Like I sold it. Wow. All right, Jason. What mate?
Let me know when you're ready to be done. I think I am. Fire away, little dog. I'm gonna sing.
The fuck. And there's smoke, so don't freak out. You're gonna sing? Yes.
Three, two. I'm gonna totally move in. Do any proving. Now, can we get back up?
I've got the heart and desire. My bones are on fire. You're ready to take us to the top. Welcome to the show.
Did you know that you? She is the oven. Welcome to the show, where the Jason Ellis show. I'm Jason Ellis and we're a podcast.
Thank you. And yeah, that telly's here. And then we have a guest. Sarah Wainchank, you might have heard of her because one time I was on her show.
And then what other? We've had many interactions. Yeah, we've had many interactions. We had any video interactions.
The only video interaction was my podcast. This is the second video. This is our second video. Here we are on video together.
Yes. I like your intro. Oh, you do. I mean, my intro.
I wasn't even ready for that. Yeah, sometimes, I mean, who is? It's a bit silly, but it gets you energized, I think. And then wait, so you can sing?
Oh, yeah, you think so? I think you can sort of sing. I'll go with that. He used to be a sort of singer.
Well, you owned it. You owned it. Oh, yeah, that's pretty much half the battle, isn't it? I don't know if I can own it the way you owned it.
Are you not a singer? No, maybe if I put these on it. You're very talented. I'm surprised you don't know how to do that.
You're very stylish. Maybe the most stylish comedian in comedy today. That means a lot to me because you're stylish too. Right.
Some people disagree. Somebody the other day was making fun of my shorts because I was so short. I was like, I don't think you really understand fashion. Yeah, thank you.
You loser. Yeah, and I've got sexy legs and I'm going to flaunt them. Yeah, I just noticed you have a vampire on your legs. Yeah, it used to be Tito Ortiz, but Tito Ortiz turned out to be like a weird trumpet guy.
So my ex wife turned him into Dracula. Your ex wife did that? Yeah, with a stick and poke. Oh, damn.
And she's really good at it. I actually stick and poke myself last night for the first time to cover her initial because I saw she did. She covered your initial. Yeah, but now we have matching tattoos.
But when did you cover it with? I stick and poke to Chuck's. I knew you were still married. You don't get that.
Or even more buddies. Yeah, with a I bought on Amazon, you get stick and poke needle and ink and I didn't really Google or do anything because I got tattoo friends and my ex like she's sticking poke my butthole. No. Yeah.
I did. Yes. Around the bit where the guard shows you up. Yeah.
The stick poke into that was that was that was that was that was a sensation I had not felt yet in my life. What was the tattoo on your as well? A love heart around my whole. A love heart.
I mean, just a heart. Wait, you don't say love heart? I mean, what do I say love heart? I don't know.
I've never heard anyone look, I'm wearing love hearts on my shoes. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe maybe you call the love heart because it's on your bad hole.
No, I call it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. I mean, as opposed to it does distinguish from the squishy organ part. Have you heard me say that before, Michael? Not that I can recall.
Nobody says love hearts. Right. I think it's in fact. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna get embarrassed or back off.
I'm still gonna say love heart. I think you should. I decided to point out that I never heard that. Right.
That's fair. You have a love heart on your face. Yeah. You got a love heart on your ass while you got one on your face.
Yeah. I respect the game. Yeah. I don't have room for my nipples, I don't think.
But that might be a little too gay for me. Maybe one nipple. Yeah. You gotta do both.
No, I'll be okay. What are you been doing? I've been live, laugh, loving. No, I'm just kidding.
I don't say that ever. Except for right now. I've just been hanging out. Stand up.
Podcast. Are you on the road or have you been? Yeah, I'm going to Texas next week. Go to Mothership.
Have you been there? Yeah. It is so fun. It's awesome.
It's like, it's such a fun hang. Yeah. Seems like if you're cool with everybody in Austin, it's a pretty cool place to be a comedian. Yeah, it's so fun.
The stage time is great. The club is great. The food is good. Like the food in this running area is good.
I feel like I don't know you that well. Yeah. Since I've known you have become a regular to store, right? Yeah.
And Kim both got past. Past with paid regulars. Yeah. So paid regulars everybody.
If you don't know comedy, that's in my little amount of knowledge. That's pretty much what you want in your life. If you're a comedian and you live around here. But you made that.
But I also noticed like your podcast, both of you guys, what's your show? What's the show together? We have this bitch. This bitch is right.
Yeah, that's Kim and I. And I've changed. Well, I've noticed that I don't want to be, this is going to be weird. I feel like both of you have stepped it up in not only has the podcast look more professional and more like if I don't know you two, I'm more intrigued to know about you.
But I also feel like both of you have got harder. Okay. I feel like something's going on where you've both sort of gone like, look. The light is on us now.
And now it's time to really kick it into gear. I'm not saying you weren't hard to begin with, but I feel like both of you look as hard as I've ever seen you. And it's both at the same time. And I'm like, I wonder if this is a joint.
Yeah, not a little bit. Listen, bitch, we got to get high. If I got a photo shoot and I know I'm doing it, will I eat a cheeseburger the day before? Probably not, you know?
