FW Ep 53 Listening

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19-20 NIV Talking has always felt very expensive to me as if I had a small budget to spend each day and each word had a high price tag. As a result, I find myself trying to find simpler ways to summarize my thoughts. I don’t tend to ramble. This natural inclination has been a great blessing to me. While holding my tongue for cost reasons, I have observed how quickly ill-considered words damage. A poorly-worded phrase can destroy a relationship. An angry outburst can scar. I could spend years building trust and burn it to the ground with a single sentence. James advises us to be slow to speak and slow to become angry. This is wisdom that few of us heed. I noticed that when I conserve my words, someone else is keen to fill the space with theirs. This presents me, the listener, with many opportunities. First, I have time to think about what I should say. This, also, helps me to not say something stupid. I can learn about the other person, so I can interact with them more effectively. An active listener is a student of other people. Much can be gleaned. When it is time for me to speak, my words will have more power and influence, because they are well-thought-out and crafted. There is a funny side effect of this practice. People think I am smarter than I am. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues. Proverbs 17:28 NIV. My wife has a deep-seated need to verbally process her thoughts. It takes a force of will for me to actively listen to her, instead of spacing out. She needs to feel heard. She needs to express herself. She needs to unload all the lists in her head. Once in a while, she might want my opinion, but that’s pretty rare. It’s not about me fixing her issues. It’s about her feeling heard. This is the listener’s superpower, husbands take note. When I listen to her well, I give her a gift. I show her that she is loved. My ability to lend a listening ear does far more for our marriage than anything I could say. It is the same with kids. Listening is an extremely valuable, and often neglected, tool for connecting with kids’ hearts. Leadership. Discipline. Guidance. Conflict resolution. It is all easier for the father that knows how to listen. I once had three co-workers who all suffered from diarrhea of the mouth. They competed so vigorously to talk that it seemed they required speech more than oxygen. They got louder. Each interrupted the other. They rambled through opinions, stories, complaints so rapidly that I wondered if anyone had heard the other. Sometimes they would all talk at the same time. None of them yielding the stage for even a minute. It reminded me of three chickens trying to establish a pecking order. I just ate my lunch, listened, and cringed. Listening is not supposed to be the inconvenient pause between your lines. It is the open door. It is the opportunity. Teach your kids that listening is a valuable skill. Show them how it can build people up. Demonstrate how it helps manage conflict. They need to know how listening gets at the root of problems and brings solutions to light. Yes, it is important to speak well, but without listening skills, you are missing half of the communication tool. Think of a pair of scissors. How effectively can you cut without two opposing blades? A person who can speak well and listen well will be more effective in all his pursuits.