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Now even now my wife doesn't come, she sees me once a year. I do a same path to take it out. Even when we started dating a little more, but not much, she never listened to one of my podcasts. You know, we have a domestic life and then I have a world where I go out and I talk about whatever the f*** I want.
She doesn't hear about any of it. She doesn't even know I like feet. I don't know how to say it. You don't think that's a weird thing to not tell you.
I mean, how's her feet? They're fine. Fine or good? They're good.
They're not great. They're not bad. They're not great. They're not Asian.
I mean Asian is bad. Asian are the best feet. Are they? Yeah.
I don't agree with that. God damn it, I look pasty. What the f***? I don't think they're great.
I like white people feet and I don't like much about white people, but I like their feet. Yeah. Telly's got nice feet. I do.
Really? He'll tell you it too. Oh, that's nice. Terrapatric once tweeted about my feet.
Get out of here. I mean, I kind of put on a piece of it. So that's so nice. Oh, I hosted the Born Awards with her one year.
All right. Yeah. Small world. She hates me.
Why? I think she was best friends with another girl that hated me. I'm pretty annoying. Yeah.
Really? There it is. Welcome back, Greg. That's it.
I feel like I just fainted into a dream sequence. Yeah, that'll happen. I feel like a Greg Brady wet dream to start it. And who's he is a Jan?
Or Martin? I might have been both. Yeah. I was in a dream sequence the other day.
Your own? Yeah. Yeah. Real one though.
I went out and looked at the stars at night in the back of a truck on an inflatable mattress and I fell asleep and then I woke up and my cheek was asleep. So then I was just on an inflatable mattress in the wilderness looking at shooting stars as you would never do if you mean because I mean, I usually don't like pussy shit. Yeah. But now I do because I'm sober and it got weird and eerie and like I was like, well, the stars and like, you know, who's out there, man.
Really think about it because look how many start we're on a start, right? And then a little of those stars. There's no way somebody is an honest. You weren't a son, near a son.
And those little sons. Yeah. And then there's planets around those sons. Don't get technical with me.
Fits dog. All right. There could be people out there. What I was thinking.
Don't make me feel stupid. No, I think it's important that once in a while you go out there and it's funny is everybody thinks you got to take mushrooms or acid. Yeah, absolutely. You don't need the.
No, no, no. No, that's another thing. You need to clouds those moments. It does.
It's like a pussy. It's like a key to open the door quicker. But if you put in a little work, you can get there in a place where you're thinking clear of thoughts. Like, you know, is there other people out there and do they have, you know, baseball cards?
Like you think about something a lot more constructive like, you know, like people out there. Are they like us? I mean, what are the chances there is in other civilizations out there? They have trucks and inflatable mattresses and taxes and all the other bullshit and they look at it.
Ask on Hey, man, have you seen that? But some people are just like doing coke and not even thinking about shooting styles or other people in space. No, just thinking about people on TikTok. No, in that other world that you're thinking of with the truck with the inflatable mattress on the back is called Florida.
Right. Yeah, which is not an I didn't like Florida first. I like Florida then I didn't like Florida and I think I blame social media for it. They told me Florida is bad, but now I like Florida again.
I love Florida. Yeah, what do you like about it? I love the tropical air. I like that feeling of tropical.
Yeah. Yeah, I like I like humidity. I like sweat. I like to, you know, and I like salsa.
Huh? Can you dance? I'll say my son does. Shut up.
Yeah, he went to Cuba. I want to go to Cuba. Coach is Cuban. He loves to dance salsa dance and Cuba.
So in a month there and he learned how to solve under what circumstances did your son spend a month in Cuba. Well, he's he he and my daughter both went to Spanish immersion from kindergarten through all the way through high school. So they're fluent. They're we go to Spanish because you're Spanish.
Not at all. Why? I need to. You got a translator.
Well, him and my daughter will talk about me in front of me in Spanish. Oh, so that doesn't make you want to learn. No, I think it's funny. I mean, if you learn Spanish, no one would expect it.
Right. Because you are crack at ass crack it. You know? Yeah, I mean, I speak French, but I don't speak Spanish.
