Hello, patrons. Are you there? Can you hear me? Oh, God. I don't want to hear the phrase, can you hear me ever again? Just another day of us remembering that despite having a podcast in the top 1%, we don't know fucking anything about recording. Which means that if anything does not work the way it's supposed to, we're really like, huh. I don't know what to do about that. Because I swear. No, Samantha, no. This has already been. I know you don't care, listeners, as you shouldn't, because it's boring, but it's been such a struggle. I plugged it, but now I can't get. Oh, God. Into my chair.
But we're doing this because you gave us money and we appreciate your support. And so we're like, no, we have to. We have to do this. Because honestly, otherwise we would have been like, fuck it, I quit forever. I hate this. It's so annoying. Okay. And also, to show you how much effort we put into these Patreon episodes, it might be slightly more than you think. Because I really was like, you know, I do a little viewing to try to find good content for us to talk about. Supposedly Unsolved Mysteries Adjacent. And I had originally wanted to watch a little show called Baywatch Nights.
which you probably don't remember but in the mid 90s Baywatch was so fucking popular particularly like I mean in the US but also like internationally because guess what there's like nothing to translate it's just like sexy people on the beach did very well nothing was lost in translation on that show so they were like okay how can we make even more money off of this and they decided to do a spinoff where David Hasselhoff's same character he wasn't lifeguarding by day he was a private eye by night when did the man sleep no one knows So it was a it was a very like almost like late 70s, early 80s format show that was just like fast cars, beautiful women, explosions, you know, like very little plot. And it seems like every episode ends with him and his friend, who I think is also from Baywatch, but I don't really remember the characters of Baywatch. Like them like in a bar listening to live music, drinking coffee, you know, it's just like the most formulaic.
anyway so i watched the first episode of that and so it's like okay right and i watched the second episode of that which is fucking hilarious i really recommend going and finding that on youtube because the crime is like a team of rollerblading almost like ninjas that are that are like that they're trained to to like steal from this mint i don't know why you needed like eight people on rollerblades to do it but that's the way that they're on rollerblades when they're doing their crimes yeah yeah they're like it's like a coordinated rollerblading effort and they are trained by um Elaine's boss from Seinfeld, Jay Peterson. So that's extra hilarious. But...
okay but like you can't see them rollerblading around and that show is just like stalling like it's just finding moments they can put in a commercial and then like stalling in between those moments like nothing happens for a lot of it and what i actually really wanted to talk about was when in the second season they kind of rebooted the food of the show and they made it paranormal to like kind of compete with the x-files or like steal some juice from the x-files i guess you might say and so i was like okay well the first episode was like that would have maybe made sense to talk about it doesn't kind of make sense to talk about the second episode and also like i can't show you the rollerblading on a podcast so that doesn't really work so i was like okay well i actually really wanted to talk about the second season when it's paranormal so i watched that episode and it's it's he has to like go into a ship that's like half flooded that's like stranded somewhere and it's just like there is a monster in the water on the ship and like that's it like it's just stalling and half of it is just angie harman like screaming over a walkie-talkie because she's like on the boat like being like can you hear me can you come in are you there it's just that over and over again
while you see like blurry shots of someone in like a lake monster-ish creature of the black lagoon costume like fucking nothing and then at the very end they like save some children it's like it is the fucking cheapest laziest bullshit which is hilarious but also there's like nothing to talk about right i was like we cannot stretch this to it unfortunately i was like very jazzed to do it and it's like we cannot get an entire patreon episode out of this is like five minutes of going wow this is bullshit like that's it And then I found this very weird episode of SVU where a rape happens at like a preppy sort of East Coast fraternity, like boys club type fraternity. I don't know if there's like a different word for that, but anyway. And then they have Jason Biggs, who used to be a member of that fraternity, like go undercover to figure out like what's up. And within five minutes, I'm not exaggerating, of him going to the fraternity, they decide to confess to the rape in song. Yes, you sent me that song. And it's kind of long and it's like very specific.
And that's so weird. But I was just like, I don't know how much we should be joking about this rape confession. As weird as it fucking is. I was like, I don't, this is kind of inappropriate. I also think like, again, we can't play that and show you. So it does lose a little bit of its hilarity and it ends up just being us talking about something that's inappropriate. It's so weird. It's, I don't, I don't remember the name of the episode. It's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. Just, and then like the like crew, the like investigators are back at base or whatever, watching the video. So it pans back and forth between these college guys.
holding hands and singing about literally hands and being like we are rapists this is how we commit rape la la la and then very serious spaces of these investigators watching in silence being like oh my god and i was like wow that's super incriminating i did not know that rapists got together and saying about their crimes but i'm glad they do because it makes them easier to prosecute so anyway we don't we're not gonna talk about that also and then i realized oh man i recently watched a truly terrible movie on tubi that is what we're gonna talk about because i'm gonna try much like my investigation of the snowman I feel like I am now the world's foremost expert on the movie from 2002, Fear.com. I don't think anyone has put as much effort into trying to understand what the fuck happens in this movie as I have. This is a deja vu situation that reminds me a lot of Snowman because I watched this. One, couldn't see a goddamn thing. I'm not sure entirely what happened in this because I can't really see anything. Also, very confused. No clue. Do the people who wrote the show know how the internet works? I mean, it was 2002, so I'm going to say no.
i bet they i mean i think i mean they would have written it even before that i don't even think they really know how a computer works much less the internet i'm not sure they know which button turns the computer on you know like this movie is written by someone who does not know how to open a pdf maybe you work with such a person i don't understand that problem because i am like not very text heavy and i can open a pdf you just open it so i'm not really i'm kind of confused by that whole thing but anyway Uh, since I don't know how to record, I'm like, how are other people struggling even more than me? And one of those people wrote the script to fear.com. Um, I'm glad you said that it makes. Okay. So I watched it.
The first time I watched it, I was not sober. So on re-watching it, I was like, oh, this kind of makes sense. But no, it doesn't, right? It's because I've watched it twice and stopped to take notes. Okay, that's great. If I didn't have your notes in front of me, I probably would not even be able to explain what this movie is about. Okay, and I took fucking six pages of notes and it's because I love our listeners, all right? And I just want you to know that I love you and I care about you and I want you to thrive and I want you to live your best life. And part of you living your best life is listening to me describe the movie, fear.com. Or as we've been calling it, fear.com.org.gov.uk. Yeah.
Because you have to, because it's so, even from the title. Even from the title, you're like, wow, that is the stupidest movie I've ever heard of. Though, I do vaguely remember when this came out and Mac was like, you know, if we had known this was this stupid, which we should have known just from the title, but I guess it didn't sound quite as stupid at the time. I was like, if I had known it was this stupid, I would have been at the theater opening night, you bitch. I would have been like, I would have gotten together, you know, 30 of my least close friends and been like, we all need to go see fear.com people because this is, what's interesting is that usually a truly bad beloved movie is a movie that is made by someone who thinks it's going to be good, but they are delusional. And so that is a movie like,
Ed Wood making Plan 9 from Outer Space or The Room, a more recent one, where it's just like, oh, that person is nuts. And they made this thing and they just don't realize how bad it is. And now we can all laugh at them. If you've never seen the movie Rock and Roll Nightmare, great example of just a like, what? Who thought this was a good idea movie, right? This movie.
I don't think anybody thought it was good. It's really fucking lazy, but it's so lazy that it's funny. Like, cause so little effort went into anything other than the visual. Like the script is just so bad. And if AI existed at this time, I would have been like, well, a generator just wrote this because it makes no sense. Yeah. This movie costs $40 million to make Samantha. I almost thought you were going to say this movie costs $40 to make. I mean, who's to say 40, 40 million, $40 million was spent to make this great money.
it made 18 million embezzling going on like how did this cost that much money i mean i think a lot of movies not like you know not like small passion project but lots of big i think really do exist mostly for money laundering so they used one light yeah the electricity was not most of the budget we'll say that this is supposedly takes place in new york i had no idea that new york did not have electricity i'm so sorry i'm so sorry y'all live in the dark stations in new york are lit by one light bulb and everybody is in cast and shadow Yeah. Yeah, I know. I didn't know that. I thought most government municipal buildings had, like, the worst, brightest, fluorescent, buzzy lighting you've ever seen that hurts your eyeballs. That's what I thought. But I was wrong. You actually cannot see. Yeah, you should bring a flashlight if you go to a hospital, a police station, probably a library. Like, literally any building in New York, it is dark. It is, like, raining inside sometimes. Any light is, like, blue, probably.
the medical examiner's office you think you would need some lighting to do that job no just like one you know when you like get your first apartment and you don't have any money so you get a lamp but it's ugly so you like put a like silk scarf over it to try to like make it look cuter that's what they're using in the medical examiner's office that's what they're using at the morgue so that's very important so weird it's like maybe turn on the overheads and they're like nah we want vibes we don't want to see like organs that stuff's gross no this is like your living room no big lights allowed Yeah, just cozy, kind of creepy vibes is what we're into. I have no idea what the thing's cinema score is, but apparently this film is one of only 22 movies to receive an F from audiences polled by cinema score.
What were the other ones? Do you know? I don't know. That was just a little factoid on Wikipedia. Also, proof that this movie is truly bad. Truly bad. Though I have to say the plot summary on Wikipedia from my own research, not totally accurate. So I feel like I might have to become a Wikipedia editor just to update the plot summary on fear.com because I was reading through it for my notes and I was like, well, that's not what happens. Okay, anyway. So we open with a scared man entering a weirdly deserted subway station. There is no explanation for this ever, by the way.
