Footy boys are on a bender. Donald Trump is a sex offender. Hey, folks, welcome to Ain't It Footy, the number one U.S. soccer podcast on our podcast. We believe that this show's cool. We believe that this show's great. Anyway, brother, it's A-Miles Gray. I'm here with my other brothers here. Jamel Johnson. Hey, how you doing, brother? Hey, what's going on, bro? All right, and I got Chris Martin here. What's up, dude? All right, man, just three American blokes. Ah, shit. Goodness, I gave it away. We're just, look, we're here. It's Ain't It Footy. Sorry, bro.
We got sandblasted, dude. DT tried to get us unblasted, but we still blasted. Ball, don't lie, bro. Ball, don't lie, huh? The amount of goofballs that were running around saying, it's called soccer, man. The lead-up? Oh, Jesus Christ. You know, like the Brits invented the word soccer? I'm like, it annoys me. You're scratching the table. You don't got to worry about me no more, man. MLS is still soccer, but from now on, it's football and American football. Wait till they fucking plant that Union Jack and it's called MLF.
Major League Football. I mean, that is good. We need that. Anyway, a lot has happened since the last time we talked. But really, let's get into what you already know and what is the most recent. The U.S. men's national team defeated Bosnia and Herzegovina 2-1. Florian Balogun got a straight red for what I believe was a... I get it. I get why you would feel upset. But sometimes those are given. When VAR looks at it and your studs are coming down, even if it doesn't look intentional, it looks bad enough that you see we'll get a red card.
You know, and then thank God for our president, Donald J. Trump, because from all the reporting that we've seen, he basically all the goons around him got people from U.S. soccer on the phone being like, what are the laws we can use to try and figure out how we can pressure FIFA into doing something different? And then a call was made. Next thing you know, they're evoking Article 27. I'm like, what the fuck is the Geneva Convention? What are we fucking talking about? Article 27, where they're basically like, OK, that was a red card. Buffalo Balogun, you ain't got to do it. You got to do the time for it right now. We'll defer it.
Which also they did for Cristiano Ronaldo for him to even play in the first couple group stage matches because he did get a straight red the last qualifier before the World Cup. So it's nothing new. But however, it completely, completely fucked up the energy for the U.S. men's national team and gave Belgium the biggest chip on their fucking shoulder because they had tried to appeal it. It didn't go through. And now they're doing the Trump dance in the locker room. And credit to them because they beat the fucking shit out of us. It was fucking terrifying. But when the news broke, I texted, I think you guys, I texted a lot of people. I was at the beach and I was like, I texted.
Donald's called Gianni as a joke. And as I sent it, I went, I bet that actually happened. It started with a bit and I went, what if that happened? And everyone was like, I think, and then like an hour later, a lot of reporting came out that it did probably have a say in it. Someone did point out the irony on the week of the birth, birth red citizenship, not being passed by the Supreme Court that Trump used his UNO card to get. Made a Nigerian go to work? Yeah.
But you're right. It didn't mess up. Because I was very, you know, my son's American. I'm like, come on, USA. Don't happen. I was like, what are you doing? And then it just made everyone want USA to lose. Exactly. And then Flo, I feel bad for him. He's just a guy. Did you see he apologized to the Belgian manager? I know. Very English. Donald's like, he's apologizing. He's canceling. Ban him now. What are you doing? What is he doing? But yeah, it was, it completely soured the mood. I honestly think if...
we're just playing out like the normal rules of the game do, which is you have no appeal for a red card like that. And you, and that's what you do. You go fucking, you back, go back in the lab and go, all right, we have to fucking tinker with some shit. Pepe, maybe you're starting now. Maybe we have to play a little bit differently. That's what I feel bad for, man. Ricardo Pepe, can you imagine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The president who shits his pants. Yeah. Regularly. Yeah. Said, you're not playing. Right.
You've never seen me play before. What do you even know about me? I like the black guy. They say he's good. Rough. And he said some shit. He's like, I know sports. He's a funny example. He goes, you know, he didn't punch him in the face. It's like, yeah, I know. There's a grading. It's not UFC. You've acknowledged that. And then he was like, it's like just naming the place. He did hear a couple of buzz phrases to be like, yeah, we remember that. That wasn't called. But then I had a lot of people text me, Americans going, you know, it's the best thing he's done as the president. And then I was like, but you can't. They meant that? I think you know what Americans are like. They really want to win so bad.
that their moral uh yeah they don't usually they will hand out blankets they'll hand out diseased blankets yeah yeah we're getting a lot of uh people being like it's fine yeah it was a little bit like corruption's cool if not involved we was you know oh yeah stay away from those i reposted it yeah yeah just a screen capture just that just that guy look at this full of shit but i also didn't think it I thought Peppy was the better option, but after all of it, I think we lose anyway because Christian Pulisic is a bitch. Christian Pulisic is a huge bitch. It was so funny, the memes. I'm calling him Maga Garnacho. Wow. Peyton Pulisic. That's Peyton Clark out there with men's shorts on. Wow. And I'll say this to your face, Christian. You went out like a hoe. We all saw it. You ain't even cry. You're such a bitch. You didn't cry. Yeah, he said some shit like, I'm choosing my ankle out there, but I guess now I can just go rest up now. And the fucking lame-ass reporter's like, she's about to cry. What were you going through out there, Christian? What was happening? I don't know. And he was like, I have to choose my ankle or something. You kick a guy's leg on your own. You fucking nut.
You are a hoe as of today. There's nothing you could do in pro football to change my mind. You could go to FC Dallas and score a million goals. I don't care. But you got one more chance. 2030, you can wipe that label off. Was that stat true about when he did the MAGA Trump dance that his numbers have been absolute dog shit since he did that? Yeah, essentially. It was like right after the election when he was like this. He didn't score for US from that point. In the 14 games since that MAGA Trump dance, one goal and three assists with an average match rating of 6 points. Trash. So the whole plan with Pepe being in was everybody saying, oh, but him and Pulisic work better together. They work better together.
ready to play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was all worried about the president watching. Fucking stupid. I hope he doesn't soil himself between my performance. I am going to miss the commentator, like, when USA do anything remotely good. Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, even like Tillman's like, he scored another one, two into it, and he sees the replay, and it's a huge deflection as well. Yeah, it's taken a deflection, but he's headed somewhere. You know, if he doesn't try to kick the ball, you don't get a deflection. Listen, at least Malik's ass was out there trying, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least he was trying. He took that free kick faster shit, too, huh? Right. Yeah. Smart, though. Hey, listen.
what you have to do. At least Malik was trying. Christian, look at what Malik does. Stu Holden, I think it was Stu Holden who usually gets the most out of sorts, like with the positivity, where he's like, this could be it. They could be turning it around. I'm like, hey, did you see that fucking goal? By the way, Belgium had six shots on goal in 10 minutes. Three of them bitches was on frame. What was your favorite goal?
Yeah. I like the, um, the Lukaku one was just great. It's just like they fully gave up. They were just like, they were like, it's actually added on time. That one was really good because even the announcer was like, oh, don't let him score again. Oh, no. Ah, damn it. I nutted on myself. Yeah. Golly.
But you know, they didn't let in a fifth, and that's good. No, the second one showed how ass we are. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Fucking Tim Ream getting fucking bodied. I was texting a mate going, Tim Ream's not very good. He's older than us. He's older than us. Yeah, man, he's out there because we don't have enough guys who can pass. Yeah. Okay. And it was always going to show. Speaking of can't pass. Matt Freeze, by the way, didn't I tell you guys our goalies was fucking shit as shit as fucking shit? That was a man who fully like, he's got there, and he's absolutely padded.
I put my hand up and someone's asked me to speak in class. I wasn't expecting to speak. Say something. Just kicks the ground. It's like, you fucked the bed. Guys, just please. Hey, U.S. Soccer Federation. Start scouting like D2 basketball. Find one of these big ass kids who can't shoot. And go get one of them. Right, right. You guys used to make good goalies. That's somehow. They used to be black, man. That's true. Even Brad Friedel has something black about him. He looks like LL Cool J. He looks like he'll be problematic. Like one of those. Like he doesn't talk about that he's black.
Where you're like, isn't Brad Friedel black? Why is he talking like that? He was bald in a way. Said that to me. And you said, he's like, well, yeah, I mean, my grandmother, they say she was red bone. He was Creole, man? Yeah.
Absolutely need a black goalkeeper. It's mandatory. Mandatory. Because what? I guess Tim Howard, right? That's the best we got. He black sometimes. Yeah. He also, he ended up being white. The teeth are definitely white. He was white as could be. He was right about everything, huh? What was he saying? Well, first he was like, Bosnia, listen, we're wiping them. And also he said the USA had no chance at winning this tournament. That was the first thing he said. And they were my dark horses and I was like, quarterfinals was my dark horses. That's about as dark as a horse. Who knows the sport who's like, yeah, I bet that the US would win.
