Welcome to the Mariners Church Life Group leader podcast. This weekly conversation is designed to equip and resource youth to build a healthy life group community that studies God's word, practices spiritual rhythms, and changes the world together. They say that sequels are never as good as the original, but today we debunk that myth as part two of this mailbag episode slaps or slays. I don't know, I think those are cool terms to use nowadays.
Again, we ask you leaders to respond with your most pressing questions and issues that you'd like us to cover on the podcast. And today we continue the conversation and answer your questions. Let's tune in to the episode. Next question, this is a fair question.
What is a life group coach and why do I need one? Yeah, so coach is someone who's there to support you and just encourage you in your journey. And also, you know, to provide resources and suggestions. I think all of us can benefit from someone who has led groups for a long period of time, seasoned leaders and mature believers who can just be a listening ear and offer care.
And so if you don't have a coach or you don't know who your coach is, reach out to us. Reach out to our groups team. Like I said earlier, come to the next steps area and talk to one of our staff group staff members on the weekends or email less. And we want to match you up with a coach that can just come alongside you.
Yeah, it's good. Alright. Anything to add to that, Sam? I know you have some amazing coaches.
Oh yeah. You're also leading men's as well too. So, man, having a coach is really important. And I think this is where the humility as leaders, the humility needs to come out and be like, you know what?
Having another perspective on an issue or question that someone in my life group had. I need to bounce this off of someone's brain. I need to have a conversation and just get someone else's thoughts. That's exactly why our life group coaches are there so that way you can have a resource.
Are they going to know every question, the answer to every question under the sun? Are they spiritually, you know, do they know everything about scripture and exactly what God wants for our lives? Maybe not. And that's okay.
You know what? The Holy Spirit, Jesus said, is our advocate and our counselor and our teacher. A coach may not have or will not have all of the answers that the Holy Spirit is actually going to be the one to provide, but they are there for you and they will pray alongside you when your group is going through tough seasons. And, you know, if we didn't have coaches, we would have hundreds of life group leaders asking me and Scott questions.
And it's just not possible for us to care for everyone as well. So, you know, life group coaches are selected, nominated and selected because they have outstanding character and have been in the trenches of leading life groups themselves. So, yeah, it's a great resource. Yeah, when the coaches reach out to you, just respond back, you know, and whether it's through a phone call or meeting a person, I think just meeting one's procession to just touch base and connect will be super valuable.
And, yeah, as Scott mentioned, if you don't know who your coach is or you don't have a coach, reach out to us and we will get you connected with your coach. Alright, the next question Sam, this is a hot one. This is a good one here. How do I address gossip clicks or side conversations forming in the group?
You partake in them. Just kidding. Just kidding. That's terrible.
Man, this is actually, man, I was talking to you about this last night about clicks and side conversations. The heart posture at Mariners and of Scott and I is that no one should be on the outskirts. The reason we have biblical community is to bring people in to share the love of Jesus on them. And if we are gossiping about others in our group, if we're excluding others, we are not sharing the love of Jesus to those people.
As a life group leader, we have to be proactive on identifying gossip clicks, side conversations from forming. What I would encourage you to do is if someone comes to you and says, this person's gossiping about me, I would first encourage Scott, correct me if I'm wrong, I would encourage that person to go directly to the person that's gossiping about them. That's exactly what Matthew 18's about. Go to the person directly and just share your heart like, hey, I may be wrong, but I've heard that this is what you're saying about me and I feel like you're excluding me.
Did I do anything to encourage this? I'm sorry if you think that I've wronged you, but I feel excluded right now and it sucks. We're a life group and I joined thinking that I would have a family in brothers and sisters here. So this is how I'm feeling.
Maybe ask them, hey, am I seeing this the wrong way? What are you seeing? What do you think? Yeah, I think that's so good.
Gossip, slander, psych conversations, it can seem so innocent when people come and like, hey, this person is like that. But what I've seen is that it can divide, it can really kill a group, a group of dynamics. It can be toxic in cancerous. So if you're hearing Gossip very so much what you're saying, Sam, address the issue.
