Gordie Bufton and Bradley Callow on Empowering Kids and Addiction

In this episode, Dave shares the mic with Gordie Bufton and Bradley Callow. Dave, Gordie, and Bradley met in Bangkok, Thailand for the Entrepreneurship Organization Leadership Conference. Gordie and Bradley are the founders of Rich Legacy, a business that helps parents bridge the gap in their relationships with their children. Tune in as Gordie and Bradley openly share about their own struggles with addiction and how this led to the heart of their business—equipping parents with the communicative tools they need to reach and love their children. Time Stamped Show Notes: 00:33 – Introducing Gordie and Bradley 00:50 – Dave met Bradley and Gordie at the EO Conference in Bangkok 01:00 – Gordie and Bradley were speaking at the event on how entrepreneurs can build a strong relationship with their kids 01:09 – Their business is Rich Legacy 01:27 – Gordie wrote the bestselling book, Eluding Reality: A Memoir about Drugs, Psych Wards, and Reality 01:53 – Bradley shared the "psych ward story" at the EO Conference 02:21 – The setting was Gordie running on the beach 02:43 – There were searchlights and a helicopter running after him because he escaped from a high security psych ward 03:34 – It was a hilarious story, yet true story—although it was a serious situation when it happened 03:50 – This was a low point in Gordie's life 04:13 – Bradley is a treatment specialist 04:20 – Bradley started using drugs at 11 years old 04:24 – That sent him into a crazy journey and rehab 04:46 – He started smoking marijuana 04:57 – He saw things not all 11 year olds see 05:14 – He had self-destructive behavior 05:23 – He was an alpha male, but was uncoordinated so he didn't do sports 05:45 – Bradley came from a great family – which was the inspiration for Rich Legacy 06:34 – The pattern of parents thinking they are doing their kids good 06:41 – Bradley went to rehab at 26 and spent a year in different treatment centers 07:38 – Dave has 3 teenagers right now 08:23 – The problem with social media and self-esteem 08:39 – Not remembering how it was like when you were a teenager shuts a switch off 09:09 – Rich Legacy's focus is understanding a child's perspective 09:31 – When parents can't remember feeling like a kid, it affects the way they interact with their children 10:03 – Like Bradley, Gordie came from a good family 10:07 – Gordie's father is a bank executive in Atlanta 10:12 – Gordie was a straight-A student and a top youth golfer 10:19 – He was the perfect child until 17 years old 10:32 – At 17, he broke up with his girlfriend and didn't know how to cope 11:00 – Instead of asking for help, Gordie resorted to smoking pot 11:31 – He started ecstasy and after a few months, dropped out of college 11:58 – He was using ecstasy enough to kill an elephant 12:04 – He continued using drugs and started selling out of his parents' home 12:11 – His parents knew he was smoking pot, but they didn't know how serious it was 12:28 – Before his 20th birthday, his parents kicked him out of the house 12:33 – The following week, Gordie was arrested and he spent a week in jail 12:40 – He spent his 20th birthday in jail 12:43 – When he got out, he had a near-death experience and was homeless 12:56 – This was Gordie's lowest moment that made him rethink his life 13:14 – He decided to get sober 13:23 – He started experiencing manic episodes and went in and out of psych wards 13:33 – He escaped different psych wards and was labeled legally insane 13:48 – His parents sent him to a very expensive rehab center 13:52 – He continued living with his parents until age 22, then moved out on his own 14:45 – Being manic, Gordie was not in touch with reality 15:59 – Gordie and Bradley were both spending a lot of time with the recovery treatment community 16:11 – They both went out with a common friend 16:38 – They had a mutual understanding and bonded 17:15 – They were playing golf with Cameron Herold, who told them they should speak to Entrepreneurs Organization 18:00 – One frustration Gordie and Bradley encountered with their recoveries is that they are hyperfocused on the after effects 18:36 – "What can we do on the preventive side?" 19:02 – They realize that most of the preventive measures falls to the parents 20:02 – High performing parents tend to be more driven with high expectations for their children 21:17 – Lack of connection between children and parents is one of the biggest issues 21:53 – What you should be questioning is NOT why the addiction, but why the pain? 22:20 – Gordie and Bradley help parents create the connection that is lacking with their children 23:17 – Dave's father is now 78 23:30 – He tells Dave stories about growing up as a kid 23:39 – Dave's grandparents were frustrated that his father was always holding onto a device (books) 24:19 – What the parents does vs. what the child does 25:13 – It's less about the kids' behavior, but the how parents act 25:37 – Seek first to understand 25:56 – Help your child understand you 26:14 – Develop mutual goals 27:05 – Family Plan Program: 27:18 – Create goals as a family 28:22 – Rich Legacy focuses on the character traits they value as a family 29:48 – Parents' vision is to have happy, healthy children who are responsible for their actions, with a strong work ethic and empathic to others 30:21 – Family plans work on different character traits per quarter 31:14 – The group coaching program's goal is to offer tiered options based on the family's availability 32:21 – Gordie and Bradley try to translate what the child is experiencing to the parents and they try to bridge that gap 34:26 – Gordie and Bradley become the icons to help parents understand their kids 35:25 – Gordie and Bradley want parents to function on their own and not rely on them forever 35:58 – They help set the platform for the parents to discuss sensitive issues 38:13 – It's healthy to acknowledge that addicts can be your neighbor 38:40 – Gordie mentions Joe Polish's podcast about work addiction 39:21 – The most transformational thing you can do is to spend 10 minutes of focused time every day with your child 40:57 – Make your cars a phone-free zone with no radio or music 42:20 – Dave and his wife go out to dinner once a month and they talk about the highs and the lows in the past 30 days 43:18 – 5 principles of the Rich Legacy: Connection Understanding Balancing Influencing Empowering 44:25 – One of the greatest gifts of self esteem come from failing and getting back up 44:39 – Parents wanting to help their children too much do NOT do any good 45:14 – Check out the 10 warning signs that can save your child's life over at Rich Legacy 45:20 – Send an email at [email protected] to get 33 questions you can ask at the dinner table 46:14 – Connect with Gordie and Bradley at [email protected] 47:00 – Dave closes the podcast 3 Key Points: There is a correlation between children/youth struggling with addictions and high performing families. Work to bridge the relational gap between parents and child—this is one of the most important factors that can save a child. Lead by example—show your kids how you want them to act. Resources Mentioned: Entrepreneur's Organization – The EO Network Rich Legacy – Gordie and Bradley's business