Welcome to the Tweed Trends podcast. Hey, Evette, what's trending today? Hey, I'm Evette, hey girl, and you are tuned in to Tweed Trends. It's the quickest way to find out what's trending today.
Today, let's talk about going home for the holidays. Let's get started. Hey there, welcome back to Tweed Trends. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving holiday.
I took the week off and went traveling with my family. And I think this is something that we haven't done in ever. I've been trying to sit and think, have we ever done a trip that was not family-centered, meaning going to visit other family members? And I think this is the first time that we've done this.
We actually went to New York, and we did the Macy's Parade. We did some Broadway plays. We did the Rockets, Christmas musical, not musical, Christmas, spectacular. And we had a great time.
Now I do have family in New York. I did get to see my aunt while I was there. But that was not the focus of the trip. The focus was getting away and doing something different.
And it felt really good. I did feel kind of bad not doing a recording last week. But you know what? Everybody deserves a vacation.
And that's what I did. I took that opportunity and spent the time with my family and did not worry about trying to find a quiet place in New York to do my recording. Simple as that. But now I want to talk about going home for the holidays.
Because coming out of this trip, I had a conversation with my siblings, and the conversation was all about, what are we going to do for the holidays? Now when my dad passed, I thought we all came together and said that we were going to start to do trips for the holidays as a family versus just going to our hometown and just doing the little Christmas thing there. Now let me go a little deeper into that though. There used to be a time where when my uncle and his wife were alive, that that's where the family descended upon their house.
And it would be everyone. This was my mom's side. And we had our own little holiday traditions. We do breakfast at my mom and dads, then we go visit my dads relatives, and then we finish the day at my mom's brother's house.
And you get to see all the family members and whatnot. And so part of that is what I want to talk about. Because when there's a family tradition, a routine, a lot of times people get something called hometown anxiety, where just the idea of going back and doing all of those things that you did when you were younger, it almost like turns the hands of the clock back. And you relive those experiences, the traumas, that you had experienced when you were a kid.
So if there are jokes and people in your family that are all about being messy, then it kind of puts the people in a mindset where it's kind of like, I really don't want to go. Because I don't want to have to experience, I don't want to have to go through, I don't want to have to deal with, I don't want to have to hear all of those things. And so I kind of want to talk about that today and let you know that you don't have to. There are ways around it.
You can still spend time with family and not have to deal with those toxic people and those toxic situations. But you have to be a little crafty with it. As you go into these situations, first and foremost, on the forefront of your mind, I recommend that you go in with the Serenity Prayer. You know the prayer I'm talking about.
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Go into it with that in mind. Because what you need to make sure you understand is that no matter what goes down at this event, some things you'll be able to change, some things you won't. And you're just gonna have to deal with it.
So don't go into the holidays thinking you're gonna go to Granny and because you learned all this stuff about vegan lifestyles and whatnot, then now you're gonna make Granny become vegan at the holidays. It's not gonna happen. She's been living a certain way, eating a certain way. Her entire life, you're not gonna get her to change today.
If there's a certain relative that has kids that are bouncing off the walls doing the most, no one understand, this may not be the time to try to tell them how to parent their children. Might never be that time. But know which things you can change and which things you cannot and leave it there. So in those situations, in these going home for the holiday situations, you've got three options.
First option is for conflict. Opposite spectrum is circumvention. But that middle of the road spot is conversation. But know and understand that even in that middle of the road conversation piece, it's just that, it's a conversation.
It's not a battle to win or lose. Maybe you want someone to understand your perspective and you wanna have a conversation with them but like, hey look, let me talk to you real quick and explain to you who I am and how I move and what I do. But after you put it out there, you can't control how they receive it. You can't control what they do with the information.
So they may sit there and seem like they're taking it in and understanding you, oh yes, yes. And turn right back around and be that same nasty ugly person that you figured they would be beforehand. And that you thought would change after the fact. They very well may still do the exact same thing.
And that's okay. Now maybe this conversation, you want to get some understanding from them like, hey, let me ask you a question. So when you say this, when you do this, what's the purpose, what's this, what's that? Again, even in that conversation, they may turn it into conflict because of the whole idea of intent and perception.
You may be intending just to get understanding, but they may perceive it as an attack on their person. And that may then push you to the far side of conflict. You have to be mindful how you talk to people, how you question and how you handle conversations because it can go either way. It may tilt the other way and they may then decide to avoid you.
