Hey folks, this is Kevin. On this week's episode of Risk, you'll hear Hunter Gardner. And the reason why I was at a Bible study is because I had been doing way too much cocaine. That and more.
But first, folks, if you are anywhere near LA, don't miss the next Risk live show there on June 17th at the Hotel Cafe. And if you're anywhere near New York, our next live show there is June 22nd. Listen, the next LA show is an especially big deal with an especially wonderful cast. And we only do the New York shows once every four months now.
So that one's also a must-see experience. Nothing beats actually being there. And you can find all the info you need at risk-show.com slash live. We'll be right back.
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This is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison, and this is Vitamin String Quartet behind me now covering Somebody That I Used to Know because today's episode is called Growing Apart, an issue that can be so, so very challenging for so many of us oftentimes in life, which is why it's so helpful to hear people sharing about it. Folks, I want to tell you, this is the year that we save Risk. This is the make it or break it crunch this year.
And we are sincerely confident that we have at least several more years in us to be creating the podcast, maybe even creating another podcast about storytelling and mental health and well-being, and creating new social events that help people connect in meaningful ways, all a part of our mission to help people become healthier and happier and to create a more compassionate world. Now, it would take too much time to explain the nitty-gritty about why this year is the crunch year, but that we are confident we have many years left in us if we can make it through this one. But the long and short of it is, if you've never joined our Patreon, now is the time. If you have joined our Patreon, but feel you could up your donation there, we would so hugely appreciate it.
There's so much wonderful bonus content there. And we'll soon be adding lots of new perks there, like online get-togethers, workshops, and more. So please visit us at patreon.com slash risk. And if you want to make a one-time donation, that's at paypal.me slash riskshow.
Now, in a little bit, we're going to hear from Shalewa Sharp, who we've wanted to get on the show since forever. Such a treat to have finally had Shalewa. She did our San Francisco Sketch Fest live show back in February. But before that, a story that was shared at our March show in LA by Hunter Gardner, whose comedy you can find at HunterGardner.com.
So without further ado, here is Hunter now with a story we call The Part in the Middle. So I remember the day that I finally asked my dad why he divorced my mom. We were walking around this nature reserve outside of his neighborhood where he lives in South Carolina. And the sun was out and it was shining.
And there was the white, gray Spanish moss flowing in the trees and the turtles sunbathing in the creek next to us. It was really a beautiful, bucolic scene for me to have my first ever anxiety attack. But about 20 minutes into the walk, I muster up the courage to ask my dad. And I remember when I do, he stopped, he took a breath, he picked up a nearby stick, and he drew two imaginary circles on the pavement in front of us that overlapped.
He pointed at one of the circles, he said, this was me. He pointed at the other circle and said, this is your mom. And then he pointed at the part in the middle where they overlap and he said, this part in the middle, it just didn't work. And I know in that moment, he was just trying to give me a kind, simple, direct answer, but I did not like that answer.
Because I just wanted him to talk to me man to man. My parents had been divorced for almost 10 years. It was just like this known secret looming in the background of my head. And I was just like, you can shoot me straight.
You know, like I have a driver's license. I've kissed a girl. I've gone camping more than once on purpose. I just did one of the hardest things in my entire life.
And my dad's answer was a Venn diagram. And that made me angry. But it also inspired me. Because on that day, I decided I'm going to become the best circle I can be.
I'm going to meet another circle. And that part in the middle is always going to work. A couple years later, it's my first year out of college. I'm 22 years old and I've never had a girlfriend.
But then I met Amy at a Bible study. And the reason why I was at a Bible study is because I had been doing way too much cocaine. How much? Great question.
Okay. So much that one day I woke up on a mattress on the floor of someone's house that I did not know. And out loud I said, that's enough. I'm going back to church.
I had grown up going to church. I was familiar. I was a bit of a youth group kid. I did the mission trip thing.
And even to that day, if you'd asked me, is Jesus who you say he was? I'd be like, yes. You know, I'm a Christian, you know. And that's exactly what I did.
I went back to church. But when I showed up, it was like, oh, church is kind of cool now. There was like this rock and roll praise band and this young pastor that used hair products. And looking around, there's all these people like about my age wearing cool t-shirts, you know.
And I didn't really have a lot of friends at the time. The friends I had got me really into cocaine. And so when they invited me to a Bible study, I was like, yeah, sure, you know. So I show up to this house outside of downtown Raleigh.
I open the door and right away I see Amy. She has this kind of girl-next-door glow to her. And to my delight, like almost immediately, Amy beelines it straight to me and asks me for my cell phone number. And I was like, well, this church thing's going pretty good.