Yeah, it does feel like we're trying to be our best selves. Style wise too. I feel like you're the the the front runner and Kim has jumped on. Yeah, Kim has jumped on.
She FaceTime's me when she gets dressed. Yes. I'm going to say take off that jacket, put on that jacket. Yes, that's what's happening.
Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're on to it. You noticed. Yeah, well, you know, you're fashionable a little bit.
I like your comp on the era. What's that? I like your compound here. It's pretty cool.
Yeah, I wasn't expecting the smoke. I'm still recovering from that. So it's a smoky intro. It was a fun vibe.
I wish I could get it to like maybe just be on the ground and come up with the camera wouldn't show it. I don't know. This is cool. Yeah, it's cool.
So you're on the road. You do come and you got mad podcast busy busy guests all the time meeting new people is now that you're a regular at the Comedy Store when you go to other clubs. Do people put some respect on that name or anything? You would think.
No, I don't know. I mean, I feel like because I put it in my head for so long that I wanted that for so long, like since I was like 23, so like 13 years. And so then by the time that I got it, I was like, Oh, what's next? And I feel like that's kind of just like the human condition where it's like, you're just waiting for the next thing.
You're like, when I get this, I'm going to be happy when I get this and we're going to be happy, but it's just like another cool thing. Yeah. And I'm grateful for it. And I'm glad that I accomplished it.
Like I wouldn't want it to get taken away. Yeah. And I'm glad that happened. No, but it's just like, that would be crazy if they cover up your name.
I didn't come with black paint and just roll over it. They've never done that for anybody. And they haven't. They never gave my go-rich-ords one to be given my three.
I don't think so. Right. Just saying is Bill Cosby on there? That's a good question.
There's probably a lot of suspect names on that wall. Let's be honest. The Comedy Store. And those are just the ones we know about.
Oh, yeah, those are just the ones we know about. If it was the ones we didn't know about, they're just being made of a walk. Landish accusation. Just be one name on the wall.
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Anybody like for you to look at their erection or anything? No. I haven't had anyone force me to look at their erection. So I guess that means I made it out pretty unscathed.
I mean I didn't see any erections that I didn't want to see. And that's a win. That warms my heart. That's a win.
You're telling that as a true story because we're pretty gross and there's a lot of us. I don't know if you've noticed. Yeah, there's a lot of you everywhere. You guys are everywhere.
Constantly making more. Yeah, that's the other problem. Like prevalence. Yeah, you guys are just multiplying by the second.
Just that badge. Just like rabbits. A little bit. Comics.
Sometimes the man brain in me. I can't tell you what's happening because it doesn't make any sense. And then later on I'll sort of start to be like, oh wow, that's interesting. So all that was for that reason.
But at the time I can't catch it. And I think that's just because I'm like a monkey or something. What do you mean? Yeah, can you give an example?
I'll make some decisions in my life. And then like a year later I'll look back and go, what the... Why did I do that? And it's like because there was something that was shiny that was blocking me from thinking out the plan and just jumped the shiny.
Like what? I mean, for one, like it's a fresh one. You know, my ex-wife, I could just seem like it was over. You know?
And I was like, you probably should just move on at this point to everybody a favor and didn't try to rectify it. Or fix anything or apologize. And now I feel like I mean that's probably going to be a regret for the rest of my life that I'll have to live with. It's just funny to know that at the time I remember thinking about it as just like, let this be done.
I can't deal with it anymore. As in, I really didn't deal with it anymore. I was just like, I don't like it anymore. I feel like you don't.
And it just sounds like too much to try to figure it out. Or I'd have to make some sacrifices. And I'm not interested in that. And you know, just took it as...
I just want what I want tomorrow. And I don't care what the repercussions are. And I've always been like that. Like you just want to live how you want to live.
Yeah, but the older I get, the more I kind of look at stuff and go, I mean, you already knew the answer. And you just fucking ignored it because you want what you want at the moment. You know, like I try to do a thing, a job that I really don't want to do. But if somebody pitched it to me in a way, like it could totally convince me to do a job that I would emotionally break me.
But I would take the job because you proposed it in a way where it made it sound. I didn't have, it made me not think about the outcome. It just made me think about the money or whatever the other job. The page was so good.
Yeah. Okay. Anything would, I'll do anything and then regret it later. Really?
But I'm only just starting to learn that about myself. Like I feel like that. You're impulsive. Yeah, but I might have forgotten because I forget stuff because I hit my head all the time.
But I feel like now, this time around, I'm like, oh wow, that's really, like you really, you're not dumb. You just, uh... You're impulsive? Yeah, yeah.
You just like lose your whole thought process for the sake of like... Survival. And yeah, really when it comes down to it. You know, get a free like duck and, duck and drama, duck and something hard.
It's funny because I'm always in it like I, I hate fighting. I fought. I'm a fighter. I made myself a fighter.
I'm like, now I ain't scared of it. And I was terrified of it. I do. I face a lot of stuff.
Right. But I think there's some habits that just instinct, instinctively without me thinking about it, I just lean to that. I just go, oh, duck it if you have to, you know, if you can. Right.
So you feel like you duck dip and now it's hitting you later after the fact. Yeah, sure. Well, how long have you been divorced? I don't know, like six months or something.
