Happy Endings

Hey, folks, this is Kevin. On this week's episode of Risky, you'll hear Calvin S. Kato. And I was like, Haha, drugs, yeah!

Let's do this! That and more, but first, folks, the state is back. My sketch comedy group you might remember from our days on MTV in the 90s, we're finally returning. We're going to be doing a bunch of classics.

We're going to be showing some stuff you've never seen before. We're going to be returning for one amazing live show in Denver, Colorado on August 30th at the Paramount Theater. And if this show sells out, we'll do a full blown tour. So, you don't want to miss this.

Go to the-state.com for tickets. That's the-state.com. Also, how many Risk listeners also listen to one of the most compelling and essential podcasts out there? Gaslit Nation.

If you've never heard Gaslit Nation, it's riveting. It's all you need to know about what's happening to democracy. And on August 5th at 4 p.m. at caveat in New York City, our two podcasts, Risk and Gaslit Nation, come together.

We're celebrating the release of the remarkable book, Dictatorship. It's easier than you think. It's a non-fiction comic book that is jaw-dropping and fascinating and hugely illuminating about how democracies can turn into autocracies. Myself and co-author Andrea Chilupa, also the co-host of Gaslit Nation, will discuss this fantastic book as well as how the political is personal in Risk Stories.

So, come to see us on August 5th at 4 p.m., go to caveat.nyc slash events and click on that August 5th show for tickets. Life comes with a lot of decisions. And whether you're making a choice about your career, relationships, location, or all of the above, it can be hard to know the right path before you take it. A therapist can help you map out what you really want and trust yourself with the decisions you need to get there.

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Hello kids, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison, this is Kanohana Zawa behind me now with a song called Happy Endings, which is what we're calling this week's episode, two different meanings of the words happy endings in today's stories, both recorded at caveat in New York City. Now remember folks, we want to know your ideas for things you might pay X amount of dollars for or that you imagine another risk fan would pay X amount of dollars for for our fundraising efforts this summer, like I'd pay X amount of dollars for Kevin to officiate my wedding or spend a day with me at Six Flags Amusement Park or take me to a kinky play party or teach a private storytelling workshop to my family in order to get everyone sharing stories about our family history. So think on that, send those ideas to me at Kevin at risk-show.com and something really cool has come up and alternative to all that.

Mariana Voight, the therapist you can hear talking to Bob Brader about his story spitting in the face of the devil on Patreon, she offered that for our fundraiser, we could auction off a few therapy sessions with her. Since then, other risk fans have offered we could auction off Reiki sessions, ceramics, things they knitted, custom-made illustrations and paintings. So what about you? Is there a good or a service you might offer for risk to auction?

Email me at Kevin at risk-show.com Now in a little bit, we're going to hear from a favorite of ours, Calvin S. Cato back on the show. Over at CalvinCato.com, you can find out where he's performing live next. A lot happens in his story, but just so you know, suicide is a subject that comes up in it.

Before that, Vicki Cooperman makes her very memorable debut on the show. She can be found at VickiCooperman.com and here she is now with a story we call Pura Vida. Pura, Pura, Pura Vida. That's the one.

Just ignore the previous couple of attempts. Then I had a little bedroom snafu, a little awkward. He caught me fantasizing about other men during sex. But I short him, sweetie.

I only fantasize about you when I'm having sex with other men. So don't worry. Don't worry. We actually are, have become nudists.

I don't know when this happened. Maybe the pandemic. We're just like, the world's ending. Let's just, what's the point of putting on clothes, right?

We're actually doing a naked photo shoot. We are a group naked photo shoot. And I cannot believe it. And by the way, any American woman who will be naked in front of other people, like, you got to give me props because the world, as soon as I leave my house and even when I'm in my house, just wants me to hate my body.

And it wants me to hate myself. And I have to say, this starts very young. It starts at age zero, age one, maybe, maybe when you're even in the womb. And it doesn't help.

Maybe the choices I've made. Like in my 20s, I have that one accessory every girl has in her 20s. Hopefully, she gets it over with, which is we did a sociopath. That's always a thing we do.

He was awful. He like, you know, he just criticized my looks, my brains, my talent, my apartment, my everything. I got rid of him. That's what's the most important thing.

I got rid of him. And I was in my 20s. And I really didn't know what to do with myself. And I really had a lot.