There are no people at the subway station in fucking New York. There's no employees. And I guess, as we've established, there's very few lights on. And also it seems to be raining indoors. It's like very drippy and wet. I had no idea that no one in New York used the subway. I thought that was like very busy and crowded and a very like essential part of public transportation. But apparently it's like pretty much abandoned. No, you're wrong. I was wrong. I'm sorry. So this guy, he seems kind of freaked out, which I would be too, because I'd be like, why did I enter an abandoned subway station? I should probably go to one. I don't even know how I got in here. I should go to one where the subway still comes, you know?
like oops i shouldn't have entered this entrance i need to go to the like actual fucking subway station but he sees like a plain white ball just like bounce along and then it's the only thing that's like not dark and blue and wet in the whole the whole movie it actually seems to have light like it's an orb it's very luminous yeah it bounces along and then we see a little white girl who's i don't know maybe nine maybe eight something like that a little girl she's white she's wearing all white and she's also wearing the world's wiggiest wig like The phrase wiggy is to wig. I mean, it is. It is a party city ass wig. Like where did the 40 million, the $40 million was put on this movie. None of it went to wigs. One cent went to wigs because no one in a dumpster. Maybe zero cents went to wigs. No one on earth thinks that that's real. It's not only is it like bright white on a little child, but it is just like, it's a wig. You just go, Oh, a wig before you even see a girl, you just see like a wig. Okay. So once again, there's nothing around. She's like playing with the white ball. The white ball goes onto the subway tracks.
I think maybe she's playing with it down on the subway tracks. Whatever. Again, there's not a single person around. It's hard to tell where she is. That's true because also guess what? She's a ghost. She's not like a real girl. So anyway, she's playing down on the subway tracks as you do. And this man is literally the only person in the entire fucking subway. So he's like, oh no, that girl's going to get hit by the train. And so he just starts screaming no for like forever. And then he climbs down from the platform onto the tracks. And I don't know if you've ever ridden a subway, but there's like.
It's like pretty high. They don't want you to do that. Not at this subway, though. Not at the abandoned subway. It's like super close together. Very easy. So he can step right out of the tracks. Yeah. So he steps down to the tracks. And I go, huh, that seems like a safety problem. But then again, they don't care at the abandoned rain subway. Because he's going to try to save the little girl. Except that the train isn't coming. He's going to get hit. And instead of just like, I don't know, moving to the side.
where there is clearly room he starts just running down the tracks i don't know if i mentioned that he lost his glasses but obviously he did like immediately so now he's just like running down the subway tracks the train's coming you don't see the little girl he he then figures out oh why there's all this room to the side i can just like just literally step to the right okay so he does he's against the wall but then at the last second he's like no and he full-on flings himself in front of the train and you as the viewer go did he see the little like why did he do that Dunno. It seems like he made a last second decision to run across the tracks and try and get off of them, but it seems like he had plenty of room where he was hiding, so I don't understand this at all. That's a very generous interpretation, Samantha, because I think it makes zero sense and there's no reason. I think they were like, but we need him to get hit by the train, so it's like, ah! Okay, so he's hit by the train, and in the flicker of the train car is moving that fast, you see the little girl, right?
and she's like happy but sometimes also for a brief second she's a grown woman because guess what that wasn't a little girl as i already told you it was a ghost which is like super obvious that that would be a ghost right oh so creepy okay so now we cut to an alarm clock going off at 6 49 a.m There's no significance to that. I just thought it was really specific. 649. That's when this woman wakes up. So we see a woman. This is kind of our main character. She is waking up in a gigantic bed. And she finds that her cat, Benny, has left a dead mouse in her slippers. Because everything in this movie is gross. The way this is shot, I thought she rolled over in bed and screamed at the sight of her cat. Yeah, it does. And I was like, why is she afraid of her own cat?
But turns out she'd seen a mouse in her slipper. It just was not shot in a way that made much sense. The editing on this movie is particularly bad for stuff like that. And I did read somewhere that this originally had an NC-17 rating and they cut a lot of stuff out. That would not explain this cat part. But I do think in some cases it's like, this makes no sense because they edited something out. They edited out some boobs or something? Yeah, but I think it was mostly just like the weird shots of, we'll get to it, there's like little torture vignettes. I assume that's mostly what they had to edit out. True, because there are boobs in this. Yeah. So they weren't editing out boobs.
Maybe there were even more boobs. There's a limit on how many boobs you can have in a rated R movie? Yeah, maybe. I mean, if Showgirls is any example, then yes. One too many boobs in here, you guys. Can only shoot the right boob.
Personally, I feel like we should be able to make NC-17 movies. I feel like there's nothing wrong with stuff that is just for adults and children shouldn't see. Like, that seems perfectly fine to me. But theaters will not show NC-17 movies, so distributors don't want that. You know, whatever. Anyway, so I feel like Benny, the cat, is the real star of this movie. Because first of all, the cute cat is one of those smushed face cats. And also, I have no complaints about Benny's performance. Benny is completely realistic as a cat. Benny's performance was 10 out of 10.
yeah okay so now we go back to the subway station and the cops are investigating that man's death and finally people actually enter the subway station um we now meet our second main character his name is literally mike i don't know why that bugs me it's just his name is detective mike okay detective does he have a last name i think it's riley but it doesn't come up very often so i just like i just wrote detective mike in my notes and i said he's as bland as his name okay so he looks at the dead man's body and the dead body the mouth is open in like a super exaggerated o like almost like a scream mask like In a way that I do not think a corpse could hold that. I'm not an expert. You could go slack, I would think. That's what I would think, too. That, like, you need jaw muscles to hold your mouth open like you're screaming. And that even with rigor mortis or whatever, I just don't think a dead person's face could be like, oh, in death. But I'm not an expert. That's just me assuming. And so Detective Mike says, what did this guy see to leave an expression like that? And then someone tells him that he didn't die by electrocution.
Okay. And that he got hit by a train. Yeah. I was like, I didn't think he did. So thank you guys. This guy didn't die by snake bite. It's just me on the scene. Just telling people the complete obvious. I don't think he was mauled by a dog.
Yeah. Yeah. He didn't fall from a great height. I'm going to just drive around looking for police tape and then show up at crime scenes and just like yell like, it wasn't a snake bite. And that's me being an expert, apparently. And also someone tells him that his eyes were bleeding before he got hit. And I was like, how do they know that? But also they were. Did we see that? I've watched this movie fucking twice now and I don't remember that. OK, so that seems like a plot hole. But this dead body is holding a book that's called The Secret Soul of the Internet.
Sounds like a great read. Which causes Detective Mike to say that this guy must have been into computers. Which is the most... I guess it's 2002. But just the idea that if a guy reads anything about the internet, he's into computers. Okay. And that this dead guy...
is a is one of the authors of the book he wrote it with someone else and i was like so this movie is acting like if you write a book you just have that on your person at all times i probably would yeah yeah like when you find my dead body it's gonna have a ton of my zines but just like just like clutched in your hand well you know that thing i don't know this is really a thing anymore but they used to show it in cartoons where like a guy would come up at the park and would like open the side of his coat and have a bunch of like counterfeit watches in it but like i'm gonna do this is actually a great idea i'm gonna do that to the lining of my coat so it just is pockets for zines which now i'm like i'm fucking doing this i'm gonna walk around zine fest and be like zine Want a zine? That would be so good. So that when I'm killed, people can be like, oh shit, she wrote these zines. It must be connected to her murder. So helpful. What would people say you were into if they only saw a coat lining full of your zines? Yeah, they'd just be like, this bitch was a freak and she had what's going on. Okay, so.
Yeah, because when you die, you are holding your own book. That makes sense. So now we see a man who's surrounded by creepy drawings on notebook paper. I don't know. Maybe buy some like not lined paper for your creepy drawings. But that's just a little just like a tip for me. And he's browsing a website that has a very like steampunk vibe and is very silly looking. And there's a button to subscribe to a live show. And when you hit the button, a bunch of knives appear on screen. Oh, no, not knives. I just wrote scary. It shows a couple hundred subscribers, which I think we're supposed to think is a lot.
uh okay and the creepy guy goes now all we need is a leading lady it's like cartoonish villainish it's so great okay so now back to the detective mike he's working and as samantha mentioned a nearly pitch black police station good luck seeing what is happening in here you're trying to write your reports and you're just yeah you're just like can we please get another light they need those like helmets miners wear with the lights on them so that he can actually fucking see because when people hand him something to sign he's like he's gonna be like what even is this am i giving you power of attorney or is this like related to my job um So yeah, his co-worker, he's like sitting at a desk looking at some papers, which he obviously cannot read because it's too dark. And his co-worker comes up and is like, you can stop working on that case. The feds are covering it now, which is how police officers talk. And we learned that Detective Mike has been getting letters from someone who calls himself as a doctor. We probably should have learned more about that at this point. That would have been really helpful. But instead. No, they're just going to spring it on you later with basically no context. Yes, exactly. So now we're interrupted by like a punk kid who's brought into the police station screaming in German. And Detective Mike says to put him in a holding cell. I'm not really clear what his crime is. I guess just like.
Disorderly. Being a punk. Being just a punk kid. He's thrashing around. He's also bleeding from the eyes, which supposedly- They should get him medical attention, not throw him in a cell or an interrogation room. Ugh, you hopeless lib. You're right. The woke mind virus got to you too. Just because a guy is screaming, like doesn't speak English, right? Screaming and bleeding from the eyes. He's probably like, oh my God, get me to a doctor. My eyes are bleeding. And of course the American response is, put that guy in a cell.