But then she asked me for my email address, which I thought was kind of weird. But that's because, as it turns out, Amy was the communications coordinator for the Bible study. So it was kind of like her job. But still, I walked away that night thinking, I really think Amy might be my circle.
I mean, she was just sweet and she was kind and smart and driven. And she had this kind of like punchy sense of humor, you know. She was nice, but it kind of that thing where, oh, I wasn't expecting you to like really be able to make fun of me like that. She also played soccer in high school.
I've always kind of had a thing for girls who play soccer in high school. Anyway, my inner insecurities are not important. But sure enough, Amy and I, we started to text. And at first it is just prayer requests.
But then we... But then, you know, we kind of start to like share a little bit about our lives, you know. And then at some point, it starts to get like a little fun and flirty. And then there's the time that me and Amy go out for ice cream.
It's just me, Amy, and her little brother. Like just the three of us, you know. And that's kind of how Christian dating is, is it's just expected that you're gonna start as friends. You're gonna take your time.
You might even meet each other's families. All of this before you ever kiss. Like definitely before you ever date. You just have to be patient.
And I was fine with being patient. Because in the meantime, my life is just getting so much better. You know, I'm not doing any cocaine anymore. I'm hardly drinking.
I'm making all these new friends. Like cool, interesting, vulnerable friends. I'm playing rec league volleyball with my cool, interesting, vulnerable friends. And so I don't mind, you know.
I can be patient in this Christian dating thing for Amy. And in the meantime, it just feels like God is really working in Ain't me, what's it do on your birthday? Except to sing happy birthday. Happy birthday to you.
Well, your hair is blonde and your eyes are blue. Ain't me, happy birthday to you. Well, you're amazing. That's not a word I'm just saying.
No, it is something that I needed to tell you. Simply put, but it's simply true. Ain't me, happy birthday to you. Your hair is blonde and your eyes are blue.
Ain't me, happy birthday. Ain't me, happy birthday. Ain't me, happy birthday to you. We'll be right back.
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Visit max.com. This week on Hysterical Hyenas, join our top panel of comedians as we take a look. Sergey, are you still in the bath? Yes, I'm listening to my podcast.
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What? Whoa. Stop, I'm gonna fall. I'm still not looking.
And I'm not listening to my podcast. Don't wombat it. Meow cat it. Simples, ha ha.
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Why are you getting yourself all worked up? None of that shit is real. Who's ever in these predicaments? Are you serious?
What a waste of time. What a waste of money. But I did a few years ago go through something that when I actually started to think about it was in a way like a horror movie. I mean, it starts with a call coming late at night.
When I say call, I mean a Facebook message. We're not using who's calling. But I got a Facebook message in the middle of the night. And all the message said was, hey, so old dude asked me to marry him.
And I said, yes. Wedding's in April. You coming? This message came from my old friend Ellie, who I had met many moons ago in seventh grade.
We bonded over both of us having short hair. And this was in the mid 80s when it was all about back teasing and bangs to the Lord and big, big hair. And we clearly were both raised by women who were just over it. So they chopped our hair off and we became very close.
And we just, you know, we were tight and we used to run the streets all through high school and in our twenties with the mean, mean streets of Atlanta. And I was just enamored by her. Ellie just, she seemed just so cool to me, you know? She was just the coolest person.
And whatever she wanted, I'd drop anything to just do it with her. Because I just wanted to, if I could just touch the hem of her garment. I just thought she was super cool. So whatever she wanted to do, she wanted to dress all in black and listen to James Bond themes while we lightly stalked her current crush.
I'm riding shotgun. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Put the black stuff under our eyes.
We did the whole thing. If she wanted to lie to her mother about her whereabouts. And so, uh, she needed to use someone as an alibi. I was there for her.
Her mother thinks that I love the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I've never seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. So that means I loved Ellie enough to have conversations with her mother about the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Luckily her mom had never seen it either, so anything I said, her mother was like, I mean, I guess you guys seem to be going every week.
I'm like, that's what she told you? I mean, sure, because I loved Ellie. So when I got this message about her wedding, I just wrote back, absolutely, wouldn't miss it. And she said, great, wear green.
Oh, oh, snap. Am I finally going to get to be a bridesmaid? Yo, wear green? See, here's the thing you have to know about me and Ellie and the type of people that I friend.
We're more of like a common law marriage type of people. You know what I mean? We don't really do paperwork. But what that means is, if we do decide to go ahead and have your little weddings, we're just going to throw out a color and you're going to come and you're going to have our back as we stand up there and say to the Lord or to Xenu or whoever that we love this person standing next to us.
