This is old blowers and I have to tell you that they've done it to me again this year. I could tell they were up to something. You know, that's when I'd come into a store or whatever, you know, they'd be a bunch of them in there and they'd be talking. But when I'd come in, they'd always quiet down, don't you see?
And so I could tell that they was planning something, but I still, you know, was surprised because usually, you know, when they do something to you, the year before, usually they'll let you rest for a year or two before, and they'll go on to somebody else. So I figured that I was safe this year, but you know, I figured wrong. And they, you know, I told you about them turning my dog into a devil and turning him loose in my yard last year. And I'd like to scared me to death for just a minute, but you know, till I figured out what it was.
But anyway, I was, I was, I was, uh, suspicious, but, but yet I wasn't because I thought I was going to be safe this year. But they, they done it to me, but they didn't, you know, it didn't do me no harm. And it was just a, you know, a funny prank. And so it didn't make me mad or nothing.
It, like I say, it just surprised me. But what happened was that, uh, you know, I give them, uh, the trick-a-treats, all the trick-a-treaters come by here and they costumes and everything. And, and I give them out my snicker bars. And, and I had some fruit candies for, uh, you know, and suckers and stuff from one of the little girls because she's algebraic, you know, to chocolate.
I never had her tell of that, but she was the one to come by here last year. So I told her I'd have some candied for that she could eat this year and I did and I'd give it to her. So they went on off and, and uh, they was through trick-a-treating about nine o'clock and nine thirty, you know, they trick-a-treat a long time down here. And I believe some of them come back two or three times.
Now you can't tell because like I told you, it's dark down here, real dark. And besides that, they got them costumes on, you know, and uh, so you can't tell who people are. So I believe some of them come by twice, but you know, that didn't make me mad because they just wanted some candy. And uh, besides that you better give it to them or they'll, they'll do something to you.
But anyway, about nine thirty, they, they, you know, was through and they, but I set up for a while because I just wasn't making sure that, you know, didn't nobody come by. I wasn't looking for nobody and I wasn't looking for no, uh, pranks to be played on me this year. But I thought I'd set up an idea at about twelve o'clock about midnight and I finally went on to bed because you know, I've got to get up early in the morning to milk them cows. Because a cow has got to be milked regular and they've got to be milked twice a day.
And uh, if, if you don't milk a cow, you know, she, she can't stay in there because uh, you know, the milk, uh, her bag feels up and it hurts her, you know, so you've got to milk them regular. Now I know that, uh, I know it ain't called a bag. I know that there's some kind of scientific, uh, name for that. One of these days I'm gonna ask go Houston forward about that because I bet you, you know, Houston's a smart man and he knows a lot of stuff and I bet he knows, I bet he knows the name for that.
Of course I know it'll bring the bucketwood but I ain't gonna ask her if she wants, she likes to talk about that stuff anyway so I ain't gonna stir her up but uh, anyway, I'm getting away from the subject. I got up the next day about, about four o'clock to go out there and milk them cows and I've got these milking machines and these, I know right off that there was something wrong but there was two cows gone. And the reason I know that is because you know these cows, they know which extension they come to, they get in the habit and every day they come up to the same places. And uh, you know, a horse can't do that but a cow does a cow.
I don't know if they do it by habit or if they are smart, I don't know but they know to come to the same place. So I know there was two little extensions empty and so I know there was two cows. So I milked in a hurry that day, you'll put the milking machines on them and put out the feed and milked them cows because I know that I was gonna have to look for them other cows because like I told you before, you know cows has got to be milk regular. So as soon as I got them cows milked and turned them out of the lot, you know, to go to pasture, well I got old dog that I've got down here that tracks them cows or which and we set out after them cows.
And I could see some boots so where somebody had been walking down the road, at least I thought that's what it was, but it would. You know, they had done that old cow trick that I'd seen before where they put them boots on these cows and it didn't bother the dog a bit. You know, he could smell that cow and he didn't pay no attention to the track. So I know that I'd find the cows down there somewhere.
So what I've done is I went and got my milk bucket, you know, I could, I could, extensions, I mean, milking machines, you know, you ain't got no portable milking machine or at least I ain't. So I got my milk bucket and went on down the road with that dog and showed up I pretty soon I heard a cow bellard and the cow was bellard because she needed to be milked and that was only a bad part of it. It hurt the cows, but you know them kids they didn't know no better. Besides that it wasn't just kids, it was the adults too, oh flossy butts.
She was the one that was responsible. So I went on down the road and I heard them cows and they was in the church house. They took them cows in the church house. And so I went on in with my milk bucket and when I did the whole community was there standing around the church and they were laughing and them cows was bellard and they said Mr.
Porter said we finally got you to church, didn't we? Well I laughed about it because I know they was just having fun. But I went on over to the cows, you know, because I needed to relieve the pressure on them. So I got my stool in my bucket and I got beside one of them cows and I milked her.
You had to be careful when the cows had been milked in a while because if you pull on them, they allowed the kid. They don't hurt, they don't mean to. It just hurts them. But I was real careful and I milked this one cow and I didn't milk her.
I just milked her just a little bit to take some of the pressure off of her. She wouldn't hurt them over and then I went over to the other cow and I did the same thing for her. And all the while then people was making remarks, you know, and they were saying you want to baptize the preacher while we got him and old closey but she was a main one that was doing it. She was just having her a good time.
And everybody was having a good time except the preacher. The preacher wasn't laughing at me and he was there, but he sure wasn't laughing. I don't think he liked him bringing him cows in the church house. But so I give it right back to him.
I said well, flossy, I see you got some more people for your Sunday school and I'm going to see him go old Jennifer into your Sunday school class next week. Jennifer was one of them cows and I said, I think she'll make you a real good Sunday school pupil, you know. And so I give it right back to one of them just like they give it to me. But I got the cows milked enough where I could take them home, you know, and put them on the milking machine.
And what had happened, what they hadn't counted on was the fact that the cows was going to make a mess in the church house, which they're doing. Now, old Jimmy Vanderstig, he knows enough about cows that he had took some hay and spread it out under the cows so that they wouldn't mess up the floor. But they did mess up that hay and the preacher said, he said, Mr. Porter, you got to clean up after them cows.
And I said, oh, no, I ain't going to clean up after them. I said, I didn't bring them cows down here in the first place. And I said, let flossy butts and all these people get them a bucket and clean up their shirts and I took the cows home. And flossy butts and two or three of them, you know, the women down there cleaned up the church, but I wasn't about to do it.
Now, I wasn't mad at them or nothing, but you know, that's what you get when you play a trick on somebody, then you have to take the consequences sometimes. But anyway, it didn't bother her and she cleaned up after the cows, but they had them a real good time down there. You're making them remarks and hollering at me and they were saying, let's cast a devil out of him. That was another thing they were saying, let's cast a devil out of him.
And a preacher, but like I say, the preacher, he didn't think it was a bit funny. He wasn't laughing a bit. But everybody else was. So it was a good joke.
And so I was glad they was having fun. And like I say, it didn't bother me a bit because that's just what people do on Halloween. You know, I like Halloween as good as anybody else. And I'll tell you next time, well, you know, I pulled a trick on Eastern board this Halloween too.
And I'm going to tell you about that on the next podcast. So I'll tell you what I do on Eastern. You know, he's a good buddy of mine. And so I just decided I'd play a little trick on him and I don't know.
So I'll tell you about that in the next podcast.