Gaslighting: What It Is and What It Isn’t

What if the problem isn’t just what’s happening in your relationships, but how those relationships are shaping your sense of reality? In this episode of Lumen, hosts Christopher Mooney, LCSW and Kenyon Phillips, LMSW break down one of the most overused and misunderstood terms in modern mental health language: gaslighting. Drawing from clinical experience and real-world dynamics, they explore how gaslighting is not a single disagreement or difference in memory, but a sustained pattern of manipulation designed to erode your trust in your own perception, judgment, and reality. Christopher and Kenyon unpack why the term has exploded culturally—highlighting both the relief it has given survivors and the confusion created by its overuse—while offering a clear, grounded definition that separates true gaslighting from everyday conflict, defensiveness, lying, or miscommunication. The conversation delves into the lived experience of gaslighting—from chronic self-doubt and emotional fog to the subtle ways people begin shrinking, second-guessing, and outsourcing their reality to someone else. It also examines where gaslighting shows up most often, including romantic relationships, families, workplaces, and even within oneself through patterns of self-invalidation. Most importantly, this episode offers practical, compassionate guidance for recognizing patterns, re-anchoring your reality, testing relational safety, and making decisions that support your emotional well-being—all while empowering you to reclaim your internal authority. To book a free consultation with Christopher, Kenyon, or the other providers at Lumen Therapy Collective, visit lumentherapycollective.com. Follow Lumen on Instagram: @lumen_therapy_collectiveSubscribe, share, and review Lumen on your favorite podcast platform!Lumen is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, diagnosis, or treatment. If you’re experiencing a mental health crisis, please contact local emergency services or a trusted mental health professional.