Okay, so anyway, Detective Mike does say, we need to get a hold of the Department of Health and see if there's something going around that makes people's eyes bleed because this is gross. All right. So he goes, okay, that German kid is called Dieter, by the way, because that's the only German name anyone knows. It had to be Dieter or Hans. Those were the only options and they picked Dieter. So he goes with his coworker guy who told him to like not work. That guy's name is Sykes. He comes up very little in the movie. But anyway, so they go to this German kid's apartment and it's trash. And of course, no lights are on whatsoever. And of course, it's like basically raining inside.
and Dieter was making artwork that's inspired by like computer circuitry it's not important okay but they go into the bathroom and there's a dead woman's body in the bathtub um and then the woman that we saw wake up earlier that you're like why did why did we even see that woman she like appears from the shadows of the bathroom I don't know who told her to go to this crime scene or what but this is Terry and she's a researcher from the department of health and she's wearing glasses because she's smart there are not that many characters in this movie but every woman in this movie is white blonde has kind of a long angular face and like I don't know five percent body fat so it's kind of hard to tell Yes, it is. They also sort of all wear the same facial expression. It looks like vaguely frightened. Yes. And sometimes they wear glasses and sometimes they don't. So that's helpful. And also they style their hair different ways. And also they are not lit, right? They are in the darkness. They're very different. One has a ponytail. One has her hair down. Sometimes.
True, true. It's not always in a ponytail. It's always funny to me when you can kind of see, I'm assuming most casting directors are straight men, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like you can kind of see from a movie a casting director's preference in women, like what kind of women they find attractive, and clearly this casting director has a type, and it means that the movie is harder to understand. you're like wait is this the medical examiner or is this the woman from the health department exactly exactly okay so um yeah so this woman is from the department of health and um the woman who's dead in the bathtub who is also german she's the german exchange student's um girlfriend she's dead in the bathtub but her eyes were bleeding so tell me why this stupid officer decides to like caress her face i don't know also he's he's been like openly worried that there's something that's causing eye bleeding and he's like here let me just touch her blood let me just touch stuff without wearing he's not wearing gloves no he's not wearing a mask into this water This guy gently moves her face to look at him. He was seconds away from drinking that bath water when Terry walked in and was like, I don't know, she starts saying science stuff. So she's there to see if this is a virus similar to Ebola. I guess they already know it's not Ebola somehow, but maybe it could be something like that. Spoiler, it's not. You already know. It has to do with ghosts. Terry also finds a small camcorder under the bathtub because it's a clothed bathtub. Okay, the scene though where he turns around and she's like, do you have a bag? And he goes, that's evidence. And she's like, yeah. That's why I asked you for a bag, dumbass.
That's evidence. Yeah. No shit, you moron. Is this your first crime scene you've ever been to? Why is she there at all? Why isn't she at the morgue looking at, I don't know. They didn't know there was going to be a dead body at this apartment when they went to it. There just was. It was a good thing she was there because she stopped him from having himself Ebola, maybe. She also is the only person that found any useful evidence and she's not a cop.
it's it's fucking wild so they go back to the very dark police station the german exchange student has written murderer 48 in blood in his cell as you do because people love wrench in blood so creepy so great he's now dead obviously because he was bleeding from the eyeballs so guys in hazmat suits show up and might just let him bleed out of his eyeballs yeah it's gonna be kind of an international incident with germany but we don't get into that like they're gonna be really fucking pissed we just let a kid that was here to study bleed to death in a cell but Whatever. Mike sees the guys in hazmat suits and is like, should we be wearing those? And Terry's like, yeah, we're probably already infected. There's no point in even trying because that's how diseases work. And also like, yeah, Mike, why are you worrying about this now after you were ready to drink bath water? Why would she be infected? She didn't touch anything. I mean, I guess she went in the apartment.
We don't know. But actually, five seconds after we see the guys in hazmat suits, she's handed test results and she just goes, oh, it's not a virus. Because apparently they could test for literally everything in like five seconds. Yeah, that's how that works. Okay, that's fine. We didn't have that during COVID. Yeah, I know. This is very, very pre-COVID project. It's interesting how we may have changed our approach to some things. Anyway, so now Terry and Mike are driving and she's like talking about bugs and shit and he's creeped out and she's like, oh. She literally asks him if he likes bugs. This is the most middle school conversation. Yeah, it really is. Because she's like.
I don't know how you do your hunky job of being a police officer. And he's like, I don't know how you. I'm just a nerd. Do you like bugs? I don't know how you deal with creepy diseases. And she's like, well, we're both trying to do the same thing because otherwise we'll just get out of control. And then, yeah, she's like, do you like bugs? And he's like, no, they're gross. And she's like, you literally sleep with bugs. This is how I make small talk, by the way. I mean, it is. It honestly is. This is how I met Samantha. Can I tell you a fact about maggots? This is how I met Samantha. She came up to me and she was like, do you like bugs? But she said in like this weird flirty way. And I was like, not really, but let's hang out.
So she like explains to him what dust mites are. And this guy's so fucking stupid. He doesn't know that. He's real dumb. He's real dumb. I think this is supposed to be flirty, but it's just very weird. So now we see that creepy guy from earlier approach a woman that's working at a theater box office. He was like sitting in a car, just filming her. Cause obviously he's creep. And so he comes up and he's like, Oh, sorry to like, you know, be filming you. That's probably really creepy, but you just happen to be perfect for this project I'm working on. Why don't you come by the theater tonight and audition? And you know, actresses so desperate.
no one no no way she would just go like well no this guy's obviously this guy's a fucking creep yeah if he doesn't murder me he's at least gonna try to take pictures of my feet so no thanks okay so i find this hard to believe that maybe this is just me stereotyping but that a new yorker would experience this and not just punch this guy in the face yeah or just be like just go like get the fuck out of my face asshole like at the very least just i don't know i'll be like uh can i talk to the next customer please this guy's apparently not buying a ticket he's wasting everyone's but of course there's like no one in this weird wet version of new york so there's like no other people on the street there's no one else waiting for like Yeah, this is a very empty New York City. I'm going to let you in on an insider tip. New York is crowded. There's a lot of people there. It's a very busy place. You may not be aware. So that's just like a little insider information from those of us in the know.
And I find it hard to believe that this woman is, I don't know, at a theater in New York, a very popular thing. No one else around. No one else around. No one is interested in Broadway or any of that shit. So anyway, she's just like, oh yeah. Okay, here's my number one complaint with this movie, or maybe number two, is that Terry works for the Department of Health. She finds out that this is not connected to a virus. She goes back to work, right? She has other shit to do with the Department of Health? No. She just sticks around and now tries to help solve murders. Why? Does this woman not have enough work to do?
Or her boss is at the Department of Health like, why are you hanging out at the police station all day? We need you back here. She seems like an important person. No, she's bored. There's no other diseases. They got this one solved. They're good. They're good. She's like, well, I better just help Mike because I want to bone him. Okay. She just doesn't leave. So they decide they're going to watch the camcorder footage together, which also seems like maybe a chain of custody. Can you just like let anyone watch evidence? It's okay. Whatever. It's the German exchange student and the dead girlfriend and they're dating. So you see like footage of them at the park. There's them having sex. There's them looking at something shocking on a computer. And after that happens, the German guy starts acting crazy and he's like screaming all the time in German.
okay so now we see that actress lady show up for her audition and even though she shows up at a theater that is fucking dilapidated like abandoned boarded up completely dark again completely dark one swinging fucking light bulb which what knocks the light bulb why is it swinging just for creeps so she's keeps walking it she keeps walking into the theater going hello hello instead of being like oh i will get murdered here uh or just like huh i must have the wrong address like even if she's the most naive person on earth who who went to new york two days ago from i don't know where made up land she would go oh that guy was fucking with me or like oh it must be across the street but no she keeps walking into this abandoned building wandering into this horror movie set it is it is so yeah it's just like generic horror set and she's just like oh i think i'm gonna go try out for this part whatever in a way not the victim blame a fake victim but she just kind of deserves it right she's real dumb she is no of course not but it's also just like oh you're it's one of those things where you're screaming at the thing like oh my god do not do that anything you do don't do that uh anyway so when she gets to the stage because she walks that far through the theater she's immediately chloroformed why horrible like fake rammstein music plays and a bunch of light bulbs go off it's all
so then terry goes back to her office to let her boss know it's not a virus after all and you would think he would be like great now you can get back to work but no he's like too busy looking out the window he appears sick and he also says that his computer is broken and being repaired so i guess that's why he has so much time to just like look out the window i don't know whatever so now we see that guy at an industrial plant if you know why get in touch because i have no idea he's just like standing outside smoking at an industrial plant it seems like he's there to meet someone but we never learn anything about that i kind of wonder if this relates to a location later in the movie but that's not established either so anyway he's just there smoking hanging out when he sees a little girl in all white no and that for some reason i guess maybe because he's like why is this child who's wearing a halloween party city wig here he gets shaken he goes back to his car his nose starts bleeding you would think it would be his eyes but no so then the little girl looks through his car window and he drops his cigarette in fright which causes him to light his pants on fire
As you do. He's wearing very flammable pants, Liz. They're so flammable. And also all the like cigarettes that are in his ashtray all start burning also. Not, I don't know why. You should have washed my clothes with gasoline. Let this be a lesson to you kids. Wash clothes with water, not petrol.
um so yeah now his pants are burning he tries to get out of the car but i know it's because it's just like liar liar pants on fire it's so hard i like yes it would be terrible if your pants were literally on fire but it's like so silly sounding but it's hard to take seriously and also he's trying he's trying to get out of the car but it's you know whatever ghost locked so he can't get out and then the car just like immediately accelerates into a brick wall and then he of course has to fly out the windshield because he didn't have his um I don't know. I guess when your pants are on fire, you don't put your seatbelt on. Maybe it's true. Rob Lowe's kids would have that excuse if their pants were on fire. Yeah. Well, they'd be talking it weirdly under one arm. I love how that is your most hated thing. The fucking Rob Lowe's children can't wear their seatbelts right. It's true, though. It's true. If you are in the mood to watch a really terrible Rob Lowe movie, we're not going to do an episode about it because there's just not enough to talk about. There's something on TV called Outrage that was an ABC movie from...
the like 98 or something like that but it's about Rob like kids are terrorizing Rob Lowe so then he like goes crazy but for some reason yeah except that I think you're supposed to relate to him he's just angry literally screaming every line the whole movie and I'm like there's literally no one on this earth that I relate to less than Rob Lowe yeah he's the everyman and also did you know that all men maybe this is kind of true have undiagnosed rage disorders and have to scream literally everything they say at their pregnant wife Jennifer Grey okay And then at some point, her friend or sister or something is like, yeah, you should leave this guy. He's a nut. And I think you're supposed to be like, no. And it's like, oh my God, yes, please help her. Get her out of this relationship. Anyway, it's really, really bad. At any point, does he order extra fries? No. He does briefly wear Jeffrey Dahmer-style glasses, but then never again. That bothered me. He does all of these crimes to prove that these kids are out to get him. The movie's weirdly against teens being charged as juveniles. That's the point of the movie. All right. Yeah, it's very weird.