Six months. It's still kind of fresh. Sometimes it takes a while to like unpack those types of relationships. Right.
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Are you like a single, do you mind me? I am single-ish. I like hook up with a couple people. Just people that you can trust.
Because you're younger and right now, your career is what you do right now in the next 10 years. The next? The next five years. I feel like are the most important.
Okay. What is that? Because I wrote something with Kim and we're trying to sell it and we're really excited about it, but there's also the writer's strike. And I use one of two kids, but I just want to have one.
I feel like- What happened? What made you decide to only have one? Reality of the cost and the energy of having a kid. I feel like it's a lot.
Second one's easier. The second one's easier. It could basically ignore them. You just make them play with each other.
Well, not so much that. I don't feel like something about once you go through one, because you don't know anything. It doesn't matter how many people tell you. You've got to do it for yourself.
It's not a book. But once you do it, there's something about the confidence that you have that one's still alive and looks like he's here. She's somewhat of a has potential to be a full normal human being. And you're like, okay.
And then another one pops out and you're like, well, I know to stay calm. I'm less calm. I'm less stressed. We've been feeling and how the whole thing's pop up.
I've been somewhere before. I've had to go to the doctor. I've seen a baby get stitches. I've had to do with the stuff that the first time around, almost had a heart attack the first time my kid got stitches.
I remember being in the car on the way to the... That was a horrible feeling. I don't know who needs to go more on me, because she cut her lip. I was holding her in the front seat.
She screaming and crying. She was like four something. She didn't write in front of her mother. She was like what's she doing?
She was rocking it upside down chair. Look, I made it rock and fell forward and didn't put her hand down. And as soon as it opened up my ex she knows my life so she goes as that stitches and I was like let's just jump Let's just jump in the cargo for a ride. It's in fuck you fuck here Yeah, and then we have to go and then they did that thing where they they wrap her so she can't move around Her legs and they got a little hole sheet and they put the sheet over So it's my daughter bleeding I can't help it a little hole where you can just see the bit where the cut is No, she is now blind No wrapped up and people are stabbing her and then I also know the numbing needle is the thing that is gonna get her the most like Once they start stitching her up, she's not gonna feel it Right and if she can't see it then that's not gonna be that hard for her But the needle there's no duck in it when that thing goes in your mouth you are it is it's one of the more painful things that you can Get like I've broken bone.
I feel like the needle into the bone to numb stitches is right up there with like somebody just going And snapping your finger like a really no They're really bad. I hated those things. I won't tell my ass if I could not have the needle and the doctor's tried to sew me up And I was like, okay, I need the needle. Yeah, I was completely wrong, but yeah, but things like that So then when my son cuts himself It's just it was just so much less Yes, yes was I in shock at all not at all maybe a little because he was a boy too, but still I just been there There's something where's about a girl a bit like a little girl in these stitches.
It makes my heart hurt Yeah, but I don't know you're right. Well, look if you've got a boy that doesn't want to get hurt and you get hurt You know, this guy doesn't matter what you've got in your pants You can some people freak out of the side of blood some people But my daughter is more of a I have this analogy a theory that when my kids growing up I used to do this thing with them at a certain age where I'd grab one wrist and one ankle and I'd spin them around So they'd be like flying upside down. Okay And when I would do it to my son at the same age as when I used to do it with my daughter My son would tighten up and freak out and I'd have to stop my daughter would close her eyes and roll her head back And that this was my theory was she has more potential of becoming addicted to something Yeah, because she likes it lack of fear or respect for for danger Yeah, my son was like this is bad. Just gonna be bad and I was like, yeah, I mean you're all right, but granted Yeah, I am whipping around Some people hate losing control.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, so where do you fall in that? Oh, I'm a losing control Yeah, I love to get out of here. Yeah, let's now though.
Yeah. Yeah, give me a rocket ship out of here. Yeah Yeah, I was your childhood I was pretty good. Yeah, yeah, did you get education and stuff and like pass kick of grades and things?
I mean at school is kind of hard for me because I got because I got like I didn't really care I wasn't dumb, but I just didn't really give a fuck and I was easily bored right Did you pass with good grades when you did pass? Yeah, the only subject I didn't pass and I had to take twice with geometry. What's geometry? It's a math, but it's the study of shapes and it seems like above all else a lot of angles There's high angles circles hypotenuse Pythagorean Yeah, a square equals c squared that is correct.
That's why I showed no I went to summer school for that I went to summer school. Yeah, I got to those you didn't do geometry No, I got five times five and then probably quit about there Picture your school being like you didn't have paper you just brought like an eight by ten chalk board that you wrote on and clean up You an overalls with a frog in your pocket You don't have to take geometry what about algebra now I got kicked out I got expelled from private school so broke a fact he'd done But he stole my marbles and tried to punch me he stole your marbles Yeah, I won fair and swear sounds so old-timey like now I can't be like he stole my iPad I broke his arm. He stole my marbles. Yeah, I cheated a magic the gathering.