I wanted to get out creatively. So I decided to go to an artist residency in Costa Rica. For six weeks. And if anyone here is not familiar with what an artist residence is, it is a group of artists and painters and writers, and they go usually into the woods to government funds and private funds and then have sex and do drugs on those funds.

And I can confirm that. It's exactly what happened. But it was a beautiful, beautiful artist residence on a hill. On one side was a coffee plantation.

On the other side, the secondary forest within the rain forest, just outside of San Jose, the capital. And anyone here been in Costa Rica? Yeah, lovely country. They have no capital punishment.

They have no military. Yeah. When foreign dignitaries visit, they just have children in uniform singing that country's national anthem at the airport. And what's known as a Costa Rican Air Force is a squadron of pelicans flying in formation.

They recently had to cut through some of the rain forest to build a road, which was necessary to save the wildlife. They built a little walking bridges over the road for monkeys and frogs. Yeah. Oh, I know.

Amazing. And their motto is purevida, which means pure life or it means love for love or it means whatever. So like, you know, purevida is like hello, purevida is goodbye, purevida is like, yeah, whatever. I don't have the right change or like I cheat on my wife, purevida.

You know, they misuse it. They misuse it too. No addresses. The country has no addresses.

It really is where the streets have no name. I actually go to the dentist there, which should tell you a lot about a comedian's dental plan in the United States. I fly to Costa Rica to go to the dentist and my dentist address is officially 300 meters west of the auto mercado. So I'm like, okay, where's the auto mercado?

And they're like, it's 300 meters east of the dentist's office. They look at me like I'm crazy. So anyway, we went to this artist calling out one for six weeks and I was still feeling writer's blog and, you know, we hired this Spanish teacher named Nina and she would come on Tuesdays and that was great because I was learning Spanish kind of immersing in the culture. And then all the artists or writers got together and we're like, you know, it's kind of cheap.

Why don't we hire a store to come on Sundays? Since it's cheap and why not? We were like, all right. Pervida.

So his name was Rafael. He was a Massure. And he would start at the main house where there were four artists' lofts and then he would go down to one cottage and another and mine was around the bend. It was actually the last cottage.

Sometimes I didn't even have Wi-Fi. So I actually didn't even see the driveway at the artist's colony. I didn't know when he arrived. Like, usually it was around 10 or 11.

But I always saw him at 3 PM rounding the corner with a Swedish massage table. And the first time he appeared there, he was rounding the corner, tall, dark, handsome muscular. But I felt very safe. Like, it was all good.

Nothing weird. And he put out his massage table. I lay face down. And I was like, all right, he's going to get out these knots.

And I'm finally going to be able to write this script. I need to write. And so I think I fell asleep on the massage table the first day. And the second Sunday, he came back.

And I was like, I am not falling asleep. So there he comes, rounding the bend, tall, dark, handsome, muscular with a Swedish massage table. And he puts it down. And I'm like, I'm not falling asleep.

So I go face down. And he starts on my upper back. I'm not out in my middle back. Then my lower back.

And then I'm like, oh my god. He's kind of touching my butt. I don't know what is going on. And then my inner thighs.

And then I was like, he is now, OK. He's touching my labia. All right. All right.

All right. All right. And by the way, this is not Amy 2's story. All right.

You don't have to be tense. This is... You too can have a massage like this if you go to a Costa Rican artist colony and hire a sort name around Phil. Because like, sex is still OK, right?

As long as it's consensual, right? Women are still locked up. Okay, good. We're locked up.

It's OK. It's OK. Sometimes it's just delightful. And so I was like, all right.

I'm just going to... Maybe this is... Oh, this is what I need. All right.

And so he... By the way, he hasn't said a word. He never did. I never heard his voice.

And... Which is wonderful. Because my favorite type of man is tall, dark and silent. I'm so fucking sick of hearing men talk.

Are you? They've had... They've had centuries and they didn't do so well, right? No.

The world's not such a great place. So shut the fuck up. And... So anyway, he...

As he's leaving that first time, I was like, OK, I guess I'm paying him for a bundle deal? I don't know what I'm paying him for, but I'm just going to give him money. He was very polite to get left. And I was like, that was kind of amazing.

It was one of the best sexual encounters I've ever had. And so Raphael came every Sunday as did I. And... I did not just write a screenplay.