They're like, no, you're not. You don't think that's going to happen. I understand the positivity. It's not a hot take. You can't win a tournament if you need a leader to call up and get a guy canceled. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The president can't win it for you, bro. Yeah, yeah. Well, America, you've done it again. Has it captured the night? Do you think people, kids will, no. You think kids will like not be into the game now? I think our attention fans is too fried. I think they're watching Cocomelon right now.
No one gives a fuck now. I think it's over. I mean, it's funny because I do remember at the end of the game, like Stu Holden was like begging people to like still give a shit about the World Cup. He's like, this is what he said. If you've enjoyed what you're seeing, well, support your local team. This doesn't have to be the last soccer you watch for the next four years. It's a beautiful sport. The future of American soccer is very bright. Sound like somebody trying to get me to recycle. Shut up. You're like, also, this is LA. We don't recycle. Do you know what we do with the plastic? It's fucking in a warehouse. It's burning. Okay. It's a fucking joke, man. So let me just, if you want to know how well it's in my group text to work.
They will love sports. And then after you guys knocked out, so is the World Cup over? And then someone's like, yup, back to hockey. Oh. That's it. Oh, I know that person. That's tough. I know that person. You can guess the race of that person. Yeah, I can. Okay. And I can guess their favorite racial sport. If we could get 10 rich people to care, maybe something different will change. The problem is you got to pay too much to play. You got to have five grand to get on any team worth anything. You know what it was? If the US, if Trump didn't get involved and that led to an, like in people's minds, a direct line to that embarrassing loss, not that the US would have won.
But the way that shit just looked so fucking sad and we were playing so negative and just still could, like someone tweeted, they're like, America's trying to park the bus, but they don't have a functioning transit system. Um, yeah, shit hurts. But I feel like if, if the U.S. like even lost respectably with the Balogans and fought valiantly, people would have been like, oh, you know what? You did what you could. But this one felt like we had, Trump put his thumb on this game and we fucked the bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it just feels like, bro, no, that felt gross. Nah.
And so, yeah, back to hockey. There's no Rocky, there's no Rocky, Rocky, the first Rocky movie ending. Ah, they went out swinging, it was good. It's like if Hawley put like, put like metal weights in Rocky's cup and he got knocked out in the first round. Hey, hey, that's my movie, guys. Hey, hey, hope you come back. Hey, where's my Oscar, hey? Hey, hey, you don't like that? Adrian, what do you mean? You're cheating a little bit. You're cheating, Rocky. Fuck you, Rocky. Yeah, that girl hates Rocky. You're cheating, Rocky. You're fucking cheating, bitch. Hey, hey, I just bounced in my barn over here. Oh, man. That's such a...
What happened to just dudes just holding a little fucking racket ball a little bit? Just bouncing that shit? Fingered gloves on? Because people don't fist fight anymore. You don't need to work on your hand. It's that also, bro, because people have cell phones now. If we didn't have cell phones, people would still be doing physical shit. I would have a tennis ball on me right now. Oh, yeah. I'd have a fucking football right here. I would just probably dribble it around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring it right here, hold it in my arm. Boom, on the table. To you guys' point.
the way I feel about Mexico right now, very good. Yeah. They should be very proud. Exactly. Exactly. But also that's because they're better than us. You know what I mean? And they're fun. And they throw piss at you. They throw piss. That's what we gotta get to throwing piss. We gotta get to throwing piss. It's very English. We gotta get to throwing piss. It's quite English. Yeah, that is true. That's where we're behind. By like a hundred years. We do that on like a global foreign policy scale. So I think. We need to change who's throwing the piss. We need to stop. They're throwing beer at the players. Definitely. You reckon there's probably a bit of piss in those. Sometimes it's piss. The players are like, let's piss that time.
That would be fun. Someone just comes back. He's like, hey, you gonna boy that? Bellingham's like, ah. They're like, bro, he's on his knees right now. Bring on the piss. His mouth open. Ah. Front page of the Daily Mail. What's a liar? The piss drinking liar. It's called taking the piss.
That's it. That's a national holiday. National holiday. Yeah, but anyway, I guess... Okay, we'll get to England in a second. Next up, though, we do want you to talk about Argentina. Talking of FIFA corruption. Yeah, holy shit. Hey, Verde. Another team. Fucking salute. The troops of Cabo Verde. What a fucking fantastic group. Talk about going out valiantly. That's what you're talking about. Their second goal was so fucking... That was such a beautifully hit curling shot that I was...
It felt like an injustice that that didn't get them something out of that. I know, I know. At least if it were like penalties. I know, I know. I was watching that in the Red Lion. So my context of that game is I went with a friend of the podcast, Francesca Fiorentini. Very funny, very good comic. Does a great thing called... Bituation Room. Bituation Room. Big Argentina fan. I play in a Bituation Room. Yeah, yeah. So we're watching the game and she is like a fun... She's... She watches... She reminds me of you watching Arsenal in the league. Just sort of...
It's just so serious. Existential, yeah. Serial killer. She's abandoned. I thought her family were coming with her because her kid's similar to my kid. And then she kind of abandoned them to just watch the game. All right. So Matt was with the kid? Yeah, and then he had to come. They had to come at one point. And so it's, you know, they scored the first goal. What a beautiful goal by Messi. I'm like, you guys are only going to win. This is going to be easy for you guys. And then the goal equalizer goes in. In the red line where people don't really care. Great move on the equalizer, by the way. And then the whole crowd start wanting Cabo Verde to win. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, all right. She goes, I've got to change my shirt. I've got to change my shirt. What do you mean? She goes, oh. And I didn't wear this bad luck shirt. I go, nah, I
Takes it off, just body paint on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it was the shirt. It was the shirt, man. And then, hang on, no, she let out one all. She just bounces. She just goes, she just, I go, see ya. That's my style, I'll roll up. She's like, there's bad news you have, I've got to go. I'm like, all right. I'm like, I have mine. Whoa, okay. And then she goes, and then I'm texting her, and it's like, then they go 2-1, I go, you good? And then the crowd goes wild. We have to give the guy, what's his name? I mean, I love that guy. That's the celebration as well. Of that goal. I've never seen a man go so far into the crowd. Did he even get a yellow for that? I think they're not giving yellow. I think so, yeah. He should have gone out the stadium, got a plane, flown home
I mean, hats off. Yeah, Sydney Cabral. Sydney Cabral. Yeah. And anyway, and then she's like, she's not even with her husband and kids. She's now gone on her own to a bar. And she says, she's full of Kate Verde fans at a bar. And then obviously then they win and I congratulate her. Oh, so she fully had the venue change. You were abandoned. She abandoned me. She abandoned the family twice, I think. Okay. She got a separate car. She's like texting me. Extra time she's at like a hotel. Anyway, but it worked. And she goes, yeah, because she had to change my shirt and that's what worked. Anyway, then today I'm at work and then we're texting at the game and texting her. And then it's one nil down. I still think, and then I see it's two nil at work. And I'm like, oh.
And I'm like, what are you doing to change this? And I think 2-0 it's over. I think Egypt won the game. And then I don't know if I had some. What's your opinion on crystals? And she went, oh yeah. And then I'm at work and I turn on screen too. And this is the photo she sends me. And everyone's saying free from corruption. She just sends me that. Oh, she set up the billies? The billies, mate.
We're thinking it's Infantino and then it's you and the crystals? It's Billy Infantino. Billy Infantino. Ain't that a bitch? What the fuck? That was crazy, though, because it's 2-0. What was the thing? I go, I go, you got to, you got to, I say, you got to leave. You got to leave where you are. She's putting a, she puts a, a keffiyeh on. And then I go, you got to travel. She got literal outfits on. No, I say, you got to travel. I say, because you got to leave the, I say, we'll get crystals. I'm going to help Arsenal win the league. I like how you use that as like, like, like anecdotal evidence of a snake, like snake oil sales. You know, that's how my son cured his limb. But you say anecdotal, and you're like, oh, Billy's. What are you reading right now?
She goes, I can do crystals work. And then when I see the score, I just send her a gem, like a crystal emoji. And she sends me that photo. I'm like, ah, so I'm so sorry. A lot of people blame my show speed. Sure. He's been wearing the losing kit for the last fucking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He wore a Portugal kit. Gone. Hey, Verde kit. Gone. Egypt kit. Gone. So all that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, whatever. Either way, it was just, it was wild just to see that comeback. Although it was, Egypt should have had three goals because they had one disallowed, like taken back on far for the, one of the fucking.
weirdest bar calls I've ever seen. Just VAR this tournament makes no sense. I'm going to say right now. It's like there's no consistent thing they're doing where it's like That one? That hasn't been the whole tournament. They've not pulled it back for a foul that's like nine years ago. That foul happened in the last game. That was actually a Cape Verde player. It feels like something that would have happened in the US match. Like, oh, actually, Trossard, Lukaku, De Ketelaer can't play because somebody did three matches. They're showing the video screen. I think they're like, hang on, isn't that a different team? No, no, no. There's this tape from that. It's on the screen, so it's real. Hey, I have 17 fingers on it. I am very much looking forward to Spain, Portugal. The Iberian World Cup. The corruption is going to be the right amount.
