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Hey everybody, Jason Alice here, originally from Australia. I moved here to be a professional skateboarder when I was 17. And now I'm going back to Australia to do comedy. Brisbane or Brisbane if you're American.
September 10th, 11th, September 11th are going to be in Sydney. September 12th in Melbourne. If you're American Melbourne, but if you're Australian, I'm 8 Melbourne. And then on the 14th, Perth, mate, I met the guy that got eaten by 16 foot.
Great why there? Get your tickets out back ins. That's not a word. Australians, thejasonales.com.
I'm coming home. Erlai and she rises. Erlai. She rises.
Erlai. She rises. Erlai and I'm born. And yeah.
Okay, I'm just asking. Geez, you don't have to snap at me. I bet. Welcome to the show everybody.
We're here. It's glorious. It's a great day. It's a great day to have a very special guest here.
Good friend. I can call your friend at this point. Could I call you as far as to say my guy? Yeah, please.
That's pretty big. My guy. Yeah. I'll say that.
My guy here. Yeah. Highland Williams is here. He's a very special guy.
Thanks, guy. That's out of weird. But you are. I am special.
Yeah. I agree. One of the greatest actors of our time. Yeah, I agree with that.
One of the greatest comedians of our time. For sure. One of the most handsome, gifted athletes of our time. Yeah.
And didn't you catch one of the biggest fish on record? I caught a blue whale. Even though they're mammals. I caught them on a repella.
And a zumco. A zumco 14. Ow. God.
This guy. He's got a tacked. Oh, wait till the licking starts. He's not.
I'm rolling my little bit. Now he's ready to fight everybody. Rumble Bean, as you can see, he's been to the gym. He's checked.
And yeah, he's a rain bunches. Yeah. What's his name? Rumble Bean.
I love it. I mean, he knew it. You know? Yeah, no, he's great.
Rumble Bean. He's got a little bean, but he rumbles. Yeah. And he's got little black patches on him.
Yeah. Like a cow. He is like a little cow. He's like a cow.
He's like a major cow. Yeah. Cat. You know, somebody came over the other day and said, is that a dog or a cat?
And I was like, are you a moron or a retard? So my dad was here? Yes. And he doesn't know the difference between a cat and a dog.
Yeah, I know. I kind of told you that. It's pretty obvious, right? Not to him.
He's seen in the ears. He doesn't know. He thinks a rabbit is a deer. I could.
That's tough. From a distance. Yeah, because if you don't have any sense of perspective, like my dad does it. Right.
That'll do it. So if you have a deer in the distance, it looks like the size of a rabbit, if a rabbit was close, we get those concepts. He doesn't. Right.
Season 2D. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Thank you.
Yeah. That's a horrible, a horrible disability. It really is. And we're hunting for coyotes.
That's what you're saying again. Yeah. Coyotes. And we're.
Thank you for translating. Hey, welcome. It's Hunter talking about it. Yeah.
But I had infrared. The sides are infrared. And I thought I saw one. But it was a jack rabbit.
Yeah. I was like, wait a minute. Those are big ears for a coyote. Coyotes do have pretty prominent ears though.
Not as big as a jack rabbit. No. Fliching now. The wild jackrabbits have a really tall ears.
Yeah. I mean, if you pulled up a picture one, I don't know if you came up with their ears or really high. They're pretty cool. Yeah, they're really cool.
Like, I would like to be a friend of a jack rabbit. How do you mean like sit around and have carrots and stuff? Yes. Exactly like that.
Like, but I don't want to live in the woods because I like couches. And they don't really enjoy that. Well, if you go out to Palmdale, there's a lot of these jackrabbits out in the desert. And a lot of people dump their garbage out in Palmdale.
And I've seen probably three, four dozen couches out there just laying in the desert. Oh, wow. Maybe that'd be a place for you to do it. Maybe when the when the.
They're twits. We're going to we might have to do a jackrabble bean for being inappropriate to the game. Oh, I think that video that she makes a society video. You got to get it.