Yeah. Do you? Such a pussy language. You had a previous for a while, right?
I did. But you saw what I got now. You know, you're gonna be. You just you just.
No, no, no, no, no, no. It's a good story. It's a good story. It's a good story.
I'm coming here. You're the manly man. The tattoos and such and such. It's such a bitch.
So I always feel a little bit like here's what I love. You love me. I feel that you really do. I feel your love.
I feel your acceptance, even though we were very different people. And so there was a part of me that wanted to show you that I manned up. So I pull up my car. Sick ass.
I come inside. And I and you always tease me about driving to praise and I go. I go. Am I?
I go. Come on out front. I want you to see my car. That's a bad ass.
You know, I've wanted to think since I was a teenager. I've always wanted to go. And you waited this long, I go. Yeah, but I did it.
I did it. That's a main thing. And you said. It's a V8, isn't it?
Because I mean, if you don't have a V8 it's not a must. It's a must thing with a Prius engine in it. It's a six. It's OK.
It's a 305. It's got balls, man. It moves and it handles great. Yeah, it doesn't handle great.
It handles amazing. Yeah. What does that mean? Right.
They're pretty good. And you don't love the handling. It's not bad. They've got better.
Well, it's a bit, I'm coming from a Prius. Like the front end, it's gonna be way better than a Prius. Yeah. And you're saying, you said 305.
Yeah. That's not big. Is it a stick shift? No, but it's got the paddles on the steering wheel.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Those are pretty react. They react pretty quick.
Like almost instantaneous. Almost. There's a little bit of hesitation. There's a little bit.
Yeah, an anointing. It's the first thing that annoy me. But I think about when you get to your dream car, and you start to find things you don't like. Like I don't like the side view mirror.
I don't like the hesitation when I use the paddles. But then you say, you know what? This is my girl. I love everything about her.
Maybe this thing's about it that aren't perfect, but it's part of the package. Yeah. I feel like some people out there have like supermodel girlfriends and stuff. Yeah.
I guess my girlfriend is not a supermodel. But she's my girlfriend. Right. And I love her.
And I'm not Brad Pitt. No. But I'm me. Isn't that great?
I think it makes you love them more. Like your cat. Thank you so much. Right.
Your cat is. Right. That's perfect. Yeah, he is magical.
Yeah. He's got little arms. I think this is fair. I attack your cat.
I see what's going on here. But he's got little arms. He's a midget. And he's got no whiskers because he's hairless.
So he's got less balance. And he's white. And if he's in the sun too long, he gets sunburned dramatically. Like he's pretty big.
He's like you, Greg. Yeah. He cannot stay in the sun for a long period of time. Right.
Unless he wears a Hawaiian shirt. It's much like you, Greg. And they both look just as adorable when you do. But he's very similar to you, Greg, because he's recently been introduced to a big dog, Blue Heeler, big dog.
And a big dog who chases cats for a living. And he was like, what's up, like I chase cats. And my cat was like, oh, you can try. But if you go, just know, we're dancing.
Yeah. And I was like, dude, you have virtually no arms. Yeah. And he was like, I give a shit that.
Like this arm, like if he gets in striking distance, this would arm will smack him in the mouth. Yeah. And he was like, I respect that. Wow.
I respect that. He chased him. He chased that dog around. And that dog is seriously no exaggeration.
25 times the size of it. What kind of dog is it? A blue Heeler, which is like, yeah, it's a ship, a strange ship. And this one is a red healer, which is, it's just like the ones that are, there's like a grey one and then there's like a reddish one.
So it's a blue healer. That's really all you need to know. But I grew up with blue healers. My first, my, my family, my buddy when I was a kid was Popeye.
My mum rescued a blue healer and they tried to kill the dog. I hit him in the head with that hammer and it blew his eye out. So he just had a fur patch over one eye and we called him Popeye. And Popeye was my friend.
Like we used to hang out. Like I got a piece of my tooth missing because we were wrestling in the backyard and his tooth hit my tooth. Really? Chip my tooth out?
