Hate Watching From The Vaults: Abduction

Send us Fan Mail We go back to one of our earlier episodes as Tony was out sick this week! A teenage martial arts star with a perfect body and an expressionless face attempts to become the next Jason Bourne? What could possibly go wrong? Taylor Lautner's post-Twilight action vehicle "Abduction" takes us on a wild ride through one of the most illogical spy thrillers ever made. When high school student Nathan discovers his childhood photo on a missing persons website, he's thrust into a world of government conspiracies, international assassins, and badly choreographed fight scenes that somehow manage to be both frantic and boring. The film desperately wants to position Lautner as a legitimate action star, but saddles him with a character supposedly suffering from "rage issues" that never materialize. Despite being surrounded by seasoned actors like Sigourney Weaver, Alfred Molina, and Jason Isaacs, the Twilight heartthrob delivers most of his lines with the emotional range of a cardboard cutout. His parkour skills and shirtless scenes can't compensate for a script filled with nonsensical plot developments and technology that would make even the most forgiving sci-fi fan roll their eyes. Most puzzling is the film's title - nobody actually gets abducted. Instead, we're treated to a collection of spy movie clichés stitched together with teenage romance that feels awkward and forced. From magical phones that can't be traced (except when they suddenly can) to an international network of assassins who can appear anywhere in minutes, "Abduction" breaks every rule of logic while following every rule of bad filmmaking. Join us as we break down this spectacular misfire that tried to launch a franchise and instead became a cautionary tale about what happens when marketing executives decide someone's abs qualify them to carry an action thriller. Written lovingly with AI Be our friend! Dan: @shakybacon Tony: @tonydczech And follow the podcast on IG: @hatewatchingDAT