Finally, I Make Sense: An ADHD Diagnosis at 65 and the Little Girl Who Always Knew

Show Notes:What does it feel like to finally receive an ADHD diagnosis at 65? For writer Penny Hawes, it felt like someone had handed her a map—not an excuse, not a crutch, but a way of finally understanding the terrain she'd been navigating her whole life.Penny is the witty, warm, and deeply perceptive voice behind the Substack column Slightly Over the Hill with ADHD, and in this conversation, she and Steph explore what it means to look back at six and a half decades of life through a brand new lens.They talk about the little girls they used to be—perfectionists, people-pleasers, teacher's pets—working so hard to stay safe by being good. They talk about Groundhog Decades: the same three goals on the same list, year after year, and what it means to finally understand why. They dig into rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), emotional regulation, the ADHD brain's default toward interest over importance, and why so many of us have spent our whole lives bracing— shoulders up around our ears—without ever knowing why.This is a conversation about grief and relief, about retrospect and possibility, about the women we've become and the little girls who deserved so much more compassion along the way.In this episode:Penny shares how her daughter's curiosity about ADHD led to Penny's own diagnosis at 65—and what it felt like to finally have a name for itWhy so many Gen X women (and beyond) were completely missed by a system that only recognized "hyperactive little boys"The "groundhog decade"—the same three goals on repeat for 20 years, and why that's not a character flawRejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): what it is, why it hits so hard, and the Christmas meltdown that changed everything for StephHow an ADHD diagnosis can make you more compassionate—with your partner, your kids, and your younger selfThe ADHD brain is wired for interest, not importance—and why that reframe is everythingPerfectionism, people-pleasing, and the exhausting work of masking as a "good girl"Anxiety as a motor: how it keeps high-achieving women going while quietly running them into the groundWhy inattentive-type ADHD looks nothing like the stereotype—and how many women have spent a lifetime not knowingThe very real physical consequences of hyper-focus mode (Steph shares a recent health scare as a cautionary tale)What Penny would tell her younger self—and why it's never too late for healing, understanding, and a fresh startResources mentioned:Penny's Substack: Slightly Over the Hill with ADHD Tracy Otsuka's podcast: ADHD for Smart Ass WomenJoin The Pause Writers—a writing membership for midlife women that includes co-working, connection, writing prompts, accountability, and guest workshops. Learn more about our community at welcometothepause.com.