Hello and welcome to episode four of the God War. This is the Red Team. I know I never mentioned in third playing that the team said college, but they do. This is the Red Team.
And if you, this is your first episode of S H U, you are going to be clearly lost. This is real lore heavy. Do not start here. So I'm not going to even try to introduce people or anything.
We're just jumping right in. We're going to jump right in with Constance or the Librarian. Red Team, dead team. Red Team, dead team.
Librarian, you were at the mansion, yes? Yes. I was at the party. And then I picked the pocket of a dead, like gross chewing gum man, waited no.
And I went home in a cab, at least. Right, OK. So as you're going home in a cab, you get a message from your wrist watch to go to a specific location. OK, I immediately told the cab driver to go to that location.
But I also told him that I will not be paying an extra. OK, he begrudgingly does it because he's annoyed that you're a lady. A true villain. Yeah.
All right, so you're headed to this new location. It's quite a bit away, but it's up on the top of like a mountain area. You also get a message that you are waiting for a spacecraft. OK, it's like nighttime, right?
Yeah. Yeah, waiting one to the OK. OK, great. So does he just drop you off?
And yeah, he drops you off. All right, if there's like a park bench, I'll sit on park bench, and I will start just throwing some poisoned grain for the birds. OK, so you're feeding the bird. You're doing that.
We're going to cut out to space to mirage. Yes. You've been getting instructions to fly to Earth to pick up your crew. I do that.
OK. You're flying to Earth. Is there anything special you do on your way to Earth? I would try and catch up on as much Earth pop culture as I can.
To figure out how to speak to them. OK. All right, so yeah. So you watch friends or the office or whatever?
Yeah. Because it's most of what Earth pop culture is, is friends in the office. Yeah. Sure.
And the Beatles. Oh, and the Beatles. The Beatles in there. So you're heading to Earth.
We are going to cut over to Fiona and Cade. You were traveling with Monkey Fist and Cassandra and Kendra. No, not Kendra. And why?
Oh, yeah, why? We stopped in the field, remember? Standing in front of a man with another man. He has my so-did shield and then another man with blades on his hands.
Yeah. Yes. So you're walking out of a field, and you see phalanx there with dark blades. Hi.
Hello. Hi. Hi. Oh, you.
You have a voice. Yeah, I'm dark blades. OK. So like you have something that I want, and I was wondering if I have it.
What? I don't have anything you want to face. I don't care about you. You should care about me.
I'm dark blades. I don't. In fact, I push it. I push dark blades aside.
And I'm like, can I have those, please? Yeah, they're really annoying. Oh, shut up. Here, take it.
All right. All right. Pick this short and shield. All right, you take this short and shield.
They feel like they belong to you, but you don't know where they're from or what they do yet. I shouldn't shield. I should use my other. Well, no, I have the angel sword.
I give the angel sword a cage, I believe. Or is that the shield? OK. I don't remember.
I give KV and Jellic metal that he's obsessed with at the moment. Yeah. And I'm like, so here's a random question. Are you guys involved in this God-war thing?
Yeah. Yup. OK. I don't know if you were supposed to.
I think we're on a team. Oh, OK. We are. Well, I'm Fiona.
This is Kate. Yeah, sure. I don't know. I'm going to the farm.
Oh, thanks. Is this your place? Yeah. It's pretty nice.
When it's not being attacked by our small robots. Oh, that happened to you? Is that an all? More than I'd like.
Fair enough. I don't know if you were around, but there's a giant monster that attacked me that I had that was made from an ancient beer I got. I fought a few monsters in my time, mostly criminals, crooks. We destroyed it by throwing it in a volcano.
Yeah. What? Yeah, that's how we destroyed ours. It was about as big as a built, like a skyscraper, I think.
Even bigger, I think. I just use my wits and my knives. I just punched them very hard. Yeah, same.
Why do you need a sword and a shield if you punch stuff? I look at him and say because I was trained to use them. OK. I wasn't.
I'm probably more deadly than you. Fair enough. So you guys are hanging out talking what do you all decide to do? So Chrono sent me to get this Dragonheart thing, and I don't know if you want it or not.
I think he's also on our team. What me? No. I'll take the Dragonheart.
I'm not giving it to you. You really don't like them. We're offering this dude. They want to give me my sword and shield.