You use the biblical principle of Matthew 18 and approach that person directly so that it doesn't spread because God calls us to a peace and unity and not to be divided. And so I love this verse in Ephesians 4 29, it says, do not let any and wholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs and they may benefit those who listen. And I think Paul's words are such a good reminder for us about what we say and who we speak to and how we say it. And so yeah, I think that's just a challenge for all of our life remembers and as life group leaders, we can help people to not be engaging in things that will divide our group, but to unify and bring peace, love and unity with our group.
Man, that's so huge. You talking about dividing, that's hitting me really hard right now because that's what the enemy is, that's his nature. Oh yeah. To kill, steal and destroy, to divide us, to create this unity and we just have to recognize that we have enemies in the devil, the flesh and the world.
And sometimes it's our nature, sometimes it's the enemy, sometimes it's the worldly cultural practices wanting to break us apart. And it kind of goes back to our verse for this group's ministry, Hebrews 1024 and 25, do not neglect to gather together. We need to have unity. We need to encourage one another.
We can't break each other down. So if you're experiencing that, we'd encourage, as a leader, encourage those two people to talk directly. And if they can't settle it, you need to get involved. And if you can't settle it, then connect with the church, connect with the staff person, connect with your coach, they will connect with the staff person to get involved.
And you know, there's so many nuances after that of where, you know, gossip or clicks could go. So we would need to treat each one individually, but good stuff. Okay, how about, let me ask you this next question. How do I lovingly redirect when someone shares something off topic or theologically incorrect?
That's a doozy. That is a doozy. I'm going to first start talking about what you don't do. What you don't do once again is to shame or humiliate someone and be like, oh, I could say something like that, or that's so wrong.
I don't think any one of us would do that, but I think maybe unwittingly we could come off that way. So just to be careful about honoring them, what we can do is thank them for their thoughts and opinions, but point them back to the topic, back to the scripture, and get other people's thoughts as well. And I think in loving what you can share, what is the theologically correct and biblical, while you're allowing people to share their questions and thoughts as well. So you want to create a safe environment where no question is off limits and people can share their ideas and thoughts.
But what I actually do, I create that space but trying to redirect it. It's not easy sometimes, but asking for other people's opinions, kind of redirects it. We're going back to the scripture, the question at hand, redirects it. And then at the very end, I bring it all together in kind of a summary of what the scripture is talking about.
So that actually takes a little bit of preparation beforehand as a leader. What does that take away that our group needs to hear? Even though we've heard a lot of different things throughout the discussion. At the end of the evening, it's bringing it all together.
Yeah, that's good. One thing that comes to mind that I learned from facilitating rooted is if someone asks a question, first of all, as a facilitator, we're not meant to teach. We're meant to facilitate discussion. So if someone has a question, as a facilitator, as a leader, you could say, hey, that's a great question.
What does everyone else think about that question or statement? And then if they have thoughts, what you could say is, okay, let's dig in to scripture and see where you believe that. Let's look back it up by scripture. And then you encourage everyone to try to find it in scripture.
Maybe sometimes it's googling, like, hey, is this question stopping the group and being like, you know, is the Holy Spirit XYZ? Whatever question they had that is maybe not theologically correct. But as a leader, I think it's important to recognize how much time you're spending on that conversation. Because if it's taking up a lot of group time and you're looking around and you're seeing that people are checked out and some people aren't engaging, it's okay to be like, you know what, we're getting a little off topic.
Let's redirect back into the sermon discussion questions. And then I'm going to take some time this week to look into this question for you. And then next week we'll talk about this. But let's get back on track.
Sometimes just being blunt and blatant like that is exactly what's needed to get people back engaged. Yeah, along with this question, you know, one of the questions that a leader had emailed me about recently is how do I handle all that's going on in our society right now? You know, and I know in our groups, we have people with different from a different political spectrum and we're not saying we're all on the same page. Yeah, and we're going to disagree about sociological things as well as social issues.
And when that is brought up in our group meetings that doesn't pertain to our study, how would you navigate through that Sam? Yeah, I would say if there's one person that's definitely making some political statements. I would say, hey guys, let's take a pause on that. Let's get back on track with the discussion.
