How Can I Rebuild Trust?

Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami answer participant questions about the challenges of rebuilding trust in a betrayed relationship and the importance of focusing on what you can do as a betrayed partner instead of focusing on what your addict partner can't or shouldn't do.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:40] My reluctant, betrayed spouse has been gone for a year. How can I approach them about my behavior?  [6:43] I feel like I'm seeing the world through a different lens in recovery. Is this typical?  [10:33] How can I better understand my partner's damage and betrayal trauma?  [14:04] I think my spouse is lying about his recovery and he failed his porn addiction test. Now what?  [22:45] What resources are available to learn more about addiction so I can better understand my loved one?  [27:02] I don't trust my partner's CSAT because of my history with unhelpful counselors. What can I do to improve our dynamic all around?  [33:25] What are some actionable ways I can rebuild trust with my betrayed partner?  [39:25] What is the best 12-Step recovery program for me?  [44:05] I can't stop lying to my betrayed spouse. Is this a slippery slope back into addiction?  [51:16] My partner has multiple addictions and is compartmentalizing recovery. Is this the best approach?    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: [email protected] Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES "If you choose to leave your partner, you don't do it to make them do something differently."  "While in recovery, we have to look at the world through a different lens."  "Getting sober is not about not doing things."  "If we're not in recovery, we are not living in integrity. But if we're willing to change, we can have an amazing life."  "You cannot fix a problem with intimacy and connection and loneliness while the person is still acting out."  "A spouses job is to take care of themselves, their self-care and their boundaries, not to focus on you."  "Being honest takes practice if you've been lying forever."