I mean in my defense I am 50, you know Marbles were already kind of antiquated when you were a kid I had to keep it They were already I don't know what it was a ground that had that red sand stuff So you could do this thing where you could show tracks and you could run a finger towards the other marble Okay, that's cool kind of added some other thing But it was a big deal at one point and and marbles different kinds of marbles meant a lot more And I think like an uncle or somebody gave me like some old ones and all of a sudden I had like the sickest marbles and I had a snake and I was like this I'm not losing the snake and I won and this dude was like not only just tried to lie and take it because no one else had a Snake it was like a real good one to what's a snake? It's a it's a it's a white What's that? Well, I'm getting that from context with color all the way through it All right, okay, but it was worth a lot back then and he tried to take it so it was on but then I Stayed down in another school and then the next year halfway through my dad took me aside and said you should probably just start working You're not gonna you're not gonna learn anything. It's cool.
Obviously. You're not gonna learn anything And you've been dumb like your dad. He's like I wasn't very good at reading and stuff So just work for the shop wait So how old were you on that happen 16 the day I turn 16 the legal day that you're allowed to leave school in the straight Really? Yeah, so I'm sorry working out.
Yes that working. I was a trolley boy at first He's just push shopping carts and and line them up and bring them back to the to the supermarket And then I moved up to check out chick and I really hated that because you don't have to do math because you just do the Bing thing But still give and change like it was just a lot of pressure because the the computers do in math But if I had to do anything that could slightly I'd have to equate something then I would have a panic attack Cuz I know I can't add and I was embarrassing to admit that I can't do that So I really really hated that job, but then I think I was Ricky's laborer. I like that more That's what I thought I was gonna do if everything didn't work out was last one building houses I got just sticking holes and like bringing like wheelbarrows full of dirt to people and stuff really I worked out Because it's fine everybody drinks and stuff everyone just like hanging out Yeah, it's like beer lunch everyone drinks beers at lunch and stuff Really did grow up in the 1930s from marbles to trolley boy You saw like one of the little rascals all the No idea, but then it worked at electronic store electronic story Yeah, my grandma owned it my grandpa my grandma owned it and then they my grandma died and my grandpa lost it in My dad ran it So then I worked there and he was like really mean to me because I didn't deserve the job and it was selling integrated circuits and Compacitors and stuff and I don't know anything about any of that stuff. I'd have to be behind the cannon They're like what's the difference between I'm like dude.
I don't know just which one you want, you know That was stressful Then I became a courier because I was so bad behind the desk Okay, and then it was courier or stock takes ductache where I just had to take out every box of capacitors and count them Righted on a tag and then put the tag on the box whoo through corridors of it That was just like months of me doing stuff takes and I think sometimes it was just like my dad was giving me a job Again, make work. Yeah, no, cuz I was pretty useless Really and really and I hated it because I was born to be a pro skateboarder. I knew it I knew it when I was 16 So I'm counting capacitors thinking you know Tony Hawk is right now at McGill's doing Stailfish is and I'm over here counting capacitors So then how'd you get out of doing on to skateboard? I save money from working there but what a plane ticket to America and That's game with everybody until somebody sponsored me and then sleeping on people's couches and kept coming back And then finally I got a check and then mixing.
I got an athlete visa and then boom American. That's crazy Mm-hmm. Sorry. Do you have any dumb jobs?
Yeah, I worked at Abercrombie. Oh, I bet you killed it there I worked at Abercrombie. What were the names of the dudes who stood shirtless at the door? There used to be parties.
I like made out with one of them. No, yeah I was really sad when you make it. Yeah, there was like they would have like themed parties It was like all hot people that work at Abercrombie. Yeah, sure.
Um, and so they would have like parties. Yeah, hot people parties What's up? Toga? They'd have like toga same party.
Yes, so they'd like all go and hang out But I remember just to wear bikini at the toga party No, but it was like everyone was kind of like barely dressed like at the toga sort of And then I had my Abercrombie manager at the time used to do coke in the stockroom. Nice. I think that was a job requirement Yeah, that's how she got it. Right.
Like okay, so you do you could do more coke than everybody else. You're the manager. Yes, great I was a little bit great to all the hot boys. All the hot boys.
Yeah, I worked at Abercrombie Then I worked at Saddle Ranch on Sunset. No, yes, a waitress. I sold bull rides Yeah, you're in charge of whipping people. Yeah, I used to be like did you ever have somebody that was like I went again I was like really annoying and stupid because I was drunk and you were like oh, yeah, you're going next buddy And then just shit, I didn't operate the the ball I would like sell them to people so I like go around and be like oh, you ride here sign this waiver Oh, yeah I'd like me them plot a waiver and then um they used to make me like when I went to the people like when I was sitting people They'd have me say certain things so that it would like get them to buy things so what you should try the coupler It's like the reason I work here.
Oh, yeah, I've never had the car I was well done. Did you wink at them? Yeah I think it's chicken so anyway, I'm gonna get like five dollars What about when you ever had a lunch break there and you got free food. Did you ever get did you ever get fairy floss?
What's what's very fun? That you call it? That's so funny. I wasn't expecting him to say very floss.
Um, yeah I caught in candy that did yeah, I got your lunch break No, I didn't just have like you see the cotton candy they give you their muggle. It's pretty spectacular. It's been a minute I honestly don't recall it's a happy to say I've got a big calendar in my house. It's how many days and Big muggle so I figured in all that sounds great.