Yeah, it's the perfect amount. Yeah. It's a nice thin slice of corruption. Yeah. It's been cured. Kind of melts in your mouth a little. What do you think with Argentina? That's two games where they've had to, it's been a fingernail biter and they, by the literal grace of God, Dios, Lionel Messi. The Billies. That kind of blew me. Yeah. I didn't like that at all. There's been a lot of these sort of like, I think up until then it's like, I feel like no Chelsea players. There's been a lot of goals scored like, and so here's the other thing as well. I agree on the foul. The Egypt and Argentina, they've got to win that. And then I, I forget the name, but there's an African correspondent that goes on Guardian for Weekly. And he's very like,
When, uh, Dominican, how do I say the Congo full name? Democratic Republic of Congo. Oh, you were going to say the Dominican Republic of Congo? That's cool. Just remember, Brian, just protect me. That's the same island as Hayati, right? Brian, I'll send you a crystal if you, uh, protect me. My, my, my English. Ah, man, I got crazy haircuts in the Dominican Republic of Congo.
I just immediately leave. Sounds like some MAGA shit. You're like, this guy is from the freaking Dominican Republic of Congo or something. Don't act like I won't make that t-shirt. That's a fun one, actually. Who is that? It's Wisa and Big Papi next to each other. Yeah, is it like Wombasaka? Is it Wisa playing baseball, though? Yeah, it's like, okay, Wombasaka. Bicycle kick? I mean, in a perfect world, Big Papi bicycle kick, Wombasaka's up to bat. Just to sort of...
get myself out of the hole. I don't think it's just because I'm white and it's a nation. No, no, no. Because I was telling you guys about how people think that like, they don't understand Scotland and England and it's like, they don't understand it. And that's really bad. And that's the whitest. And that's offensive. That's the whitest. I saw it, man. There was a guy, I'm at the bar, I'm at a beach bar in Maui.
It's a packed bar for Mexico, England. Yeah. Two Scottish guys with traffic cones on their head? Yeah. What's up with the traffic cones? Is that their style? So that's when they put all the traffic cones on the statues. Oh, yeah. It's a drunk thing, Scottish. Yeah. You steal traffic cones. They had their own, like, cone hats. That was their supporting... Yeah, yeah. Like a cheese head? Like a mini traffic cone hat? Yeah, they had a couple of cheese heads. Okay, that's fine. And this guy from Arizona was like, who are the Scottish guys rooting for? And, like, multiple people were like, Mexico. Yeah, yeah. They're white. But they're white. Why would they... I was like, brother, have you seen Braveheart? Yeah. They don't like it. It's different whites. Yeah. Was that the moral of that movie?
I thought it was just that white guys are fucking cool. That's what I got from Braveheart. He asked me, the guy next to me, the waitress. We all were like, he keeps asking and then he asks the guys. He's like, hey, who are you guys rooting for? Mexico. Wow. And then he finally, and then he just left. His mind was gone. Yeah, he's like, actually. Nah.
You guys are white. It was bizarre. You're not supposed to do that. Like it's different whites, man. You guys have the same queen. God damn it. It's not. How would you break that down? It's like, where's he? Where was he from? He was from Scottsdale. Do you like your rival? Does Scottsdale have a rival town? Is that the issue? Yeah, I guess not. Why aren't you rooting for Mexico, bro? Yeah. You're close. You're right there. More buddies. What's going on? That's a different country, man. Multiple people at the resort. Super hype that Mexico lost. Hang on. Arizona used to be Mexico. Then it used to be Mexico. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got me there, buddy.
Hey, sorry, but you got me there. That's why I won't acknowledge that historical fact. I'm just going to leave. That's just not going to be part of my analysis. I got to go. They had to imbounce, man. It was nuts. What was I saying? It was something about, obviously, not exactly what I just said, but before that I was talking about. I was talking about sustainability for Argentina. They've been holding, they've been barely getting by. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I think it's, I think they're not. Okay, anyway. But you were saying something about the Congo. Right, it was the Congo thing. Oh, that was it. It was about the, it was like, he's an African correspondent. He was saying about the African, he's like being the unvarnished truth about the African teams and how.
they keep choking in these moments. Because when Belgium got the two equalizers against Senegal, he was like, the coach is pretty harsh, right? He was like, we knew they were going to just sit back and we're going to score goals. Which sounds like, you didn't know you were going to score anything. But then this guy was like, yeah, there's some sort of like mental block. They keep choking. And then Egypt, 2-0 up.
you've got you've got to win from yeah yeah i mean the goals are laying in like not they're not like hard to defend it's just like a hopeful cross in the box just head down in the box win a header it's like yeah so so yeah definitely there's naughtiness with the var but i think when you're tuned a lot there's a lot of time though i mean they were tuned up it was still a half hour to go but i mean that just yeah two is two that just shows you also too like when after messi scored that second goal i've never seen him like that too he looked like he was like oh shit like they needed that shit and and i get it and now i mean it's i have a feeling they are going to keep it's gonna happen one of two ways right it's like one of those things where it just creates this belief where like the chips could be so down and you're like i don't know bro we're gonna fucking figure it out and we just do and we're not gonna get in our own heads about it or i don't know if they're panicked i was like bro we need to we need to start fucking just winning some shit and not kind of like just scraping by either way they have god on their team so they'll be okay um Let's take a break. Okay, let's come back and let's talk about some good old-fashioned Paraguayan racism. And we are back. France played Paraguay in their latest round of 16 match.
Pretty fucking... That was a... That was a chippy one. That was Paraguay's tactic was to kick the shit out of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome to Kami Bowl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome to Kami Bowl one time. It was just like, oh, you'd like to play like... We'll kick the shit out of you. That was your sunny night in Stoke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I want to see them do it on a sunny, beautiful day in Paraguay. Yeah. With a kick and the shit out of you. Exactly what it is, yeah. Your sunglasses in on and you're cocktail in your hand while a guy is trying to smash your knees off, mate. Elbowing you in your solar plexus. Soak... That one, was it Upamecano who caught one just so clean? Like, I think it was on a corner on a set piece and the guy just...
beautiful beautifully timed dirty elbow to the fucking gut i was like they're fucking good at this like i like it it was kind of fun to see when people like look at like there was like a slow motion montage of all the fucking shithousery and i was like this is beautiful but unfortunately that is not a way you're going to win uh yeah and mbappe converted a penalty one nil uh it was it was interesting to see like it was towards the end they were they kept trying to get in his fucking head like it was funny and but to mbappe's credit he was just like laughing it off When he's like, damn, y'all are really serious. The shithousing allowed before penalties this World Cup has been quite... No one's getting yellow carded, but talk about the Senegal game, right? Oh, yeah. My man went full field on the spot. Child's pose on the spot. And it was amazing because he was like, he probably just committed. It was like a three-minute bit. And he was like, he thought if I just stay for long enough, the game is just a ban or something. It was a draw. It was on the spot. It was like... He held the game up to be like, Senegal with a late penalty. I know. I know. It's like, it's just, you know, it's going to be some... But that's like, to hold your nerve, to bury it after that. Yeah.
it was great i love just seeing i say y'all the link i was like this reminds me of like that nigerian politician who was on a corruption trial and then he just when they got his ass in the trial he just pretended he fainted they were like sir and he just went like this oh I'm like, bro, knock this shit off, man. I was like, this is beautiful. I love this. I love this dramatic, the dramatic actions from Senegal. Anyway, so the thing that really got pretty vile was this senator. The full post is fucking crazy. But this Paraguayan senator, Celeste Amaria, just tossing out the most wild racist shit. She said, quote, this brute hasn't even learned to write. Instead of breast milk, he grew up sucking on coconuts. And the most educated creatures who he ever heard were chimpanzees.
You should have given him the middle finger, Orlando talking about the keeper, a colonized Cameroonian pretending to be French, resentful, newly rich, arrogant, and ugly. Can I say something on that? Does it sound like she's Chachi PC to write her racist statement? That felt... Do you know what I mean? Wait a minute! Do you know what I mean? I was just listening to that. That sounds like AI. It's so like picking up random racist... Do you know what I mean?
We're outsourcing our racism in the chat. It's what it sounds like. She just went, can you come up with an N-word? She just goes, write something. Old people like a idol. Yeah, she's like, give me a hundred racist words. And it just feels like it's colonized Cameroonian. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa. What is this? She looks like the guy who ran for sheriff in L.A. last year. What was that?
