Genesis 31: Daughters of Mine

Now he heard the things that Lavan’s sons were saying:וַיִּשְׁמַע אֶת־דִּבְרֵי בְנֵי־לָבָן לֵאמֹר לָקַח יַעֲקֹב אֵת כָּל־אֲשֶׁר לְאָבִינוּ וּמֵאֲשֶׁר לְאָבִינוּ עָשָׂה אֵת כָּל־הַכָּבוֹד הַזֶּה׃“Jacob has taken all that was our father’s, and from that which was our father’s he has built up all this wealth.” (Genesis 31:1)Yaacov also saw that Lavan’s manner toward him was not as it had been in the past:וַיַּרְא יַעֲקֹב אֶת פְּנֵי לָבָן וְהִנֵּה אֵינֶנּוּ עִמּוֹ כִּתְמוֹל שִׁלְשׁוֹם׃“And Jacob saw Laban’s face, and behold, it was not toward him as before.” (Genesis 31:2)These two verses call into question presumptions about Lavan. Why are Lavan’s sons the ones grumbling? If Lavan was so horrible, he should be complaining. Second, if Lavan was cheating Yaacov out of everything, why are his sons complaining that Lavan is losing all of his wealth? Finally, and most importantly, if Lavan was horrible from the very first time he met Yaacov, why now, after all of these years, does Yaacov see that Lavan “was not like he was in the past”? That “past” includes swapping his bride to be! Were all Lavan’s previous actions not as bad as the commentators say? Yaacov must not have thought so.After hearing these whispers, Yaacov talks to his wives about leaving. Yaacov explains that Lavan cheated him:וַאֲבִיכֶן הֵתֵל בִּי וְהֶחֱלִף אֶת מַשְׂכֻּרְתִי עֲשֶׂרֶת מֹנִים וְלֹא נְתָנוֹ אֱלֹהִים לְהָרֵעַ עִמָּדִי׃“Your father has cheated me and changed my wages ten times; but God did not permit him to harm me.” (Genesis 31:7)But the text never directly describes Lavan as cheating Yaacov. Leah and Rachel’s answer is odd. They do not seem to be gung-ho about Yaacov, but more about the fact that Lavan has squandered everything. They have no inheritance left, so why stay?Yaacov packs everyone up and sneaks out while Lavan is out in the field. (With Rachel stealing her father’s idols). Notice the phrase the Torah uses to describe this flight:וַיִּגְנֹב יַעֲקֹב אֶת־לֵב לָבָן הָאֲרַמִּי עַל־בַּל־הִגִּיד לוֹ כִּי בֹרֵחַ הוּא׃“And Jacob stole the heart of Laban the Aramean, in that he did not tell him that he fled.” (Genesis 31:20)Lavan pursues Yaacov, but God appears to Lavan and warns:הִשָּׁמֶר לְךָ דַּבֵּר עִם־יַעֲקֹב מִטּוֹב עַד־רָע׃“Beware of attempting anything with Jacob, good or bad.” (Genesis 31:24)If Lavan is evil, why is he warned not to do anything good or bad? Lavan confronts Yaacov about leaving like he was kidnapping Lavan’s daughters, specifically not allowing Lavan to kiss his children goodbye.Ultimately, Lavan heeds the word of God yet again (not really the action of an evil person). In a final stalling act of desperation, he asks for his idols. Clearly someone in Yaacov’s camp took them, but a fruitless search leaves only Rachel’s camel left. Lavan, though, honors his daughter’s wishes and does not ask her to dismount.Yaacov is incensed and attacks Lavan by focusing on his time with the flocks. Lavan responds:הַבָּנוֹת בְּנֹתַי וְהַבָּנִים בָּנַי וְהַצֹּאן צֹאנִי וְכֹל אֲשֶׁר־אַתָּה רֹאֶה לִי הוּא וּלְבָנֹתַי מָה אֶעֱשֶׂה לָאֵלֶּה הַיּוֹם אוֹ לִבְנֵיהֶן אֲשֶׁר יָלָדוּ׃“The daughters are my daughters, the children are my children, and the flocks are my flocks; all that you see is mine. Yet what can I do today about these daughters of mine, or about the children they have borne?” (Genesis 31:43)Lavan’s point of focus is his daughters. To that end he makes Yaacov swear:אִם־תְּעַנֶּה אֶת־בְּנֹתַי וְאִם־תִּקַּח נָשִׁים עַל־בְּנֹתַי אֵין אִישׁ עִמָּנוּ רְאֵה אֱלֹהִים עֵד בֵּינִי וּבֵינֶךָ׃“If you ill-treat my daughters or take other wives besides my daughters—though no one else be about, remember, it is God who will be witness between you and me.” (Genesis 31:50)Lavan’s last words in the Torah are a warning to Yaacov, not about the flocks, or Eliezer’s gold earrings, but his daughters.