So it's like Rob Lowe like is threatening people like gunpoint. You know, he's like holding this kid hot. He commits so many crimes. But in the end, the police are just like, let him walk away because he was the kids are the problem. Yeah, exactly. And also Francis Ford Coppola fucking produced that movie. Explain that to me. Someone, anyone. Oh, the answer is money, but it's very weird. Anyway, that exists.
okay so yeah this guy went through the wall and is dead so now we have the dead woman from the bathtub's autopsy and the medical examiner who i think actually is brunette so diversity says that her death was due to a massive stroke brought on by a surge of adrenaline and then i just wrote okay why does this movie love showing us nipples on dead bodies so much and i don't have an answer to that question but it's very true yeah it is so edgy oh a corpse nipple how erotic um but also this the massive stroke doesn't explain the eye bleeding so this seems to be a guess Yeah. Because the woman from the health department comes by and she's like, oh, so, you know, whatever. I forget exactly what she says. But then the medical examiner is like, well, unless your testing comes up with something else, this is all I got. And I'm like, is it or is it not a stroke? I mean, I guess she could have had a stroke and some other sort of disease. Comorbidity, if you will. Yeah. But her cause of death either is a stroke or isn't. She's like, I don't know. That's the best I can come up with. Like, what? Samantha, she doesn't even have electricity. She's doing the best that she can. You're right, actually. Under these circumstances, she did a pretty good job. She's burning whale blubber in a fucking lantern.
so that she can see to cut open this dead body and show off its nipples. Only the nipples are lit. And she's like, I don't know, a stroke? What do people die from? Just one light illuminating the nipple. Yeah. Have we made some sort of ring light pasty that goes around the nipple and only lights the nipple? Because this movie would love that invention. Also, if you invent that, you owe me, I don't know.
10% of your profits, by the way. The ring light nipple? The nipple ring light? The nipple ring light, yeah. Yeah, not the ring light nipple. The nipple ring light. Nipple. If you invent the nipple ring light, you know, throw some money my way, please. Where are we? Oh, oh, so they're at the morgue. This woman's doing a bad job on autopsies, but then Terry's boss is wielded because he just died in that car accident. From a pants fire. From pants burnings. And they go to talk to his wife, who is like this very stoic, like...
okay this is so random do people remember when barnes and noble would have those like drawings up of famous authors and like murals they still have one at the harmar mall shout out to the harmar mall she's just like very styled like that like not like a person but like a certain type of caricature anyway his wife is just like smoking and the ash on the cigarette keeps changing despite her like not ever tapping it into an ashtray um and she says that she thinks the stress of the job finally got to him and his chain smoking which she's also doing but in the past couple days he started seeing things he said that someone was watching them he was talking about a little girl and he got scared of his computer and smashed the screen which so we see his desk his home desktop has been like smashed in the monitor but also we know his computer at work was so i was like did he smash two computers or was this guy like somehow carrying his desktop to work That's what I want to imagine. He's got it under one arm like a football. Yeah. I mean, they used to, you know, in the 80s, make these hilariously large, like, portable computers you had to, like, put into a suitcase. That's essentially apparently what this guy does. Or he just loves smashing computers and he smashed two of them. So we have to go back to the Steampunk website full of knives and we see the creepy guy is torturing that actress. And unfortunately, I really have a very, I don't know, low tolerance for, like, simulated movie torture and extreme gore. I'm not into that sort of stuff. But fortunately, in this stupid movie, it's very brief and it's very grainy. So I don't know. Most of it happens off screen.
yeah it's a real fade to black situation it's not something like i don't know saw or hostile where that's like the point of the thing i actually i've never seen either of those movies i'm just guessing but you know whatever um so the creepy guy talks directly to the cameras he's using to live stream and she's saying you're gonna kill me aren't you aren't you and then this is kind of like when we get the point of the movie if you can even say that it has one where he says of course i'm going to kill you the internet offers birth sex commerce seduction proselytizing politics posturing death is a logical component it's like yeah okay but let you know let's find a grave guy you don't have to kill people on live stream if only he had find a grave yeah like death is yeah there's there's online memorials that you could order and earn like there's lots of ways the internet interacts with death without you literally murdering people he also had a speech about like like anonymous interactions over the internet or something yeah yeah so like which is like a totally different point so i don't really understand i'm not even sure i wrote that down i don't remember that happens but he does talk about how essentially because the internet makes it so anonymous that her death her individual death will offer this sort of intimacy is people get to know her through her being tortured and will actually he was saying it was like a lesson in like the importance of intimate like real human contact or something and like he said that he repeated that a couple times while he was torturing her
Which is like a totally different point. Very different point. Than like just putting death on the internet because everything else is. I really hate when movies try to make this point that the act of watching the movie is somehow voyeuristic. I recently watched a very terrible, I think it's early 90s thriller called Sliver.
Oh, my God. With Sharon Stone that also tries to be like, I'm making this point about video cameras and voyeurism. And aren't you voyeuristic for watching this movie? It's like, no, this is literally presented to me to watch. This is not voyeuristic at all, actually.
This is made for consumption. That is the opposite of what you're talking about, which is like invading people's private space. Yeah, that is extremely annoying. If you remember that true crime documentary, Don't Fuck With Cats, which was super interesting, but it also did that at like the end. It was like, aren't you just as bad for watching this? I was so pissed at the end of that documentary. It's like, no, it was trying to make some point about true crime being gross, which.
it can be but also you made the documentary for me to watch to teach me about something i'm not making money off of me watching it go find yourself i'm not the one invading the lives of the victims or whatever like i'm assuming whatever you're showing me like they've consented to or you know like they've signed releases or whatever right like i'm assuming you haven't violated people in order to make this thing like that's kind of the the trust You made the thing. And you're making money off of me watching the thing. And now you're telling me that it's a problem that I'm watching the thing you made? Somehow that gets them out of culpability for anything sketchy that they might do. And it's like, but you did that. You chose to do that. I watched this not knowing you did that. I just remember. You're supposed to be critiquing. So it makes sense. I just remember Paul F. Tompkins had a little video at that point where it's like, but aren't you blah, blah, blah for watching this? And he just yells, no. So funny.
so funny okay so anyway this movie like tries to act like it's making a point but it's not at all um detective mike can find nothing in common with his bleeding eye victims and he's trying to like figure out what ties them all together and that thing is that they all had burnt computers and when i say burnt i mean like someone took out the hardware and fucking took a lighter to it like it is not something that would just i guess computers can catch on fire but it really looks like you just held a lighter to a motherboard So they, oh, wow, we better check out these computers. What a great idea, Mike. So they take them to this expert named Denise and she takes a look at the hard drives, which again, could not be more trash. And she says the data should still be retrievable, quote, unless the files have been corrupted. Okay. What a fucking computer expert. I love moments like this where even I know what they're saying is stupid. Like with my vast IT knowledge, I was like, oh, wow, you'll be able to get the files unless you can't. That's great, Denise.
so terry is sitting at home with her cab any watching the camcorder footage over and over again it's also on this like really tiny tv i had one at the time actually still have it like a little white tv so small but hers doesn't have a built-in bcr and also nothing is connected i was like how is she watching this there's nothing connected to that tv but anyway she's watching the camcorder footage over and over again and that's when she realizes that there's a the time stamp from the time stamp of them seeing something shocking on a computer is exactly 48 hours before they die that's gonna be important So Denise, who's the brilliant IT expert, is looking through the data and is brought to the creepy website, which shows just like eyeballs and doors opening. It's just like fucking goosebumps nonsense. It's like practically like the opening credits of the X-Files. It's almost exactly like the opening credits of Millennium. It's just, Samantha, how scared were you? Extremely terrified. I'm going to have nightmares forever. Okay, never mind. So on a scale of 1 to 10, it was 100 times scary. 100 times scary.
And then this woman in white appears on the screen and asks, do you like to watch? And then they're just like kind of really quick flashes of torture images. But they're also just like very fake looking. I don't know, whatever. Then a literal bug, like a beetle, crawls out of the computer.
as they would that's what you thought computer bugs were like something in the code no they are literal bugs they are literal bugs that live in the hard drives and they can crawl out at any time so denise smashes it and she's disconnected from this torture site but when she returns to the computer the woman in white is still there and denise types how do you know my name because it is referring to her by name and the woman in white says come and find out and then it says do you want to play with me and this is so funny to me denise takes the mouse and scrolls over and clicks yes what Why? I could not stress this enough. You would not. You would not do this. You would just close the computer. You wouldn't even be here in the first place. It's not clear to me like how these people ended up on this website. That is very confusing. I think I have an answer, but we'll save that to the end. Okay. It's very confusing. This is what I think Wikipedia has wrong. So I just, okay, first of all, no fucking pop-up in your whole life that's shown up like that. And it's like, do you want a woman asking you, do you want to play? That's not free. That's not free. So unless you went looking for that, you're not going to click yes. You're going to click no, because the next thing is going to be like, enter your credit card information here.