It's like three heads. I'll stop there on the way home. It's such a party Yeah, there's a lot of home going on there lots of home. Did you see that?
Yeah? I saw lots of you have to tell people stuff home down the bathroom. Yeah, I caught people with fake ideas I thought people doing all kinds of crazy shit. Have you seen lots of sea list of Liberty sitting on people?
Yeah, I remember like Matthew Perry came in I don't remember who else was there, but like a lot of the real world people would come in Wow, actually they killed it like some of the CW one of my girls I worked with went on to like be on the CW Sounds like a good what's CW? It's like the WB a lot of teen soaps yeah a teen a teen thing. Yeah, who was the most famous person that went there? Gotta be I want to say Matthew Perry.
I told you Jean John God damn kicking. He's alive Just barely but he's around who's Matthew Perry. He's the guy who's on friends and they did the reunion and he's seen some Suffered some reaction some adverse effects from years of drug use. Yeah, you got a chin thing Or neck thing or whatever it is.
Whatever. I mean He's got I'm being some mean straight straight line from the tip of the chin to the atom Coming down you're coming from Matthew. Very I don't I know But at least you have a heart about it. Yeah, what about fairy floss?
I wasn't expecting you to say fairy floss Very floss is tasty. I think it's exactly the same as cotton candy, but I just think very floss sounds more like what it is It's a better name. Yeah, it sounds more exciting to eat like do you want some fairy floss? I'm like wait fairies maybe yeah It makes sense you kind of look like a fairy.
Thank you. I've been told this I'll buy really Would you be offended by say you sound like you could voice a fairy? Oh, I'd like to yeah Yeah, you'd like to be like a big guy. Yeah, I could say that for sure.
Yeah, I feel like candy. Yeah I like candy and mushrooms. I feel like fairies like mushrooms, right? Right like when you see a fairies there run mushroom and like a no maybe I took some mushrooms the other day Just a little bit but I hadn't eaten for like a day.
So when I had it all the sudden I was like whoa What did you have a fun trip? Yeah, yeah, but I was really tired I did one of these things where I had to wake up at one in the morning to get on a plane to go to a place where the party Started at like 10 at night and I just couldn't sleep on the plane when I said I just stayed up the whole time and started to feel Weirder and weirder as the day went on where I was just like, oh man I you know what I really want to do is go to bed But instead I'm gonna go to this big party where everyone's gonna be naked and stuff and I was like a lot of pressure What do you mean like like a sex party? Yeah? Do you go to sex parties often?
No, it's my first time. How was it? Riving was shy about your sex. I wasn't I was a bit nervous, but it was also not the hottest crowd I've ever seen What do you mean like that'll do I reckon?
That's always the story when people go to like new displays is somewhere there must be a secret society of actually hot people I also think that my look is Super straight and people just don't want to approach me because they think that I'm not gonna be interested And I'm not a person that is all you know me. Hey guys. What do you have to like that makes us too much pressure? You need a t-shirt that would yeah, yeah People in the line to say something at the start of the party if they wanted to make an announcement and some of the people that made Announcement, so they were kind of sad like what I didn't want to go up there was open mic naked sex party For this this and this or I'm new and I'd like to meet people like I take hugs or you know stuff like that Oh, it's a bit of a sad the person I was with was oh I really like so we played.
Yeah, it wasn't it was also me trying to like go somewhere else I felt like that would be weird even though they were fine with it But I just felt like we were both a little nervous and I just felt like leaving them would be weird Yeah, so I just stayed and then we both agreed that we should just go to a hotel to mine already and do something there Because this is weird get a bit what's the place was like little room and I'm like man You know I got a whole room like I get that we're doing it in front But it's like all these rules people ask if they can give you a compliment before you see it What and it's like wristbands what what if you want to be asked or you don't mind being asked and stuff like there's a lot of The time you learn the symbols and the wristbands That's sad though making an announcement. I think about it. I'm here to have my pussy eaten. All right guys carry on like that's crazy What somebody pretty much said that yeah, it's cool though.
I thought I was happy for everybody I just felt like I came in with I really wanted to go But I don't think I've ever been that tired like I'm telling you man. I've it's been you got a rest before the sex party I need to promote I flew to Florida for For to promote my new fight thing where Lewis didn't end up showing up because he's flight got canceled So I you know I flew to St. Petersburg and was on radio in them Like I flew there no sleep no food woke up in the morning on the radio this guy nice guy But he just want to talk about how gay I was for 30 minutes No, I was like we got a fight to talk about we did that and then it was back to the the holiday and just sort of hiding And then I just stay there for another day I don't know what it was it was very confusing But I had to get up at one in the morning to go to San Francisco for this party that I'd already agreed to go to so just the way it All worked out at me that I made it what did you wear? I Haha this x party well it was it was what would you wear it was themed some type of harness problem mystical mythical creatures Whoa, I'm glad I asked when is a dragon you did I'm so glad I asked man those wings were so annoying They give hidden people getting stuck on there.
Do you have a picture of your fit? Yeah, we gotta see The drip for the sex party and some other people's costumes work What was the most intriguing imaginative funny? Whatever you want to call it pairing of mythical creatures engaged in sexual contact? That looks sick.
