Fuck It Friday Episode 54 Beauty Is Only Skin Deep

You see, if I got one of my wishes everybody would see the world like Shallow Hal, and none of this would be a problem. But NO! Everybody wants a fucking "hottie", or "baddie", Do you really deserve one though? Guys that shoot above their level, usually get brought back down to Earth fairly quickly. Hell, guys that shoot AT their level usually catch the wrath of a bitter heifer that can't wait to call a guy "creepy", "weird", "loser", or "dusty". After that, a guy has to make halftime adjustments, read the D, and do a quarterback sneak into a bitch's psyche. That's all for another episode though. Flip it to the ladies, and you have a whole other problem. A lot of the women out there seem to think they deserve A-list movie stars, world famous performers, and all-star professional athletes. "Why do you believe that you deserve such a man?", I ask. "Um, like, because I'm a strong independent woman, I like know my worth, I live my truth, I like totes work on manifesting my dream man everyday, and not only do I know what I bring to the table, I AM the table." Guess what hoe, just because you get down on all fours, doesn't make you a table. As a matter of fact, go get on all fours in front of a mirror right now. You see how you look like a stray dog that just gave birth to 17 puppies? Future, and Chris Hemsworth ain't fucking that! I probably wouldn't even do it. If I did, I'd make biscuits on your back like I was a house cat, and yell out into the darkness of night," Why hast thou forsaken me, God!?". So, how about we have a little compassion for each other. Be more like me, you goofy cunts. That's a non-binary "cunts" too, so that covers everybody except computers. They have no choice but to be binary, otherwise they'd be fucking illiterate. Who's not being inclusive now?? Go sniff behind a french bulldogs ear, and let me know how that smells. I want reports goddamnit!