But anyway, Denise clicks yes. And then the woman asks, do you want to hurt me? To which, more sensibly, Denise clicks no. so funny that i this is the sort of thing that maybe works in like a short story or something but to actually film someone like clicking yes and no on a computer and that's supposed to be scary always funny to me okay so she clicks no the woman in white goes you're lying and then there's just like more vague like goth like nine inch nails music video shit you know like some goth shit is like you know like cute and victorian maybe not cute but like elegant spooky this is all the like industrial yeah shit that i am could not be less interested in it's all ugly and gross Okay. That poor actress lady is still with a creepy guy, but she is now topless, but her nipples are like only hidden by the restraint. Right. Otherwise you see the entire boob and there's just like one band of restraint. Cause that's how you tie someone down by the nipples. Yes. Okay. And the creepy guy says how enticing the smell of cheap perfume can be. And I wrote this down because personally I would be so fucking offended. I love perfume. And if someone told me that what I was wearing smelled cheap, I would have, I would have like halted right out of those restraints. I would have been so fucking mad. Anyway.
I think it's at this point in the movie that I realized that the creepy guy is trying to do like a Kevin Spacey impression. It's not good. It's like Kevin Spacey, but mixed with Ray Perlman. Well, people don't know who that is. That was Danny DeVito's wife. She played Ruth Handler in the Barbie movie. It's not really so much creepy. It's like funny and off-putting.
but he really is like a way of describing it he really is trying his best to do like uh kevin spacey and seven which i realize now kevin spacey i don't know why we ever thought he was good at acting he's always the same he's just creepy we just were like oh wow he's so good at pretending to be creepy and he was like yeah pretending because he's fucking the same in every movie anyway um and this guy was like oh i'll just do that too but he gags the woman and says i'd like to say i can feel your pain but i can't i can't feel anything i've been deprived of that somehow wow it's so edgy and he tells her that he can she can end this lesson whenever she wishes simply by asking for him to kill her because he thinks he's found like some loop like magic loophole where that won't be murder i swear he's like uh it's not murder if you ask me to kill you after i've tortured you for 48 hours it's like no that definitely is murder still murder yep and it's like creepy and kind of the worst kind of murder actually it's not magically not murder you weirdo but this is also very funny to me
I'm sure you feel this way about horses, Samantha. If you know too much about something, it can sometimes ruin watching a movie because you're like, that's not how that works. No, that's 100% true about horses because no horse person has ever been able to watch any horse movie and enjoy it. Right. I'm sure that's true for literally anything. If you know more about it than the average person, then you start watching the movie and you go like, wait a second. For whatever reason, what comes to mind is in the movie, the river runs through it. I think maybe this was in one of those, the book we read that was about fly fishing.
I guess Brad Pitt is not fucking fly fishing, right? Like he's not holding the thing, right? So obviously if you're a fly, that must've like drove everyone insane. Like they're like, we can't fucking watch this. He's doing it all wrong. Yeah, exactly. At this point, this guy, the creepy guy gets out a bunch of really long, very thin needles. And I'm, those are acupuncture needles. They are so thin. He's like going to torture her with, I was like, that's not really going to hurt at all.
like maybe you'll relieve her inflammation like it's supposed to be this very dramatic moment like i brought out the thin needles and i was like those are just acupuncture needles i mean i mean if you put an acupuncture needle in wrong or in like a wrong that'll probably hurt yeah i probably would but i don't think it's not exactly the terrifying but this is so i you know i'm not an acupuncturist i did for a while work at an acupuncture clinic i love acupuncture this has happened to me in multiple movies where like some character goes to get acupuncture and i'm like that is wow that is not how that works that's very weird okay and this is one of those times where i was just like yeah that's not that's not very they're not syringe you know an acupuncture needle is like the width of a hair yeah you can barely feel it getting inserted most of the time so i don't know i don't think this guy's torture tactics are very uh gonna work but anyway so this is when i get confused about how these actresses look the same because i feel like the actress that plays denise and the actress looks plays terry look too much alike and in this scene denise like does her hair different and then she's in the stairwell it's not very well lit and really for most of it i was like who is this but it's everybody same same i did not understand i thought i knew who this was but i was like is it and it's not until she like goes and talks to people and they call her by name that i was like oh okay so she's in the stairwell it turns out she's at the police station that's not clear for a while either but she sees a white ball the scariest kind of ball particularly because it like becomes an egg sort of and opens and a bunch of beetles crawl out of it
And then she's like running for, but that's just in her mind, right? She's just losing it. I really wrote, oh, she's fucked. But no, she's fine. She's just seeing things. So she goes to Detective Mike and says that she found the common link between all of the computers owned by these victims. And that's that they all went to, quote, the fear site, which I feel like should have been introduced.
in another way like it 100 should have because despite the fact that i know this is about a website when they said the fear site for some reason because we've gotten no context really um i thought it was like a physical place and for a moment and then i felt really stupid because i was like oh no obviously it's the website but it's just not introduced well no it's not the fear site what the fear like It's said, like, we know what that is, and we've seen images of a website, but we haven't heard the police talk about a website, so we have no reason to know the police are aware of the website that we've seen, right? So for them to be casually saying, oh, they all went to the fear site, it's like, when did you learn about that, right? Like, why did we miss that? And then Mike immediately says, that doesn't make sense because he wouldn't use the same site twice. And you go, what the fuck are you talking about? This has been a thing, Mike.
This is another thing that's extremely funny to me. What it turns out is, so do you remember he was getting letters from a guy called The Doctor? No, because I was brought up once for five seconds. I remember it now because you took notes and told me. It would be very understandable if you forgot. I think I forgot the first time that I watched it. But he was getting creepy letters from someone called The Doctor. And it turns out The Doctor used to kill people on live streams. And the last one he used was, quote, the fear site. But why would he use it again? Okay. What's fucking hilarious to me is that this movie, the first movie, is not about the first time.
someone was killing people and live streaming it on fear.com it is about the second time why you couldn't shut it down the first time it was the story of the first time not interesting enough so we just went with this like that's weird this is not a sequel this is the first movie but it's about the second time it was used extremely funny to me okay um so this is when we find out that the creepy guy that we've been seeing is the doctor they're one in the same that fake kevin spacey jagoff is the guy that's been writing detective mike these letters right detective mike refers to it as a quote live cam death site and then terry is like why would my boss watch that and it's like uh because he's a sicko terry but what detective mike says is quote people love to see death why do you think ratings are so high on reality disaster shows and my question to that is what fucking shows is mike watching reality disaster Okay, Mike, I don't know if you know this. When they bury people alive on Fear Factor, they let them out. No, they really die. Or on Survivor, they don't just let them starve somewhere. It's called Survivor, Liz. One person walks away. Everybody else dies. Everybody else is dead. Why do you think people like those disaster reality shows? I'm obsessed with the fact that this is the second instance of using this website and not the first. Do you think the pants on fire was a metaphor? I mean, maybe.
probably maybe this movie is deeper than we thought it's so deep okay so now mike and terry go to talk to the co-author of that book about the internet that was found on the first dead guy because when a guy holds dies holding a book you definitely want to talk to the author of that book he's definitely going to know something that makes total sense and also you would know that he's just like lounging around in a bar although he seems he seems to be napping like full-on napping in the booth of this bar but when they walk up to the bar a woman with like a spiky early 2000s pixie cut like claws out from under the table fully clothed i think that's supposed to be sexual but i'm like he's asleep She's not nude. Is she blowing him under the table while he's sleeping? His pants seem on and zip. I'm so confused. Maybe something was cut out. It's like she's clothed. He's clothed. She was under a table. He's asleep. I'm trying to figure out how sex happened. It was probably more obvious in the NC-17 version. I guess. I guess. That must be it. Okay, anyway. So this guy co-authored that book about the soul of the internet and he didn't realize his co-author was dead or that anyone still had the book or whatever. And he says that the book is total BS and he just wrote it for money, which...
I was like, how much money could there possibly be in writing obscure books about the internet? Most authors don't make any money. They lose money. But okay, great. So he wrote a total BS book he didn't believe in to like buy a car or something. Because the guy who died believes that by connecting computers together, the network would be able to receive, store, and send energy. And before his death, that guy thought he had found the website that was storing the energy. Yeah. Yeah. Storing the energy, obviously. And then the scientist lady, obviously, is like, what? What kind of energy? And the guy's like, tell if I know. And I was like, what is that?
book about what it's it's not two pages certainly somewhere in there whatever i'm it doesn't make a ton of sense folks that's the thing so mike shows terry old photographic evidence from the first time this was a problem and he you know failed to do anything about it and we learned that the doctor's real name is alistair pratt which sounds so made up and that he was thrown out of med school and the reason they couldn't catch him last time samantha is because like a smarty pants he changed the url each time like they couldn't trace it that's some deep that's some dark web shit just use a different url he was a master hacker he went to go daddy and he would be like i'm gonna buy a different domain this time and they were like i'll never find him yes okay so obviously mike is just showing terry like photographs of dead bodies as he's allowed to do i guess um from this first case And this is when Terry decides to mention, oh, by the way, there seems to be this pattern of you look at the website and then 48 hours later you die. And I feel like Mike should have been like, wow, you should have told me that sooner. That would have been helpful to know. And they go, isn't that just the plot of The Ring? No. Okay, I saw several people online trying to defend that this movie came out before The Ring. Yeah, but it didn't come out before the Japanese version of The Ring, which is where that story is from. Oh, snap. Okay, so if you're on the internet going, actually, this came out eight months earlier or whatever, nothing Ringu. No, they did steal it from The Ring. They just watched the one with subtitles.
