win Instead of ming nah-win Yeah Now all right, there's a lot to do with this actually just those two. Yeah, I feel like we're walking on Fucking eggshells here. We're walking a fine line. Oh, I'm not jeez.

I don't know I just thought I was doing a little pun on her name, but I know it's fun and I'm having fun Well now I'm getting a bra and bringing into a cold sweat. So you're probably in the episode all right So guys that's final fantasy the spirit within Keep an eye out for dammit on the orbiter of my own T-shirts that's going that's going up. I think this week if I hit the gas I'm very serious. Yeah, no, it's good.

I like it. It's good And yeah, this Friday. We're gonna be talking Mulan. So and the next Tuesday We're watching 2002's resident evil which is a bad movie, but it's fun.

I think it's a movie where a guy gets cut into cubes He does. So you're gonna want to stick around here. Hear me clap my hands for that. Yeah, think about that all the time Yeah, it's it's such a Early 2000s sort of new metal Kind of washed out in like blue.

I feel like yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is also Paul Anderson, right? Absolutely Paul Ws Anderson Paul Ws Anderson.

Yes. All right, so that's that's what we got coming up next couple episodes If you want to hear that he went out here Let's talk about as Mike Pence calls are the young miss Mulan head over to patreon.com Slash kingbypaw there'll be a link to that in the show notes $5 a month gets you access to our whole backlog or if you just want to hear us talk about as Mike Pence calls I've a young miss Mulan you just uh sign up for that trial and can't get out of dodge before it hit your bank account. Hell yeah We're for it. All right.

We'll see you Friday for as Mike Pence calls her the youngest Mulan All right. Goodbye game over game over Miss misunderstood slash underappreciated. I would say it's I think it it stands in the shadow of Mulholland Drive even though One's one's about dudes one's about chicks Therefore they should be traded separately one's about a dude who's double double dude and the other one is about a double Yeah, you know so yeah yeah um It's I also I think the thing I've really enjoyed the most is like People going to bat for the elephant man and or the straight story. Yeah, which are both so beautiful and I think really overlooked just because they are they're not like uh, they're not weird.

They're not puzzle boxes or anything You know, what do you think that means? They're not literal blue puzzle boxes with Right. No one's like do you think it was a dream? Dude think he was dreaming that he was the elephant man.

Is that big justice? I give lost my way five booms John Merrick five booms All right, this is why everything's bad, but um That's not why but it's it is it's an effect. Yeah, it's the side effect of being bad. Yeah, um, you gotta sort of follow You know trace that back.

I'm glad that we watched all of the lynch stuff this year and like really got into it. Yeah And especially the straight story which I hadn't seen Before unbelievable movie like so if like honestly when when you told me that he died That was kind of the first movie that I thought of to like watch yeah, and I was like it just You know the most human sort of like, you know, just a guy on a on a motor Yeah, the most human man to have a ride alone more seriously Uh, I know yeah, it is like uh, like the most life affirming movie. Yeah, I've ever seen yes Uh, I was I actually yeah the day he died or the day everyone found out I did put on the soundtrack I was just yeah enjoying the soundtrack and I was kind of like this really good, but also Angelou battle menti. Mm-hmm.

It's kind of got one move You listen to like I forget what it's called But like the whatever the first track is on the soundtrack on Spotify. It just it's like a remix of the Twin Peaks music It really it sounds so like melodically. It's very very similar sure Um, and so it did kind of put a damper on things for me when people were sharing the clip of him being like So there I was sitting at the piano and david lynch was like play all right. We're in a forest Play something that sounds like a lost girl in the forest and it's like well you were gonna play that no matter what But you had a couple fucking little melodies up your sleeve You can't prepare it.