That looks sick. Yeah. Yeah, okay What was the most noteworthy this on that action that you saw? Well, there's a lot of whipping and No, but like the care like if everybody's dressed up as a mythical creature What was the most imagined to pairing of mythical creatures?
Oh, like Dracula's a big foot I couldn't even a lot of people weren't that mythical? Oh, man I mean it's about once they started doing stuff they kind of lost a lot of their mythical clothing But I think they might have been like a pro wrestlers They know with all that stuff and then they're always just in the tidy whiteies within five minutes It might have been a wizard or two nice with some dragons or something A wizard and dragons fun a fairy and a dragon fun. I'm not I'm not sleeping on the wizard You're not I'm for sure sleeping with a lot of that You have to ask if you want to if you can look at people when they're doing stuff And I was like go watch this wizard fuck. I don't want to watch it with sex Yeah, unless wizards have updated their style a bit.
There are a couple of scenes where I was like that's pretty cool Yeah, like I said, I was just out of juice man. I just yeah, I have a good barely. I was surprised I was even in the game Well, so would you go to another sex party? Oh, yeah I I slept I would like to go full of energy and I don't know maybe I would I was thinking about maybe try to make my own one And being a like trying to get some I don't know sorry your own sex party caliber Better looking people just so lame to say that I mean if I knew people as the other thing I didn't know anybody and it was a very tight like everybody knew each other no No, so it was kind of yeah, I'd want to know and I think I really did give up give off straight guy vibes, you know Well, you really I saw that photo To me that's not I understand this things about your physical appearance that you can't change but to me that I would never mistake That guy for it.
Please take that down. I like it Own your own your look yeah, yeah, all right Okay, so for so next next party you dressing up Yeah, but I would do I don't really like me think I don't hate mythical creatures But I love them as a creature though. That's pretty fun. I think you're rather like Conan the barbarian sex Wow, you know what kind of outfit would that be like a loincloth and like furry boots, okay?
Okay, you know, maybe like a sweet like wolf head. That's it. And that's it miles. Can you look up the band man Or because I think yeah, yeah, I'd like to be in man Wolf or these guys would be throwing the kind of sex party you would want to attend It's likely to be the first photo that comes up.
I think it's the cover of an album or maybe just a press photo from like 1981 Yeah, this guy kick ass. But tell us got nothing on those guys. Wow. Yeah, so I'm talking about that's the vibe of the sex party Those guys have to be there, too Okay, I like it.
Are they they're headlining the sex party. Yes. Yeah, I'm in I'll be there In boots would you go yeah, yeah, of course I'm going I'm definitely there I'm gonna be there what about if you and Kim just came to do a podcast with some of the guests from the sex party Yeah, we would be like if they wanted to chit chat a little bit about there making small talk with the people who are here fuck Sorry put it another way, but yes, yeah Casual banter do you ride horses? No, never ridden a horse in your life.
I've ridden a horse like it You didn't like it. No, you seem like you could be a horse lady. Oh, I don't know Is it the boots no, I feel like you should kind of has like a hint of a country vibe about a country vibe No, I don't think I could handle I could like Walk like go in a circle on a horse. Do you like dogs?
Yeah, of course I like I have one what kind of doggy guy? He's a super mutt. He's a bunch of different things, but he's like an Australian Shepherd and a husky and a dalmatian He's really cute. Oh, man.
He's got one boy. He's a big guy a little guy medium. He's a big guy Yeah, wow does he have a lot of fur in the house. Yeah, you seem like a very clean person I'm constantly cleaning up after him Is your fridge have all the things all lined up in the fridge like not messy my fridge right now is not in a good state Why because I've been on the road that's different when you're on the road you make it all Yes, yes, but when I'm on the road does I haven't been even grocery shopping cuz I've been on the road so much Yeah, that's gonna be hard to want to date somebody if you're doing that too, right?
I know yeah, it's hard to date someone if you're on the road all the time Do you get lonely? Of course, but you don't care I mean like I have people that I hook up with so that so that you give you hugs and stuff though Do you like one of them that you like to spoon and bone? Yeah, I want and then ones just give it to me Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, do you ever scrunch up money and throw it in and say no go clean yourself up No, but I'm gonna do that next time. It's pretty horny Yeah, so what others do you do any activities like I?
Hey, oh, yeah, you're a hiker. Mm-hmm. Do you have like what kind of stuff do you wear when you hike? I wear like leggings and sports bra So you hike we did you go with your friends?
Oh, you go by yourself. I go with my dog. Do you listen to music? Or do you have to stay alert for I don't listen to music because I live in like the hills What does that mean so it's just like a mountain line country mountain line country and I don't have What would you do if you encountered a mountain line?
Don't you make yourself big? No, I didn't stop asking us What would you do pop quiz? I don't scream. That's your first move.
Yeah, like a little bitch. Just scream I wonder if that would work. I mean has anybody ever tried just like alphaing the the mountain line like actually charging That's what you do with bears and screaming like make yourself big. Yeah, you're saying anybody flinch of air like that I know that's right.
Well, what's the one is it like if it's brown lay down if it's black get back? Yeah, I'm going Like one kind you can play dead around with the other ones like well shit. You're not dead. I'm gonna eat your face.