And then outside of group time, I would connect with that person one on one in person or over the phone and be like, hey, we want to make this a safe place here in this group place. We talk about scripture. We're not about talking about political views. We're not here to talk about the game that happened last night.
And to recoup, like this isn't a social group here, we're digging into scripture. We're talking about what the early church fathers desired for us to be followers of Jesus. That's what comes to mind. Yeah, and I think, you know, it's like, I call these like 901 conversations after group is done and other studies are done.
It's not that like we want to suppress everyone's ideas or opinions and things like that, but the group meeting the focus is not for that. There could be, I mean, especially with everything that has been happening in society in the current times, there are people that want to process certain things. And that's okay, as long as it's not causing division within the group. But those are things that we can, whether it's, I can even talk about even like you said, like games as well too.
And we can talk about football or basketball, whatever, other things, vacations. But those are things that we can do either during our connection times beforehand or after our meeting as well too. And not put that focus over time. But I do see that it would be important if there's a lot of heavy stuff going on in the world.
I would encourage you leaders to open up time in the beginning of your group meeting time to be like, you know what, we're going to pray together. We're going to pray for the world because it's a broken place right now and we need Christians to step up. But we also need to come together. So let's pray for what's going on in the world, what's going on in our local community that we would stand together that we would not be divided.
So allow some time to process all of this. Okay, another great question. What's the best way to handle childcare for groups with young families? Yeah.
So the youth soon Sam. Oh my gosh, for those that are listening, my wife and I are expecting in January with our first child. And when we first graduated rooted with our group that was two and a half years ago, there was only one couple that had kids. Now we've morphed, we've added people from groupfinder, we've added people with young kids.
And now we're one of the only couples that don't have kids. And our group time right now is stealing something from Pastor Jorge Molina. It's organized chaos right now. So when we're trying to go through the sermon discussion questions, there are kids running around and they're playing with toys.
And you know what, it's important to check in with your life group members individually if that's impacting their ability to concentrate, but some groups operate just fine if the kids are playing together in a different room. So it really depends. I've heard some groups will hire a babysitter and they'll watch like everyone will pitch in for this babysitter and the babysitter will watch all the kids in a separate room if you have the ability to do that. I've heard of some groups where the guys will take the kids and watch the kids in one of the couples houses and then the ladies could have a night where there are no kids around and they're discussing the sermon discussion questions or going through the course that they've picked.
So those are those are three things that come to mind. Have the kids there have them in a separate room with a babysitter or split up the times to where you know, the husbands or the wives watch over the kids. Yeah, those are those are great suggestions. I'm an empty nester now, but when I look back at when our when our son was very young and it's very challenging during that season and trying to find childcare during our group season.
All those all those tips that you gave are terrific. I think one of the things that we did was we did hire a childcare person sometimes in the home that we're meeting in or sometimes another location. Some seasons we actually just took care of our own childcare person and one of the group members did it themselves and then we met. So definitely it is something that is not easy, but I think it's so it's so valuable.
You know, when we take that commitment and sacrifice to say, hey, even though it's hard, we know it's going to be so beneficial to our family, to our marriage, to just our our faith walk. And so I encourage you do whatever it takes to get that to work out. Okay, should we go to this last question? Last question.
Let's do it. How do I avoid burnout as a leader, Scott? I know you've never burned out and this is going to be hard for you to relate to, but I'm kidding. How do you avoid burnout as a leader?
Yeah, you know, I remember reading this book way back home leading leading on and leading MP by passionate Wayne Cordero. And just talk about a lot of things in that book. And there are seasons when I felt like, wow, this is heavy. This is a lot and felt burned out in many ways.
And I think it is there are seasons in our faith journey where it's like that dark night of the soul kind of thing. You're really just wrestling through God. It's really hard. Whether it's like external circumstances or maybe just internally as well too has been feeling a lot of weight.
My encouragement and things that I've really been able to learn and grow from is just saying connect it to Jesus, John 15 5. He's a vine that we're the branches as we stay in his word as we depend on God's spirit. He renews us. He refreshes us.
