Getting used To It: The Thought You Felt Guilty For Having

Send us Fan Mail"Not fair. I want that too."That's the first honest reaction we had reading Molly Roden Winter's writing about her open marriage — and it sent us somewhere way deeper than gossip.Because the real spark isn't who dates whom. It's the shock of watching someone actually pause, ask herself what she wanted, and make a conscious choice about her relationship instead of just... following the default script.In this episode, we get into mononormativity — the cultural gravity that makes monogamy feel like the only civilized option — and why so many of us were conditioned to believe that even wondering makes us the bad guy. We dig into the research on relationship and sexual satisfaction across monogamy, ethical nonmonogamy, and open relationships (including why the findings are genuinely mixed, and why "what matches your values" will always matter more than picking the supposedly correct structure).Then we go to the messy, human middle: jealousy, the fear of not being enough, and the identity earthquake that hits a long-term marriage when one person starts asking who they are beyond wife and mom. We also wrestle with rules like "don't fall in love" — and what it actually takes for any partnership to hold up under real honesty, real communication, and real emotional elasticity.If you've ever felt guilty for a thought you didn't even choose — you're not alone.Listen, send this to the friend who will actually talk about it with you, and leave us a review. Then tell us: what's your gut reaction to open marriage or polyamory, and where do you think it comes from?Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Getting Used To It!If you enjoyed today’s conversation, please consider subscribing, rating, and leaving us a review—it helps others discover the show! We’d also love to hear your thoughts, so drop us a comment or connect with us on Bluesky @gettingusedtoit.bksy.social.Stay connected, stay curious, and we’ll see you next time!