Yeah. But it was like a little look at the wch's head and he would catch him and it was like a little, you know, like a back and the, you know, your kid throw rocks at your dog. Yeah, how does one find out that their dog can catch a half a race? I used to throw wooden bricks at him.
He would catch those bringing at me. And then I was like, and then I was like, I'd just throw whatever was on the ground at him. And I found half a brick and I threw it his head and he caught it and then I worked on it and then I went to show my mum, hey mum, look at this Popeye grab catches bricks with his face. And then she was like, don't do that.
And then he caught it. My mum was like, all right. And then I would show people the parties he'd be drunk in the backyard. I don't think that would have gotten up to Letterman's stupid pet tracks.
Yeah, yeah, no, you're right. Well, you know, we didn't have Letterman. Yeah, we had. Who did you have?
Hey, hey, it's Saturday. Just one night a week. Yeah, and it was hey, hey, it's Saturday with... Man, what was his name?
He had a mascot. I don't know if he talked. Big monster looking guy, like a puppet monster guy. Yeah.
If he used to tackle him or he'd tackle people. One time, the monster guy played with Kangaroo's and the Kangaroo didn't like him. And the Kangaroo attacked him. And we laughed and laughed and laughed.
It was probably the funniest segment of television that I'd seen up until that day. Can you try to fight him again? Hey, hey, it's Saturday. Kangaroo fights.
It's some stuffed thing, right? It's a guy in a costume? Oh, we beat up the guy in the costume, not the host. Nah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, the guy in the costume was like, he had a big monster face. I forgot he had a name. Yeah. But he didn't talk.
He had no voice. What? That's black. I'm not that old, dude.
Jesus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's hey, hey, hey, Saturday. And then...
What was that guy's name as Bert? Yeah, look, this Kangaroo doesn't like this guy. Yeah. And he can tell, look, he looks at him.
He's like, I don't like that guy. And the guy, and the puppet guy is like, come on, Kangaroo, and Kangaroo's getting pissed. Like, when he does the rear end thing, look how big that Kangaroo is, dude. That's a red Kangaroo.
But watch, as soon as he just gets ahold of him, he takes a look at him and then he just grabs. Look, he's got it. And he's like, I'm not looking. He won't, and then when the guy tries to get him off, he attacks that guy.
Like, he's like, I just want to kill this guy. Look at him. He's eat his face. He's fighting.
Yeah, like, it's a fight. And a guy looking one star. He wants him so bad. He wants him so bad.
I remember as a little boy, I was like, this is the greatest television. Look, he knocked him down with a shot. Took him down with a left jab. Because I never liked that monster guy.
He was always pissing me off. And then when he came to me, I was like, this show has become the greatest show on television. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, it was a good show.
It was a very show. Yeah, because it was also like drunk, Aussie hangover, like, humor. Did he have comics on or panelists or anything? Panelists that were, I don't so much stand up, more variety show people that were funny.
Yeah. We used to have a ton of those people in our culture, right? Like the Paul limbs of the world. It was just be on talk shows.
And it was their job to talk to hosts and be outrageous and fun. Yeah, exactly. Some of them were comics, but many of them weren't all of the Hollywood Squares people. Yeah, the PIs is the goers of the world.
Yeah. We had blankety blanks. Yeah, right. Which was match game.
So what's your game? Yeah, that's Richard Dawson. Everybody smokes cigarettes on the panel. You were allowed to drink and smoke.
It was like almost required to have a drink and a cigarette at your table. And it was totally acceptable that the host was buzzed. I think they had a liquor cart on Johnny Carson. Johnny Carson for years.
Yeah, and then the guys like the Cavitt would have people sit down for like an hour and a half. You know, John Lennon and Jimmy Hendrix. And he was this area-dyed Yale graduate. Dick Cavitt was, you know, he wrote books.
He was a very intelligent guy. But he could hang with Hendrix. But he didn't try to be like them. He really stayed himself.
He would ask kind of corny, like deep questions. But he wasn't trying to be cool. And that's what made it really work. Dick is a weird name to have.