Okay, so then Mike realizes, oh shit, if you look at the website and then die, Denise is in trouble. So what I didn't mention about Denise is that her apartment is like weirdly, really, really big and round and it has like a big empty rotundra in it. Like most apartments in New York. Yeah, like a fucking New York City apartment would have, obviously. This woman makes so much money talking to the police about computer files that she just has a giant empty rotundra in her apartment. But since now she's losing it, obviously it's trashed and she like wrote, you know, ones and zeros code in chalk everywhere because that's how you know that she's lost it.
she's cuckoo bananas now she has internet crazies just ones and zeros she has deep deep internet madness so she has to go one zero ones and i would love for someone to actually like figure out if those ones and zeros mean anything but i guarantee that they do not what's so annoying about see okay so clearly this movie like i feel like it watched the millennium it watched some seven and was kind of like yeah we'll just do that that's it's just so fucking lazy like the first time you see shit like that it's cool but you can't just like keep doing it Now you can. Oh, sorry. The guy like watched that and was like, well, what if we made this, but it was like way worse and not innovative, you know? And they were like, great, fear.com. Okay.
um so yeah the place is trash she's not answering the phone mike sends over the police units denise is seeing like more bugs everywhere i guess her fear is bugs they're like oh my god there's so many bugs and one bug even crawls out of her mouth oh it's just like the worst um so terry and mike pull up in their cop car and they get out but then bam denise falls on the roof of the car and she's dead now here is one of my many many fucking complaints about this movie the thing that has connected all of these victims is that their eyes were bleeding or at least we were told they were bleeding are denise's eyes bleeding no Well, the other guy's nose was bleeding. Did his eyes also bleed? Pants on fire? I don't know. Something bleeds. That's, you know. Something bleeds. And the blood just went in her mouth. And then she committed suicide. It's another metaphor.
Oh my God. Okay. So Terry then speculates that people are dying of their greatest fear, which is such a reach. She somehow knows that her boss was really scared of car crashes based on a childhood incident. It's opposed to all those people who like love car crashes. I guess, yeah, the movie crash where James Spader like has sex with car crash people. He was like, she's, he's not like that. He's normal. He's scared of car crashes. And she's like, I guess technically a car crash, but it's a one vehicle. The wall. I mean, I guess I, I guess if I thought about it, I would be scared of it. I feel like his car just drove into oncoming traffic.
No, no, his pants got on fire, which I don't know what that had to do with anything. And then he drove right into the wall. She also says, I did some research and the German girl was terrified of drowning. What research? I guess she found her life journal. I don't know. How else would you know that? That's so weird. It's like, oh, I did some really deep dive and I found out that girl did not want to drown. It's like me neither. I didn't have to write that down. Yeah, anyway. So Terry then asks Mike to promise that he won't go to that site. And instead of promising her, he like weirdly hugs her head. Like she's sitting down. He's standing up. He like.
embraces her head instead of saying like don't worry i won't go watch people get murdered and then so that seems inappropriate then like i think he puts terry to bed okay i'm not clear if they bone is my question because we go from them being like fully clothed i think they're in her apartment again not sure because it's so fucking dark i assumed they boned okay because we see them fully clothed not really much and then later we also like i don't know but they never kissed or anything they never take off any clothes like all we get is this weird head hug but they do seem sort of in love so i don't know whatever maybe they maybe they boned and they cut that part out so anyway now right after being asked to promise that he won't go to quote that site what does he do he goes to denise's apartment and immediately logs on and as samantha referenced and this is what really just makes this movie a fucking bad movie masterpiece to me is he sits down and in his browser he types in in letters fear.com and then dot com and when i saw this i lost my goddamn mind
Now, I also have done some deep dive research, which is called Reading Wikipedia and IMDb. And it turns out that the producers wanted to buy the domain that was literally just fear.com. But some nerd owned that and wouldn't sell it to them. So they just made it instead fear.com. But then you have to add the .com. Like the site is called fear.com. Who could have not shown him typing anything? They could have just shown him at a computer and going to the site. We didn't have to see the URL. I don't think that was necessary. I didn't need to know that he's going to fear.com.com.
because it's too funny further and say that if you are making fear.com the movie if you cannot get the domain fear.com you should not make this movie well okay this movie did not mean to be made and also lost him a ton of money so they probably deserves it right you shouldn't have the domain fear.com you should not make fear.com i love that some nerd in like the early 90s or 80s bought the domain fear.com and was like you know because people bought up those words and just sat on them knowing Like, oh, eventually the rest of society will catch up and these will be valuable, right? But I love that some guy was like, I'm not fucking selling you fear.com.
Do you think he still owns it? I don't know. Okay, I did try to go to, despite the fact that I'll die in 48 hours, I did try to go to fear.com.com to see if there was still a site for the movie, and it's nothing. Should I go to fear.com? Yeah, go. Am I going to get a computer virus? Probably. What is that? Hopefully it's not a snuff film. This website can't be reached. Oh. I wonder if it's a typo in fear.com. No. Did you have a typo writing four letters? It seems like maybe someone owns fear.com, but is that live? Yeah. Okay, if we can buy fear.com.com, I'm buying it.
That would be a good use of Patreon money. And I'll just redirect it to our website. Or maybe if we could get fear.com.gov. Because, I mean, the whole fucking movie, I'm like, oh, no. Don't go to fear.com.co.uk.
fear.com.org.gov.edu no all right so whatever matt reddit says the website domain expired oh so does that mean i don't know someone would have bought it by now maybe they still own it but like it's just expired i don't know i don't know how website works well neither does anyone that worked on this movie so that's fine uh i will look into buying that later probably you're right i can't get it but if i can oh baby i will be t-shirts that just say owner of the domain name fear.com.com and i will be delighted delighted okay um so right he logs into everyone's favorite website and is asked do you like to watch do you want to see more and of course he hits yes because he's a fucking tool and then it says the woman in white asks do you want to hurt me this is when mike recognizes the woman in white as the doctor's first victim genie from like that case that we don't know about because this movie's about the second time And Jeannie says, find me. You have 48 hours. What happens if I lose? He asks. And she says, you die. As if we didn't already fucking know that. Is that so sophisticated that you can ask it questions? Yeah. Also, you can just like live chat with, I don't know. Can everyone do that at the same time? I guess because it's a ghost. It was chat GPT. Yeah. It was really ahead of its time in 2002. And then she asks, do you want to play? And again, he hits yes.
oh Mike why are you like this this is all your fault honestly and okay this part is fucking amazing so then the website shows him a bunch of more like nine inch nails video shit is apparently like so intense and scary that he literally like falls backwards from the computer and yeah that's the reaction he would have and I was just like laughing hilariously it's so good okay so now Mike enters a hallway I guess this is at Denise's building I don't really know where he is this is a problem for a lot in a lot of the movie for me where like you go through a lot of a scene and I'm just like where is this because everywhere looks the same it's just another creepy place yeah it's just another room with no lights and just like a blue glow and some drips but anyway that damn white ball bounces to him which he picks it up and it starts to rot in his hands i don't know if that means his fear is rotting it's not really ever explored so he drops it and he manages to get into the elevator before the ball like bounces into the elevator yeah and again i really don't know where this is of course there's no lights on even in the elevator there is a woman in the elevator who i'm pretty sure is
genie's ghost but again every blonde woman in this movie looks the same and i kind of don't understand but whatever she's not wearing white so that's a little bit confusing um she drops she very dramatically puts on lipstick in the elevator which is semi-important later and then she drops a glove so mike picks up the glove and goes to give it to her but she does like this crazy ghost scream in his face and that messes with his mind i'm not even joking that's what happens so then we cut to mike being removed from the building on a stretch stretcher and he's like all crazy now and he's screaming and telling terry who's there somehow that he saw a dead girl and she's out there and she's alive in the wires right now he's just like sounds insane and he begs terry is that he's getting put in the ambulance and the doors of clothing he's like don't go to the site so now it's terry's turn to immediately log into fear.com.com like seconds after her man is hauled away insane she's like well now I gotta do it and maybe she's thinking to herself well I'm a stronger person than Mike and that proves to be true so maybe she's right so she asks the site why are you killing Mike which is just a funny question in general why are you killing Mike and the site says guilty guilty of watching do you want to play and this bitch
this bitch she clicks yes and i hate everyone in this movie could someone just click no and see what happens no but anyway no and she has then she too has to watch a bunch of goth bullshit and sadly because this is an audio medium you cannot see this really amazing shot that like spins around her while she caresses like frantically caresses the computer monitor it's so you've never done it we're just like oh it's not touchscreen everybody she's just like she's just massaging it it's honestly this poor actress she's so much better than this and It's just like, well, you know, I got those bills to pay. I guess I have to caress a computer now. No, she was probably like, no one will see this movie. It's fine. Terry wakes up on the floor after her computer caressing section. And so she goes to Mike's office to just like look through his stuff, which obviously you're allowed to do. You're allowed to just show up at the police station and then just like go through all their files and shit. And that's when her nose starts bleeding. And then she starts seeing blood just like pour out of the papers. But that's not real. That's ghosts messing with her mind. So then she, I think what she was looking for in the papers was the address for Jeannie's mom. That's not clear, but she just goes and now talks to Jeannie's mom. So she had to get that out of somewhere.