A cinematic universe flowed out of me. As did other things. And it was amazing. I call it self-care Sundays.

It was so great. It was wonderful. Raphael's just my type. I'm telling you.

Just silent. So the last day there was a party. A good bi-party and some socialites from the town were there. And all the artists were there.

And I had told nobody, nobody what was happening. I was like, maybe he's doing this with other people. None of my business. This was my little moment to just do what I wanted to do with no one watching.

And I'm starting to feel better about myself as a person. And anyway, it's the last night. And all my friends, my hardest friends are gathering around some people that I haven't met yet. So my friend Carrie passes and I go, who's that guy you're talking to?

She's like, which one? And I pointed to a crowd and she's like, oh, that's Raphael. And I was like, oh, Raphael's here. I was excited.

One last romp. And then I was like, no, that guy. And I was like this short, stocky bald guy. And she's like, that's Raphael.

And I was like, no, that's not Raphael. And she's like, yeah, that's our masseur. And I was like, that's not who's been massaging me, though. That's not where, what?

And she's like, that's the guy we hired. And I was like, okay, now, my flight's in 12 hours. I'm just going to adopt the country motto of Pura Vida. Because I don't know who the heck was coming to my kabana at three o'clock every Sunday and giving me orgasms.

But I want to believe there is a God who believes in karma and understands what I've been through in my life. And I don't know. Was this guy a retired soccer player who was bored? Was he Raphael's driver?

All I know is a tall, dark, silent man emerged out of the secondary forest carrying a Swedish massage table under his arm. And literally, I don't know the sound of his voice because he never spoke. He just went down on me and fingered me and gave me orgasms, which I paid for. And it was one of the best sexual interactions of my life.

And I'm just going to leave it at that. And some friends have been like, don't you want to go find him? I'm like, I don't know his real name. The country has no addresses.

I would have to do some twisted reverse gender feminist Cinderella story and go try out everybody's hands. And I'm not against that, but I feel like my husband might be like, don't do that. So I can't do that. I don't even know where to start.

And then my other friend goes, I can't believe you didn't know you were paying for sex. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I knew I was paying for sex. I just didn't know who I was paying.

Okay? Yeah. It was one of the most liberating, empowering moments to pay for sex. It was the first and last time I've ever done it.

Don't you dare take that away from me. All right. And I have to tell you, I came back to New York and I never dated a sociopath again. So while I did the work, okay, I should get like 95% of the credit.

But Raphael definitely pushed me in the right direction. Thank you so much, guys. Thank you. Somewhere in Costa Rica, dangerous criminal is on the loose.

Sexual, gratifying, unsuspecting massage clientele with an unprecedented skill in cunning. This tall, dark, and silent stranger has brought countless women to satisfy climax with little regard for the law. Armed only with a Swedish massage table and an unparalleled proficiency in cunningness. This vile, yet much-appreciated defender has deftly administered more orgasms than we care to count.

Have you or someone you know have been pleasured by someone who fits this description? Do you have any theories about who this mysterious disorder could be? If so, please email Kevin at rich-show.com and help us bring this sexy stranger to justice. Brought to you by the Costa Rican Council for unsolicited happy endings.

Are you the warrior of your friend group? Don't be scrolling late into the night researching all the survival scenarios you may find yourself in? Stop scrolling. Grab your weighted blanket and your headphones because we have a new podcast to help you cope.

From Wondery, don't panic leans into our most absurd anxieties and defuses them with humor and actual advice for how to deal should you find yourself facing your fears. Hosted by anxious and overly informed comedian Anthony Ataminic, each week explores a worst-case scenario. Like, what do you do if you encounter a bear or a swarm of killer bees or find yourself stuck in quicksand? Each episode's panic of the week will make you laugh, learn, and sure, possibly sweat profusely.

Enjoy don't panic on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast. You can listen to don't panic early and add free on Wondery Plus. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. At Barclays, we know money can be tricky to navigate.

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Excuse me, supply 16 plus. The Bear, the Guardians' number one series of 2022 is back. Season 1 was rated 5 stars by The Metro Online. 6 months.

A fan won. Confident copy. Crazy. Deliciously well written.

Set a daily telegraph. You got this baby. Yes, sure. Now season 2 is about to be served.

I love the name. You don't remember the name. Of course I remember the name. How could you remember the name?