Please get them away from my area. We're going from area 51, please. God. OK, if you go over there again, you got to leave, right?
I will. No, don't you? No, you got to stay. Well, I just might go sit with the jackrabbits up in the desert.
Yeah, cancer all ripped up. Yeah, yeah. He loves your scrowd of who doesn't? What you got out in there, man?
He's pretty pumped on it. You know, Scott's can smell. Fermones. Yeah, sure.
I got a bacon. Yeah, I can tell. He's looking to get me, isn't he? Jacked.
Hit the cat, a jack button. Yeah. Now that you've suffered an animal attack, it's only fair we give you. There's some gifts here for you.
Oh, wow. Should I open them? No, I had you. Oh, my God.
Guys, thank you. Once again, Brianna. No, no, no. I picked them myself.
Wow. This guy loves giving gifts. Oh, my God. That's me here.
Brianna was like, Jason, do you really have to get him that many things? And I was like, yes, stop trying to stop me from getting him. So many gifts. I love melanoma.
Good. That's I got that, especially for you. What stages are they're in? Four.
Oh, so it's terminal. That's why it's so black. Yes. Wow.
That's fun. What else? Another one. Yeah.
Oh, there's no one normal. I feel like. The most metal of all cancers. But wait, there's more.
Oh, yeah. Oh, Wolf Creek. I know. He does look like the guy for Wolf Creek.
That's what people say. Yeah, a little bit. Al about a nice jolkely a cool glass of water. That's terrifying.
Right? Yeah. That's Wolf Nuts. That's my clothes.
Oh, I thought it said Wolf Creek. So now this is great. You're just one. No, this is great.
It's a gang. Harry Beaumont Kinderblau. You like that, right? I lived in Germany and they played these all the time.
And in Germany, they call kids Kinder. And so they put these commercials on and they'd have been to go, Harry Beaumont Kinderblau. And I've been singing it for 30 years. They got me.
Happy Cola. Did you speak German? Yeah, Kinder. Which means kids.
Right, of course. Harry Beaumont Kinderblau. Under what circumstances did you live in Germany? He's a nosy.
He used to be. What's this? Under Ambiotar? Yeah, we didn't test any animals.
I own that company. What is it? I don't know my grasp. It's a humed deodorant.
That's sealed. I can smell it right through it. That's impossible. Smell it.
See? You can't. Okay, that's pretty cool. Smells nice.
But yeah, we don't test on any animals or anything. And but it was- Bring the cat back in. I'll test it. Hey, hey, hey.
Don't threaten Rubblebee. Well, he ripped the stardom up. The... Oh, incense.
Yeah, you like that? Yeah, I just bought some new incense, but I wanted some. This is actually Poifek. And I'm here Krishna too.
So this is great. Well, God's God. He's everywhere. That's my flavor.
That's my flavor. That's what's up, dude. I got one too. We can eat them together later if you want.
I love that. Yeah, that's right. Can we do it under the full moon? I'm okay with that.
Oh my God. Look at how the moon is it tonight? Well, have you noticed there's a lot of different moons happening later? Yeah.
Which is your favorite moon? I like the full, but it affects me weird. I'm not even joking. Yeah, no, but you know why?
The moon makes water. It moves water and I'm 72% water. I'm high. So when the full moon comes out, I go through tides.
Yeah, me too. Like women go through their period once a month. I go through high tide and low tide. That's man.
Now I get because I think am I having my period? Well, that would be a red tide. Right. Yeah.
Did Moses part the red sea? Right. That's right. I remember that.
Double bubble. Hello. Right. Wow, dude.
This is like, how did you know all these good things about me? I did research. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Jesus is very good. Jesus is very good. Jesus is very good. Thank you.
He's a bit of an empath. What's that? Is it soy? Nah, man.
It's a marshmallow. Why does it matter? It's square. Marshmallows are not square.
What is that caliber of sauce? That's a giant marshmallow. I think it's just a regular marshmallow and you stepped on it. Maybe.
And you're embarrassed and you said, well, let's put a fancy wrapper on it and say it's like a designer marshmallow. And really you just stepped on a state puffed. It's a designer marshmallow. Let me see the bottom of your shoe.
