Fir Crazy

This week, Sam stares into the void as he shares the 2013 Hallmark movie Fir Crazy. Elise is your average high-powered business woman who hates Christmas. Not because Christmas did anything to her, but because she was forced to, gasp, work on her family's tree lot during the holiday. Of course, Elise promptly loses her job and her loser boyfriend and finds herself with no choice but to return to the lot to shill trees where a hunky man looking to buy a Christmas tree (or four) shows up in pursuit of Elise. This is when Sam begins to unravel as he is clearly not strong enough to handle the insanity of Hallmark. This handsome white man quickly reveals himself to be an absolute serial killer which Elise seems totally fine with. However, she is reluctant to commit to dating the handsome man at first, given that she's on the rebound dealing with being recently unemployed during the holiday season, which is all totally reasonable. Unless, of course, you're in a Hallmark movie, in which case that's you just being a Grinch who needs to lighten up. Sam descends into madness as the insanity well just gets deeper and deeper, and yet somehow the movie also has no plot. To compensate for the lack of plot, Danielle leads Sam down numerous cul de sacs which are all more interesting than the movie itself. The one bright spot is the villain of the movie played by Colin Mochrie, who is trying to shut down the tree lot as the new landlord of the store which the lot fronts. Why does he hate Christmas? We can't tell you that here, but we can tell you it's very stupid, as all character motivations are here. Will Elise hook up with the handsome man and learn the true meaning of Christmas? Will the grumpy businessman lean to accept the tree lot and learn the true meaning of Christmas? Does Hallmark absolutely not care about any other cultural or religious perspectives? If you think the answer to any of those questions is "no" you might be surprised by this episode. So join us for this jumbo episode which is Sam's gift to the world. You're welcome.