The one who probably looks like me for some reason, who reminds me of me? I don't know. So you're offering feelings the Dragonheart? Yeah, I offer it to him and be like in exchange for the sword and shield.
All right, feelings. She's handing you what looks like a crystal Dragonheart. Crystal? Yeah.
OK. Do you take it? Sure. A beam of light starts penetrating, not penetrating, emanating from the Dragonheart and pointing in a very specific direction.
Like North? Yeah, sure. We will say North. Yeah, it's going.
It gives you what you desire the most basically. OK. So for me, it was the sword and shield. For Kato is, and I just like a kid, I'm like something else.
Yeah, I don't want to talk about that. So whatever you desire, it will take us to it. All of a sudden, a girl that you recognize Fiona, and I don't know if Kade recognizes her or not. But you know her as a weather vane.
Oh, I think I think I think I think I think I think it remembers Bethany as well, correct? The lady that the kid that you fought who was shooting electricity? Yeah. Or was that?
Where's that gravity? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
Did I don't know if weather vane, whether it might have attacked when they were trying to get Wolf Cop. Oh, yeah, that was true. All right. She appears and she shoots lightning at everybody.
I don't know. She rolls a three against everybody. She would shoot everybody with lightning. Do I roll athletics or fight?
It would be athletics because you're dodging a shoot. I got a plus three. Well, six. Oh, geez.
OK. Lightning catches a penguin fist really hard and he fries into a penguin. Is he already dead? Yes.
He gets hit really, really hard because he rolled very poorly. All right. So we're going to cut back to the librarian. So you're sitting there on the bench and the girl you know is Kendra eventually appears as well.
She's like, you left me behind. Again. You were with me? I showed up with the sword and I said that I did the whole thing with the sword.
Oh, that. I had a party to. Yeah. Yeah.
OK. All right. We're supposed to stick together. We're on the same team.
I don't want any grain. I don't need to eat. Birds like it. She gestures the settled dead birds.
Like I'm like, what did you do? What did you do? I thought I heard it was poison, but I was. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Do you know? I heard it was. I was just getting poisoned grain to the birds.
I missed the poison. Yeah. Yeah. All right.
So you're poisoning the birds. She's like, I don't want no. They're like one of four. So it's squirrel.
You are something else, lady. Normally I would take that as a compliment, but not for you. You guys hear a large boom in the atmosphere. Oh, of you.
And down comes a spaceship. Mirage described the spaceship. You're flying. So the spaceship I'm flying is an elongated craft with two round engines at the back.
Okay. It's like a Serenity vibe. Okay. No, it more looks like a giant dick.
I was going to say that. Oh, so like the Lex. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
From the show the Lex. Okay. Okay. All right.
So it looks like a giant dick. Does it fly headfirst or balls first? It flies headfirst. The balls are the engines.
Okay. How large is this ship? It's a modest size. It's not too big.
Would you say it's more long or girthy? I'd say it's more girthy. It's the perfect size from Mirage to really be able to handle it well. Yeah.
It looks like it's going to be about seven inches. It's a bit of a chode. You're saying? I mean, if you want to get crafts about it, sure.
I think we've crossed that line of being crass a little bit. All right. So you're flying your dick ship. Does the dick ship hold more than one person?
Like it's like a craft, right? It holds a whole load of people I think. Yeah. Jesus Christ.
Okay. So you're flying down and you see a couple of the people that you're supposed to be picking up. There is a young girl and an old girl. I'm going to put the ship in park.
Okay. So I will open the door to the ship and first I want to interface with their mind to make sure that I'm speaking the correct language for them because in trying to brush up on their cultures, I realize they have a lot of languages. All right. Yeah.
They both seem to be speaking English. Okay. I will say hi. I was sent to find people.
Constance is very apprehensive because her last experience with aliens was awful. Yeah. We're going to explain what you look like for Constance. Yeah.
So Mirage is a giant cat lady. She looks like a Leaks. She's wearing a long trench coat. Hey.
Yeah. Kendra says you're a cat. Are you one of those? Oh, for outfit people I hear about.
I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm going to assume no. Oh, great elder. Oh, I like you. And she looks at Kendra and she's like pointers.
What pointers for what? How to treat a venerable person of age. Oh, geez. Whatever.
You're an old bag. And I look at Mirage and I like see or no respect. All right. So what are you guys doing?