Oh, fuck. Dude. Dude, I'm not even a stepped on marshmallow. I'm eating that.
Pop rocks. Yeah, right. When I went to, when I was in the high school, we had, I went to a Catholic high school. We had this old priest brother, brother, physacalry would teach us acting.
Theater arts it was called. Hey, that would've been handy. And he was super intense. He's like, you've got to believe people.
You've got to believe. Like you get really. And so one day me and like two other guys, we went in with the pop rocks and we, he was standing up there and he's talking to this dark room and we, you know, whole bag each. So fun.
And I'll demonstrate how it works. Please. When you smile, when you go like this, they smash off your teeth. And so we were sitting there and he was talking and I'll show you how it sounds.
And he couldn't figure out what the noise was and where it was coming from. But he couldn't he just looked at your face? Put some coconut. That's intense.
These ones are strong. But the other ones were like, yeah, like wolf hearing. No, they were like clapping up our teeth. It'll make him like he did in the 80s.
And so what we were doing is we're sitting there like this and we're trying not to lap. But you can see our shoulders going and we're fucking, she's like, just he's being like, who's popping? Yeah. Oh, so fun.
Thanks for the memory. Oh, yeah, no worries. Do you want some? I got to eat it.
Oh, what are these? Those are like high class. Coke. Oh, everything's Coke.
Cause you know, I love Coca-Cola. Yeah, I did my research. Thank you guys and girls. Oh, I don't know why you're thinking girls.
We had nothing to do with this. He was going to get you more stuff. She stopped him. I think this is like a big bag of diabetes is basically what we got going on here.
You can handle it. Yeah. You're tough guy. Thank you.
Hey, wise, what's up, you want me? I love it. And Coke and candy. I love it.
Okay. There I am. I mean, remember you can't you can't do the podcast. Whoa, whoa, teriyaki Pete.
Whoever that is. I don't know who that is. It came out of it. It's a good name though.
Are you a good name for a wrestler or something? Yeah, or a sumo wrestler or a band. Teriyaki Pete. New band and you like what are those?
You what are those Asian pop bands? Well, K-pop. Yeah. Teriyaki Pete.
Sure. K-pop rocks. That would be good. That's good.
Come on music, do you like? I run the gamut. Okay. My guy like to me music is like food.
Like if let's say I went through life and said all I like is cheeseburgers. Well, think about not having Greek food, Indian food, Italian food, sushi. You know, and so music to me is different flavors. So my playlist goes from Sinatra to George Michael to Iron Maiden to jazz to.
I like all the flavors of music. I'm not a huge fan of country so much. I like some of it and I'm not a giant fan of rap. I don't like aggressive violent kind of rap that denigrates women and talks about guns and the thug life.
I just I find there's a bit of evil in that. Say thug life. Thug. Oh, okay.
Yeah. You're probably done like Chanel West Coast. I don't even know who that is. It sounds like a weather condition.
It is. I love you, dude. Yeah. Yeah.
And now from Chanel West Coast. Pretty much. Yeah. Okay.
She's basically a pop rock. But I get the it sounds like the music that you reeled off the start. Those those are all the highest level of those particular genres. Yeah.
You didn't mention any jank. What's up? Shit. I like it.
Like I like anything that sounds good. Like what am I? Yeah. Good bands.
You name a crap. Do you like any crappy music? Like a guilty pleasure, if you will. Like you mean, like you mentioned George Michael.
Yeah. He's not. Oh, you better watch it. He's not held at the highest level of Sinatra.
Yeah. Everybody can calm the fuck down. George Michael Loki kind of. Hey, man.
Oh, sick. Did you say George Michael kind of suck? I did. He's a hater.
He's entitled to that. Right. And when and when was worse. Okay.
I've got to be a little bit more than old obscure song from a singer I've never heard of. And if the songs catches my ear, that's what I listen to. But then I'll listen to the Blade Runner soundtrack like all night long too. Like it's just about I want to try all different flavors of music.