The Bear, new season streaming July 19 exclusively on Disney Plus. 18 plus subscription required. When I was growing up, if you asked me anything about adulthood, the only thing I knew about being adult was from sitcoms. And I loved me some sitcoms.

And the only thing I knew was I grew up with that wacky living single lifestyle sex in the city. I always assumed that when you're an adult, people give you a laptop and an apartment and a relationship. And then everything works out. And then you move to a new city and throw your hat in the air and it just freezes air.

You know what I mean? Until the least clears. I don't really know. Didn't know anything.

But that was my whole thing. I wanted to model my life on being an adult in a sitcom. And if you looked at my life in 2013, you would have thought, wow, this is a sitcom life. Because I had a great job.

I had a relationship. And I had my own apartment in New York City, which is crazy. Do you know how hard it is to live alone in New York City without having to wear fishnets? It's very difficult.

Just letting you know, it's really, really hard. And on the surface, when people would look at my life, they'd be like, you have this nice sitcom life. I thought it was Calvin. Exclamation point.

You know what I mean? Sorry, Calvin. Executive producer by Calvin featuring Calvin with Calvin and Calvin. That's what I thought.

But if you looked closer, and if you looked behind the actual screen, things were not great. So we'll start with the studio apartment. So again, I had a studio apartment. It was barely 300 square feet.

And it was so small. My kitchen literally touched my bathroom. You could literally shit where you eat in my apartment. It was not really the best thing.

And then let's talk about the job. So I had this really cool publishing job, which is what I always wanted. And I was doing stand-up comedy, which I was making strides in. But at the same time, I was working around a lot of white people.

And I'm black. I should say that for the podcast, because people can't tell. And I'm usually like, I'm from Flatbush. People are like, what part of Connecticut is that?

I'm from Flatbush. I'm black. I get it. I went to privacy.

Anyway, so like, hey, hey, all right. Specialized. Anyway, so, you know, when you're black, and I'm working with mostly white people. And at the time, stand-up, it's a lot of white people.

And in the publishing world, there's a lot of white people. And when you do that, you work with a lot of microaggressions. And it was just dealing with stuff that would constantly be things that I would have to smile and grin my way through. But I'd have to just like kind of grip my teeth and be like, oh, again, this joke.

You know, it'd be things where it's like, oh, Calvin, I'm going to go to the beach. I'm going to get darker than you. You know, and I'm like, unless you get melanoma, you're not going to. Like, fucking relax.

It's not going to happen. You know? Or like, it would stand up sometimes. Like, people would bring me up to the stage.

And like, I've done things. I'm going to say, he's a black guy. And he's gay. It's Calvin Gato.

And I'd be like, that's like, I've been on a show in oxygen. And I got it's oxygen. It's over channel 100. No one's watching it.

But like, I was on the show. You know what I mean? Like, come on. I did things.

And so it would just be so frustrating. And it would be these kinds of like little digs at like how, at my psyche every time. And then when I came to the relationship, the relationship was kind of the hardest part. Because he was a guy who was very sweet and very nice on paper.

But it was a kind of relationship where it started in New York City. We both were here. And then he abruptly had to move out of New York City. And I don't know how many people here have ever been in a long distance relationship.

And if you have and it worked out, please like, honestly email me how you did that. Because it was imploding quickly. And I didn't realize how bad it was imploding. Because it's hard to get physical intimacy with someone from a distance.

And I needed physical intimacy. And I needed emotional intimacy. And it's hard to do that on a long distance relationship when you basically have to set an alarm clock to tell someone you love them. Because it's all different time zones.

And so things just didn't feel right. Even though on paper, I had the sitcom life. And so things are slowing down and things are feeling like off. But I don't know what it is.

I don't have a name for it really. And it gets to the point where it's winter 2013. And during winter, what I like to do with anything is if I have a day job, I like to take off the time between Christmas even New Year's. And that's my time where I take it off.

It's by myself. And I spend the time with my girls. That's what I call it. And by that, I made my sitcoms.

If it's Golden Girls, Gilmore Girls, New Girl, Fat Girl, Girl Friends. Like I had my girls. That was what I did. I took my time to myself.

I recharged my watching sitcoms. I did that this winter. And it didn't feel the same. It didn't feel great, you know?

