From Validation-Seeking to Self-Trust

Seeking validation isn’t just about chasing likes. It’s the part of us that needs approval, wants to belong, and feel accepted. But does it come at a cost? In this episode, we unpack the subtle ways validation-seeking still shows up in our everyday lives, especially as gay men who learned early to scan, adapt, perform, and manage how we’re perceived. We talk about the difference between healthy feedback and outsourcing your self-worth, and what it actually looks like to build self-trust in real life. In this episode, we discuss: What validation-seeking actually looks like The difference between caring what people think and letting their opinion become a verdict on your worth Why self-trust requires tolerating discomfort, disappointment, and disapproval How we’re each still learning to come back to ourselves in more honest, grounded ways Self-trust doesn’t mean you stop caring what people think- it means their reaction no longer gets to decide who you are. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Reno Johnston Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Coming Home To Yourself(00:01:56) - Why Do Gay Men Seek Validation?(00:03:43) - What Does Validation Seeking Actually Look Like?(00:05:51) - What Does It Look Like to Be Overcomfortable?(00:07:20) - Michael Buble on Being Validated(00:07:57) - Michael Says He Feels Good About Himself(00:08:45) - Validation Seeking and How It Affects Your Life(00:13:53) - How to Stop Seeking External Validation(00:18:10) - What does validation seeking look like in your life?(00:18:35) - Why Is Self-Trust So Difficult For Gay People?(00:23:26) - "People Plead"(00:27:58) - What Makes Self Trust So Difficult?(00:31:43) - The Importance Of Identity(00:33:28) - Self-Trust Coaching(00:34:08) - Michael on Coming Home To Himself(00:35:38) - What Would I Do If I Wasn't Trying To Be Like(00:39:35) - Coming Home to Yourself(00:43:20) - Getting Back Home to Yourself(00:46:26) - Why I Don't Need To Explain My Time(00:48:06) - Coming Back Home To Yourself