"Good Guy" Syndrome

A common struggle among many men these days is the feeling of being inadequate in our partner’s eyes. We work hard for our families, we show up for our kids, and we focus on being a present partner and husband. But no matter how much effort we put in around the house or for our partners, it never feels like enough. We feel disconnected from our partners, we are constantly feeling negative feedback from them, and we feel like we just can’t win. This is actually a significant reason why many men are attracted to men’s work. They know they are good men, and their hearts are in the right place, but they don’t understand why that isn’t enough for their partners. Listen to this episode of The Crux to hear Ryan and Slade discuss the symptoms of “Good Guy” Syndrome, and how you can break out of this cycle to begin engaging more honestly and openly with your partner about each other’s needs. SHOW NOTES: 00:00 – The Good Guy Syndrome: It’s all about “me”, not “we” 02:46 – We think we deserve recognition for things that don’t actually fulfill our partner’s needs 04:15 – You’ll never be a perfect partner 05:07 – Your efforts inhibit real connection when they come from the “Good Guy” perspective 08:22 – “Good Guy” symptoms often shows up when men get stuck in the friend zone 09:37 – Showing up in service vs. showing up in connection 10:24 – Breaking the “Good Guy” cycle by slowing down and inviting curiosity 13:01 – Take charge and be directorial in how you respond to feedback 15:44 – Falling into avoidant tendencies amplifies negative emotions and strengthens feelings of inadequacy 16:36 – Close the loop: Take space to unpack the situation, but following up later is required