Hard Coach Or Soft Coach Is A False Choice.

By Wayne Goldsmith Three important messages: * The hard-versus-welfare debate is built on a false choice and it’s costing good coaches their confidence. * Both approaches get the athlete to try again. Only one makes them want to. * You can be relentless about standards while staying relaxed, smiling and at ease. That’s not softness. That’s a coaching skill. I was talking to a coaching colleague the other day about what I think is the biggest challenge coaches everywhere are wrestling with right now. I think it’s this: How do you balance hard work, discipline, dedication and consistency with an environment that’s increasingly focused on wellbeing, welfare and mental health? And what I keep seeing is coaches treating those two things as a contradiction. I’m a hard coach Or I’m a welfare coach. I’m a tough coach who demands the work Or I’m a soft coach who doesn’t push athletes. Colleagues, that’s the wrong way to look at it entirely. They’re not exclusive. They’re linked - if you’re prepared to think about your coaching differently. The Stereotype: what we think a hard coach looks like: Let’s start with the picture in everyone’s head. The frowning coach. The loud voice. The yelling and screaming. Not listening to kids. Not engaging with athletes. Just standing there, demanding. Some of us grew up with that and a lot of people still think that’s what a hard coach is. Those days are well and truly over. There are still pockets of it around the world, but increasingly it’s the minority. You just don’t see many coaches working that way any more. But here’s what a lot of people got wrong when that style disappeared. They assumed the toughness went with it. It didn’t. There are coaches out there right now who are enormously demanding, challenging, completely uncompromising - and they do it with respect, with care and with love alongside a total commitment to excellence. Two Ways: same outcome, completely different journey: Let me show you what I mean. An athlete is working on a skill. They have a go. You know it isn’t good enough and you know it isn’t as good as they can do. And you believe it matters that they do it again. Old coaching sounds like this. Is that the best you can do? You’re going to do it again. And you’re going to keep doing it until you get it right. (Possibly with a few expletives in there). And we used to say - now that’s a hard coach. No. Times have changed. Here’s the same situation. I like the way you had a go at that. I think you’re improving. What do you think? Let’s try it again - but why don’t we do it this way? What do you think will happen then? Is there another way we could do it and see if we can get it working a bit better? What do you think? Yeah? Yeah. Let’s have another go. Both of those achieve exactly the same outcome. The athlete does it again. Comply Or Own: the only difference that matters: So if the outcome is identical, what actually changed? In the first one, the athlete felt compelled to comply with what you told them to do. In the second, they’re doing it because they want to learn. Because they’ve got skin in the game. Because they own that piece of their own growth. They’re working with you. They don’t feel coached at. In old coaching, every failed attempt pushes your voice up a notch. Is that the best you can do? Are you kidding me? There is no need for any of that! Fifth attempt and it sounds like this. Look - I know you’ve given it everything you’ve got. I feel it’s really important we get this right. What do you think? Yeah. Let’s have another go. I am still being completely uncompromising. I’m still setting very high standards. I’m still telling my athlete we have to hit this, because it matters. I’m just bringing them along on the journey. Whose Journey: the bit that changes everything: It is their journey. That’s the whole point. I’m a guide. I’m a mentor. I’m a director. I’m a facilitator. But ultimately they’re the one on the journey and my job - and your job - is to present information, learning, feedback and ideas in a way that makes them want to learn. Coaching with them. Not coaching at them. Summary: I have this discussion constantly - the one where somebody tells me coaching has gone soft and there’s no room left for a relentless commitment to excellence. I disagree completely. We still need athletes who can push themselves to extraordinary levels. In elite and professional sport the standards are still high and they keep shifting upwards. What’s changed is how we coach them to get there. You do not have to be a hard coach or a soft coach. You can be the most demanding, challenging, committed, dedicated coach in your sport, determined to succeed at the highest level - without ever raising your voice and without ever being sarcastic. You can be uncompromising on your standards and completely relaxed, at ease and smiling while you hold them. The two things live together perfectly well. Three Practical Applications For Your Coaching: * Record yourself at your next session and listen back. Not for what you said - for what happened to your voice on attempts three, four and five. Volume is a habit and most coaches have no idea they do it. * Replace “do it again” with “what do you think?” Same standard, same repetition, completely different ownership. The demand doesn’t move an inch. The athlete moves a long way. * Write down the one standard you will never compromise on. One. If you can’t name it, your athletes certainly can’t - and softness isn’t the absence of yelling, it’s the absence of a standard. I’d genuinely love your comments on this one. Thanks for reading, listening and watching. Wayne Wayne mentors a small number of coaches each year and works with clubs, federations and schools on coach development. [email protected] Further reading: The Coaching Course Sport Needs Now - https://coachwayne.gumroad.com/l/coachingcoursenow. For sporting parents: Raising Athletes - https://coachwayne.gumroad.com/l/raisingathletes This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit waynegoldsmith.substack.com/subscribe