Oh Wait, I've never heard this this bear chant before here. We go it's brown lay down What is it if it's brown lay down if it's what black get back? Okay, I reckon it's white fight Oh always fight a polar bear. No old people If they're real hungry they attack stuff and they try to eat it But if that thing that they attack hurts them in the process you give them a bad taste and give you a second to get out of it Sorry I can all of them Post up stand your ground and then when they get in be ready for one vicious strike like I'm gonna eat your your balls Like I'm gonna grab your balls on my mouth and I'm gonna bite them off like your Well, you're biting me.
I'm biting your testes off full thumb in your eyeball try to get your brains I'm in somebody's eyeball trying to get their brains. Yeah Whoa, yeah, you need to show a record in your business. I love living, you know, and I don't care how cute you are a furry You're not taking me and if you do take me you're gonna remember it for the rest of your days Or you might even see me where in that in that magical place. We're going so I'm taking you with me, you know I just imagine I feel like snuggly.
I wish I had a bear The bear either I would you like to be friends with that you knew was your friend and would always hug you and not eat you a bear or a cat? I feel like something about the amount like knowing that the mountain lion wouldn't eat me Right really cool, right and bear like when the bear takes a poopy or a peepee. Yeah, he doesn't know how to wipe He's bum very good. Like he's gonna stink the house up.
Yeah, that's her like cleaner, you know, yeah I reckon like a cougar like I don't wipe a bear's ass what I have you'd have to know you'd hose it That means you have to go out in the backyard hose poo out of his fur all the time Right dried off and bring his dumbass in yeah, knocking crap over every day and then you got that wet bear smell everywhere Stinks cats are short hair. Yeah, it's way better move and it's cooler. Yeah, there's something cool about having like a big cat That's not gonna eat you. That's what like all the people who get eaten say right?
I would like to have a big cat where I get in the car and I go oh it and he gets in like He knows I get in the car. I saw somebody on the online who is friends with a beluga whale. Yeah, that's great They play fetch with it. There's a video of somebody playing fetch.
Maybe they just know that all beluga whales will play fetch Well, play fetch will they though? Well, this one will that's so cool. Sounds like a personal friend Yeah, I think that's it in the doc right there you go if you are that guy. Yeah, yeah, he works for Russia He's a Russian spy really?
Yeah, I think I got British accent wait the purpose Oh, you're talking about I'm talking about the guy who is throwing up. I'm saying the the whale the whale Isn't it crazy to know that they make leather seats out of these guys I don't make leather seats out of whale They're supposed to make leather seats out of whales dicks. No, I think that may have been a myth There was some Russian car that was like two million dollars that had seats made up well dick whale dick Well dick leather you don't know about that is this well dick? No, this is a kind of wish it was I don't feel a lot different if I was sitting on my head I feel like we're powered me too because I could sell these chests for a lot of money Well dick it's the dick of a beluga that you're sitting on the goodby Have you guys seen the people that own a panther and a rottweiler and they play together?
Oh, no, that sounds so cute. That's adorable Yep, that's a dog Whoa, it would be so cool to have a panther friend. Yeah, man That is what I'm talking about me to you Color look how funny is that means he's hanging out in a house and if you had somebody attack you that guy is gonna Handle that right look at he split. Oh, that would be so great.
I would actually be rooting for home intruders Yeah, the funny part is you can't like you can tell the rottweiler just does not stand a chance when they play The cat yeah, the rottweilers like a little more clumsy. Yeah, the cats like so dialed in the ultimate athlete Wow, so what else are you gonna learn to surf? Are you gonna do it? I'm gonna learn to surf is gonna be a maybe Yeah, I mean go to Hawaii.
Yeah, so maybe I'll surf in Hawaii. They got waves there. Yeah, the water's warmer right chakra How is it with you and Kim why did you decide to eat and torture yourselves on your show? She tortures me You don't torture her well, I just got her back in this week's episode I got her back with some gross flavored soda right so you're doing some gross stuff Have you done the what's the can that we opened on the show?
Oh my goodness, you guys are hot and I've never seen really hot people open this particular can of var I can't Yeah, it's some sort of fermented fish thing. It's insane. It's like as soon as you crack the can yeah Everybody in the studio is dying. It's it's so no we don't have one we don't have one handy Like like you will start reacting to it in the same way that you pull your hand off a hot stove before you actually realize that you're in Pain because it's yeah, you'll start reacting before you even realize that you're smelling something bad and then it's fish It's like a bad trip.
It's fermented fish It's like a bad trip in that just as soon as you get used to go go to the house What's it called it's got a ton of letters in it just look it up? It's like bad smelling fermented Swedish fish. I bought these in San Francisco Michael I thought maybe you would want to try one of those super spicy. I don't know I haven't opened it.
Okay. Yeah, let's snack It's chicken feet. No, yeah, no, it's not chicken feet. That's what it says on the bag It's this but are you right?
No, no, that is so gnarly Jason. I've never had a chicken foot. I've never had a chicken foot Have you had a chicken foot? Yeah?
If you like what a witch would make a chicken super yeah, you're actually just there. No, let's go see like when you go to Among morons those are a delicacy Yeah, so when you go to dim sum with Chinese people they're like no no get this white crap out of here Give us the chicken feet and then they pretend that they like them. Oh No, I'm out. Oh, no It's like it's giving your mouth the finger Fingernails are on it.