It's kind of like one of those things where you plug your phone in and you think you plug your phone into the wall. But you turned out that it's just sitting on the floor so your phone's not recharging. And that's how it was feeling. And usually when I take these winter breaks, I'll try to make plans with friends, you know, my guest stars, if you will.

And I would try to be like, oh, yeah, let's do this. Let's do that. And I realized I was frequently just not actually making those plans. Or I would say like we're going to go ice skating and then I'd make up an excuse.

Like, oh, I don't know. I'm sorry. I guess Spider-Man blew up the building. Just making up nonsense excuses.

But I kept finding it harder and harder to like leave my house. I had my sitcoms and I would watch them at these set times. And I would just order the same food. And it was a Chinese restaurant.

And I would always order like chicken wings with pork fried rice and an egg roll and pork dumplings. And if you don't know if I'm black by that order, you should know I'm black by that order because I'm very black ass order. But that's what I did. And so I kept doing that.

And I kept not leaving the house. And then like, you know, I would see the days ticked by and realize I'm not really leaving the house until there's one thing that did get me to leave the house, which is a friend called me and said, hey, I have a bag of mushrooms. Would you want to do that with me? And I was like, that's rugs.

Yeah. That's like, you know, mid-season sweeps. Like, let's do this. So I leave the house and I go, and he has mushrooms.

And to be clear, I'm not a mushroom sky. Okay. Like I might unholy trifectin. It's usually like alcohol cigarettes and weed.

You know, and that's it. And then cocaine every other pride. Like that's kind of where I like, stop. Listen, you got to do a little cook.

You got to find a glory hole and then never speak about it again. That's what you do. So don't touch him. So that's what I think.

But I don't do mushrooms. But I was like, you know, I've been feeling a little off anyway. And mushrooms are supposed to unlock your mind, right? So I go, I meet up with my friend.

We do mushrooms. We go to this show. And I take like part of the bag. It doesn't really hit.

And he goes, okay, what we're going to do is we're going to finish the rest of the bag. And I was like, oh, daring. Okay. It's going to be an hour long.

Okay. So I finish the bag of mushrooms with my friend. The groans are appropriate. The prunes in the back.

You'll find out why. So I finish the bag of mushrooms. And like, things are like, I'm like, I don't really feel anything. And then he gets a call from his wife because his wife was like, hey, the babysitter has to leave early.

Can you come home and relieve the babysitter? And he goes, okay, Calvin, I've got to go. But you're going to be okay, right? And that's when it hits.

And I'm like, yes, no. Like, you know, it's like you're just like hurtling. It's like, you know, Madonna's way of like, and I feel like it's a whole thing. Like, everything's pulsing.

Things are like too bright, but not bright enough at the same time. It's like someone needs to fix the color contrast on life. Like, I don't know what's going on. And so I'm like freaking out.

And I find myself like leaving the venue we're at. And then I start walking through the park. This is like Bloomberg era park, but not like before you bandslashies. So like, you know, it's not clean yet.

And I'm like walking through the park. And I decide, I'm going to take off my shoes and socks, walking barefoot through the park. Just raw dog in the park with my feet. Like, just like, I'm like, hey, just bringing all the tetanus.

You know what I mean? Like, who gives a shit? And I'm walking through this park. And because my mind's feeling expansive, my boyfriend calls me.

And he goes, hey, what are you up to? And I'm just like, walking through this park barefoot. Just, you know, just killed it. Being like, yeah, Mikey B., you know, like whatever.

And he goes, well, wait, you're just walking through the park barefoot. Are you okay? And I was like, no, no, not really. I think things are kind of fucked up.

Maybe we should break up. I literally say that just, you know, like you're just spitballing. Like, let's just brainstorm, throw darts on a board. He's not as casual about it as I am.

And he goes, wait, what do you mean break up? What are you talking about? Okay, we got an item. I said, what's going on here?

And so then I'm starting to be like, oh, I guess maybe this is probably not the best way to start this conversation. And he goes, well, yeah, no, like we should, can you speak with me? What's going on? What's happening?

So we have a whole fight back and forth. And he goes, okay, at least he needs you to go home. Can you just go home and then calm down and then call me? And I said, yeah, I'll go do that.

Oh, you know, get everything on. I'll figure it out. Some ways are easy. It's one line.

It's all a line. Life is one big long ray of whatever. And so I figured out a way to get home, put on my shoes. And then I really, I wake up and, you know, it crash.

