Household Chores

Question: How do we split up "the chores" of a household? For marriage, roommates, families, etc. Dave & Heidi housekeeping love story Gottman research, wives find spouse doing housework erotic Link: https://www.gottman.com/blog/4-typical-solvable-problems-relationships/   do what works, not what is expected Identifying expectations from other places – culture, family of origin, assumptions equality doesn't mean 50/50, it's seeing each other as equals there is no perfection in chore life: dailyness of life together in a household and the value of working on the daily things together even when they aren't fun name your own expectations and desires: what needs to be done? How often? On certain days? etc. avoid extreme chore mentality consider the mental energy of appts and schedules and bills, etc, outdoor/indoor "I need you to participate more fully in (fill in the blank)" building your family culture: we all live here, we all have jobs to get the stuff of life done   talk about it, write it down, list it all out (15:00) TED method: https://ideas.ted.com/how-to-split-the-chores-with-your-partner-minus-the-drama-and-fighting/ note what builds resentment keep in mind, it's not a competition Tiffany Dufu, Drop the Ball, "we tend to be blind to household jobs that we don't do." cutting what is unnecessary and outsourcing (payment for something is related to privilege but doesn't necessarily need to be an area of shame) 2018 compilation of studies from Harvard Business School – higher satisfaction in outsourcing discussion: https://www.hbs.edu/ris/Publication%20Files/18-072_b1d8cdda-fbb1-46ae-afd7-6742d2195f25.pdf Asking questions: What can we stop doing? What do we each like doing?             What do I never want to do?             How can we split it up? think about it as a "communication playground"   ongoing, constant conversation (29:52) marriage contract joke make trades ask for help in both directions   Short answer: talk about it, talk about it more, write it down, be extremely practical in this area