Healing Hearts: Navigating Grief, Coping with Loss, and Finding Peace

Author Adrienne Bender—photo credit https://adriennebender.com/In the latest episode of the John Passadino show, I interviewed Adrienne Bender, author of “The Almost Miracle Years” which chronicles her journey as a mother and caregiver to her two children and other family members. Her book is not simply a memoir — it’s a testament to her perseverance, transformation, and her pursuit of healing.Adrienne’s journey to motherhood began as a teen, a challenging position to be in. Yet, she completed schooling to become a psychiatric nurse. That position would anchor her when slammed with unthinkable challenges that would befall her and her family.At the heart of Adrienne’s story are her two children, each beset by a disease that would haunt their youth. Doctors diagnosed her daughter Mackenzie with leukemia when she was just eight years old. She would undergo aggressive surgeries and treatments, causing her horrendous pain and suffering to the point nurses tending to her were driven to tears. Meanwhile, her older stepbrother, Kyler, grappled with substance abuse and addiction in the shadows, with Adrienne torn between providing care for both.Adrienne spoke about the trauma of seeing her children suffer while she stood on the balance beam of motherhood. She described her longing prayers, which resulted in small but temporary normalcy such as her daughter’s five-year remission, and her son’s periods of sobriety. However, those incidents were steps on the ladder of a one step up and two steps down life story.Despite near miraculous recoveries her daughter’s disease returned, and in 2018, Mackenzie agreed to end the desperate attempts to save her life. The book documents fifteen-year-old Mackenzie’s heart-wrenching statement to family, saying it was time to end the fight.… it doesn’t seem like I’m going to make it back from this one. I don’t want my life to be filled with test tubes and hospital visits… I have made a decision that when it comes to that time, I will live to the fullest I can, cross off everything on my bucket list, and die happily…Then in 2023, Adrienne’s son Kyler, trying so hard to get his life together, passed away from injuries and fentanyl poisoning.Those losses and her journey to healing herself and others defined Adrienne’s life forever.We talked about her crushing grief — not just for the death of her core family members including her father, inexplicably from the same disease as Mackenzie, and grandfather from Dementia — but for disappointing partners, one of whom was a husband who left while she dealt with her children’s illnesses.Adrienne and I talked about a quote from her which I had messaged to my grieving nephew just before our interview. She said, “…grief and healing aren’t a straightforward course, it’s a maze, and it’s important for people to know that it’s ok to fumble through it.” She also said grief “feels like you’re drowning in an ocean that doesn’t even have a shore.”That is a small sample of the wisdom Adrienne earned and shared.Adrienne’s path to healing included her own struggles with depression and anxiety, including the use of alcohol to numb her pain. Despite those struggles, she found the strength to document not just her innermost feelings, but those of her mom, via her mom’s journals, who provided support every step of the way.Adrienne’s words, both in print in her book and via our conversation, relayed to me a view of her resilience and strength that enabled her to experience her grief while surviving. Her story is more than a common tragedy of an insidious disease; it is an analysis of the human spirit.Through her writing and her quest to educate others, Adrienne encourages others to speak openly about grief and loss, to resist the status quo of hiding it, and to allow themselves to mourn.While Adrienne would never call herself “healed,” she has found a sense of peace. She spoke movingly about the ways her children’s memories fill her days with meaning and described moments in which she feels their presence. She said, “I feel like they’re not dead. They’re just not here. I just can’t see them.” She also said, “…they’re stronger on the other side than they are here. I fully believe that.”Those statements are a testament to her faith and afterlife.Adrienne Bender’s journey — as a young mother, a nurse, an author, and a survivor — offers invaluable lessons for anyone grappling with loss, grief, or the complexities of life. Her book, “The Almost Miracle Years,” is a tribute not only to her children but to the human spirit.Our podcast conversation was more than an interview; it was an immersion into the depths of grief and resilience. Adrienne’s story challenges us to face our own suffering, to appreciate moments of grace, and to remember that, after the darkest storms, rainbows follow.If you or someone you know is struggling with loss, and we all are to varying degrees, Adrienne’s story offers a large dose of empathy that tears into your heart but then rebuilds love and hope around it. As Adrienne said regarding the difficulty of reading such tragedy, “I know some people have a hard time because I think it’s just a sad story…but…once you get to the end, it’s not a sad story.”Adrienne’s book is a book about undying and eternal love, the love we should always strive for in our daily interactions with each other and for those who passed on before us.You can listen to the full interview on YouTube or find the John Passadino Show on all major platforms such as Apple Podcast, Amazon Music, Audible, Spotify and Overcast.Article and Podcast Copyright Passadino Publishing LLC This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lensofhopefulness.substack.com