Because we are pouring out. We are shepherding people. We have to go back to the source. I mean, this is every day.
He's our daily bread, right? So I realize like, I'm empty. I'm bankrupt. I am lost without God's.
Every day. Fuel word healing his spirit working in me. And so that's been absolutely of course my go to in my primary way to just stay fresh, stay refueled. Another thing is just to stay connected with other leaders, right?
To know that we're not alone. And that's why you've been just listening into this podcast and understanding, you know what? There's things that we can continue to grow in and we're learning from other leaders attending our huddles or leader huddles that we have two, three times a year. And I remember in our last leader, how do Ed Stetser, our teaching pastor, Dean of Bible, Talbot Seminary, he said this one thing at the very end and as encouragement to us.
And it's there's a quote by Eugene Peterson, the author and pastor who said, well, it's called the long obedience in the same direction. And he said, hey, group leaders, we know that it's often hard and it's a slog sometimes and there are times when you feel discouraged. But it's a long community in the same direction. And so as we stay faithful, as we stay connected, God renews us and refreshes us as we know that we're not alone.
Several things, a couple more of the things that we brought up already is like sharing ownership with other people, having prayer champions, serve champions, people who are doing snacks, hosting, even facilitating and giving opportunities for people to lead discussions. And the last thing that I would just encourage the Void Burnout is to have some breaks in between sessions. We love that. So we break it up into three sessions a year.
And then during the winter Christmas season, we take a break. We take a short little break in the springtime for about two weeks and then we take a little bit of a longer break in the summer. And in those breaks, we do meet up maybe once a month to the social, which is served together. But that break really actually refreshes us, but it makes us long for me.
We miss meeting regularly with our group. And so it's just that rhythm that really helps us. Anything you would add, Sam? No, I mean, it can be so easy to get in a routine of a routine.
Like, okay, next meeting, what are we going to talk about? And then, you know, planning, okay, for the next meeting, it comes and goes. But dude, if you're not being fueled by the love of Jesus, for you personally, like your leaders, you're going to feel drained. It's exactly what you talked about.
Apart from the vine, you can do nothing. Your priority leaders is your own personal relationship with Jesus because if that is not being developed, how can you lead other people in a place you've never been? So continue to love Jesus personally first. Love your family.
Love your groups. And then sharing ownership was huge. For the first year, Rachel and I facilitated every single week, and that was really hard on us. And it wasn't until someone encouraged us to rotate.
Did we really feel refreshed? And also you're allowing other people to step in and lead and use their spiritual gifts. And then, yeah, the sessions are super big, really helpful for us. And then, yes, staying connected to your coach, staying connected at the life group of leader huddles.
That's an opportunity for us to care for you, to develop you. No such thing as a free lunch, but we give a lunch. You're like your bleaters. But we want to care for you.
We want to love you and show you how much we appreciate you. So stay connected. Yeah. Mad, this has been so fun, Sam.
But like this morning, Sam, are people listening in on this podcast? No. To all of you listeners listening in, we love you. All five of you.
Yes. Spread the word. This has been so fun. And keep on sending in those questions.
We love it. And we are for you. We are sharing you on. And Sam, would you like to close this time with the word of prayer?
I would love it. Okay. Heavenly Father, we're so thankful for you. You have guided our steps.
You illuminate our path. And we know that apart from you, apart from Jesus and the Holy Spirit, we can do nothing. So I pray over our life group leaders right now that their personal relationships with you would be first and foremost, present, top of mind. I feel that they would be refreshed each morning and each night that they come to you, that they would meditate on your word day and night.
I pray that they would feel energized and excited and joyful to shepherd your people. I pray that they would stay connected to their coach. I pray that you would hear their prayer requests and the prayer requests of the people in their groups. May they be bold prayers.
Lord, I'm just so thankful for all the people that are listening in that are guiding others closer to you. May your face shine upon them. May you show them this week how near you are to them. May everything we do glorify you.
We are so thankful for you, and for you, and for you, and for Jesus who gave everything on the cross for us. It's in Jesus' name for Amen. Amen, Amen.