It was a weird era of the world where there was a guy that was a pretty cool dude and his name was Dick. Yeah. Is it weird era, you know? Well done.
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Wait, what about... Dictail. Dictail. What's wrong with that?
What's weird? I'm saying, you're talking about how it was cool back then, to be named Dick. The coolest guy out there is Nick Dictail. He was like, what was the coolest guy's ever?
Yeah. That was when white guys had a chance of being cool. Yeah. It's pretty hard to be cool now.
Oh, no, that's not true. Jelly Roll is pretty cool. Jelly Roll is cool. And he's a big fat white guy.
Yeah. He's not very cool looking, but he is cool looking. Tom Waits is pretty cool. Yeah, but that was then.
You're talking about new cool guys? Yeah. Post Malone's cool, right? But it's not black people don't think he's cool, which I kind of like.
You don't think Post Malone's cool anymore? Oh, yeah. I don't understand this. I mean, I never, you know, be for Post Malone, but I just don't care.
Post Malone was the guy that, like, when you talk to older musicians, to not want to admit that they are old and curmudgeonly and out of touch and hate all new music, if you say what new stuff do you like, Post Malone was just the name. Oh, Post Malone, I think he's doing some really interesting stuff. So that they know. And then, and then Andrew Kumar was that guy about 10 years ago.
Right. And then everybody brought up. Kendrick Lamar. Kendrick Lamar.
He's like cool. He's like annoying cool now. Yeah. Because he's the Drake thing.
Everybody plays that song now. And I'm like, if you play that song now, not like us, I don't want to say I hate you. Yeah. Because I think it's a good song.
It was funny. Good. You got him. And I just think, no shit Drake sucks, dude.
Yeah. I'm not cool and I'm old and I knew he sucked from the get go. It made me so much less cool that he engaged with him at all. It just, but Kendrick's like all of a sudden, everyone's like, yeah, Drake's with douche and I'm like, you're a douche for not knowing he was a douche the whole time.
Connect. Like he sucked. Yeah. Like he sucked.
He went like, we're like jumpsuit, and like chest protect is on stage. You fucking sucked. You get the sketches of your ball. Like you fucking sucked balls.
It's so rare that somebody really cool comes out of Canada. Norm McDonald was very cool. Yeah. And he was cool because he wasn't trying to be cool.
Yes. Let's think who are the cool Canadians. I have it's it. Now, there's other people who would definitely get a pass.
I've always been somewhat mystified by the enduring success and respect that Neil Young enjoys. I don't think he sucks, but I don't understand what makes him. He's a little guy. He's a little guy.
Neil Young's pretty cool. Yeah. All right. Neil Young's the real deal.
I would say Keanu Reeves. He's Keanu. When Keanu Reeves is Canadian? Harlan Williams is very cool.
Keanu Reeves is the coolest Canadian. Keanu Reeves is the coolest student. Well, yeah, he's very cool. American and anything.
He's the coolest dude. I think on a comedy level, they've always been proportionized for a little Beatty. They've always been proportionately represented. Almost since now.
You know, I remember somebody asking Norm McDonald that. They said he seems like there's a lot of funny Canadians. And he's like, no, I think about 10% of the successful comics in the English-speaking world in America are Canadian. And he's like, we have about 1% of the population of you folks.
So that's just about right. But I don't know that they have that. I don't think that 10% of the cool bands come from Canada. No, no, no.
No, no, no. They get the worst bands. Musically they suck dogs. Musically they do suck.
It's a big fall off from Neil Young to like Bear Naked Ladies. So I go like they're all terrible. Joni Mitchell. That's great.
Joni Mitchell. Yeah. Who's that? She's a.
Oh, she. Folk singer from the 60s and 70s. She's like a Neil Young was a bimbo. OK, well, that's pretty hard.
She's like a Bob Dylan with a killer bimbo. How is she a bimbo? I just I just smell cheese off of it. Who's that for?
Tyler Beach. Who? Nelly Fartata. Yeah.
Fartata. I can be cool with fart in your name. Right? She fucking sucks eggs.