So we're real chill, right? We're very chill. So she just says, wear green. I'm like, absolutely, I got your back.
I'm wearing green. Green is not a color I normally do. So I really had to scour the internet to find the kind of green that I thought was acceptable enough for this cool wedding. And so come April, I got So I'm going to a Carolina state, to a small town in one of the Carolinas.
Now, this is, look, I grew up in Atlanta, so this is not my first time driving to a small town in a Carolina state to see one of my white girlfriends get married. Did this all the time. But this was my first time doing it post-Trump. And whereas before, it just felt like, this time it was, it felt a lot scarier.
It felt heavier somehow. I couldn't really explain it, but I just know I was very tense when I finally got to the town. So tense that I kind of lost my bearings and I took a wrong turn and went over some train tracks and drove through the black part of the town and then the road curved and went back over the tracks and I ended up back in the regular part of the town. And I was like, that's a heavy, heavy metaphor.
Like we didn't even try. Literally on the wrong side of the tracks is where my people are. That's odd. I never noticed that before.
But I went ahead and went to the town inn, the only hotel in the town. As I'm pulling up, Ellie is out there waiting for me. She unfortunately has some bad news. An extended family member of her fiance wanted to be a part of the wedding, so there's really no room for me to be in the bridal party.
But I mean, if I want to walk, sure, but I won't have a bouquet or anyone with me. And I was like, no, that just feels weird. I don't want to stand out. I don't want to be the odd person out.
I don't want to do that. And she said, okay, I'm really sorry about that. But hey, come to the rehearsal dinner. Come out to the rehearsal dinner tonight.
We're having a cookout. You'll get to meet old dude. It'll be fantastic. I went all right, so I drove even further in the cut, further in the woods, and I met the people in her wedding.
Some of her family, some of her friends. I only knew a couple of them, but they all knew me. I know they all knew me because they all said, oh, Shalewa, you're her friend from Atlanta. You're her Atlanta friend.
And they said it like that every time. And my spidey senses went off and I'm like, oh, that feels like code. Why do you keep saying it like that? You can just stop it, Shalewa, which you all also are saying correctly.
So I feel like there was some sort of summit that happened where we all learned how to say Shalewa. Don't get the facts wrong. It's very odd. That's not a name that's natural to the deep South.
Wedding is the following day. And I realized as I sat in the back of the church that from Atlanta was code for the only black person there. I knew that. Again, not my first time.
I've known her since seventh grade. We grew up in Stone Mountain, Georgia. And if you don't know what Stone Mountain, Georgia is, it is a town that's built around a giant piece of granite that has Confederate army heroes etched in the side. I can see that from my window.
So I'm working through some things. But that's our background. Wedding is fine. I'm looking at the bridal party a little bit with my arms crossed like, who are these bitches?
And here's the thing I noticed. They all have on the same color green. Huh. That's weird.
It's not the same dress, but it's all the same color. And I think it's a color that's supposed to match the green in Ellie's hazel eyes. And I'm like, oh, I didn't even think about that. I'm just trying to find a green that looks good on me.
So I definitely would have stuck out. I'm glad I said no, but I do find it odd that they all seem to be coordinated. That's not how we roll. That's not the Ellie I know.
We go on to the reception, which is also at the only inn. Same spot. And it's your normal kind of wedding reception. You know, someone attempted an electric slide.
It did not go well. They all looked at me for help and I was like, I'm not getting paid to be here. I'm not your instructor. Y'all figure that out.
But I'm sitting at a table with a couple of other people, you know, waiting for food. And this woman is sitting at the table talking to her companion and she has on this wild green dress. And I hear her saying that Ellie told all of her friends to wear green. That way she'd know who was there for her.
And I'm like, what? What is that? Who does that? Am I out of the loop of weddings?
I've never been in the loop of weddings. I don't know if that's the thing that you do where you say, you're my guest. You all wear this color. That way I know that you're my friend.
Cause I feel like you should just know your friends. And also, I mean, we're still doing seating like bride side, groom side. You know what I mean? We're still doing that.
You know who it is. This town is not big enough for everybody to have on green. It's unnecessary. I flew and drove through the deep South just to find out I'm any of these idiots.
Boo. So I'm really learning about myself, but I'm also, everything just feels uneasy. Nothing. This just isn't the Ellie I know.
You know what I mean? These decisions are not, that's just not who I grew up with. And so that all feels odd, but then it takes a real turn. I see the oldest person I've ever seen in my life.