You're just you're just gonna go you go lydian. Yeah, that's all now. I'm just play dude I was listening to uh, I was also doing a lynch Soundtrack kind of thing, but I was listening to the julie cruz solo album I think I think the album is called falling but that album is so good and so like You know dreamy in the way that like uh, there's that one song that's in blue velvet when um Yeah, they're at the somebody's house like house party or something and they're dancing. Um, and it's just You know lynch produced the album Right, so it's gonna have like a certain vibe and I feel like it's that album kind of encapsulates like the perfect lynch vibe It's it's got the the twin peaks, you know music, but with some lyrics to it.

It's just I don't know it feels like uh It just feels like lynch. Yeah, it is like Just you know it it's another permutation right it's all circling the same sort of like Uh, whatever spiritual truth. He's he's driving at sure in basically everything. Yeah, just yeah his extension of that I was also I listen to the rebecadile rio crying Yeah, it's just it's just so good.

I saw yeah people are like posting that or whatever and I can't I gotta be honest I scroll past it so fast. Why it's it's too heavy. It's it is heavy. It's it's often too much to hear it's Unbelievably beautiful though.

It's like It's all a cappella. It's just this woman's incredible voice She's singing a royal or something song in Spanish And I'm like I know this song and I like know the words and I don't know exactly what she's saying in this moment But like all of the emotion is there and it's just it's one of those things where you're like oh god I like music is its own language like you Like you don't have to know what anybody is like actual the words to it to like feel it. That's um Again though, that's like the david lynch project in a nutshell is like the Sorry, it's like the um, I'm trying to think how to put it You don't need the link like the it's not clear. What's like literally happening.

Yeah, it's but the emotional truth is apparent. Yeah, the entire time Yes, he is he through All of his tools using he's that he's using he fucking he extracts the emotion from you and whether you know Whether you understand that's I mean, that's like a fucking magic trick in itself like to present like These images and whatever on on the screen that feel like disjointed and disconnected and whatever But you have such a strong emotional reaction to it. Yes, like He's essentially treating people like dogs. I'm gonna say We're like, you know dogs have like a minor understanding of like they have like four feelings or so Their emotion, you know, their emotions are not as complex.

You know, so well, we know but like How a person can like sort of manipulate a dog's emotion, right? When you're like, I'm leaving the room and then there you know, the dog gets all like where you go and kind of a thing Right like just shit like that. That's what it feels like. I feel like a dog who has a strong emotional reaction to something But like I'm not sure why and I don't understand it and I'm scared now like yeah, well, I mean, I think really it's just like Yeah, it's familiar feelings presented from like an angle.

You don't recognize right away, right? And I mean, that's like that's the that's like the point of art. Yes, absolutely You are revealing something kind of simple In in like an un you know in like a new way or whatever Totally in a way that no we're not an expected way and it's sort of like but it's just amazing They're like film so much of film is like I'm presenting you this story and like even if the the overall emotional, you know, ark or whatever is Subtext usually you can like you parse it out on whatever, you know, they're like, okay Well, you know, they're not explicitly saying this but like I know that I feel this way because of this and this that's been presented in the movie Sure, which is just like It's like showing you like the color green of fish and like a pretzel and you have a emotional reaction and you're like, why? Why?

Why? Why do I what do you what like what combination have you unlocked in in people's heads to make them feel this way, you know? It's just like it feels like a magic trick It is and I feel like the The what makes him so good is his like, you know, it's that it's the same Impulse that makes him love Coca-Cola and 540 woodpecker toys is that he's just like he has like such a deep earnest appreciation for Like he's so tapped into the emotionality of like all of this stuff that like lesser minds like us would be like, oh it's consumer bullshit Sure, right. Um and he's just kind of like no it is like this This exists and succeeds for a reason and I'm not gonna pretend that like that's not in me And like if you translate that into the movies, it's the fact that like he's so um, he's such like a Deft What's the word for when you're fluency and like hollywood filming?