She might be the coolest person ever with. With what fart in her name? Yeah. She's the coolest fart I've ever seen for sure.
Yeah. Or the coolest Canadian fart at least. Yeah. Yeah, fuck that bitch.
Sorry. That was aggressive. You know what I mean? In the nice way possible.
Yeah, no, musically they suck. Absolutely dog shit. But that's like, you know, health care. You know, you don't have any hard times.
You don't have hard times. You've got no soul and you can't write good songs. Leonard Cohen was always the guy they. I fucking hate that guy.
I hate Leonard Cohen. I remember the young ones. You ever see the young ones in the English TV show? Yeah.
Yeah, it's like this is so boring. You may as well be a Leonard Cohen record. And I was like, who's Leonard Cohen? And then I did some research.
And I was like, right, nice. That's pretty funny. Yeah. Yeah, he sucks.
Yeah. He's he is there. Tom Waits. If you took Tom Waits to the Canadian.
What a shit. That's like, that's worse than saying Drake's the worst musician that ever lived. Yeah. But there's this weird thing where some of us were like, ooh, you know, and we got one.
Yeah. But then you're going to look back. It's like Fubu, you know. I think he might be financially one of the most successful rappers of all time.
Yeah, but that doesn't mean just the same. You could have said the same thing about MC Hammer at one point in time. Right. He just, but if MC Hammer had like saved some money or got some real estate, then he'd still be laughing.
But he gave all his money to his friends and his pants. What does he do now? Does he do reality shows? He's got only fans of something.
Yeah. I'm just making that up. Didn't you have only fans at one point? I did.
Thanks for bringing that up. I did your cards in six cylinder, though, correct? I know. Is that something we're watching for your past?
I'm not gaining more either. Really? Yeah. So you dip your toe in the water.
I dip your cock in the water. And you dip it more than the water. Yeah. Hey, oh, hey, I did that.
And then I quit. I got sober and then I realized it's not really for me. What was the moment you decided you weren't gaining more? I mean, I had my suspicions.
And I don't want to say I'm not gaining more because I'm what you can't get out of your buy. I'm not buying either. I'm pansexual. That's like correct.
Wording for it because I'm not attracted to guys or girls. I mean, I mean, I think girls are hot. I mean, I'm not going to be a guy, too. But I've never had any problems.
Not looking at a guy because he's hot. I'm just like, I don't care kind of thing. But sexually, I can kind of get into anything. But now that I'm only interested in having a relationship with somebody that I care about, then sure, we can have sex, but no more.
I went around. And at one point, I only wanted to hold around. That's all I wanted to do. But I can see you being, I mean, look, what do I know about you, really?
But it seems to me a guy like you having gay experiences might have something to do with liking that the other that the partner is aggressive and confident and has swagger also, that there's something maybe challenging and exciting about that. I just always wanted to try on everybody's shoots. I wonder what that's like. And it would be more like, I was pretty sure I was going to die young, you know, when I was doing a lot of drugs and when I had a heart condition, when I got older, I was like, you're probably going to die for heart attack pretty soon.
So and I remember being on the bed, you know, they're going to electrocute my heart back in and I was like, you're going to die. And if you live, then you're not going to live much longer. And I remember thinking, oh, you know, if someone's going to make fun of me for being gay, and then I'm dead. And like, why did I worry about their opinion of me?
So that kind of made me push that whole thing a little more than I probably would off because I was like, well, you're tik tok, you know, I kept trying to have sex with everybody because I was like, you're, you know, and then the more I couldn't do hard drugs, then I couldn't drink as much. So then it was kind of what was left was sex. So I was trying to like have sex with everybody in every position and every kind of way. And if you ever tried this, no, I haven't.
And some of the things that were recommended to me, I remember thinking, no way. And then I tried it. And I was like, wow, that is actually something I really like. I can't believe I almost never did that because it's uncool to the norm, you know?
So then I just was like, I'll try anything. But I think the real thing was I just use all this stuff to run and not face reality. Yeah. And once I became the difference between being sober and then doing the work and being sober, and when I started to actually do the work, I became kind of obsessed with that, like getting to the bottom of it, like, what is the real problem?