And this is when we see a picture of Jeannie on the day of her first communion wearing, you guessed it, all white and a very wiggy wig and playing with just a plain white ball as children do. And we learned that that white ball was her favorite toy, which is honestly one of the saddest things I've ever fucking heard. it's not like it would make sense if she was like an athlete and it was like a football or something but it's just a fucking like plain white ball you know like at the grocery store they have that big bin of balls and you pull it's one of those but it's just plain white so that was her head her second favorite toy was a stick yeah she liked that stick and a hoop thing but she grew out of that and she played with that white ball until she got interested in boys her mom tells because her mom is weird anyway give this poor girl a barbie oh my god seriously this kid just wanted a doll or something she must have had like those hippie parents that don't want the kids to have like too many commercial things so those children are all their toys are just made of wood yeah those children like light shit on fire and punch other children in the spine don't ask me how i know but i know those children are maniacs because they are bored out of it like please let them have some commercialization in their life because guess what they cannot relate to their fears and then they start acting out anyway that was that was genie's life apparently
So Cherry shows the mom some images. I think they're from fear.com.com. Not really sure. But the mom is like, oh, this is an old steel mill that Jeannie likes to play at. And I was like, what the fuck was up with Jeannie's childhood? She just has one white ball and we let her play at the old steel mill. What the fuck? Children should be playing. It's sad she got murdered as an adult, but it's really surprising that she didn't die as a child. We also learn that she has, what is that called?
chemophilia, where she can, her blood doesn't clot. Is that what that's called? Yeah, but I like how you started that with, she can. Like, it's a superpower. Yeah, yeah. She can not clot her blood. She can not clot her. It's very special. So, her fear was sharp stuff. Which, again, I feel like we're all kind of, just things that are sharp. She didn't want to bleed out, you know. So, that's why she died by sharp things. We all got it now. Of course, it is already night. Of course. So, Terry has to go to the old creepy steel mill in the dark. I don't...
I have so many questions. So she's going to find Jeannie's body here. Did the doctor put her at the place she used to play on purpose? Is that a coincidence? Is New York so small that there's only like three places? Did something happen to her at the steel mill? I don't know. Did she cut herself there? I mean, there must have got to be sharp things on a steel mill. Yeah, I like that she was really scared of sharp things, but also as a small child, we let her play at the old steel mill. Presumably by her... Your hemophiliac child, you just send them off to a steel mill. You just put on the wiggiest wig you can find, an all-white dress, and say, go play at the steel mill, child. It's fine.
Wow. So she has to go there at dark. And then there's this elderly woman who has like the milky eyes that people always have in horror movies. She seems to be living in the old steel mill. So Terry goes up to her and asks a very normal question. What are you watching? I'm sorry, what? What does that have to do with anything? As I would also, the woman does not respond. If someone just came up to me and asked me that, I wouldn't respond either. No, it's weird. And then Terry goes, it seems like you were expecting me, which fucking presumptuous. I think this woman lives there because she doesn't have anywhere else to go.
it's not all about you terry and people who bleed from the eyes or don't because they went to really cool websites but at this point since neither of those questions she just goes where is she and the woman points to this i don't even i was trying to figure out what to call it this is again similar to the snowman where i don't even understand like enough about where we are there's like a big flooded thing like a vat but it's full of like gross stagnant water yeah it's like a steel mill a steel mill thing that's been filling up with rainwater for years so now there's this like big pool And obviously this woman who's a fucking scientist who specializes in diseases is like, yes, I'm going to go swim in that disgusting stagnant water. I definitely want it in my eyes, in my mouth. Like, this is how you get a brain eating amoeba. She was like, I've heard of Legionnaire's disease and I'd like it. So she just died. She just gets into what she does. Did she call for backup? Did she call that guy who we haven't seen in a long time? The coworker Sykes? No, she just fucking starts swimming in the gross water. Also, it's helpful that she's apparently an amazing swimmer because she holds her breath underwater for a super long time. Just like swimming around exploring. And I would not be able to do that.
Just in this gross water. She doesn't have bottles. She's just like looking around underwater in the dark and the water is gross and full of debris and who knows what. Because it literally has a dead body in it. Because what's what? She finds Jeannie's body. Which did not seem that hard. Detective Mike is clearly very bad at his job. We should just be calling him Mike. Take away the detective status. This woman spent like an afternoon on this and found her body. Anyway.
she finds a body just like the ghost wanted you think it's over oh it's not so terry goes to see mike in the hospital and for some reason she's like screaming at the receptionist like where is he she's like acting very unhinged i guess because you know the ghosts are messing with her mind i don't really know but the receptionist also is just like oh he's over there like i'm pretty sure they wouldn't tell you where a patient was after you were just like screaming being a complete lunatic yeah also this you know this hospital does not look like any american hospital it looks like something from i'm gonna say poland in the 30s there's like so much woodwork and like nothing has been disinfected ever. There's no fluorescent lighting. There's no people. I didn't see one vending machine. Like, have people who made movies ever gone to a hospital? I don't think so. So yeah, she's like running around screaming in the creepy hospital and they're like, oh, he's right that way. Right this way, miss. Yeah. Oh, they do have a psychiatric ward. They show us a sign like many times. I think he's in it. You think they would just like put her in it too, but maybe that's why they brought her there.
But anyway, as she's going to see Mike, she gets a phone call and it's a ghost voice saying, find me. Time is running out. And at this point, I got confused if the dead body she found was even genie's. Because I was like, why is the ghost saying find me? Why is it pissed? I'm not sure that was clear to me. I mean, it seems obvious now that you're telling me that, but I'm not sure I first watched that I really knew which body she had found. I honestly watching it for a second time with a Wikipedia summary open was going, wait, whose body was that? Wait, why is the ghost so angry then? Why is it saying find me? She literally did.
I guess this maybe got, like, edited out. I don't know. Was this originally supposed to be, like, an earlier scene before she found the body? I don't know. It's not clear. It's not clear. And now a white ball rolls down the hall of the creepy hospital. And Terry gets in the elevator and it shakes a bunch. And then I was like, is that her fear? Elevators? There's a lot of stuff about elevators. Her fear is actually white balls. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No. No. So then she's brought to the basement of the hospital, which looks like fucking Silent Hill.
any hospital that had any space in his property like this would be shut down immediately it is just like old rusted things turn over again swinging single single light bulbs i don't know what is like batting them like a cat making them pendulum swing from side to side so erratically but yeah everything is rusted turned over broken brown like whatever anyway she's just hanging out in the silent hill basement and also at this point we're hearing like more from the ghost and i was like isn't genie from new york why does she have this like subtle very fake european accent because she's fancy yeah because she's going like find me but she's i was like what accent is that um so now terry is screaming out in the basement i found you i found your body i did what you wanted which was like i was like yes i'm so confused um and genie says it's time for us to become one and shows her a bunch more like gothy hallucination torture crap because finding the body wasn't enough she has to stop the doctor okay well maybe you should have been clearer about that ghost
so now terry wakes up in an elevator like people find her asleep on the floor of the elevator i don't know why there's all this stuff about elevators anyway and she asked what time it is but we don't hear the answer we don't know how much time has passed if she looked at the website like we're supposed to feel like time is clicking down but is it like how much i'm not sure how much time has passed a day i guess they need to show us a clock a couple times because it makes no sense like does she have 24 hours left six hours left i don't know it's ambiguous Mike has left the hospital and is just in her apartment like a freak saying that she left her door open and that that invites criminal activity or something. Wait, he's okay? Like, how did they let him out? He didn't. He just left. He's not okay. He just left the, like, weird old-timey hospital that maybe exists through, like, a time portal. And he just went to her apartment. Apparently her door was just open. And so he was like, great, I'll just hang out in here. That's normal.
um and that's when terry's like to the morgue because we have to like move this along you know don't worry we're almost done i know this has been so long so the medical examiner is doing genie's autopsy after her body was pulled out of the gross water and the medical examiner is so stupid that the medical examiner is like uh well an autopsy was already done on this body because it has the like that scar from opening up the chest and mike's like no he did that while she was alive oh no whoa everybody this is also really hilarious so the medical examiner pulls out what is distinctly a chanel lipstick tube from the stomach and says she must have swallowed that before her death. That thing is huge. I don't know how that would go down. It's so bulky and long. Like, could that even go down your tree? That would kill you if you tried to really swallow. I don't even think you could.
But anyway, that's just in her stomach. So they open up the lipstick tube and inside it is a tiny little note. And I was like, she couldn't have swallowed something else. No, it had to be the giant lipstick tube. Because the ghost was dramatically putting lipstick on in the elevator, I guess. That is, I mean, I'm trying to connect dots here that may not form a picture. Like those dots maybe were not supposed to be connected. I don't know. But anyway. You're giving this show a lot of grace. I'm really trying. As the world's foremost expert on fear.com.com, I'm really trying to put these pieces together. Like, why would you swallow a whole giant lipstick tube for a tiny little note when you could have, I don't know, swallowed something else?
but she didn't she did this genie i have questions and on that note on one side it just says the guilty must be punished which causes terry to announce so she didn't want a burial she wants revenge and you're like no shit god terry get with it so fortunately on the other side of the note is an address because holy hell we need to like wrap this up already This is also when they realize that the doctor tortured Jeannie for 48 hours, and that's why the curse works that way. Great. So they go to the address that they found. There's a bunch of creepy stuff there, like dramatically lit bottles and skinned human bodies and, you know, just stuff murderers have around. And in all this crap, Terry happens to find the cover of a magazine that has a cooling tower on it. And I don't think I mentioned this, but in a lot of their, like, gossipy flash visions, there's, like, a little door that's kind of high up.