This is, this, this woman also, she was educated in France. A lot of people are pointing out. Wow. So she knows, she's not like, Oh, so she's a hater. She didn't fall off the Paraguayan coconut cart. Okay. She's educated. And so she knows, she knew, I think she, so a lot of people were like, she knows how to talk Western European anti-black racism. She was there. Um, and then again, after this, everyone was like, Jesus Christ lady, what the fuck are you saying? Uh, and then Kylian Mbappe, uh, replied, this is what he said. He said, Madam Celeste and Maria, you are a despicable woman and unworthy of your position. You do not represent Paraguay, the country, which has sweated passion and honor throughout the competition.
Through your recklessness and your brazen racism, the entire world has already forgotten the journey and the historic effort that your players accomplished during this World Cup, making way for an incompetent woman who gives the worst possible image of her country. I will never allow people like her the freedom to spread their hatred and racism across the world. Boom. Do you know what? That statement is very good because he's right. These guys, they play and they just try their best.
Can we just ban any politician from just being allowed to comment on our sport? Even if it's positive. It's just shit. Who cares? And when it's positive, it's like just score points too. Yeah. It's just like, shut up. The guys have like done everything with the country. It's like, let's not make it a race issue or political. Just shut up. Paraguay is a very like unique country where they still have like the indigenous language is still part of the country's culture. I believe it's their official language. There's like, I was reading this like marriage decree from like 1814 where like the leader at the time was like, if you're a European bro, you're not going to fuck another white person. You need to fuck one of these indigenous people or a black person because.
fuck all that. And a lot of people were like, oh, pretty egalitarian. Some people were like, it was purely to dilute the power of European colonizers, whatever it was. That's the kind of shit they were on. So then, after this whole clapback, because a lot of people were like, what a fucking disgraceful, because a lot of people were like, dude, they beat fucking Germany. Yeah. And now everyone's just talking about this, the most traditionally racist of all countries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now everyone's like, yeah, like Germany's like, damn, they're like, good for them. All right. Then this is how she tried to cover her ass. Quote, my posts were written in the heat of the moment. My mixed race blood, the beautiful blend of indigenous and Spanish heritage that runs through my veins was boiling.
Later, I regretted responding with the same insults that I myself have received because I do have been looked down upon for being dark-skinned Latin American. And as they say, call us, I don't know what this word is, sudakus, I don't know if that's probably a slur. I realized I was repeating the very behavior that I despised, so I deleted the post. I understand that it upset you because it was humiliating. Now I expect you to do the same. Withdraw your remarks and apologize to me. I will not tolerate your aggression. You have no idea who I am. You have no right to say that I am a despicable woman unworthy of the office I hold. This is gender-based violence, plain and simple. It is political violence against a woman who reached her position through the votes of her people. Retract your remarks, honor your French citizenship, and apologize to me. Otherwise, I may begin legal proceedings on the grounds of gender-based violence. Sounds like The Rock wrote the second half of that statement. And that's the bottom line! It doesn't matter what your name is! Something like that.
It's a good pair of lion tactics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, really? And I'm sorry. And now I expect you to do the same motherfucker because I know I said some racist shit. Also calling in your heritage and your citizenship into question and then trying to weaponize that on the response to be like, you need to honor your friend's citizenship, even though I call you a colonized Cameroonian. She releases a video that after reading Mbappe's comment, she just fell on the floor in a child's pose for several minutes. She's probably going to do that at the press conference. This starts gently rocking over. I can do first press conference. Madam Senator, what do you have to say about the... Oh, Mbappe.
You know the chatter in the Paraguay Germany game was not All right, so, yeah, we'll see. But it's good, though, that you can't cover your mouth anymore, because that's fixed the racism issue. Yeah, absolutely. Turns out. He was just asking what the guy was eating at halftime. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which club are you going after the game? Get out of here! The best was, there was a moment, not that he covered his mouth, but there was a moment that felt like it would have been a mouth covering when Jude Bellingham noticed in Yaki Williams was playing on the Ghana team. He was like, where'd you play for Spain? There was a moment, he's like, wait, bro, you play for Ghana now? Like, on the field, he's like, yeah, yeah, I'll play for Ghana. He was like, oh, okay, bro. Talking of no mouth covering, just not to jump to another game, but...
by a mile, the funniest video I've seen so far is the Mexican coach. It's the funniest. Just to think a professional coach does that. It wasn't even his nil-nil. Amazing. It's so funny.
Gordon! Fuck you! And it's great because Anthony Gordon was like, man, fuck it. That was honestly, I think, potentially one of the best moments of the tournament. Even the shit I saw on the field. I'm putting that up there. Canada, Morocco, speaking of host nations going out, they lost 3-0.
Yeah. Send them home. All hosts are gone now. All hosts are gone. All host nations. Canada making Final 16. Come on. That's incredible for them. That's crazy. My friend Morgan Murphy, big sports fan, will watch any game. I work with her and she was, what did she say? She put it very, very smartly in the group text about when USA got knocked out, but it applies to all of the teams. They've been knocked out. What did she say? She said, this feels like when you're throwing a party and go to bed while the guests are still there.
Very accurate. Very accurate. And you're like, damn, they're still here? Guys, I'm going to go to bed now. Okay, cool. Just make sure you lock the door. Good night. See ya. You wake up and they're still there doing drugs or whatever.
Alright, well, when I come back from work, if you just... Wait, did you eat that chocolate bunny? My friend brought that back as a gift. It wasn't for you guys to fucking eat. Are you drinking shots out of the vase that my father's... Okay. It's a small vase. It's a small vase, yeah. You thought it was a sake? Oh, I didn't know. I thought it was like an ash-rimmed cocktail glass.
For the flavor profile. I thought it was really dusty. Tahine around the rim. Something pasty about it. Tahine's kind of great. It's actually Gary. It's a bit of Gary, my dad. Oh, shit. Yeah, so Morocco, though. Morocco, France. Man. Hey, come on now. Hey, a little racism. Yeah. Come on. It's a little bit in that one. Morocco, France. Gotta be. As long as Morocco don't go 2-0 up, they could get up. I mean, they say it's the most dangerous school. It is. Especially if you're an African nation. Apparently, according to...
Recent history. Then we have Brazil also crashing out. Brazil 1, Norway 2, Erling Haaland. That first goal, bro, had Gabby's ass. Had that ass. And I guess Gabby's looking for him to try to, like, cut in front of him for a kick. He just got... Just looked like total lack of awareness. I think, who was it? Endric, maybe, who was defending on the... Like, bro, they couldn't be bothered. Also, Endric missed that stat. Oh, shit. The Vinny Jr. assist, I was like, oh, you've got to score. And then Endric is poor bloke. Brazil had their chances. Yeah, no, they absolutely did. What if Bruno's taking the penalty for? Before you get to that. Why was he the penalty taker and not Vinny?
Does anybody know? No idea. I mean, says a lot. I mean, I don't know. I mean, he must have a better pair record. He wanted to go home and get sold to Arsenal as soon as possible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good idea. But a lot of the, you know, the Brazil public are very upset. They look like they're playing on the counter, which is like, Brazil, was that you said, is that you put in the thing? Are they a brand or a team anymore? Are they the Tottenham?
This is English-based violence against me to call this out. It's one of those things too where someone said it's because they don't have Catholics on the team anymore. They're like, Ronaldo, Ronaldinho. uh fucking Rivaldo they're like bro these guys were drunkards womanizers and they got out there and they had fun and now you have all these fucking Protestants out here who are fucking who are too chaste they're too pure whatever it is I do think that like it feels like just overall right like the teams that do well is like first does your country have a national identity in terms of how you play the sport like that everyone's kind of can sing from the same hymnal like Spain does like Brazil used to like the Dutch and most I mean they total football like like the Germans like there's each team like kind of has like a way they play but then on top of that do you also have like the full buy-in of the team to play at that level and like to really feel it. And it just feels like Brazil, like a lot of the players just feel like they, they get by on how, like that the reputation precedes them. And then it's just sort of like, yeah, man, we'll show up and we'll kind of do our thing. Like it doesn't feel, they don't feel super.
I don't know. There's like, it's just lacking that real kind of spirit that you see in other teams. It just feels casual, which is a shame because they have a lot of talented players, but they just don't have a fucking real striker, which is always like the main thing that you need in these turnovers. Every team, almost every team that's doing well has had just a big guy turn up. England, Kane, and Bellingham, they're two. Obviously Messi and Erling. Holland, yeah. And then Mbappe. And then Vinny, he's good, but he's, how many goals did he get? Two goals? Yeah, nothing crazy. You need to be hitting a goal a game, it looks like, to be bringing the heat. But like I said to you guys, my dirty secret that I found out.