And I'm like, oh, no, I fucked this up really bad. And I really can't leave the house. So now I'm just home. I have not called my boyfriend.

I haven't talked to anybody. I don't know what to do. And this sitcoms aren't helping right now. You know, I'm just kind of in a very dark dramedy at this point.

And then it gets to the point where I've taken all the days off that I can and I'm supposed to go to work. At least I can do this. So I shower, you know, I put on something, you know, work appropriate, a tire button. I'm sure, you know, nice jeans.

And I get on the train. And I, I'm sitting in the front car because I'm like, okay, I've taken a lot of time off of work. I'm going to sit in the front so they can easily like, get out and then get to work. And so I'm on, I'm on the train.

And it goes a couple of stops. And then I hear a thud. And I go, what's happening? And then I see the conductor fling the door open.

And that's where I see a red smear on the windshield of the train. And I'm starting to freak out. And the conductor goes, God damn it. I can't believe this happened to me.

And then opens the doors. And everyone on the train is trying to figure out what's going on. And we see police come downstairs. And as it turns out, is a woman who has jumped in front of the train to try to commit suicide.

And the police come down. They take statements from everyone in the first car and give the statement. And then I go upstairs and I call my job because I'm like, hey, this thing happened. I don't really know what to do.

And my job goes, well, we're really going to need you to come into work. So I have to figure out a way to now get to work. I get to work. And it's a very distracted day.

I end up just leaving early. And I get home. And I find a news report about the person who jumped in front of the train. And she jumped in front of the train because her boyfriend broke up with her.

And she decided that she couldn't handle it. And so then I stopped going to work. I stopped talking to friends. I stopped doing everything.

I can't even watch sitcoms. All I can do is sit in my studio apartment in order the same pork fried rice and chicken wings and an egg roll and dumplings. And that's all I can do. And luckily, one of my best friends who was at Theravus had reached out to me and said, hey, what's going on?

How are yours? Everything OK? I was like, I don't really know. I just can't really leave my house.

I'm not really sure what's going on. And she goes, well, I think you're having a sort of breakdown. This is a bit of an issue. And I was like, well, I don't really know what to do because I don't get this.

And she goes, well, what? You're going to do this. I'm going to find a therapist for you. All you have to do is go see the therapist and just see what happens.

Just leave the house and go to the therapist. And so she sets up the appointment for me. And I go in. And I meet the therapist.

And she's like my kind of person. You know? She's wearing a flannel shirt and cowboy boots. She's very, you know, the short crop.

And I'm talking like Meguropino level of hair. It's very perfect, very nice. And I walk in. And I walk in kind of like a scared five-year-old, right?

Because I never grew up with therapy as a thing. You know? You weren't taught to deal with your problems with therapy, at least for me growing up. And so I go in and I literally have a hoodie and sunglasses on.

I feel all ashamed. And I'm like, because I always think of therapy. That's where people who like, that's like the very special episode kind of thing. You know?

And I'm not a very special episode person. And I'm fine. I just couldn't leave the house for a bit. Whatever.

And so I start to talk to the therapist. And she crosses her legs, uncrosses her legs, crosses her legs. And it starts asking me questions. And she says, well, I know that your friend told me that you witnessed something traumatic.

And I said, yes, I saw a woman jump in front of the train. And I think that that's probably the main reason why I can't leave the house. And she goes, well, it seems like there should be more than that, right? And so I tell her, well, I guess it's kind of hard because she broke up with her boyfriend.

And so I feel like I'm also in a relationship spiral. And she goes, well, what can you tell me about this relationship spiral? And I said, well, he's a very nice guy. It's not like anything's really wrong.

I just don't know if things are okay. And then she asks me, well, are you okay with saying no about things? Are you okay with not being okay? And it just hits me that no, I'm not.

I don't know how to do that. I really know how to live in a sitcom universe. And so I explain all of this to her. And then she goes, well, unfortunately, her session is done, but it's fine.

But she's like, I want you to come back next week. And let's set a weekly thing where you come back. And I come back the next week. And she goes on somehow a different flannel shirt and a different pair of cowboy boots.

But hey, you know, look, you got a brand to stick with it. And so I go in and I start to talk to her more. And I start to unravel more about how I was like, I'm not really happy with this job. And I feel like I'm supposed to be.

