Help Addiction:

In this episode (and the full essay), we look at a parenting pattern that shows up far more often than people admit — something I’ve witnessed firsthand across 30 years of working with students and families: help addiction.This is the dynamic where a parent’s identity becomes tied to being indispensable. Not just helpful — needed. And over time, it stops being support and starts becoming a kind of dependency loop where both parent and child are caught in roles that stunt independence, growth, and adulthood.Through the lens of real stories, higher-ed experience, and a whole lot of compassion, we unpack what happens when “help” becomes compulsive, how children learn to perform helplessness, and why the cycle is so hard to break.In this reflection, we explore:How loving intentions can slowly harden into a parental need to rescueWhy children raised this way learn dependence before they ever learn autonomyThe psychological “dopamine hit” parents get from fixing their child’s problemsWhy help-addicted parents rarely see the issue until something breaksHow enabling can quietly become disablingThe emotional cost for children who grow into adults without the tools to push backWhat recovery looks like for families caught in the cycleI also share honestly about what it’s been like to stand on the other side of this pattern as an educator — often as the adversary of help addiction — and how difficult it is to intervene when the addiction is invisible to the person who has it.Key takeaway:Sometimes the most loving thing a parent can do isn’t to rescue — but to release. Independence requires space. Growth requires discomfort. And resilience only forms when we let young people carry their own weight. Get full access to I'm Just Getting Started at imjustgettingstarted1.substack.com/subscribe