I'm not alone when I was listening to Arscast and Andrew said the same thing. I mean, my son really likes Erling Haaland. And when I was watching, he just really wants to be watching the game. He's like, is Erling Haaland playing? Is Erling Haaland? And we see Erling, as he scores on Gabby, who I should love. But like, I watched the replay of that. It's very impressive. He does almost nothing, Haaland. And then in one second, the movement is just that. And then the second goal, I'm a sucker for someone scoring a banger of a goal and acting like it's the most normal thing in the world. And I just can't. And I think it's because he's playing for Norway. I'm like, it's okay. It's like Kane. I now have a place for Bayern Munich. I like Kane. He's not Spurs anymore. And because I don't see him in the Man City shirt, he just seems very like...
a real person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's definitely captured the imagination. I heard dudes in the gym talking about Erling Haaland. They were like, yeah, dude, you guys are a fucking animal. You guys are a fucking beast, dude. And I see a lot of people who are like, oh, okay. I get the appeal of Erling Haaland because there's definitely a lot of fucking racist white people who are like, I love this guy, man. This guy's showing him how it's done. There's a little... But I also see that he is just like a memeable guy. And I think that also makes it easier to really like him.
And also, yeah, like the city baggage aside, like the guy's good. He's a fantastic player and it is easier. And I think it's only easier for me to see like that because Martin Odegaard is playing alongside him. Like it's almost like Odegaard is like, he's like, no, guys, he's with me. I know he's with that other set, but he's cool. He's cool. He's not going to be stupid. Can I give you my logic? I think I was trying to sleep and I was like, I like him and I'm not really allowed to like him. But then I was like, if it wasn't for his sort of quite, the way he plays the game is like, he's not dirty. He doesn't try tricks. If it wasn't for who he was, I don't think Arsenal would have won the league.
Because if he goes down in the game against City for Arsenal, when Gabby does the head-on-head thing, nine times out of ten, every player goes down. Gabby's sent off. He misses three games. Arsenal don't win those games. Arsenal absolutely concede a goal in those games, 100%. So because of his way he plays the game and he just likes the battle and the fun of it, I've convinced myself that he's why Arsenal won the league. And therefore, I subscribe to his OnlyFans now. Wow. This guy's gone. We lost him. We lost him. We lost him. We lost him. I think Erling Holling can still burn in hell, but the boy is bowling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wish him nothing but death. I hate him. I hate him.
Just because he looks like the future. There's no need to. Where our genes have regressed. It's unfortunate. I was watching with a group of people who I did not know at all who were very pro-Norway, very anti-Naymar. They weren't just like, hey, Holland's so great. They were also like, Neymar sucks. Fuck him. Why is he still trying to... You know what? I got to shoot Neymar some. He was talking that shit because he was trying to get some more time on the clock. It's the corrupt World Cup. I know. It's our last chance. I'm just trying to get a couple more kids.
that penalty was never, that's again, another VAR thing. That's not a pen. No. It's the classic, all the X pros guy, try jumping with Alif in your arms. Yeah, yeah. Just try around that. Right, right, right. You're getting an inch off the ground. It's impossible. That's never a penalty. It's never a penalty. Anyway, whatever. The way he turned up after converting it too, I was like, I get that you're also trying to get everybody bought in again. But I was like, sir. There's minus one minute left. Yeah, I was like, sir, you're, unless like, we're playing like, you know, bonus balls and like FIFA where, you know, outside the box shots count for two or something like that, it ain't happening. Yeah, just, I don't know. It is weird. I just, I, like, the first World Cup I really paid attention to was 94.
and brazil won and i was like brazil's fucking good soccer the 98 with fucking ronaldo going all over that final against france i'm like this fucking team like those two world cups got me so into the sport and specifically brazilian soccer i was like this shit is fucking tight 2002 they fucking win i'm like bro this fucking ronaldo that goal against like david seaman Anyway, I had a different reaction to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine. You coward! And he's just like, safe hands! More like shit hands! But like, there's something, yeah, like it just, there's, I don't know, I don't know what it is that has to be reactivated in that country. You are right, they lack the, there's something about the samba, that kind of vibe. As they call it, ginga, in Portuguese, that magic is what they call it. There's no fucking ginga in this team anymore. I think it's just blown out because, I mean, they're playing all over the place. I don't know, I mean.
I guess Brazil's got a long history of pros playing in Europe. You're blaming immigration. I think I'm blaming immigration. Go on, fam. Yeah, go on. Go on, Senator. I don't know, man. Brazil seems like a country where if most of the team was playing in Brazil, it might have a different feel.
But I mean, I mean, again, I'm not stealing this, but they said on the Oscars, they were like, play Martinelli, who we, you know, he's playing at number 10, he played fine, but he's not like, it's him or Pacquiao, neither of them are Ronaldinho. Yeah, yeah. Who's the guy? You need a, you need a good 10, I think, in this. Bellingham is a very different 10, but he's like, is the guy. But think about like how Odegaard, for all the attention.
Holland got, and he should, for scoring the goals. Odegaard was fucking bossing that entire midfield. And even Ancelotti, who was it, Vinny, all their players were like, Martin Odegaard was fucking, we had no answer. Turns out when he's in form. Yeah, exactly. Pretty fucking good. It helps when he's playing with Holland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was funny seeing, I was going on the Man City, I was going on the City subreddit, and a lot of people in the City subreddit, they're so fucking dumb, they're like, we should probably get some of these Norway players. Wow. Think about how good Holland will play with them. You mean Oscar Bob, you asshole? I'm like, what are you fucking... Shut up.
What? That is not the solution you're talking about. I know. I love how it's just so transposable like that. You're like, you take that, and then you do that here, and then that's the best thing. I've got my WhatsApp group. And anytime anyone who I've critiqued, like, you know, does something good, I've got this guy going, this is what, like, look, I mean, Odegaard playing, but I'm like, yeah, but they're playing the World Cup. Everyone's playing at half speed to the Premier League. I always think of Karol Paborski. I'm like, you know, he scooped the ball over, and it looked kind of fun as a goal, but then Manny bought him, and he was ass. So you're just like... Or like Eric Jemba Jemba. Remember that one? Just don't fall for the World Cup.
There is a lot of players that are turning up who have backed up in the league, but this can't be your one litmus test. Well, now I have to ask you both. Okay, Odegaard, still want to sell him? No, I don't want to sell him. I think we need him in the squad, but I don't think he should be the integral. I don't think he should be like every week he starts. He brings us a... Anyway, we don't want to get to Arsenal at all, but he brings a key ball and a way of playing, but I don't know if he's the magic 10. He's the magic to the press. He does provide these things that make us so much better, but no, I don't think. No, we can't. No, no, no. He needs to be there. He needs to be there. We just need to spend more money. Works for me. Yeah, we'll see. Okay.
Elsewhere. We talk about the hat you're wearing, mate. This team. We've been kind of alluding to it. I thought there would be a lot more English listeners on this podcast. And Miles checked the stats. And including me and him, that almost happens to the amount of English. You got to do some more lifting. Tell your people. I tell my people. How? By the social media. Just shrieking by the sea. Yo, come on. Across the Atlantic. Listen to it. Come on. Come on. He's giving a Harry Potter train. He puts the flyers on the Harry Potter train. So Mexico 2, England 3.
dude england goes up 2-0 fucking within two minutes 36 and 38th minute i go oh then it was i was sort of like wait hold on this is mexico playing i don't know how you guys felt but i was like mexico like when it was time i think in the commentary they're like the third goal has to be from mexico and i was like yeah no shit and it feels like it's about to happen boom it happens we're at 2-1 you're like okay this is interesting then we get a red card yeah jarell kwanzaa What did you think of that? I mean, it's a classic, like, as soon, there was every, I think they got every decision right, but like, I was having a debate with someone working, he's like, the AI is slowing it down, it's not what the AI is for, but like, you know, I watched it, and you know, you're like, oh, I hope that's alright, and then went back, and I was like, as soon as you see the radio, he's going to get set off, it doesn't matter, you touch the ball, we've seen enough rules, it's a crazy tackle to do, and I'm so glad for him that we won, because I just, you just shudder to think of what the red tops in the UK are going to write about him, because I remember like, when Beckham in 98, and then how it ruined his life, and then it was like, Beckham, he's going to have a...
you know, like an arc. He has an arc. I was like, I don't think Gerald Kwanzaa is going to have an arc. He's never going to play for England again. I feel like Beckham's redemption was like their free kick against Greece. To get into the World Cup 2002 World Cup. That was like sort of the moment. And he scores a penalty against Arsenal. But I'm watching that game. And then when we go 3-1 up. So firstly, when we go 2-0 up, I'm like, I'm going to win the game. I went into the game not confident. I'm watching the game, the Fox and Hounds, very English. The hour delay, awesome. The hour delay, it's building it up, but it's all whatever. And then it's like, I'm chatting to...