What's on the Blade Runner soundtrack? It's the whole music by Van Jealous did it? It's unbelievable. You ever have sleeping problems?
Nah. Put on the Blade Runner soundtrack. Well, it is magic. Listen to John Wick's soundtrack.
Okay. And that's got like stuff. It's like techno stuff where I don't like techno, but I like this techno because I imagine John Wick is listening to it at the same time. Oh.
John Wick is inspirational to me. It is. It's very violent. Yeah, but it's more to me.
It's a love. It's a love movie about love. Well, explain. I'm confused.
He lost his wife. I don't want to spoil it for you. I've seen it. Okay.
But he's they kill these dog and he loves the dog and then he kills all the people that killed his dog and anyone connected to that or any responsibility in that thing happening. And he just goes on a rampage because he loved the love of his wife that's connected to the dog. Yeah. And those things because he loves them so much.
He kills everybody that had it coming and they had it coming. And the best thing I get from it is no matter what happens, he gets thrown through windows and stuff, he gets shut all the time and he just gets up and he just keeps going because of the love that he carries in his heart for his wife and his dog. So, when I'm getting from this is killing his loving because he killed doesn't he kill like 114 people. But those are the bad guys.
But that's you said it's love. Look, if you how directly connected could they be to the death of this chick if he's 114? Well, you haven't watched one through four. But like so he killed the first bunch of people, right?
Okay, we're directly linked and then they had a comment. They had a comment and then the guy that killed the dog, his dad hired like 100 people to kill John. So, John has to defend himself. Self-defense.
He didn't come for them. Then he got a marker in the second one and he had to like, he was like, please don't. I don't want to kill anybody. And he's like, if you don't take the marker, I'll kill you.
And he was like, if I die, I won't remember my wife anymore. So, I'll kill these people. And then because he killed that person and more people try to kill him, it's basically self-defense. Does he get killed in the end?
I didn't watch the end. I left five minutes before the end. It's how? I want to get somebody to eat.
Does he die? No. Okay. I mean, they say he does, but I'm pretty sure he comes back.
Angry. It's not angry. It's not angry. It's not angry.
It's not angry. I'm not angry. I just asked if he died because I went to get a snack. I don't.
It's hot for me. It's like you're snacking. It's like saying, I don't really know if Tony Holk's a good skateboarder. I really love Tony Holk and he's skateboarding.
And had they, you not know. I think you're snack angry. Like if I went to get a bag of chips right now or a bowl of cheese puffs, I feel like you'd like run up on me and do a Rambo. I get the cat to do it.
Good. Can we go have a snack anymore? You've got a pie. I know, but I mean, if I went up to get chips, we'd get you chips.
No, don't get scared. You're snacking angry. I should be. Don't leave.
I'm not. But I feel like you got snack rage. I'm not snack rage. I'm relaxed rage.
Well, see if I get a bag of sour cream and onion chips and you're what happens. I bet we need to be off. Pardon? That's the best kind.
Thank you. Finally. Well, at least someone said it. What does he know?
He's got a chocolate sauce. Yeah, excellent taste. Yeah. OK.
He thinks that nachos are better than chit and french fries. Wait. Can't be. No, I'm with you.
I like fries. What do you like your fries? Where do you go for fries? Oh, right.
In my belly. No, but what's your favorite fries? Oh. I'm not saying what you think I'm going to say.
I don't think. I hate McDonald's. Oh, wow. Because I like McDonald's.
You would say that. What do you like? I like fries that come from some mama and pop store. OK.
I like. Daddy issues. It might be fried, but that's going to do with my fries. They never hug you.
You're the fries of McDonald's. Mom and pop. I like, you know, I like a burger and fries from, you know, Joe's burger. Yeah.
I don't like fast food restaurants. I don't like the chain. I don't like the government. I don't like government food.
What do you mean? Like the Department of Transportation, like chicken platter? Yep. I don't like that made up.
I don't like any. I don't like the big corporate organizations that slow us down and make us dumb. This is America. Where do you eat?
