Gray Divorce | Lori Schade | #71

Lori joins Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale to discuss the common issues thatresult in a mid-life or “gray” divorce.About Lori Schade:Lori Schade is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AAMFT approved therapysupervisor running a therapy practice in Pleasant Grove Utah called CompassionateConnections Counseling. She specializes in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy andsupervises therapists towards certification in the model. She has been an adjunct facultymember in the Marriage and Family Therapy Department at Brigham Young University as wellas Utah Valley University. For over three decades she has practiced therapy alternately withraising seven children and has published several peer reviewed materials related to herprofession. In her spare time she enjoys running, traveling, tandem bike riding with herhusband, knitting and playing the organ. She is convinced the grandchildren are one of life'sbest kept secrets.Insights:“There's always hope. I have a very easy time being hopeful for married couples, sometimes I have to say, ‘borrow my hope.’ I actually got that from Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen. And I think it's so lovely. And a lot of times small changes bring about really large changes in dynamics in marriage.” - Lori Schade“There are two kinds of commitment. One is personal commitment, where you feel free to exercise where you want to put your loyalty. The term is kind of like restraint. It's actually called constraint commitment, and constraint commitment are all of those variables that keep people feeling stuck. It might be religious beliefs, it might be children in the home, it might be financial constraints, but there are those things where people might divorce but they stay there because they feel these barriers to divorce? And so sometimes at midlife, those are removed. And so I think it's quite possible that that's also why we might see a resurgence of divorce and at that time.” -Lori SchadeInvites:Find time in your week to have a connection check-in with your partner by asking these three questions. How connected are we from last time we checked? More or less or the same? What's been happening in our lives that may have impacted the level of connection? What is one small thing that would help me feel more connected?"Reach out to a therapist to learn more about Emotionally Focused Therapy to see if it could potentially strengthen your relationship with your partner.Lori’s Links:Compassionate Connections Counseling WebsiteBook mentioned by Lori: The Lost Love Chronicles: Reunions & Memories of First Love by Nancy KalishVisit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:StrongerMarriage.orgpodcast.strongermarriage.orgFacebook: StrongerMarriage.orgInstagram: @strongermarriagelifeDr. Dave Schramm:https://drdaveschramm.comhttps://drdavespeaks.comFacebook: Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book StoreWritten by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduceThe opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: Strongermarriage.org  Podcast.stongermarriage.orgYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLifeTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelifeInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579Dr. Dave Schramm: http://drdaveschramm.comhttp://drdavespeaks.com Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com/