And she helps me to parse out what it means to be happy and what it means to live your life kind of with a facade versus what it is to actually live for yourself in real life as opposed to pretending to be happy for other people. And it was just such an amazing and freeing experience to be able to just kind of let go and understand that you don't have to make yourself the center of everything. You don't have to pretend that everything's okay. And I just keep going.

And I keep going. And I keep going. And I guess the point where I start applying for different jobs. And I start standing up for myself in stand-up comedy where I say, no, you can't bring me up like that.

I want to be treated like the same way every other person gets treated. And I learn what it is like to sit down to reason. I start to feel better. I'm able to find a new job.

I bring up with my boyfriend. And I start to live with better existence. And then I remember it gets to the point where I've been seeing her for a year. And then it gets to the winter.

And again, like I said, this is my thing where I'm taking off my time. So I can spend it with my girls. And so I do that. And I start to feel better.

And then that same friend who offered me the mushrooms calls me out of the blue and goes, hey, by the way, I have some acid. Do you want to do some acid? And I said, no thanks. This year I'm just going to spend it with my girls.

That's it. Thank you guys so much. Have a wonderful night. I'm going to start it from the back.

I'll show you how to flip a dollar. I got food in my dining room. I'm better. I'm better.

I'm better. I'm better. Another day, another chance. I wake up.

I want to dance. So as long as I got my friends. I'm better. I'm better.

I'm better. He say I'm bad. I'm so faggot. Pull up on him in my vehicle.

He say I'm pretty. I'm pretty. You must be from Brazil. Must be from Mexico.

Roll up on him in my Latin book. Jump out like sure. Yeah, bro. You need a chick like me to make the one to leave him at the brush in the nail.

Yeah, he got hands in the back. This is risk. This is the great Missy Elliott behind me now. And we just heard from Calvin S.

Cato, who you can find at calvincato.com. And before that, an interstitial by our own Taj Easton. Now, this is Operation Save Risk this summer. And we are not kidding when we worded that way.

If you haven't heard, we are in such a tight squeeze right now. If you haven't heard the episode, people change. Please listen to it. J.C.

Cassis, who is our business director, she explained on that episode. How because of bad timing and unlucky coincidences and post-COVID complications are four income streams mostly dried up in the past year. There are many very solid signs that they'll be flowing steadily again by the end of this year, especially our main income stream advertising. Our new network, Odyssey, has been kicking ass pulling out all the stops to build up our advertiser relationships.

And it really is like watching the vital signs of a machine in an emergency room start to finally beep again. So we do think they'll have the ad revenue flowing by the time we're in the winter holidays. But in the meantime, everyone on staff has taken scary pay cuts, all of us. And we've got these next few months to worry about being able to pay everyone even with the cuts.

And people always think, hey, there are hundreds of thousands of people who listen to this show, right? So other folks will pitch in. I don't have to. Nope.

Most podcasts with Patreons get about 1% of their listeners donating. So please, if you haven't donated yet, we are still in dire need of your help. And we have a deliciously dishy story by the one and only Guy Branham on our Patreon this week. I am an old man.

I am in my 30s and I am bald. Why am I of the Jane Goodall of Be Listers fucking? We have well over a hundred hours of bonus stories, check-ins, interviews, and more at patreon.com slash risk. If you're already a patron, consider upping the amount you're giving.

I want to give a shout out to two new Patreon members, Maple and Jason Chess. Thank you so much to Maple and Jason and to everyone else. We need for me to be announcing more names like that on these episodes. Now, if you want to make a one-time donation, that is at paypal.me slash risk show.

And if you want to donate in any other way or present an idea of something that we could auction off or send in a voice recording where you share how important it is to you that risk stays alive, send any of that to Kevin at risk-show.com. Folks, don't forget to find us at risk show on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Next week, Red Onion Randy will share a story with us from prison. This will be the first time we've ever had a story recorded from inside a prison on the show.

But that's next week. Folks, today's the day. Take a risk. I'm better.

I'm better. I'm better. I'm better. It's another day, another chance.

I wake up. I want to dance. So as long as I got my friends, I'm better. I'm better.

I'm better. Alright, almost finished. Is there anything else I can help you with? Another happy ending?

I don't think you're happy enough. That's right. I'll teach you to be happy. I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs.

Now boys and girls, let's try it again.