an Uber driver called Juan, lovely guy. Are you English? I'm Mexican. I'm trying to get home to watch the game. And it was funny, we both had this real modest off where I was like, I think you guys are going to win. And he goes, I think England are a powerhouse. You both didn't want to touch that shit. You guys are definitely going to win. And I go, you've only lost twice in a hundred years. Don't lie to me. You're going to win. And he's like, look at the fucking stat line. And he goes, well, you're a powerhouse. And then he goes, I just hope it's a good game. And I'm like, I reckon it's probably something.
one nil and then after like obviously like halftime I'm like well I have my heads on miles along but we go two nil up and I'm like jumping around the pub going crazy and then they score so quick and then as soon as they score it was like England's completely it was just like get to halftime because they were completely on the rack and they got to halftime and I'm like you know it's that classic just keep it simple and once Kwanzaa gets sent off I'm like we're screwed and we score the goal it's a clear penalty and Gordon I thought Gordon was phenomenal what a great game he had in general Bellingham was obviously good Kane was great Saka I'm watching Saka go you look injured but then his assist's amazing for the first he's still got you can see him he's having to do something manage something but he can still pull out those moments Goes 3-1 up. I'm like, all right, good. And then as soon as the guy goes down in the box of Kane's clearance, I'm like, and then they go back to the replay. But it takes so long to reset the replays. And as soon as I see it, I'm like, and it's annoying, but it's like literally England got a penalty for that same thing against Croatia. I'm like, that's a goal. And then you're like, what's Jimenez's record? Never miss a penalty. Never. Never miss. Never miss one. Secret ham head. What was that? He said, hold on, bro. Let me get my ham out. Yeah, let me get my ham out. Yeah, get a secret slice of ham. Have a bite of jam on. Let me check my notes real quick. Call this shit, Jordan. And just so you know as well, I don't know if you, I was texting you about the commentary.
But funny things, when I was watching the Antetina game with Francesca, she did a funny thing, reminded me of you. She goes, they don't have Telemundo on? I have to listen to the English commentary? I go, yeah. I go, well, I've got, I mean, most of us have no choice. We're just, I'm not bilingual. She goes, but she goes, and Telemundo. Well, I don't like to mention, we're in America. Yeah, yeah. We speak English. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. I'm sorry. This is the country that my people fought hard to lose a long time ago. But she goes, well, and Telemundo, they're just talking the whole time. I go, what?
She goes, there's like loads of periods of the game where the English companies just watch the game for a bit. It sounds like I've not watched anyone. There's like guys are just chatting the whole time. It builds up the atmosphere. It's like you're an auctioneer. Every pass is discussed and described. Which I guess it makes it more exciting. So anyway, that's in my head a little bit. Then I'm listening to Owen Hargreaves and his weird Canadian English German accent. And then at one point he just goes, he goes, altitude, it's just in the mind.
The altitude. And I was like, I think it's a physical thing. No, no, it's in the air. It's just in the mind. You've never played there. There's like doctors saying it's literally a physical condition. They're giving each other bonus to try and win the game. If everybody keeps bringing up England and... Like, you think Mexico doesn't have access to dick pills? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're covered over... Everyone can take dick pills. We've got dick pills, bro. I can see it was... Probably what he meant underneath that was like, it was so much... The altitude, they have beetroot juice. And then, is it raining? Does that make it less of an effect? And then, who was the main... Can you find out who the main commentator was? Because there's two things. Fletcher? Was it Darren Fletcher? No, the...
Is that the main guy? It's not Darren Fletcher who usually... Not like the main guy, not the... I mean the main commentator. Because he said, he said, everyone's talking about the altitude, but it's really about what attitude they've got. And you can tell he'd written that the night before. He thought he snapped right there. And then I was, I kind of lost it when, talk about accidental racism, when twice, he thought Jed Spence was Ezza. And if you want to give him the white guy pass on, he's confused, two black guys with kind of the same hair. I was like, he's the one guy with a chin strap on his face. The guy's wearing half a helmet. He's literally wearing a helmet. And you're like, come on, man. Just the bottom half. It's like...
Quite an identifying marker. Yeah. Nobody else has this shit on. Nobody else has it. If you said Jimenez, it would have made more sense. It was a different team, but he's got some facial... It was just Darren Fletcher and Owen Hargree? That's what I thought. It's a different Darren Fletcher to the ex-pro, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not former United teammates. Darren Fletcher. Darren Fletcher. Ez is on. Why is he playing that left back with a chinstrap on his face, mate? Because it's not him. It's a different guy. It's annoying me so much. And then we're in a 3-2 down. And I don't think I'm doing anything to distract me from. That was the tensest watching of a game ever.
But I was texting my mate going, as an Arsenal fan, I've seen this game state many times under our tenter. And to be fair, I thought they managed the game really well, England. And Mexico just kept, they couldn't do anything apart from ping it in the box. Dan Byrne comes on, headers it past the halfway line, which is an underrated, impressive thing to do. That's such a big header. And then there was that moment where Stones just about got it past the post. There wasn't really many like, Pickford was good, claimed the ball well, punched the ball well. But I did not think Pickford was going to have that good of a game. No, he did well. He did well. He was the header at the beginning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, it was...
Yeah, I thought Mexico kind of didn't really have an answer at the end. But if Mexico scores, it's game over. Because I'm like, we've taken Kane off at this point. Everybody's covered in piss. Everyone's covered in piss. It's all defenders out there. Taking the piss. It's in the sun. Print it. Just a piss bag to the fucking job. They're all talking of annoying people at the pub. There was a woman. Everyone's English. It's an English pub. One American woman. Wow. How dare she? Loudly. She was wearing... She goes, who are you supporting? She goes, look at the hat. And she's like, kind of had a sombrow. And I go, oh, I thought you were just a white woman scared of the sun. Yeah, that was just your beach hat. I thought that was your beach hat. That's a UV protection. Yeah, that's what it was. And then she was like, ha, ha, no. And then...
When Mexico scores, she's like loudly, just so overly, I'm like, don't be loud if you're in England. It's all about taking a piss. You'll be taking everyone's piss right now. Via a pint glass smashing. So I was extra happy when we won and then she was sad. Just because it was just the brazen confidence. You're throwing beer on her. Yeah, please. Listen, salute to England. Y'all are the real white people. America, take note, man. Y'all show us how it's done. I'll show you how to do this, son. Something on Stones and Dan Byrne.
Yeah. It gets no lighter, man. Dan Byrne, like, getting his little 10 minutes of glory. That was, like, perfect game for him. Come on. And in Bellingham, let's just, let me just say, it's funny that pre-World Cup, like, is he a bit too confident or cocky to play rings? Fucking nuts. The guy is, like, the most complete midfielder in the tournament, right? He does everything. Every fucking thing. And he's clutch. Yeah. He does everything. I'm like, yeah, he's phenomenal. It's the only Roy Keane believed. Like, early in the group stage, just, like, the energy around Bellingham was like... The Irish have always had the backs of black people. It is true. There's an uncomfortable truth to the English guys. He's just a bit too.
He's a bit too confident. It's funny because as an American, this is like late 80s sports racism. We're like, y'all are in the 80s still talking this shit? Yeah, Randall Cunningham had to deal with this. Video game technology. We'll see how he does if he can memorize that playbook. And you're like, the fuck? Watch him throw the fucking ball. This is 8-bit racism. Yeah, it's like Ken Griffey Jr. He's got that hat backwards. I don't know what he thinks this sport is. It's just funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Bellingham doing his fucking thing, silencing everybody. I didn't hear what Ferdinand said after he... Did you see when Bellingham referenced...
past England squads crumbling. Oh, no, I didn't see that. After the game, he was like, hey, man, it was a great night. I mean, one of the biggest wins in England history. I remember watching World Cups when I was younger and the England team kind of crumbling. I'm glad we're doing something different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just glad we're doing something different. He's a man of the people because he did say, they said, what did he say at the end of the game? In England, it was an hour late, started at two in the morning, finished at four. And he's like, and the Prime Minister, he's now stepping down.
He got the pubs to be open until 5, especially for the game. Oh, like, they extended the hours? They extended the licenses so you can serve? They were like, it's the only... All the dealers were like, bro, they... Oh, shit. All right, I'm going to make it down. He's got my vote now.
I mean, how else do you think there are a wait till 2 in the morning? We'll be providing smartphones for anyone who needs them. And then Woody Bellingham, say anything you want to say to the fans back home, have another shot, have another shot, and then you could just, yay, we got you! But watching the clips of the fan zone, whatever feed they had, and they were just losing it, and they're like, it's 4.03 in the morning. Imagine if he stayed up, though, and then seen us lose on pens or something like that. Terrible. And you've also seen that everyone thinks that Anthony Gordon looks like Princess Diana, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like when the season was happening, I shared that meme of how he's done nearly every phase of Princess Diana's hair, from a slick-backed dude with a nice little coiff.
