From Why to How: Debbie Simmons on Grief, Adoption, and Building a Legacy That Lasts

In this powerful and deeply anchored conversation on Healed. Whole. Called., Wendy Melrose welcomes Debbie Simmons—CEO, author, adoptive mother of nine, and grandmother of fifteen—whose life was forever marked by both profound grief and profound obedience. As a young woman, Debbie dreamed of being a “young grandma.” She married, built her plans, and envisioned a full family life—only to walk into years of infertility that shook her identity. When fertility treatments led to pregnancy, hope was restored. But at 26 weeks, complications forced the early delivery of her quadruplet sons—Zach, Josh, Nate, and Chris. One by one, Debbie held each of her boys as they passed into eternity. In that hospital room, with empty arms and a shattered heart, Debbie faced the question so many ask in suffering: Why? Yet through prayer and surrender, she sensed the Lord gently challenge her to release that question. Even if she were given an answer, it would never fully satisfy. “Why” would only lead to more whys. Instead, God invited her to ask a different question: How do I survive? That shift changed everything. Rather than staying stuck in isolation and grief, Debbie began taking the next best step. One step at a time, trusting that God would meet her in obedience, her faith muscle strengthened. Survival eventually became thriving. Thriving became purpose. And purpose became legacy. Through that season of surrender, doors opened. Debbie began ministering to grieving parents, eventually stepping away from her engineering career to pursue full-time ministry. Adoption followed—first a sibling group of five from the foster system, then additional sibling groups in later years. Over time, nine children from hard places found a home in her family. That obedience also birthed Anchor Point, a nonprofit that equips families to thrive through adoption support, case management for women navigating unplanned pregnancies, therapeutic camps for children with trauma, and recovery groups addressing abortion, sexual abuse, and trauma. Debbie’s work is not reactive—it is redemptive. Pain became the seed for restoration in others. Her book, The Heart of Legacy, tells both her story and the principles she now teaches leaders: live your legacy now so you have one to leave later. Focused. Faithful. Fearless. She coaches high-capacity leaders—those successful by worldly standards—who quietly carry the question, “Is there more?” Debbie helps them discern the difference between success and calling, inviting them to slow down, listen, and respond to God’s next step. Throughout the conversation, Debbie offers practical spiritual wisdom: If you look backward, you pick up shame and regret. If you look too far forward, you pick up anxiety and fear. But when you keep your eyes fixed on Christ and focus on today’s obedience, peace returns. Her life models what she teaches. Whether navigating lawsuits, hurricanes, adoption transitions, or ministry challenges, her anchor remains the same—breathe, ask “how,” take the next step, and trust God with the rest. Debbie’s testimony reminds us that grief does not disqualify us. It can refine us. The question is not “why did this happen?” but “how will I walk forward with God from here?” Legacy is not built in ease. It is built in obedience. Pain was not the end of Debbie’s story. It was the beginning of her calling. How to Connect With the Guest Website (Free Book Offer): theheartoflegacy.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheDebbieSimmonsSpeaks Nonprofit Organization: Anchor Point Book: The Heart of Legacy If you’re carrying a story or testimony and sense a quiet stirring to do something more with it, but you’re unsure what that next step should be, I’ve created a resource to help you discern that.The Story Discernment Guide is a reflective guide designed to help you pause, pray, and gain clarity around the story you’re stewarding — before you write, publish, or share it publicly.You can explore the Story Discernment Guide at storycalling.info.Your story is not an accident.You are healed.You are whole.You are called — and stewarding your story well matters.