How and When Can We Connect Intimately Again?

Dr. Rob and Tami consider the timeline many couples face when traveling the road of recovery – how and when does it make sense to connect intimately again?  Too often the addicted partner is ready to move into the future without allowing appropriate time for healing from the pain and betrayal of the past.  How can couples recover and reconcile together in healthy and healing ways?    TAKEAWAYS: [0:27] I'm turned on by women that look nothing like my wife. What does this mean about my arousal template?  [4:30] Even models are made to feel like they are the wrong 'type'. This isn't about you, it's about the broken person that is hurting you.  [6:51] It's been 39 years without emotional intimacy. I need guidelines for living as married singles.  [10:20] Why now? Consider what is prompting you to make a major change now.  [17:34] Integrity issues are still a major problem.  How can I enjoy intimacy again?  [22:58] Setting boundaries for healthy sexuality and better communication.  [26:45] Self-loathing and repulsion is a common side effect of acting out.  [29:12] How can I help support my spouse through my recovery?  [38:39] I'm open to reconciling, but he's accusing me of still living in the past. Is this manipulation?  [44:35] Hurt spouses are often just looking to be heard and supported for a change.  [45:55] Why is my partner's sex persona online nothing like his real life personality?  [50:05] What your partner is doing is not as important as the level of safety that you deserve to feel.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss   QUOTES "We have to separate addiction from arousal. People have lots of fantasies that they don't act on."  "It is challenging as a recovering partner to have your spouse not be focused on you."  "You are never, ever, ever, ever responsible for the behavior of the addict."  "I may feel entitled to have sex, but going and doing it is just acting out."  "You don't get a gold star for not doing what you weren't supposed to do in the first place."  "I want you to see reality clearly and without judgement."