No, no, no, no, no, no, I Can't even open it. I can't open it No, the smell like yeah, yeah, yeah, how's up? I just like it. It's never a bit of it.
It's so gross. You can touch it. Don't be scared. The smell from here I'm getting a sort of like a cat Get some juice Nasty On it I thought you were exaggerating and then I look at had like a fake nail look like it was wearing like a friend Yeah, I'm a critic.
Those are all real those are not press on heels. You've tried cured meat now try cured feet That was let me tell you the taste will stay with you. I just had one lick of the chicken's foot That's not that bad. It's more that one's foot that makes a bad Yeah, you have a foot fetish.
No, do you have foot finishes of you? I've had like people put my foot in their mouth. I did that the other day for the first time you put someone's fight your mouth Yeah, did you like it? Yeah?
Okay, yeah, it's very much on a foot by foot bases Attached to pet you as a cute foot. Yeah I'll put it on my way to I want to put up. We feed my mouth. I have to really be into the person who's foot it is Yeah, you know what I mean, but it's also like an animalistic, you know like you're grabbing under stuff and yeah If you know I'm banging any part of you know, I eat any part of you know, I would rather put a Person's from the mouth and that chicken foot in my mouth again.
Okay, not just any person's foot though Like would you put my foot in your mouth versus that foot in your mouth? Depends on the condition of your foot. It's been in my shoe all day with no socks. No socks.
Yeah Jason's the chicken foot is like intended to be Tended to be in your mouth. It's intended to be mine. I know that I do it all the time. You put your phone your mouth constantly No, it's a medical suck your toe.
No That's our finish. Can I ask a really stupid question? Yeah, can people in prison use Amazon? Yeah, that's gonna be a stupid question.
Hasn't it? No, cuz you can get mail if you have money. Yeah, no cuz then you can just get like I can Ask a friend That's a provocative An arrow and then like kill people right so obviously they're gonna inspect your packages and make sure you get a gun but like you can get mail Right and people in jail have money so they could buy stuff to get kitty litter and sell it on the market. Sorry Why would you do it?
I don't know I gotta go soon. All right, I still taste the chicken foot And now I just drank the Red Bull and weird comp like combo. My mouth is full of spicy feet Spicy feet. I cannot believe that it had the nail on it still it's hanging out there staring at me You could literally paint them.
I think you could you could Kind of remind me I don't think this is new news Correct me if we talked about it when it was news in I think March But some guy in Peru was hanging out in a park with his friends And he had a huge like refrigerated courier bag like a food delivery guy and for some weird reason the police were suspicious and looked inside and sure enough He had an 800 year old mummy that he said was his girlfriend. It's impossible. He's not that old Imagine fucking an 800 imagine having sex with an 800 year old mommy much better Rated Understand what you're saying Gathers a picture of it like I just had and actually the joke was kind of on him because he said it was a girlfriend He said her name was Juanita, but it was so old that when they did has to reveal actually was a dead man Yeah, yeah, he'd been in a relationship with a dead man which right now he's gay. That's the way that works No, not the game a game on me.
Where does everybody go to see all your stuff? At Princess shank on Instagram and Twitter you can subscribe to my podcast this bitch with Kim Kong Dan That comes out every Monday every Wednesday. I have my podcast shank Jason was just on it. I was great Yeah, you were great.
It was a great episode. When does this come out? Any now now as people are listening to this currently really it is right if somebody's hearing it then it's out Seriously though, what is time? Well, okay?
I'm gonna be at skank Maybe either that or you were you can go to my other event. Yeah, yeah, the Ellis event not yeah, but it's called Carnival of of what combat where's that? It's in Florida. Oh Oh Yeah, there's Elle's mania come through Elle's mania.
It's gang fest then Carnival of combat in November 24 November 4th That's fine. Yeah, and it's real fights and Lewis is fighting Tim bodily and Lewis really thinks that he's gonna kill Tim Butterly and his whole plan is I'm gonna knock out Tim bodily and then I'm coming for you And I was like okay, because I don't really want to fight anymore. Yeah, even though I would destroy him Yeah, I think Tim but I think he's gonna beat Lewis you do I so I really want to watch that because then it's also like uh-huh It would be fun to watch Tim butterly be a Lewis. It's definitely gonna be a lot harder than Lewis thinks That's for sure.
I think it's gonna be a real bro. I like I get scared when I know the people yeah I like my heart hurts. I'm gonna watch my friends get beat up. They'll be fun.
Yeah, they really They're in there. They want to oh, yeah, they're very excited I'm not to be a jerk because I have a lot of respect for anybody who gets in the ring and trades blows but like Borrowing real freaky occurrences. You actually need to be very good to actually hurt somebody and they're not Okay, that makes me feel better. Yeah, we've seen lots of people who are pro athletes in different sports fight each other And it was like whoa, that's a real fight, but they were like still hanging out right even the guy who lost Right.
All right cool. That makes me feel better. Yeah, yeah, all right everybody. Thanks for listening check out more Jason I'll show at patreon.com slash Ellis mate five shows a week for around five bucks.
So make sure you that's a dollar a show Love you guys don't die. Thanks for being on the show