He's got them all. I do have to say, though, Dan Byrne, in my estimation, is directly responsible for the hoarding disaster that claimed the arm of Jordan Henderson. We activated the hoardings. We activated the hoardings, dude. Hoarders. You guys are like, what's an advertising hoarding? The advertising hoardings. You know my name. I'm injuring people now. That's why Jordan Henderson can't type good anymore. Wrist all fucked up. I mean, I feel so bad for him, but thank God the hoarding.
the sacrificial lamb of the hoarding was the man who's not the most aged guy ever. It was purely the heart guy. I blame him because if you watch the clip, right? The issue was Dan Byrne is six foot seven. And he just hopped over that shit casually. And so he hypes up. So Jordan's like, I'm going to do it too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Dan did that shit. Watch this. Incidentally, on Byrne, you know, as a defender, you're told to always header the ball up. On Dan Byrne's header, he actually headers it down because he's so big. It's still a very good header because his down is still above everyone else's head. Oh, yeah, you're right. Byrne makes it.
Oh! Look how easy, look how Dameron said, yeah, eat light work. He said, I'm 5'9", or however old Jordan Henderson is. So I blame him. With the hoardings, I can't believe the hoardings have become such a big feature of the World Cup now. Yeah, they got mentioned like multiple times after you said that. Gruesome injury. I mean, poor guy. His shit, I texted you guys, it's like his forearm bone was made of like the cardboard core of a paper towel roll. Like you just went, I got some inside information, but I don't know if this is true or if it's a joke. I love just the setup. I got some inside information. It's the funniest information. I said, someone, I know, somebody might know, somebody might know, somebody knows.
Dan Byrne. And I was like, how's he feeling after that thing? And I go, he's drawn a big willy on Henderson's cast. Okay. There we go. Bro, the team's reaction was, we're good. I mean, Declan Rice and John Stone's playing pranks in the fucking locker room. Did you see that clip? No. He's just getting surgery. They had Tuchel fucking sweating. Yeah, he was scared as fuck. Hold on, yeah, I gotta show this to you. They're dancing in the locker room. This is like 20 minutes after that happened. I was too distracted by Harry Kane's interview to see it. The funniest post-match. I actually do. I need to watch that too. Look, he's like, oh, my shoulder. They're trying to get his attention for a while. Yeah, they're like, and Tuchel, huh? What's his thoughts?
Boss, look. Shoulder. Shoulder. He's, ah. Ooh. The problem is they're waiting for the beat to drop. And then he does it. And then Tutu's just like, yeah, all right, yeah, yeah. Tutu's not even mad. Again, I love him because he's so deceptively tall. You forget that this dude's like fucking six, however, fucking six foot two or six foot three. He's just so, he looks like small in stature. And then he's standing next to somebody like, you're big. So anyway, England, moving on. Quarterfinals. We're going to get to them in a second because we got to take a break. When we come back, we do have to round out the last match, which was Portugal versus Spain. And we'll do that right after this.
And we're back. So the last match, just to round out the round of 16, Portugal, Spain. I honestly thought this would, I thought Spain would score more, to be honest. Oh yeah. But they did it because of super Mikel Marino coming off the, I think someone, I saw someone tweeted that was just like, they're like, I don't even know why we're doing this. Just get to the part where Marino comes on and scores. And lo and behold, 91st minute, Mikel Marino scores. A goal that was great as Arsenal fans, because it looked like Bruno Fernandes was complaining to the ref. And because of it, completely loses track of where Marino's going. Not that he was man-marking him, but just completely checked out.
The next phase of play begins and then Marino's just in on goal. And fucking again, people are posting the Ronaldo memes with him with the fucking triangle forehead cut. He's unbelievable. He's not fast. He's not that technical. He's just good, solid. He's like, get the ball near my feet or head and I can score it somehow. I'll do it. Spain hasn't conceded a single fucking goal.
this tournament. Also, wait, correct me if I'm wrong. Real Sociedad had him as a holding midfielder for years? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now he's scoring? Who the fuck is running the club over there? I mean, I think it's all really born out of especially the Arteta survival striker world where they're like, hold on, bro. Yeah. Mikel, do that shit for us too real quick. You got a sweet left foot. You're doing that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, go on. Because in the Euros, he was like scoring off set pieces like he was crashing the box and scoring like as a midfielder. But like now there, you know, he definitely has the space to go forward a bit. In five sides, you just give him the ball. It's one touch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every time.
And again, to my point about like, do you have a national identity? And is everybody bought in? Spain does feel like they're like, yeah, guys, we do this. That was the most, I was watching. That's the most Spain goal I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. It was just like, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing,
What an embarrassing... What an embarrassing... Kicking him when he's down. Yeah, bye-bye to Ronaldo. What an embarrassing... Embarrassing way of presenting yourself at a World Cup. Roberto Martinez.
has no backbone. He just put... Coward. Coward! He is... What the hell is going on? It makes no... Like, that makes no sense to me. It's just like... I feel so... The other players must be like... It's like, you know when you're just trying to get rid of that guy who's latched onto the group? Yeah. Yeah, we're all going to go to home now. We're going to go to the World Cup or somewhere else. And then you guys go back into the bar. And then the guy comes back and says, hey, I was tracking you. I thought you guys were going home. That is Ronaldo. Because none of them... They all know.
Everyone knows. Most people on earth know, it seems. He used to be phenomenal, but you can't, there's no way, like Messi and Argentina, it just about works, just about works. I mean, he's got eight goals, so he's still doing it. Ronaldo, was that the stat? Vecina has completed more dribbles in the knockout phases? No! No way. He's completed two dribbles against Argentina. Wow. And you're just like, what are you doing? It's just like, I feel bad, I just feel really bad for the other players. They had to like placate this guy's ego, and then you can tell when the game's over, and what's Ronaldo saying? I've won your 20 seconds, it's basically the same. And then he said,
He said Portugal hadn't won anything until I started playing. So it's like, well, he said, I have won three titles for Portugal before Cristiano. Is he coming to the Nations League? Is that the third person? Yeah. When you step into the third row, you a turd. Okay. Before Cristiano, Portugal hadn't won any titles. I'm happy. The truth is that the biggest title I won with the national team was in 2016, the Euros, which for me has the same magnitude as a World Cup, honestly. So I leave with a clear conscience and that's it. Tomorrow will be a new day and life will go on. So I don't think he understands the meaning of a clear conscience.
That's like if you've committed to something. You've done something wrong. You feel guilty. I think he feels guilty for that bum-ass take saying that the Euro has the same magnitude as a World Cup for a European country. Get the fuck out of here. Nobody ever believes that shit. Can you Google Cristiano Ronaldo? I want to check if this is true before we put it on tape. 9-11? Yeah, Cristiano Ronaldo. Cristiano Ronaldo. Paid people to trash Messi online.
oh, pays messy haters. Yeah. That, that does feel, this feels like, this could be like Waggate. This feels like Waggate, but I want to, I want to know if I want to go on, on the record. Was that also, yeah, that was. Everything else I've said is ignorant and wrong, but for some reason this, I don't want him to be, I don't need to be going on my videos. I'm already struggling to get enough views online. I don't need Ronaldo's team on my videos. Well, you know he's looking too. You know he's going to find out. Yeah, he's Googling his own name. There, I see like sort of unfound, like a lot of Facebook accounts are posting something about his team was like, Brian, let's snip. Brian, just snip out most of the things I said on this podcast.
Or just isolate those and the whole show can be those things. Dominican Republic of Congo. And Ronaldo's underhanded PR tactics that are 100. But no, I am seeing a lot there. Cristiano Ronaldo's team accused of paid promotions against Argentina and Lionel Messi. This is because someone is showing a supposed ad, like a job listing. Hi, we've been following your account on Twitter. Love the way you blah, blah, blah. With a FIFA World Cup run of corner word, we want a high impact content application campaign. Love to have influential voices like you.
Apparently they're saying this was where the door opened to be like, talk about, talk bad about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, but it's one of those things where like, I'd believe it because the guy's pathological. Like his ego is, it's like he went like three clicks past Kobe and now he's like, he's actually just mentally ill and inert as like an athlete because he's so lost in the size. Kobe knew how to just be regular crazy. Well, he got hurt at the right time. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Because he might just continue to be crazy. Yeah, that is true. That is true. But at least he did have a humbling Achilles injury. What was he, what's he going to do next? That's the thing. Ooh, he is in a, he is in a fighting game. Maybe he goes that route.