So you're here. You're picking us up. I was told to pick up some people and you all are the people that are in the place I was told to pick up people from. I assume you're people.
Yeah. I'm a person. I can't vouch for her. She's terrible.
All right. Everybody roll me a notice. I got a one. Three.
All right. Constance, you notice that Mirage, she partured dick ship and got out of the dick ship to communicate with y'all. But there's something crawling on top of the dick ship. Oh, is that a stab?
Is that one of your things? I'm going to turn around and pull out both my guns and point at whatever it is. All right. It's a very large beastly creature.
It looks like it's got a large maw on its stomach. It's a huge gross disgusting monster with multiple mouths. I'm going to shoot at it. It roars.
Right. That's not one of yours. All right. So Mirage is going first.
Mirage is going first. Mirage is a roll shoot at it. That is a four total. You shoot at a bunch.
It does not seem to be too happy with you being shooting it. Librarian. What do you do? I'm going to pop a sound bubble under it so that I can hopefully pop it off the top of the ship and onto the ground.
Okay. Roll do that. Okay. I got a five.
All right. Yeah. You knock it off the ship. It falls to the ground.
Kendra says fucking monsters and she just goes running straight at it and gives it a slap on the face. Does she have that sword? Yeah, she does. Okay.
She just has it. Okay. Kendra like splits the way. I didn't do that side quest.
So I did that side quest. Don't worry. So yeah, Kendra runs up and gives it a punch. A Vormonger taken over by the god.
It was very angry and chomps down at Kendra and he gets a real good. Kendra is kind of laughing and giggling like it tickles. He's chomping on a real good. Mirage, give me a notice check.
It's a one total. Okay. It's pretty obvious that this girl that's being chomped by this thing, you're kind of getting a feel for these people's abilities and you notice the sound bubble and you notice that this girl is like unable to be hurt. I'm going to log both of those details away for later use.
We're going to cut back over to other group. We're going to go to the top of the list that I just made randomly. Fiona, it is your turn. I have a question.
How much damage was the lightning damage? She rolled a three against you and she rolled a three against Kate and she rolled a three against Felix. So I didn't take any damage. Okay.
No. What I'm going to do is I'm going to look at Bethany and run up and slash at her. Okay. I don't really want to hurt you anymore than I have to.
I don't know about these two. I motion my feelings and dark glades. Okay. I got a plus five.
You got a plus five to swipe better? Yeah, this way better with my new sword. All right. You give her a good old slash.
I picks up what's on the farm on the farm that you guys have. Yes. Do you guys have like a tractor equipment and shit? Of course.
Okay. She picks up some tractor equipment and chucks it. She just throws it. Yeah.
Like a discus and hits weather Vayne and knocks her back because Sandra backs off and does nothing. Felix it is your turn. She flying. Yeah.
She's kind of hovering in the air. She'll throw a spear. Let me hit guard. Seven.
Oh, you threw a good spear. You hit. You hit her good. It jabs and kind of sticks in her chest.
Dark glades goes running up to cut. He misses and she does. He does very poorly. Okay.
Did your turn. All right. I want to touch the angel metal shield. I'm going to see my just slinging on my back and turn metal.
Okay. And then I want to call out to lie and I want to fast ball special like I did previously. All right. So you're going to throw her.
And you know what? I'm going to have her throw me this time. Okay. You have to wait for her next turn.
Yeah. That's fine. I get to wait for her next turn to do that. Okay.
That's fine. I think she's trying to throw each other. At the same time. Yeah.
Perpetual motion machine. So you're kind of you're saying you're going to post one of your turn until she can throw you. Yes. All right.
She agrees to do that. She's like, yeah, let's all do that. Weather Vayne. She she sees everybody fighting her except for Cassandra.
And she's she says, I know glass cannons when I see them and Zapsa Cassandra. You are dead wrong. She blasts Cassandra pretty good. Cassandra goes down.
She's not dead. But she's like knocked to the ground, electrocuted pretty badly. I'm going to go up to the top of Fiona. I see two in my comrades.
One is technically dead. Roll it. Roll a notice. Oh, okay.
Three. All right. So as you're looking at your comrades, the one that is dead is slowly being dragged away by scientists to the distance. Damn it.
He'll be lizard just next. I have to make him is going to make a mental note. I have to physically kill him next time. Alex, please give him lizard.
No, he's obviously going to be eating this next. I see that too. My comrades are down. I grip my sword and shield a bit more angrily and be like, okay, play times over.
And I'm going to swing at her again. All right. Go for it. Knock it down.
I got another plus five. You get a good old slash on the weather vein. Well, I was turned. I throws K.
Kated is your turn. You get a plus two. Awesome. This is a plus two.
I got a plus seven. All right. You hit real good. She kind of stumbles back.
Failing says your turn. She's getting wailed on by a bunch of people. I guess I'll keep the punishment going. All right.
All right. Eight. All right. You blast her.
Good one. What are you doing exactly? Stabbinger with a sword. All right.
You stabbered with a sword. Round yet. Dark leads. Stabs at her again.
And misses. And now it's her turn. She does one of her special moves and attacks everybody. And she gets a plus 11.
Holy fuck. What are we rolling to this? Athletics. She's like shooting electricity everywhere.
It's like her finale. Everything. So everybody defend against a plus 11. Give me a card.
I got another plus seven. I'm using an app this time. I got a make less noise. I got a plus four.
So seven damage. Yep. So everybody takes a bit of damage. No one is down yet.
All right. All right. She does that to like kind of as she's shouting. You'll never get to the thrones.
And she kind of. Does that as a cook to grab before she knocks herself out. She's laying there with multiple stab wounds in a spirit of chest. And the evil entity that was taking her over is now gone.
Now it's just your old schoolmate, Bethany laying there bleeding out. I look at Kate. I look at everyone I say to anyone how many medical treatment. I know Cassandra can, but she'll take the damage and she's already pretty hurt.
I have crafts. So no. I will I assume because I my aesthetic is skater. I'm flannel wrapped around me.
So I'm going to go to the next one. I'm going to go to the next one. I'm going to go to the next one. Because I my aesthetic is skater.
I'm flannel wrapped around me. So I'm going to wrap it around like one person like stab wounds badly. And then I'm going to call 911 and be like. We have a person who's waiting out at this location.
He's calling 911. Yes. Okay. She's right now.
All right. You're just calling 911. You're going to be roped. We can fire up with before.
No. What if she goes all crazy? All right. We're going to cut back mirage.
I want to run into the ship and grab my site and come back out. Okay. You run back into the ship and grab your site and you come back out. Librarian.
like shove it in the tommy mouth to like gag it so that it can't like close its mouth and chop chop. Okay, roll me that. Would you like me to do shoots for that or something else? You really shoot as mine.
Yeah, shoots fine. Okay. Yeah, shoots good. I got four.
All right. You put a sound bubble in gour mongers, vour mongers mouth. Is that like creating an advantage, I guess? Yeah.
Yeah. What was the number that you got? Four. Four.
All right. So you're giving somebody a plus two. Kendra immediately uses the plus two to crawl down and punch it in the esophagus. She's not doing a whole lot of damage, but it seems like she would be taking a whole lot of damage if she could.
Four monger sees mirage coming out of the ship with the scythe and isn't very happy. It stops attacking Kendra immediately and rushes towards mirage and goes all out and rolls a plus six against you mirage. So what do I roll to combat it? Fight.
Can I be athletics instead? No, it is not shooting. I got one. All right.
So you take some damage. It's trying to kill you before you can use that fucking thing. Fair. So this huge beast runs up on you and it grabs you when it's maw.
I have a two consequence of munched. Yep. All right. So we're going to go to the top mirage.
It is your turn. Okay. I want to suck some of the life force from it and activate the scythe. Okay.
And then I want to fight it back. So I want to swing the scythe down. Roll. Roll.
Fight. That was better. That is a plus seven total. Okay.
You do a bit of damage to Vormonger, but it's not currently down. A librarian is your turn. All right. Seeing my new best friend, the cat person.
Like with a big old psych, Constance is super into this. So I'm just going to try to help out. So I would like to try to death in Vormonger by basically increasing the sound around its ears so that any noise is cacophonous and it is distracted. Okay.
Go for it. Right. Oh, that's only a two. That's only a two.
All right. So there's a plus one on it on you can use mirage next time. Kendra gets up and dust herself off. She kind of walks over.
So mirage while you're in the mall of this thing, you can see Kendra. She's kind of like giggling and laughing. She doesn't seem to have any urgency about any of the situation. Her clothes are pretty ripped up, but she does not seem to be damaged in the slightest.
And she's also not really doing anything. Vormonger continues to chew on you and it gets a nine. Cool. I got four.
Nice. So you take a five. Taking a four consequence of really much. So you're getting kind of fucked up, Mirage.
Yep. All right. So we're going to go up to mirage. You see the writing on the wall.
This thing is not going to be not going to end well for you. I want to reach out to Kendra's mind and try and take over her body. All right. Roll me a roll me what you would roll for that.
That's a plus seven. Plus seven? Yeah. She does not have a high will.
You have body swap with Kendra. Cool. Librarian is your turn. I will probably just blast at this thing with some some waves.
Do it. Roll it. That'll be a three. A three?
All right. So you you blast it with some some some waves. Are you using your plus one? Oh, if that's not been used, then absolutely I will.
Okay. So you do four to it. All right. So you do some damage.
We are going to next is Kendra who is in Mirage's body now. Starts screaming in horror because she's never felt pain before. Oh, God. Fun.
Then Vormogr chons down and cuts the body in half. Murdering Mirage's old body and Kendra in the process. Oh, no. That blood's going to be hard to get out of the coat.
Mirage is your turn. So I have a sword, right? Yeah. Okay.
I'm going to run up and just try and stab the fuck out of this thing. All right. Go for it. What's my new fight set?
It's whatever your fight set would be. Okay. Because it's just her physical body. It's not her skills.
Okay. Oh, fuck. The only thing that would change is physique. Okay.
So I rolled all negatives. So that is a minus three. Do you want to do a new body? This new body.
This new body. Yeah. I feel like this is a good time. Actually, no, I'm not going to because it's a new body.
So I'm still trying to get the hang of it. All right. Cool. Librarian is your turn.
All right. So from our consciousness settings, you just saw her new friend and cool cat lady get chopped in half. Oh, completely eviscerated. No idea.
What's going on? Screaming like. Yeah. Like the most confused horror.
Like the worst screams you've ever heard in your entire life. Okay. Well, I hate this. You just got to get it.
Damn it. And then quickly says, InterWatch no offense. And I'm going to take a couple handfuls of my poison grain and scatter it around the ground like kelchrops. Should I just do shoot for that too?
Or I don't know. Are you trying to do damage? No, I'm trying to create a advantage again. Okay.
Yeah. Just roll shoot for that then. That'll be a two. All right.
So you created another plus one. Vormonger sort of spitting out the bits of cat lady and looks at Constance next and says, now for dessert and attacks. I'm very chewy. They're really bad.
So they get a two on to chew Constance. Good. Because my defenses are awful. What is that?
Is that just a fight? I have nighter. So it doesn't matter. I got a minus one.
All right. So what did I say? They got a two? Yeah.
So you take three damage. Mirage, it is your turn. There's a floating plus one if you want to use it. Yeah.
So I want to use my telekinesis to try and throw this thing off of the old lady. Okay. So I will be using the plus one to do so. Okay.
That is will three plus one plus one. So that is a nine total. Ooh, a bad roll. You knocked out Vormonger.
Can I walk over and stab it again? Yeah. It is now prone. And the evil spirit that wasn't having it is now gone.
You can do as you please with it. I want to stab into it. Okay. You stab into it.
Just to make sure it's dead. Do you coupe the garage this thing? Yes. All right.
You murder Vormonger. I turn to Constance. I'm glad you survived Elder. You've never been so respectful to me ever.
Oh, I'm going to point to the cat body. That was me. So now you were. She's no longer with us.
That's fine. And then I'm going to walk over, grab the coat, put it on, grab the scythe and the guns and you know, just get everything backwards supposed to me. Okay. All right.
You have a message to pick up the rest of your crew. I will turn to Constance. If you would like to come aboard, we have to go and get the rest of our group. Sounds like plan.
All right. So you guys get up on your spaceship and you fly correct? Yes. Okay.
Coming back to the other group, your current 911 arrives and they start picking up the this stab to shit lady. What's everybody else doing? Well, I'm looking for something. I just remember to talk about lightning.
Is my hands still working? Yeah, your hands still working. Okay. And then I go over to Cassandra and I try to wake her up.