Yeah And so he's able to just sort of like like he again, he knows it You know the thing of like can you rotate an object in your mind or whatever? He will just present it from a different angle because he gets it on the because he's not seemingly afraid of like the Emotion like the emotional response that you have to like schlock basically right? Yeah And so he can just like play with it and manipulate it and like stretch it, you know, yeah Fuck with the the dimensions of it make Laura Dern's face look crazy kooky Just Slap it on. Yeah.

All right tidbit Once more into the breach Really love the clip of him saying let's do it again, but good That's so funny Right like just this guy who everyone's like and obviously it's true where it's like he's an incredible director He is such like respect and and tenderness for his actors, but he's also willing to be like Same exact thing, but but good good. Yes I know I Something with like Jim Belushi, uh, you know, he was talking about Twin Peaks or whatever And he was like, you know, all the words are right on the page He wants you to do that one day we were out in the desert filming something and I was I improvised and he calls cut and he says mr Belushi do you need to see the principal? Nope, I got it nevermind So so good. It's so good every every one of those stories is just the best the It's funny too because like he's recognizing that Jim Belushi's at his best when he's just doing what he's told like he's just acting and not um There was like another another Jim Belushi anecdote where he's like He's like I guess it was a stage direction to like drink a cup of coffee or something And he just sort of like, you know, pours it takes a sip starts his line and he's like no no He's like the coffee is like that is a moat like That is a big thing.

They're not just taking a sip of coffee here. Like this is the highlight of your day Right. Yeah, and it's like that is a big part of the formula and like I mean It's like telegraphed with like Dale Cooper, but like this sort of just like slow appreciation of I mean of anything everything sweeping sweeping the fucking bar the warehouse. That's I mean another very popular clip of him Is like somebody saying like uh, they're talking about the take him like oh and he's like furious Yeah, the person whoever it is says that the take is like long or something and he's like He's like doing something he's thinking about something else and he's like wait what who gives a fuck How long the scene is I am so tired of this Exacerbated Um, uh, there's one other thing I want to go with off of that.

They tell you I watched perfect days Oh, you want vendors joint. What'd you think? Unbelievable. I'm very much what we're talking about right now with this sort of just like savory life That perfect days.

I that was another one that like blew me away when I saw it was like goddamn this motherfucker gets it Yes, he does and the sort like the I was worried, you know when the sister comes to pick up his niece or whatever That it's gonna turn into a motionals. Yeah. Yes. I was like, oh no.

Oh no. Yeah. We're doing uh, we're doing paris taxes again Yeah, here comes. Yeah, and it's not it's just like a part of his life in the that's yeah that moment You know for better or worse.

He is like made some kind of peace with it. Yeah, and yeah, I love I mean I I am fascinated with the the idea of doing sort of like a menial task every day and just like being good at it You know like like the jiro dreams of sushi kind of thing where he's like I've just made sushi I do the same exact thing day in and day out and he's like striving for some sort of perfection, but it's really just like I am uh You know, I'm forging a sword here and I just keep hammering it like keep putting it in the fire and keep hammering at it You know, it's just this thing that's just ongoing forever Yeah, and that's what perfect days felt like was just like this guy who he just has this incredibly simple life And he's like I just cleaned toilets and that is good enough and clearly like that scene with his sister It implies some sort of a pass where he had like maybe more going on You know in his career or something like that Right and something else going on with like family and people or whatever and he like for whatever reason like Just decided to do the you know, just be a public toilet cleaner and that's all he wants to do And he wants to listen to music and like that's it. Yes, the uh rules same with the same with the uh There's like the rate the sort of like implication that he's an alcoholic or whatever or he doesn't drink and again I'm like, oh no is he like are we gonna get into the alcoholism? Like right which is which you're like that would be cheap And I love that the resolution to this is like he helps someone and that is that brings him back Yes, right and like the way he helps him is by tapping into this sort of like child like Sensibility where they're playing like shadow tag.