Guy starts going to conventions. Does he fight? No, he's just in a game. He's in the new Final Fight. Oh, a video game. He's in Final Fight? Yeah, yeah. They rebooted Final Fight? No, Fatal Fury. Oh. Fatal Fury's also... They rebooted Fatal Fury. Cristiano Ronaldo is a character. He wears a Portugal uniform. He kicks a soccer ball at people. He's definitely been a few different skins in video games. Like, wasn't he in Fortnite, too? Yeah, that's Ronaldo's skin. He's definitely getting invited. You can run around with an assault rifle as Cristiano Ronaldo. He's definitely going to go the route of Jean-Claude Van Damme, where he gets befriended by, like, a rich person in Eastern Europe.
They pay him to just come and have a score goals. Score goals at their party. Right, right, right. How much per goal? A million dollars a kick. Yeah. All right. Hey, we do that free kick you did against Porto real quick. Oh, yeah. You like that one? That was a banger. Cristiano, you go and go, and I'm going to score, and you're not allowed to save it. No. It's $10 million. He's like, fine, fine. He lets you go in and goes, it doesn't matter. I've saved loads of goals in my career. Yeah. Actually, let's run that back one more time. Take your pants off, ho. Please, man. Cristiano, what'd I say, man? $10 million more. Okay. Why won't anybody on Portugal tell him to sit down? Why isn't there anybody who will tell him to sit down?
when there was a goat debate of this generation. Is he the captain? Yeah. He's the fucking captain? Of course he's the fucking captain. When he got subbed off against Croatia and then, what's his face came on? Thingy Garcia came on and then scored essentially the winner. And he did not join. You're just like, what is this guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that can't be the captain. No, and that's just poisoning the entire, anyway, but that's why you're like, guys, this guy is a fucking cancer in the locker room and you're wondering why you're not getting anything out of him. And also, it also had the players like Bernardo and Bruno being like, man, like, yeah, sure, dude. We're on your team.
Because, yeah, you weren't doing shit. It's like Entourage, isn't it, really? You have to, like, in terms of, like, what's the rich guy? What's the rich famous guy want to do? Okay, I guess it will be. Yeah, but it's like Entourage in that Ronaldo is Johnny Drama. And he's like, no, guys, I still got it. They're like, bro, no. It's about Vinny Chase, not Johnny Drama. And that does mean he is going to try to get on for 2030. Yeah. I think he's going to try to play. 45 years old. Yeah, he's going to be like, put me on the bench. Fuck it.
Just a penalty shootout? What if he demands it, even though he's well past it, he just needs to be on the roster in the hopes of winning a World Cup? They're going to do it. John Terry comes on and celebrates. Yeah, I could see that. They're like 23. You don't really need 23. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't need 23. Nah. You need like 22. He would probably lobby FIFA to change the rules so you could just come on and take penalties. Right, right, right. Just a penalty sub. Designated penalty taker. I think you have it in men, in hockey, not in ice hockey, that you guys would call hockey. In field hockey, you can just come on and take a penalty. I don't watch that crap. I watch hockey now that the World Cup's over. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Miles was the guy who texted me. Oh, am I right around shades? Yeah.
It was me. It was me. Which is funny because I played hockey the most out of any fucking sport I've ever played. Get the fuck out of you. People don't know this about me. I'm pretty sure I was the first Malaysian hockey player out here. Wow. Check the fucking stat books. 1988. I'm on the fucking set. Burbank, California. What? Yeah. That's tight. All right. 1988. Yeah. How old are you? 41. Oh, okay. I'll be 42 this year. So in 1988, I was four. You were four? Yeah. And you were the gun? You were the goat? You were the goat? No, no. I was not a defensive player. I was a defenseman. Okay. And I fucking loved it. How do you see a four-year-old smashing people? Yeah. Oh, man. Crazy. Crazy, man. Anyway, hockey's sick, brother. I'll tell you that, man.
And so is that Holland guy from a great country, Norway. Good people. Good stock over there. Good fish. Anything else before we skedaddle? I guess just to recap. So that means who the fuck is actually in the quarterfinals now? So that means we have France, Morocco, Spain, Belgium.
Norway, England, and Argentina, Switzerland. Hello, UEFA. And one South American team and one African team. Yeah, it's Europe is... Actually, this woke up a lot of the big European... I thought the weather and stuff would be an issue. It hasn't really been that big. That's true. They all turned up, man. Yeah. I think when Stephen Rice got that first sunburn, he was like, okay, I'm not fucking. I'm very English. I went to the beach before I watched the game on Sunday. I'm like, I'm flipping sunburn. How the fuck did you get burned up there? I applied twice. I reapplied twice. That is the weirdest fucking sunburn I know. That's crazy. I went to Hawaii and I came back the same looking.
Shout out Melanin. That's amazing. I'll sponsor for this week. Yes, sir. Hey, Melanin, get you something. Speaking of, I guess I'd like to give a salute to Italy. I know you guys really don't want a lot of African teams in. I hope you guys enjoyed watching them all lose from the couch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who was it? Gattuso? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold that, Reno. Yeah. What did he say? Well, he just said there shouldn't be that many African teams. That's too many Africans. You know what I mean? You got the Democratic Republic, Dominicans, Congos, bro. What the freak is this? I feel like I'm watching the movie Congo right now. Oh, my God.
You know what? I don't know if you guys noticed. There was this Egyptian lady, this like Egyptian mom fan lady, just an old lady desperately trying to send a text after the first goal in the Argentina-Egypt game. Like she couldn't even celebrate. She was like, oh no. They just cut her in the crowd like, oh shit. I gotta send my nephew this. Be in the fucking moment. Yeah. Be in the moment. Make a Facebook post. Predictions, France v. Morocco. Wow. That needs to be tight. Yeah, they faced off last World Cup. I'm going to get penalties. Oh, France. Okay. I kind of agree. Spain and Belgium.
I mean, Belgium was good against us, but they also played simple as fuck. They just went over the top. You know what I'm saying? And Spain has a real goalie. You can't just play over the top with Spain. They've got a goalie and they've got the best fucking keeper in the world on the bench. They'll just take the ball and keep it for the rest of the game. Gotta go with Spain. Yeah, Spain for sure. Definitely. Chris, you know what I'm gonna ask tonight? I know what you're gonna ask tonight. I think I'm gonna go.
I am a bit worried about the defense with Haaland against them. Bearing in mind Raul Jimenez causes us quite a lot of issues and he's not. And even though you have a couple of defenders that are familiar with his game. I think Rhys James is back, which is big. That is a big thing. So I think England, I just feel like Bellingham, I just feel like we've got a couple more game winners. I think England will win. Crazy to just have to see Dec and Marty fucking face off against each other. Also like Declan, who's like, I'm basically like, I'm in so much pain and he just plays and they take off Elliot Anderson and keep him. I'm like, this guy's a machine.
When he's like, I'm having so much nerve pain. I'm like, get him out of there. What are you fucking doing? I think England 2-1. England 2-1. What do you guys reckon? More neutral than me? I think 3-2. England. I'm going to say England in penalties. So many do feel like that. And also Norway, I do think...
who knows I might be wrong but they've never won a knockout game until the game before in the World Cup so I just think if it gets tense I do think that England have been there done that got the finals I think that'll take them but I do think Haaland scores I don't see a world that doesn't score it just feels like every one of the big players is scoring so I feel like he'll score Kane will score Bellingham will score and then Argentina Switzerland So Switzerland kind of hasn't been that good on offense, but I'm kind of, it's like, they have all of these chances. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Skinny Switzerland. They got nothing going forward. And I don't know, I think Argentina just, I think they'll get it. Either Argentina's going to win like in a heartbreaking fashion or lose in heartbreaking fashion, like truly like. I mean, I could see Xhaka getting sent off. Xhaka'd absolutely seen him getting sent off for sure. But I just, I think, I feel this is one, this is a good one for Argentina to build up their confidence again before it's any final. You're saying Switzerland's not ready for the coming bowl. I'm saying Switzerland is not ready for whatever the fuck Messi is up to. Sure.
Because I don't know, bro. I mean, he's got eight goals, right? Yeah. He's literally the guy. He missed two penalties, which is crazy too. He missed two? He missed two penalties. Yeah. Wild. All right. Well, he's like Shaq, right? He's the one thing he's not good at is the free throw. He's exactly like Shaq. Yeah. In every single way. Yeah. The messed up toe and everything. Yeah. Have you seen Shaq's feet? No. Google that. Okay. Listeners, you're welcome. All right. Well, until next time, anything to plug? August 20th in DC at PubKey. One night and one night only. Come see me. Okay, PubKey. It's a Thursday. Bring the PubKey.
I'm in Seattle in August. Oh, somewhere. What dates? 21st, 22nd, Laugh Seattle. Go on achrismartin.com. Laugh Seattle, Seattle, show up. DC, pull the fuck up. Guys, next time we see you, we'll get one step closer to the edge, which will be the semifinal. We'll know who the fuck is in the semifinals. And we'll bring all that to you next week. Bye.