Force: The New Trauma Response

This one is personal to me, but perhaps it’s also a universal response to the vagaries of life. I love how we keep excavating more of what makes humans tick. We used to say fight or flight. Then we added freeze. Later we began discussing fawning, people pleasing, as a new trauma response.Well I think we need to add force to the list. First, let me define my term. In this case, I mean when we push, cajole, demand, stay up all night and attempt to overpower a situation in order to get the desired result. When the s**t is hitting the fan due to previous inaction.This behavior can come up for multiple reasons. Consider someone who, under accumulated stress, freezes. He does nothing. He tends to avoid problems until they accrue. When the bills and deadlines come due, he springs into action. He forces outcomes and pushes others to comply in order to evade the undesirable natural consequences of his freezing, his typical trauma response. So his forcing is needed and in response to his freezing. I wonder if we might just force things as a direct reaction to stressful situations. Others among us have learned how to force from family members. Whatever its genesis, forcing creates its own problems.We aren’t at our best when we force. Others feel the strain. We can push so hard that we begin another cycle of burnout where we want to go freeze again. Our work is rushed and the results are usually poorer. Sometimes we must force things. But only because we are usually reacting to the last mess we’ve made responding to the trials of life.I’m looking at my life with the intention of seeing where I have forced things and how that may have limited my results. How it may have pushed people away or blocked opportunities. But deeper, I wonder if forcing things shrouds our authentic self: our art, our true feelings, our talents.Forcing is done in response to fear. Sometimes fear is a good guide, but its effects are hard to shake off. We can be consumed by fear if we are not careful to notice where and when it overstays its welcome. Noticing the urge to force outcomes might be a good litmus test, indicating we are once again under the spell of fear. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit greenmang.substack.com/subscribe