Life comes with a lot of decisions, and whether you're making a choice about your career, relationships, location, or all of the above, it can be hard to know the right path before you take it. A therapist can help you map out what you really want and trust yourself with the decisions you need to get there, so you feel confident in your path and excited about the future. BetterHelp connects you with a licensed therapist online and lets you choose how you'd like to communicate with them, by chat, phone, or video call. It's similar to the professional service you'd get from an in-person therapist, but with flexible week-to-week scheduling and custom therapist matching, so you can find therapy that fits in your life.
Just go to their site and fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Let therapy be your map with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com.
Whether your dog is in their puppy, adult, or senior years, there's nothing better than more years together. And the best way to feed their happy, healthy life is with fresh, healthy food. The Farmer's Dog makes it easy to keep your best friend healthy inside and out with fresh recipes made from real meat and veggies. They're pre-portioned just for your pup and delivered right to your door.
Help your dog live a healthy life and get 50% off your first box of real fresh food at TheFarmersDog.com slash TimeTogether23. I've just sold my car. All right. I got a quote in 30 seconds from WeBuyAnyCar, drove to my local branch in 13 minutes.
And cash is getting sent to my bank. Oh, nice. Just sold my car to WeBuyAnyCar. To find out how much your car is worth in 30 seconds and see your actual offer, visit WeBuyAnyCar.com.
I've been feeding my clients. For more information, visit WeBuyAnyCar.com info. Did you ever wonder what it's like to live alone, hidden in the woods, not speaking to a single soul for 30 years? Or wander the desert, uncover a hidden well, and dive to the bottom of the deepest water hole for 2,000 miles?
The Snappers podcast takes you there with amazing stories told by the people who lived them. With an original soundscape that drops you directly into their shoes. Snappers, listen, subscribe, wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, folks.
This is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison, and every Thursday we release these special episodes where we look back at content from our earlier years. This week, we have an all-time classic. Sean Patton is one of our favorites, the hilarious Sean Patton.
This was from the very first time that he was ever on the show, and this first aired on the podcast in May of 2012. So without further ado, here is Sean Patton now with a story we call 500. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Good show!
Wow. It's just so loud when you say it right into the microphone like that. So I'd like to tell you, the first time I was ever paid money to perform comedy was in 2005, May of 2005, in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, which I'm from Louisiana. Is anyone here from Louisiana?
You never know. No? Okay. You never know.
Some of us got out. And Baton Rouge is the capital of Louisiana. It's a beautiful city. It's got the oak trees with the big, bendy branches and the moss hanging off the oak trees.
And there's lots of old bayous running through it and old men with fish and hot. Good day, sir. You know, like, even if there's no one there, good day, sir. And like, he's still, you know, he sees them.
Doesn't matter if we don't, you know, it's a lot of friendly old southern Cajun people. But in Baton Rouge is also Louisiana State University, which is full of piece of shit, white, racist college students who just want you to fuck up and fucking pussy, man. Get fucked up and party, man. And there's a comedy club.
Wait, I mean, this is an aside. LSU has the largest population of students graduating with general studies degrees. You know what a general studies degree is? I mean, I don't have a college degree, but at least I don't have a fucking general studies degree.
I feel like not having a degree is better than a fucking college degree that says I went to college. That's all a general studies degree is. I studied some shit. There it is.
Just general stuff. There's a comedy club there in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, Funny Bone, which is a chain comedy club. Just like chain restaurants. You go, you leave, you're like, huh?
I'm full now. There are some good comedians that perform there. Just like there are some good dishes at Chili's. There are.
There's some great fucking food at Chili's, but you don't really notice it because it's surrounded by shit. So Baton Rouge, Louisiana, the Funny Bone. I'm paid to host slash feature. I'm doing 15 minutes and I bring up the headliner and the headliner.
He was a real piece of shit. I'm not going to say his name, but his name is John Wesley Austin. He was a real dick to me. And his whole act was he was not from the South.
He was from like Dakota or one of them. Is it North, South? Yeah, he's from a Dakota. He was from not the South, but his act was he got on stage.
He had a cowboy hat on and he got a certain accent and he had himself a guitar and he would play a Garth Brooks song, but he would change the lyrics, make them sexual. Right. Right. That was it.
That's it. Fucking shit. But the population of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, mainly young sons of lawyers and shit who are all eight rain cells. I mean, they loved it.
They're like, oh, my God, I've seen the Messiah and he plays a guitar. He'll walk across water. He sings Garth Brooks songs and puts the word dick in there like that. They loved him and they hated me.
And it was it was fucked up because he was such an asshole to me. He would just come on stage after me and be like, well, that piece. How about that piece of shit, huh? They don't I don't hire my own openers.
That guy's dumb as shit. Anyway, I didn't know she was a transvestite. And no, didn't know it had a dick. Like that was, you know, it was shit on me and then immediately shit on art.
The dude actually said to me, nobody ever got anywhere being original. Anyway, so they hated me after after the shows, there were four of them, two nights, two each. The guy who got me the gig was like, man, it's gonna be awesome. You're gonna get paid $100.
Yes. You know, when you're a broke comedian, you're like, yes. Which, by the way, if you got me a couple nights ago, I started drinking heavily. I gave $54 away in increments to younger comics here at this festival.
Because that was that because I've been we've been doing comedy three years. Oh, man, I need to be in broke here. 15 bucks, man. Get yourself a drink and a sandwich.
It's ridiculous. I gave away $54. Did not spend it. Gave it away.
I don't have money, but I anyhow, when when I when the guy who booked me for the show was like, it's gonna be 100 bucks. I was like, fuck yeah, you know, $100. So I got there. I mean, they gave me 100 bucks.
And that's the thing. Before the weekend started, the owner was like, yeah, drinks, you know, your drinks are on the house. But after he said that, he would make you would just give me a drink and then charge me for it. It was kind of his way of saying, like, I fucking hate you.
I'm sitting there after the shows by myself, pounded in a beer, just trying to wash the memory of the past 48 hours of my life away. And this woman, older woman, comes up to me. She's very, very attractive, but definitely a little older. Comes up and she's like, hi, hey, I thought you were funny, funny.
I was like, oh, thank you. And then she kind of gave me like a look and then walked away and came back eight minutes, maybe nine tops, completely shit faced. I do not know what happened. Just she comes back.
I'm still on the same beer. Hey, Mr. Mr. Buster Brown.
I said to you that I thought you were funny, funny. I was like, yeah, thank you. Thank you. Thank you again.
You didn't tell me I was beautiful. Oh, I'm sorry. Forgive me. You're beautiful, beautiful.
Said it twice like she did, you know, bam. Now cut forward to us in the parking lot, walking out to our car. She's like, let's go get high. It's like, yeah, fucking right.
Where's your car? I don't have a car. I got dropped off here. We got to take your car.
Now, immediately my brain's like, no, no. So what I said was, okay, let's do it. Hop on in. Now that was a very wealthy Southern neighborhood.
We get to her neighborhood and it's like a gated subdivision. You have to punch a code into it. Like a little panel and make the gate open. And we get there and she's like 4916 That's all for this week's classic Risk Singles episode.
Now, don't miss out on our regular full-length episodes. There's a brand new one every Tuesday. And everything you might want to know about us is at risk-show.com. Hi, I'm John Meacham, the host of Cadence 13's new podcast, Fate of Fact, on how America and its political parties got to where we are today.
Available now on Odyssey, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts.