Going Down The Rabbit Hole (Responsibly)

We have opinions about conspiracy theories, and Tyson wore his Illuminati shirt for the occasion. This week, we are running through a stack of conspiracy theories — mainstream, weird, plausible, and deeply unhinged — and rating each one on a scale of Nah, Hmm, Actually Though, and I Need to Lie Down. With a special bonus category Tyson invented on the spot: I Just Really Want This to Be True. Before we get into the bingo, we spend some time on the bigger question of why conspiracy theories are so compelling in the first place. Having grown up inside a high-control religious group, we recognize the machinery of them more than most. The need to feel like you have special knowledge nobody else does. The us-versus-them certainty. The way any evidence against the theory somehow becomes proof of how deep it goes. These are familiar concepts, and they make us both more skeptical and more curious than the average person. Then we get into it. The Simpsons predicting the future. The moon landing (hell nah…just stop). The JFK assassination…although Umbrella Academy did clear that one up. 9/11 as an inside job. Chemtrails, which turns out to be more documented than Kaina expected. The Illuminati, the lizard people, and Denver International Airport, which we both agree, leaned into it brilliantly. Government alien cover-ups and the congressional hearings that made this one significantly less fringe. COVID19 and vaccines. 5G towers, which Tyson dismantles completely and correctly using electromagnetic wave science so we can all sleep better at night. Epstein didn't kill himself (obviously). The Wayfair furniture listings and how Jeffrey Epstein’s emails give it more weight. Birds aren't real. Chuck E. Cheese pizza. Zuckerberg as a lizard person (compelling evidence: his face). We close with the ones that stopped being conspiracy theories because they turned out to be true: COINTELPRO, MKUltra, Operation Mockingbird, the tobacco industry's cancer cover-up, and Purdue Pharma's very intentional opioid crisis. The pattern we keep coming back to: the theories that turn out to be true almost always involve money and power protecting themselves. The ones that don't tend to require increasingly elaborate explanations for why there's no evidence. Moral of the story: never let your certainty get too strong. Approach everything with curiosity, not your self-righteous ego. Mainstream media is failing us and a lot of what fills the gap is garbage, but some of it isn't. And just remember folks, if the government could – they would, and they probably are. Comment your favorite conspiracy theories below. We want to know. ⚠️ CONTENT NOTE/TW: This episode contains discussion of child abuse networks and related conspiracy theories. Intro Music: Synthetic Prayer by JKN Music Fan Art: Willow Roxas | Ekath Art Tune into future episodes on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts! Follow Kaina on TikTok @cosmerecat for more Cosmic Donut Holes content! Business email: [email protected]