At home. OK. That's my trans dog. Oh, wow.
Complaining. Somebody probably colder. Hey, I mean, I see. Thanks.
Yeah. Do trans dogs hump your leg or do they hump something else? Depends on which trans. If you're trans girl, that's now a man.
Yeah. It'll hump your leg. But backwards? No, they think they go through the whip.
So just OK. Just wondering. I've never had my leg hump by trans dog. I have a trans dog and a trans cat.
I have a trans am out in the driveway. I love trans am. Do you want to go for a ride later and try to figure out what we are? Yes.
Wait. Wait. Sure. But I think I know who I am.
Especially now. Now, once you get into trans am. I had a trans am. Once you buckle in, you're trans.
Firebird is one of the first things I like to say American. How do you say it? Firebird. Yeah.
Yeah. It kicks ass. You can also do that around a campfire. If you like, I eat beans in the light of match.
I eat a campfire. I like saying fire. Say it. Fire.
Yeah. You know what? AC DC says that he's got great balls of fire. And he says it like an Australian.
That sounds pretty cool too. Yeah. But it really depends on who's saying it. Yeah.
How do you say fire? Fire. Yeah. That's all right.
Yeah. Go. Well, I have to. Yeah.
How do Canadians say it? Fire. Oh man. Wow.
Well, I didn't want to say it. I felt bullied to be able to say it was very inspirational. Well, I felt bullied. Okay.
I didn't want to say it. Can you surf? If you want to play tennis, I'll serve it up. Surf.
Excuse me? Can you surf? I can. Yeah.
Can you? Yeah. What am I good at it? No.
But first time I ever surfed, I ran right over a guy's spine. Rich Hall, a comedian named Rich Hall, we went surfing in Hawaii. I got up on a little tiny wave and he was swimming in front of me. And I'm not lying.
I went right over his back. With the fin. With his long fin. And I thought I carved him in half.
I'm on the phone flier. He jumped up and he goes, I didn't even feel it. And I was like, I literally went right over. But there must have been enough water.
I thought I carved him in half. Rich Hall, one of the greats. Rich Hall, yeah. He was the one in the gigantic talking head suit on Saturday Night Live.
Was he not? I think so. Yeah. He used to be on SNL.
Yeah. I don't know. I think he lives in England now or something. But why would you move to England?
For the pudding? Oh, wow. That was the Schmuffins. Wow.
Yeah. Do you like muffins? Yeah. And English ones.
They have English muffins there. They just, I don't like rain. They don't. What?
They actually don't. What? And they don't have English muffins. You ever run a muffin?
They have crumpets. Oh, I love crumpets. I introduced the English muffin to England. As long as we're all bragging.
Oh, wow. I brought them over and passed them around in English. People were like, what the fuck is that? Oh, I told America.
You should know this is what everybody's saying about you back in America. Why? I told America about drop airs. There you go.
Right. People don't know what a crumpet is in America though. No. But it's like, imagine eating SpongeBob after he's been in the toaster.
Yes. Yeah. I think they're tasty. I think they're sponged by a bit of a toaster.
Yeah, I do too. Yeah, but they're tasty. They're tasty. They're butter and jam on them.
In Australia, do they have clotted cream? That's an English thing. Clotted cream. I had the first time I gave it.
Hell yeah. I just want to make sure you got that. I feel like you're coming up. Never made it to Australia.
Nah. Oh, man. That's not a crumpet without clotted cream. Is it numpy?
I'd never actually bothered to look. But yeah, I'm pretty sure. You had clotted cream? I served clotted cream to homeless people.
Wow. That's a weird thing to say. It is, but it's true. That's how I know about it.
I feel like that's a great cream because it can just go from, I'll have some clotted cream. You go right into the doctor's office. You have a clotted artery. Yes.
It's almost instant. Straight forward diagnosis. Let me guess what you're eating. Yeah.
That's like here, I have a stroke burger. You know what I'm going to say? Heckly. These days, you know what a stroke burger is?
A burger with crispy cream as a bun. Oh, wow. You had that? No.