Hard Cash - Hard Pass

When you must put your slowly dieing career into the dumpster forever, the fast path is to team up with Christian Slater in a crime-caper. A band of bozos get caught in an dirty FBI sting and must steal all the gold for themselves...and they only thing stopping them is their own idiocy. We'll start by saying that this ALMOST has something. There's bookends of banana business but that squishy look-warm middle bit drags it back into the depths of quite not interesting. Despite it having the worst produced car chases, worse than SNL rear-projection, Verne Troyer in a toilet with a dart-gun, Val Kilmer giving his belief in his characters one last try, and Bill Forysthe in a washing machine, there's just not enough fun here to put it in the do column. It's almost like it doesn't know what it wants to be - either a screwball bumbling crime gang movie or a hard-boiled heist movie with lots of betrayal and twists.  And then there is Jose. At 3 points in time, an apparent unrelated passerby becomes either "comedy" or a very strange and unclear metaphor. If someone could explain Jose to us, we'd be grateful. Sadly, we must say - do not.