First time for everything

for that which people deem trite or cliché allow me to tell you this isn’t my first poem and for those who deem freely formed verse or spoken word absurd then be sure to steer around Chicago’s Green Mill permitting peaceful warriors backup band and the reciprocal space of witness I felt 13 years ago and may be yesterday’s excuse for denying my truth and so if you allow me to I want to share in earnest with you this morning’s thoughts on life because I did not get handed lemons, I bought them I drank the juice and used the flesh to do the dishes prone, as a result of taking bad advice, I have a bit of it to give here: take a walk under the clouds pretend you’re in Paris imagine the photograph at the onset of this post was made there even though I assure you it wasn’t remember why a blanketed sky proves more romantic than sun that is if you want to have a view of what you love instead of being blinded having inadvertently torn corneas I would not advise having to adapt to not having what you once had so while I reach into yesterday’s sunshine memory of which I am not complaining because my bones loved every minute of soaking in light instead of shivering to generate heat the euphoria of pedestrians moving around as Monet brushstrokes still warned me summer waits patiently so while spring taunts buy cheap flowers because expensive ones die too and you’ll have the spare change for cheese later on the extra energy to grow a garden if you so choose and own the privilege of giving flowers away so that was some of what I told my friend today when I asked if he wanted to know how I choose friends he didn’t care to find out really as so often is the case but I told him anyway: dooers and lovers are for me not because I love Sartre this decade and may not the next but because I noticed the people who are busy cooperating with life getting on with what they can do rarely dare haunt me those who come back regretting, as if they all read the same script retrospectively noticing a sincere foolhardy diligence to pursue the truth and telling it to the best of my ability saw their inverted saga for what it always was because for worse aimed at getting better I am what I am, and do as I say I’ll do unless life changes course life made sure to teach me to never fight with it so words are not nearly hot air alone, I suggest we keep our cool I used to keep records and notes, but I know I’m telling the truth so I don’t have to keep track to stay on track which is perhaps the way of grace that’s more than ok because grace bestowed her compassion many times I felt undeserving and seeking yet grace doesn’t always delight as tulips do but wedges space into closed logic loops so instead of going on again, instead of being bossy I’ll tell you what I do and see how it fits for you I donate money I don’t have to donate yet if I have some then I have some to give making less for me but others have some too and we all can make more or less out of a little resources are responsibilities we don’t have to save the world careful of those pretending to demystifying life enough made figuring out how to blend paint colours readied to create routes with greater clarity in their course an orientation less shy of the most desired direction I thought could be easy enough until I met those who love to make shade to ensure that which could grow, would rot so their roots and vision could proclaim popularity as best instead of letting all the rest feed their roots too as life cycles through seasons of rebirth and growth in digesting the consequences of creating now with more caution to not bite into lies people believe about themselves the lies perpetuating hell and that’s the tell who I make friends with or not those who are doing the work and not tipping the boat content with keeping their hands to themselves or having and extra set to hold be more than enough not feigning but overflowing contented trust maintaining and going, growing not punching holes in hulls while I’m busy bailing out water such futility knows only its own sorrows now this part I do not advise yet having jumped from those types of ships though worn out I became a good swimmer for having been so afraid of water there were docks that became doors opening to even a stranger such as me exploring where open doors lead has been terrifying yet not in the least I continue imagining a we- as some say the other is a part of ourselves already creating an orbit generating a home, which for me requires a specificity I do make demands and not leave my day up to fate or prophets for oh whatever god is what else can earth be here for but learning how to create more life from the bounty of what is given to grow. Le Lapin is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lelapin.substack.com/subscribe