Uh-huh, right? Yeah, and that you know sort of like It calls back to the niece and it calls back to like whatever happened with his father that we don't know about where it's like There's some like there is some healing happening. It's not just that he won't yeah acknowledge whatever this Terrible thing is is like he's found a way forward and it's like right that's what yes Yeah, it's incredible like it's not just a man avoiding the problem or something like that This is like him having like kind of worked through it for the most part and like just moving on with his life and and now He's just like a hot older man. Yeah, it sounds okay.

Sounds all right Yeah, I that movie is fucking fantastic I I yeah, I shouldn't all dive into the the vendors I was watching I was actually watching a what's it called wings of wings of a wing's a desire. I started watching it That one I've seen too. That one's good. I like a Peter Falk.

Well, yeah, airplane Going on in the German guy Bruno whenever he was in the yeah, the no sratu movie that we watch yeah, yeah, yeah um Yeah, I that was I remember I remember seeing Being in film school and they had posters up and they had a poster up for wings of desire And I just I saw all of these German names and then I saw Peter Falk credited there and I was like, what is this movie? Like I don't a special appearance by Peter Falk. Yeah, it turns out Bruno Gans Bruno Gans. Yeah, yeah Um, yeah, it's really good really good so far the inspiration for that Nick Cage movie city of angels also.

Oh, yeah Yeah, uh a worse version of course But yeah, I'm just very into this uh the sort of like meditative um un Emotional or not unemotional even but even handed sort of like appraisal of of just like People's behavior it right? It's like it you know as much as I love watching movies where there's like a big emotional catharsis and whatever at the end it does feel To me more realistic more realistic in this way that like people are not explicitly talking about their emotions But all of this stuff is implied and it's like Especially with like something like perfect days where you're like this guy, you know, he's an older guy he's lived a whole damn life. Yeah, and now this is where he is and That's more I don't know. That's everybody in reality is like yeah They lived it and they're doing whatever they got to do and some people are over it and some people are not and we usually get like Usually we get the movie of the the part where he like makes the shift and just becomes a uh custodian Right now and that's like that's the the fucking catharsis is in the last moments He is just a custodian and he smiles as he looks up towards the sun or something like that, you know Not sticks both hands in a toilet.

Yeah Yeah, the yeah, I love the younger his younger co-worker too being like yeah, that guy's so funny He's so funny, but he's like that it makes so much sense He's like this young kid and he's like I don't want to do this I have bigger dreams and all this stuff and you know main guys just like that's fine You can yeah, that's totally cool. Um, you know, I really love the device of like him rating things as like a sign of immaturity Yes, right and like it's funny and weird and like he's such a bozo. He's so stupid. Um, Yeah, I don't know like just obsessed with Getting pussy and working so that he can get more pussy totally it's Yeah, um, it does kind of like weirdly I think this sort of like heightened state of him is it like I was thinking of Twin Peaks the return the scene which somebody also posted and this I did watch the whole thing because it's so funny Yeah, when there's like the Accidental shooting outside the diner and Bobby and that lady's honking her horn.

Oh, yeah Bobby goes up to the car. She's just screaming about how she's sick her uncle's in from out of town We're already late. You have to do something. Yes, and then you see her and it's like this crazy She's like dead.

Yes, like a dead person. Yes Um, and this is kind of like watching but like it does sort of It ends up like parodying the idea of that being good entertainment that like people's suffering is somehow like more compelling. Yeah um And that like if you just like really if you keep prioritizing that as like a narrative Sort of like preoccupation. Uh-huh.

You have to keep heightening until you get to that point where people are just like It's also just what being alive feels like it feels like if you see those people Everyone everyone everyone in that state you're either screaming Because of how insane and frustrating your life is or you're basically dead sure Yeah I guess final fan I wish we were talking about david lynch and vin vendors and the rest of the this episode But yeah, we have to talk about final fantasy the spirits within how about the start of the episode Is this the episode? Uh Well, maybe uh should we put this at the end of the episode? Yeah, we can do that