Why don't I react to all these things? Yeah. So then when I started to know a little bit more about why I operate with the things I do and things I've done in my life, I was like, wow, I don't think I'm actually into that at all. I think I was just sort of doing that to kind of run from the facts of some of the stuff in my childhood and all that kind of stuff.
And then when I like, like pulled it all away and was sort of free from it, I no longer had the itch to do those things because I could now I could do it. I'm, you know, I was single divorced, living in a house by myself. I could do everybody if I wanted to. And I don't want to.
Yeah. Seems like I could do all the drugs. That was the other thing. There's been many times I've been sobering my life and I've watched other people drinking.
I'm like, is that good? That tastes good? You know? And then I'll go home, feel sorry for myself.
Now I'm happy that you can have a beer man or you can smoke a joint. I'm happy for it. I really am. I don't want to.
I don't care about it at all. And it's the same as sex. I don't like, oh man, you could have a threesome tonight. I'm like, yeah, I could, I just don't want to.
Yeah. I can't. We're right. Pickleball weed smoking thing.
Pickleball. I used to go down to the beach in the town of Sanos. Oh yeah. Yeah.
By bad. All right. Let me tell you that smoke because you've got pickleball. Beach tennis or whatever the hell?
No. No. I do occasionally do mushrooms, but I haven't had a drink in. So I wouldn't call myself sober.
But I am non drinking. To me, it just felt like, because I tried to stop a bunch of times before I was able to, and I just realized it's a switch. Like, at a certain point you just close the door. You just go, Oh, I don't drink.
And once you once you view yourself as a non drinker, it's not a challenge every time it's presented You don't debate it every time. How did you get to that switch? I went to Alonon. I went to A&A.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alonon to me was a more profound program. It went way deeper into my childhood stuff, my father's alcoholism, my abuse. That made me feel like AA meetings, because I quit when I was so young.
I was only like 24 when I stopped. Oh, wow. But I started when I was like 12. And we got fucked up like every day.
Five. And so when I stopped, something about AA, I felt like I had a shallow bottom. And I was in Boston where these guys would come in and go. And then I shut the dick for a sandwich.
And I'm in the back, I'm like, I can't relate to this. This isn't, you know. I find people that were more really looking at the cause of it rather than being white knuckling. Yeah.
Yeah, because I mean, I say it a lot now. I feel like I don't think it matters if you're an addict or not. I think doing the program is like getting to the bottom of who you really are. Makes you a nicer person to the rest of us.
Right. Because I feel like, you know, I understand what it's like to be in. And you know, hearing those stories where you just said that the second dick for a second. Those ones, when I first started going, I was like, man, because there's people that have said they're on skid row talking to themselves.
And now they're a sponsor of other people. And I'm like, wow. Yeah. Because I always figured if you're talking to yourself on skid row, you ain't coming back.
And if this guy's telling the truth, that is amazing. Yeah. And then, you know, gang life and people that have come back from, you know, the fucking dead, you know, like real, real bad. Yeah.
Make me feel like I got like, you know, like a light sentence for what I got. And I've done some, you know, I've been in some heavy ship, but some people's like how they got sober is a miracle. Yeah. But learning about yourself and how other people, you know, have the things that happen in childhood that can make you react this way for the rest of your life.
If you don't tend to it, like really get down to the bottom of it and adjust, then you just stay on this path until you die. Immissible, sad existence. You pass it down to your children. Right.
I think that's the one thing I'm most proud of in my life is that I didn't pass this. Because I know that my grandparents were alcoholics. Everybody was. And I stopped the cycle, not just the drinking, but also the, you know, I think minimizing like you can minimize your child and make them feel like they're insignificant.
Yeah. And putting yourself in a position of power where you demean them. I didn't do that to my kids. And I see the difference in them because of that.
And I feel like that's the thing I'm the most proud of. That is the most important thing you can do. It's good for you, man. Do you go on vacation with them recently?
Yeah. Well, no, actually me and my wife just had our 25th anniversary. So we went back East. Congratulations.