Holism (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency)

Dirk woke up with a theory and a bruise The universe said, Correlation, you lose Every link he traced, every ghost he chased Just earned him a slap right in the face He asked the sofa why the cat was dead Smack. That's causality, the sofa said He tried to think about interconnectedness The cosmos replied with open-palm aggressiveness He said, But cause and effect— WHACK. Wrong detect, detective. Welcome to the planet where logic gets you slapped Every holistic hunch, a cheekbone badly mapped No clues, no crimes, no time to blink Just a jazz-hand sting every time you think Slap. Solve. Slap. Forget. The universe is a drummer with no regret He found a missing cat inside a missing sock Thought about it twice—now his teeth are out of stock He tried to not-think, but the not-thinking thought Slap. Now his epistemology's distraught A ghost walked in and ordered tea with cream Dirk asked Why—the ghost just screamed (slap) What if every slap is a clue? What if the bruise is the holistic view? (slap) Thank you, said Dirk, spitting out a tooth That one actually proved my theory, forsooth. Welcome to the planet where deduction gets you slapped Every elegant inference, a dental impact No clues, no crimes, no time to blink Just a jazz-hand sting every time you think Slap. Solve. Slap. Forget. The universe is a drummer with no regret Everything is connected… (slap) …including the slaps.