And you're wondering like, well, how come every time I walk in the room, they walk out? Well, cause they felt some type of way about the questions you asked in your conversation. And that's okay. That is okay.
But you have to understand it going in. Onto the messy people. If you tell me that you don't have any messy people in your family, I'm gonna tell you the nine times out of 10, they're a messy people there. They just don't come to your family functions because just like in every life, a little rain must fall, in every family, there's at least one messy person.
That's that person that takes the grenade, tosses it into the crowd and takes a setback and watched fireworks. That's the person that's always got something to say about, something and they know the buttons to push. They know how to rub you the wrong way and they're gonna do it every single time because they want to see the reaction. They get some type of joy out of seeing the reaction.
So then how do you beat that person? You don't react. You know what they're gonna do. You already know it.
You already know they're gonna say something. They've been planning something since the previous holiday and saying, you know what, next time I'm gonna try this and see how they act. Don't fall for it. Don't fall for it.
You can see it coming. When you see them coming, understand that that is the trouble coming your way. You can choose to engage and have the conflict. You can circumvent and avoid them.
You can have a conversation and let them know that you don't appreciate when they do this. You don't appreciate when they say the things they do. My recommendation is just don't even deal with it. Or have a clap back.
Have you thought of that one? Have a clap back. Be ready to hit them right back. I don't look at that as conflict.
I look at that as a dose of your medicine. A lot of times those people can't take it and it will shut them down immediately. They've picked on you and picked on you and picked on you because they know that you're not gonna do anything. You're just gonna react.
You're gonna get emotional. You're gonna, you know, have this whole scene and they like that. So if you go in, let's have a couple of little things stuck away in your back pocket just in case. It doesn't have to be anything dealing with what they're gonna say to you because you can't anticipate what they're gonna say.
But if you have something, just a little stinger, you're like, mm, you'll be amazed. I'm not trying to cause any problems with your holiday event. I'm just saying. Sometimes you need to kind of just, mm, put the exclamation point at the end of the sentence to let them know that you can do it too.
Just saying. Last thing I wanna mention though is families where, you know, it's you and your boyfriend or your girlfriend or your significant other and you're used to doing a thing. They're used to doing a thing. And then when you come together, now you have to re-imagine what those things look like.
Do you still go? Do they still go? Like, cause some people go separate. Like, I'm gonna go to my family.
You go to your family. Other people say, okay, this holiday, we go to mine. This holiday, we go to yours. And then others are like, every holiday, we're gonna go to mine, forget about yours.
That last option, no bueno. Not a good idea. But the simple fact that it causes issues and confusion. Now, if you feel some type of way about going to your significant others family functions and whatnot, but you expect them to come to yours all the time, that has to be in a bit selfish.
Have a word or a phrase or a plan to only stay a certain amount of time. But you as the family member need to be able to understand and communicate to your significant other, hey, so I really enjoy hanging out with your family and doing things. But when we don't go and spend time with my family members, that takes away from my ability to be able to spend time with them. Because none of us are gonna live forever.
Nobody is getting younger. So just like we go to see your family and make memories with them, we also need to do the same with mine. And if you are a little open minded about it, you very well may have a great time with them. Sure, we don't do all the same things that your family does, but we do things.
We share and we're a family. Now that you are a part of this family, I need you to try. I need you to make an effort. And if that turns into a, well, we need to go to counseling for this type thing, be open to it.
Because there's so much that you can learn from counseling, not just about that one situation, but about this other person and how they move and operate, that in my mind, it's a win-win every time. Thanks so much for joining me for today's episode. Please know and understand that as we move into this holiday season, that things like hometown anxiety, the holiday blues, all of that stuff is real. And especially if you've lost loved ones, no matter what time of year, any time of the year, the holidays is when it starts to hit home.
If you start to feel like maybe you're suffering from anxiety or depression, or you have some weird feelings, like you're listless, you have fatigue, you just really don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere and you know that's not your norm, seek help. If you can't find any help on your own, here's some help for you. If you've never heard of NAMI before, N-A-M-I, it's the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They have a hotline.
You can dial 800-950-6264. That number again is 800-950-6264. You can also text the word help line to 62640. And if you are in crisis, you can call or text 988.
Don't suffer in silence alone. And if you notice a friend or family member who seems different, they seem like something is off. Don't sit off to the side and assume that it's gonna work itself out. Have a conversation, find out what's going on, and if there's a need, find some help.