You see that over and over again. So that's when Terry realizes, oh, the doctor is at the cooling tower. Because of course, right? Yeah, of course. So now they know where to go. So you forgot that there was that guy Sykes. He's there. He gets called for backup. The doctor is showing his current victim tapes of his old kills. As you do.
and terry and mike enter the cooling tower which this is my question is this the same place that her boss was like smoking a cigarette at earlier and then like why was he there and is this the same industry i don't know it seems like maybe it is because why would there be two well also why did he go there did he know the doctor was he meeting the doctor did he know something we don't like i still don't understand why he was there but it doesn't matter there is a very funny trope in a lot of movies when people go to like an industrial space there's just like flames just just huge flames just shooting out of shit all the time absolutely true in this cooling tower i don't know if that's how cooling towers work there's just live giant flames anyway i don't know why there would be flames in a cooling tower but yeah i know i'm not homer simpson so the victim says at this point that she's ready to die because she's been tortured for so long It's weird that he always tortures people in a way that lines up with them asking to die at 48 hours, but I guess he's really precise. And this is when the doctor claims it's not murder then. And I was like, that is not how anything works. You're so annoying. But Mike and Terry enter just in time. But the doctor has a hostage, obviously. And also Terry's not armed. She's not a cop. I think she probably should have waited outside. Why is she there? Like, this is such a hindrance to police, whatever, but it's okay. Cause she's the main character, I guess. So yeah, he has the hostage. And then he's like, if you're waiting for backup, don't.
they're already dead and he points up and that guy Sykes is just like dead and hanging there so he somehow got there earlier than them enough to be killed and hung up before Mike and Terry what were Mike and Terry doing it took him so long also Sykes didn't call anyone else for backup he just showed up himself and then was murdered the end um this okay at this point Terry shows the doctor the lipstick paste and it literally scares him because he hates Chanel so much That's his biggest fear. Lipsticks. Well, he was like, Coco Chanel was a Nazi and that is not okay. Says a guy who tortures people to death. He's like, I have to draw a line somewhere and I do not support Chanel products. So because he gets scared, it gives Mike time to shoot him in the leg. And at that moment. I love this lipstick diversion. Yeah, as you do. So then Terry starts rescuing the victim from her like nipple restraints, right? Now that the doctor has been shot in the leg. But then somehow the doctor manages to shoot Mike. I think he got the gun. Again, I'm not really clear on that. Oh no. Mike has bad aim. He has really bad aim. Shoot him in the head.
So the doctor then looks at his subscriber count and is growing rapidly. So that distracts him again. When he's not distracted by lipsticks, he's really interested in how many followers he has. Which again, because this is 2002, you're kind of like, that's not that much. I don't remember how much it was, but it was just like a couple thousand or something. I was like, okay. I have more questions. I'll get back to that. Remind me. Remind me. Remind me. Okay. So then he's distracted by his follower count, which gives Terry the opportunity to stab him in the back and then go to help Mike, who's bleeding out. But then while she's doing that, the doctor stabs her in the neck with a syringe. Oh my God. They're so bad at killing this guy. They're so bad. And every time they turn around.
Something else gets stabbed. So then the doctor starts restraining Terry into the, like, torture spot. But don't worry, everyone. Even though he was shot, Mike manages to crawl to the keyboard. And guess what he types in? Fear.com.com. And then he makes the doctor look at it, which, like, releases a ghost at him. And now I'm not exaggerating. He enters, like, a sepia-toned haunted nether world where both Jeannie as a little girl and as a grown woman can torture him, tell him that he's finally going to feel something, and then kill him.
And then when he's dead, his eyeballs go totally black. Like, the whites of his eyes, everything is all black. Do the eyes bleed, you ask? No. It's not a detail that repeats. So annoying to me. Okay, I don't think you'll be disappointed to know that Mike also dies. It's kind of, like, Terry just gets back to him after the doctor is dead, and he's just dead. Whoops. So Terry is sad. I feel like she knew him for three days, and those were probably the three, like, worst days of her life, so.
okay but boy she's gonna miss him it's very sad the movie ends with her in her bed the phone rings but no one is there and i guess her phone is haunted now because things live in wires i'm not really sure that's the end i do appreciate yeah is it mike trying to say you know thanks for banging me that one time or is it the domain you shouldn't make this movie if you can't get the domain fear.com it will make no sense you'll just have to keep saying the fear site which is so I do appreciate that Mike was pretty much totally useless and that Terry had to do most of the work. I kind of like that. My main premise of this is you go to fear.com. 48 hours later, the ghost kills you. This seems to have thousands of subscribers. Are all of those people going to die in 48 hours? Because we only talk about like four people. Maybe that's why the subscriber count is so low because they keep dying off. You can only get 100 viewers at a time.
But did all of the people that subscribed die? Because we only learned about like four of them. Maybe not even. We learned about the boss. We learned about the two goth kids. The guy at the beginning that was like doing book research or whatever. He didn't even want to see people getting tortured. Yeah, what they didn't mention is the epidemic of pants fire deaths. Okay, so then my ultimate question watching this a second time was who bought the domain fear.com.com? Was it the doctor or was it somehow the ghost?
And I think my answer is, I was like, it's so funny to think of this guy being like, yes, I must prove that the internet is too anonymous. And I will do that by killing people in a live stream. Hello, GoDaddy. Can I get fear.com? Oh, wait, that's taken. What about fear.net?
What about fear.biz? Oh, they're all taken. I see. Okay. I will take fear.com.com. And I really wanted to know, but it seems like the site's run by a ghost, right? Also. And I think what happened is that previously with the old cases that we don't really learn about, he had the domain fear.com.com.
And in the new cases, he was using some other domain, right? Because he switched it up every time. But I think the ghost started haunting fear.com.com. So people that went to fear.com.com got haunted by the ghost because she's haunting like the old domain, not the one he's using now, which we don't know what it is. I love this lore. You really are the world's foremost expert on fear.com. And that's why when Mike types out fear.com.com and the ghost website comes up, that it works on the doctor because if it was just his own site.
It wouldn't make any sense. Nothing would happen. And also that sort of explains why like thousands of people don't die. It's only the four people who happen to go to this like old haunted site with knives. But that kind of implies that he wasn't running that site. Just a ghost was. Or like his old, like essentially he abandoned that site, like your old MySpace. Because it was haunted. And then it gets haunted. It's like if you went back to your old MySpace and it's like, oh no, it's haunted now. It's like a ghost town of the internet, you know? Interesting. Interesting. That's my theory. People let me know if you agree that the ghost is haunting the old site and he has a new one.
It makes as much sense as fucking anything else. I think it actually makes more sense than what's in the movie. I think I might have come up with an explanation that makes more sense than what we see. Because I really was struggling with like, well, okay, but who runs the site? Is it the ghost or is it the doctor? Like, I'm so confused. But I think the real lesson is don't go to fear.com. Unless I buy it. Unless I buy it. And then that will be the same as perhaps it's you.com.
Well, it's been a remarkable journey, right, Samantha? It sure has. It does remind me that we should, at some point, I've been saying this for years, watch my favorite hate watch, 8mm, which is also about how if you go to any city, you will be grisly murdered in a goth way. You have to avoid urban areas because of goth crimes. Watch out for goths. No, this guy was not gothic at all. He was just wearing like an old-time white doctor coat and thinking he was Kevin Spacey. Right, right. Not one Hot Topic accessory to be seen.
i guess he's too cool for them all but also like okay then where's your where's your like more artisanal goth where you know yeah yeah exactly does he go to the renaissance fair and pick out like an ear cough like no apparently and i don't appreciate that lack of vision on his part because he had a very like creepy apartment you know like he put a lot of effort into the vibes of his living space with the dead bodies and like just like videos of heads rotating and you know shit murderers do murderers are like very visual they love like our installation space they just like every detail thought out like oh when i put these bottles of creepy liquid in my ikea cabinet they have to be backlit you know like we need to get the lights for that and but he just really didn't put any effort into his personal like fashion aesthetic so that's disappointing what if that was my main problem with the movie i was like i would give it like a seven out of ten i just i feel like they could have done more with a doctor's costume that was like my that was my only complaint how would you rate this samantha out of five robber stacks one and a half wow that's high
That's pretty generous. I think maybe my explanation maybe brought a half to it. Could you say that? That's probably true. I think if you had asked me this before we recorded, it may have been a one. I absolutely gave us a one. But I also, okay, so on Letterboxd, you can rate things, but then also like do a heart if you like extra like it. I gave this one star and a heart. Which is the most chaotic rating possible. Where it's like, oh, it's terrible, but I had a great time watching it. I kind of wish, this is actually maybe something we should have thought of when we started this podcast. I wish there was a way to rate things separately for like quality and enjoyment, you know? You kind of have to average those together. Yeah. Because like the quality of this.
like negative a thousand it's terrible but my enjoyment watching it actually pretty high yeah there could be some more nuance in our writing system for sure like i wish there was two like little slidey bars you know right come to me i have app ideas and only some of them are haunted only some of them will get you killed in 48 hours this is such a fascinating little window into a era where yeah people were very concerned about the rise of the internet and becoming so prevalent in our lives but we were so bad at predicting the problem stuff like yeah that is a fucking problem it's had horrible consequences in all kinds of ways but not like this nothing like this to our knowledge it's not haunted Or is it? Or because energy can never be destroyed. It's alive in the wire, Samantha. Yeah, that's true. We just got to find the website that holds all the energy. Which I guess is fear.com.com. Oh, we can't get to it. The domain expired. All right, everyone. I really hope you enjoyed this magical journey. I hope you learned a lot about the internet today.
i hope you learned that if a weird man is filming you on the street and asks you to come audition for something like please don't please don't please kick him in the nuts and run as fast as you can yes or you're gonna end up on fear.com.com yeah you are a very real thing with lots of knives and also ghosts yep all right thanks everyone thanks for your money bye