The oldest person I've ever seen in my life. It is an old man who is being helped downstairs and into a seat. Truly the oldest person. And I hear a person behind me and they go, oh yeah, yeah, that's Strom Thurmond's nephew.
Okay. We in a different territory. Hold on. Hold on.
That's Strom Thurmond's nephew. That's his nephew. Well, this doesn't even feel like peak racism behavior. Nephew, that's the best we could get.
I'm still scared. I want better fear for me. I'm more scared than I've ever been because I'm like, this feels like a deep cut. Do you know what I mean?
Like this is a, huh, this is weird. This is weird. Why? Why is, why is that guy here?
Who does that? Who does he? Is he a friend of old dude? Is he a friend of the groom?
Oh, this is because Ellie, certainly you don't have any ties to Strom Thurmond's nephew. He's never even been to Atlanta that I know of. After the reception, Ellie comes up to me and she's like, hey, we're going to have an after party in the honeymoon suite. And I'm like, I know, that's why we all came.
And she's like, no, no, no, no. I mean, other people are going to come up. We're going to hang out. Come up and hang out.
Then you'll really get to talk to this guy that I just married. And I'm like, yeah, that's okay, fine. So I went up, plenty of people up there, drinking, smoking. People start to leave.
I'm still sitting there with Ellie and Mr. Mrs. Ellie. And he starts talking and he's talking and he's talking.
He starts talking about his guns. I'm not swayed. Again, grew up in the South. You give a white dude long enough, he's going to start talking about his guns.
Big deal. You know, glad you got them. And then he says, that's why I'm glad Trump was elected because you Democrats, he says to me, you Democrats trying to take my guns. And I'm like, bro, I just met you.
One, I don't want your guns. Two, why'd you say you Democrats like that? Three, how do I get out of here? But he keeps going.
Turns out old dude is one of those guys who likes to just kind of poke at anthills and he's just trying to get a rise out of me. And so he's just like, you know, I mean, I feel like he's going to really bring the country back to where it needs to be. You know, we've been through a lot, blah, blah, blah. And I'm just looking at Ellie while Mr.
Mrs. Ellie is talking and I'm like, this you? This your mans? And she's just kind of sitting there, let that happen.
And finally I'm like, shut up about your guns. What is, what is this? And Ellie goes, I mean, you know, I'm the most liberal person here. And I'm like, clearly that's not saying a lot.
That's not, that means nothing. And I, I left, I left because Ellie stopped being what she was to me, which was just one of the coolest people I'd ever met. And she just turned into a regular old white woman who married a terrible white dude. Oh, that's a fate worse than death.
And I, I was so upset that I left the inn early. I was supposed to go to brunch with him, which apparently is a new thing. After you spend all night drinking with people at a wedding, you're supposed to eat eggs with them the next morning. And I was like, nah, you got me with the green dress thing.
I'm not also going to eat with your racist ass husband. And she was like, you should come out though. You can really get to know him. And I'm like, I feel like I know enough.
And so I got to stop. I got to stop talking to you, Ellie. And I kind of cut Ellie off and I'm in a little bit of pain about that, but it really felt like what I needed to various situations, whether it be over a cup of coffee, or doing a little show and tell, playing games, and yeah, at certain points, people would have the opportunity to get up on stage and share a story with the entire room. A curated event where people are coached on sharing little stories like a day something happened to you that still makes you laugh out loud, or a moment you were blown away with how amazing things can be.
And we'd still all hang out afterwards. It'll be entertaining, engaging, and low stress, a supportive way of helping people meet people, even you introverts. So stay tuned. This is coming soon.
It'll be a lot more like storytelling around a campfire. Sometimes it literally will be storytelling around a campfire. And it's just another example of what we're really all about and why we have to keep risk running. By the way, if anything left to mind when I said a day something happened to you that still makes you laugh or a moment you were blown away with how amazing things can be, pitch us at risk-show.com slash submissions.
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Folks, don't forget I do one-on-one storytelling coaching, as well as life coaching, basically, at KevinAllison.com. You can see all the glowing reviews that I get. I'm always telling clients to let me know how they're doing later on too. I really care about learning about how telling the story we worked on together went for you or learning about how making the life transition we brainstormed about went for you.
So don't hesitate to get in touch and don't hesitate to stay in touch. Come and find my one-on-one sessions at KevinAllison.com. Now next week, a daughter finally finds her love for her mother and a man who learns that no one should be fired the way people are fired on an old reality TV show I shall not name. But that's next week.
And folks, today is the day. Take a risk.