沟通：当我和人交流时为何无法清晰的思考

Jens Mowatt, Has far too many thoughtsWritten Dec 7, 2014I've had this problem many times before. Its frustrating to know what you're talking about, know what you want to say, but be unable to actually say it the way you want to. When the time comes to speak, I think what might be happening is that you're getting self-conscious. Instead of focusing on what you want to say, you're focusing too much on howyou're saying it. There's a subtle distinction there. Focusing on the "how" too much means you are focusing on yourself instead of on the task at hand. For example, when I play soccer I focus on the field around me, not on how well I'm personally performing (I hope that makes sense). There are many ways to say the exact same thing, so don't get so caught up on the logistics of it. Keep your end goal in mind of what you want to say, and be flexible withhow you are actually going to say it. Another factor is that when you feel anxious, words just don't come out right. If I'm anxious, my sentences don't really make much sense at all, and I'll sometimes say things that I knowaren't true. Its odd, but if you remove the anxiety from the equation, you are able to perform perfectly well. Its not a deficiency in your ability to articulate, but its rather that anxiety is getting in the way of things.And of course, your level of anxiety varies with who you talk to. There are some people that make me feel comfortable when I'm with them, and words come to me more easily as a result. But there are other people that make me feel self-conscious. It could be because they are intimidating, as Michael Daconta said. Ask yourself: what is it about them that makes me feel intimidated? Do I feel inferior to them in some way? Have they rejected me before in some subtle way and I'm anticipating future rejection? There are many possibilities, so you might want to introspect on that one.Lastly, don't try to be perfect. Nobody's way of communicating is free from errors. If you try to be perfect in the way you communicate, it only makes you more self-conscious abut all the "errors" you think you're making. Its okay to say "uhm" or take a pause once in a while; its okay to mess up a word and start over. Let go of your desire for perfection and it will make things easier. Good luck out there.